How do Chinese women get along with your Ex-wife?

[RobertH]

I was married for 17 years and I have 2 children with my Ex-wife. I was wondering what people experiances were in their Chinese wives dealing with the step children and the Ex-wife.

 

I was asking my Fiancee about this and she seems to have no problem with the kids, however she gets a little jealous if i mention I took my daughter to my Ex's house and maybe helped the ex with some repair on the house or I talked to her for to long of a time. I try to keep a good relationship with my Ex for the kids happyness but I may need to make some changes.

 

I have zero desire to get back withmy ex at all and I have made she Hui knows this.

 

I was thinking about what happens if my Ex brings my Daughter over to pick somethingup and comes in the house once Hui is here or something liek that? WIll I be ducking mop handles? My Ex has already said she will just wait in the car when she needs to brinf our daughter over.

 

 

Any thoughts?

 

Robert

 

Hui was explaining to me that in China when a man and a woman get a divorce they rarely ever see eachother again.

[warpedbored]

I have no children with my ex so there is no need to see her unless I want to. My ex and I are still friends though and talk from time to time. My wife says she's not jealous but I notice how she stiffens up and her attitude changes if the subject of the ex comes up. Out of respect for my wife I keep contact with the ex to a minimum.

 

I do have a great story though.

When my wife first came here she wanted to meet my ex. I made arrangements for us to go to the ex's house and have tea and cookies one afternoon. I wasn't real crazy about the idea but what wifey wants wifey gets. Now my ex is Japanese and polite to a fault. My wife being Chinese is blunt to a fault. (a trait I find refresingly honest) We had barely sat down and exchanged pleasantries when out of the mouth of wifey comes "why divorce?" She had heard my version but I guess she wanted to hear the ex's. Now being a good Japanese woman the ex isn't accustomed to addressing uncomfortable topics head on with someone she just met. She was completely taken aback and didn't know what to say. She stuttered and stammered and finally spit out this lame explaination about people growing apart. (the truth is she decided she was in love with her co-worker and wanted to pursue him) Wifey watched her with an eye that missed nothing and declined to comment. The ex looked to me for support but I was smart enough to know I didn't want any part of it. Afterward wifey told me she didn't believe a word the ex said. The ex never invited us over again and I sure as hell didn't suggest a rematch. Silly ex, you don't take a knife to a gun fight.

[usaRichard]

Now that's funny.

Yes it is, I am much happier to read about that then experience it

[chilton747]

Now that's funny.

Yes it is, I am much happier to read about that then experience it

 

 

Better him than you, right? I hear ya!!

[Jaseball]

I'd say how they treat ex wives and kids is far more dependent on other factors than them being Chinese.

 

1) How do your ex and kids treat her?

 

2) How old are the kids? Are they coming over for visits or living at your home?

 

3) Is your new wife the jealous type?

 

4) etc

[3timescharm]

I was married for 17 years and I have 2 children with my Ex-wife. I was wondering what people experiances were in their Chinese wives dealing with the step children and the Ex-wife.

 

I was asking my Fiancee about this and she seems to have no problem with the kids, however she gets a little jealous if i mention I took my daughter to my Ex's house and maybe helped the ex with some repair on the house or I talked to her for to long of a time. I try to keep a good relationship with my Ex for the kids happyness but I may need to make some changes.

 

I have zero desire to get back withmy ex at all and I have made she Hui knows this.

 

I was thinking about what happens if my Ex brings my Daughter over to pick somethingup and comes in the house once Hui is here or something liek that? WIll I be ducking mop handles? My Ex has already said she will just wait in the car when she needs to brinf our daughter over.

 

 

 

Any thoughts?

 

Robert

 

Hui was explaining to me that in China when a man and a woman get a divorce they rarely ever see eachother again.

 

My daughters mother and I get along...ok. I can not stand my ex from Russia. My SO can not wait to meet my daughter and has asked to meet my daughters mother..........I will instruct her NOT to ask that question about divorce . She has asked some questions about my ex from Russia....but i can tell she hates anything that has to do with her....very jealous.

[amberjack1234]

I was married for 17 years and I have 2 children with my Ex-wife. I was wondering what people experiances were in their Chinese wives dealing with the step children and the Ex-wife.

 

I was asking my Fiancee about this and she seems to have no problem with the kids, however she gets a little jealous if i mention I took my daughter to my Ex's house and maybe helped the ex with some repair on the house or I talked to her for to long of a time. I try to keep a good relationship with my Ex for the kids happyness but I may need to make some changes.

 

I have zero desire to get back withmy ex at all and I have made she Hui knows this.

 

I was thinking about what happens if my Ex brings my Daughter over to pick somethingup and comes in the house once Hui is here or something liek that? WIll I be ducking mop handles? My Ex has already said she will just wait in the car when she needs to brinf our daughter over.

 

 

Any thoughts?

 

Robert

 

Hui was explaining to me that in China when a man and a woman get a divorce they rarely ever see eachother again.

Robert it totally depends on your wife's personality and your ex and your children.

 

Here is a "generalization" most Chinese male and female do not like care for children from another marriage. This is why a lot of Chinese women with a child will look for a mate in the US as they know or have heard that an American man will usually take a child from another marriage for his own.

 

That is the short of it.

 

Larry

Edited September 9, 2009 by amberjack1234 (see edit history)

[chengdu4me]

There are a lot of stereotype, a lot a jealously stuff being thrown around about this subject. I think that a lot of how your wife thinks/treats your ex is going to depend on how your ex treats her. If your ex and you are still good friends, then your ex needs to tone that down so that there is no physical contact between you two when the new wife is around. That is just being respectful to her feelings. Nothing is going to make your wife more jealous and color her feelings towards your ex than a big hug and kiss when you greet each other.

 

Likewise about the kids. If they are leary of her, she is going to be leary of them. She is used to happy, bubbly kids that are respectful and perhaps shy. A pack of heathens running through the house without any regards to the new lady of the house isn't going to sit well either. If they don't engage her and ask for her help, her opinion, her sharing, then she will get the impression that they don't like/respect her.

[Mike and Yan]

 

I was asking my Fiancee about this and she seems to have no problem with the kids, however she gets a little jealous if i mention I took my daughter to my Ex's house and maybe helped the ex with some repair on the house or I talked to her for to long of a time.

 

Not good, unless Hui is with you. I think this crosses the line. You entered your ex's home. Wtihout express permission, I would think twice.

 

I was thinking about what happens if my Ex brings my Daughter over to pick somethingup and comes in the house once Hui is here or something liek that?

 

Again, the home boundary line. Only with Hui present or with her express consent.

 

Hui was explaining to me that in China when a man and a woman get a divorce they rarely ever see eachother again.

 

Makes sense, but with kids I think extra care should be considered to ensure Hui is given more respect then ex. more 'face'. more anything relative to the ex. Obviously Hui knows children are involved.

 

[shadeOgray]

When ever the ex calls to talk to our girls my wife gets irritated. Ting Ting loves my girls like her own but gets very jealous of the ex so I avoid the topic and her phone calls as much as possible. The ex is NOT mentally stable and does strange stuff often and its hard to explain her actions to Ting as there simply un-explainable. So I avoid it all together.

[milan08]

I think a lot contributes to this topic.

 

First, before I illustrate this to the Chinese culture, I am thinking by myself this question:

 

Or is it true Chinese dont take jealous as well as Americans? Do you feel jealous if your wife visits, or talks to her ex all the time?

 

For the chinese, this problem is more of a Culture thing than that of jealousy. It is almost a taboo in China if husband and wife get divorced and still visit or talk to each other. Normally, when the couple get divorced, the tie is unknotted... most of whom will act as strangers_dont want to see the other party or talk any more...there are few that stay friends. Even though, they keep a distance from each other..

 

The psychological explanation is : marriage is built up on love. Though they divorce each other, love will not disappear in one day ...just as the saying goes: yi ye fu qi bai ri en.

 

 

Under circumstances below that a new Chinese wife might want to get along with your ex_wife:

 

1. She is predominant in age, appearance, material..

2.She is a really open woman, a saint.

[RobertH]

I dont want them to be friends. If there is any sort of problem the Ex can just wait in the car...

 

My Ex think slot of her self because she is very pretty and makes like 40k a year more then me. So I think any motives of her wanting to come around would be to make Hui feel inferior....and ....that aint gonna happen... I think I will tell the Ex once Hui is here she needs to stay out in the car when she comes over and she needs to fix her own damn house...

[milan08]

I dont want them to be friends. If there is any sort of problem the Ex can just wait in the car...

 

My Ex think slot of her self because she is very pretty and makes like 40k a year more then me. So I think any motives of her wanting to come around would be to make Hui feel inferior....and ....that aint gonna happen... I think I will tell the Ex once Hui is here she needs to stay out in the car when she comes over and she needs to fix her own damn house...

 

 

That is the right attitude, and the" true attitude" should be : go find her own bf or husband to fix her house B)

Edited September 10, 2009 by milan08 (see edit history)

[milan08]

And I have something else to add to my post. In Chinese culture, we think a mild degree of jealousy is healthy in keeping a sound relationship. If love is gone, there will be no jealousy at all. Shouldnt that be true universally?

[usaRichard]

I dont want them to be friends. If there is any sort of problem the Ex can just wait in the car...

 

My Ex think slot of her self because she is very pretty and makes like 40k a year more then me. So I think any motives of her wanting to come around would be to make Hui feel inferior....and ....that aint gonna happen... I think I will tell the Ex once Hui is here she needs to stay out in the car when she comes over and she needs to fix her own damn house...

 

 

That is the right attitude, and the" true attitude" should be : go find her own bf or husband to fix her house B)

Let the extra 40k fix the house