Isolation

[Guest Pommey]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

 

 

You're right. No one likes being isolated. Even while assimilating, which is a lifelong prospect, we all need to talk to our peers about their experiences, and share our own.

 

When we lived in Orlando, I knew of a Chinese community group called something like, The Chinese Professionals Group of Orlando. There was a 25 dollar annual fee to join, and they sponsored several gathering events throughout the year. I recall the first one we attended, my wife being immediately surrounded by Chinese women once they learned she was new to the US. They sat and talked all night, while I ate their good food and talked to a few of the Westerners there. She left that meeting with several telephone numbers, and is still in touch with many of the women to this day.

 

Also, it did her a lot of good to get out and find a job. My wife worked hard to get her driver's license so she would be free to travel while I was at work. During the day, she started going to the Malls, and struck up a conversation with the owners of a Chinese gift store. She started working there the next day, and continued working there for quite a few months. The pay wasn't much, but she really enjoyed meeting several people. Chinese people would often stop into the store, and talk. She met several ladies that way also.

Edited June 16, 2009 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[Kim-saru]

I planned on taking my SO to meet my teacher from college. She is from Taiwan and I'm sure she'll know all the hot spots where they hang out.

[whome?]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

 

I do not think most of them isolate them on purpose....it is a result of the location of where they live in the USA. In my case, this is a big issue between my current employer and myself (where will I go when I return from China) .. I would rather live in or a town with a large chinese community but most likely I will not.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

Some people are very insecure in their relationships with their wives or any relationship they are in be it a social affairs or business. They also may lack confidence in themselves and can not tolerate any equals in their lives.

I want my wife to have friends here in the US. If her and I do not have outside interests life can get awful boring. We become totally dependant on each other. Your mind quits growing and your ideas become stale. I am a very outgoing man with a great sense of humor and so is my wife. She is a little more reserved then myself in certain things.

I want to tell the world that she is my wife, I am honored to have her and I love her very much. She is the best friend I have ever had.

[heyjimi]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

 

it is one of the things i worry about when my wife gets here.Isolation....she has made a network of friends on 001 ,who are now already in USA.and there are a few who are members of CFL,that live here in the Tampa area....I certainly want my wife to have as many Chinese woman friends as possible...is very healthy.

[samsong]

It comes with the territory.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

 

it is one of the things i worry about when my wife gets here.Isolation....she has made a network of friends on 001 ,who are now already in USA.and there are a few who are members of CFL,that live here in the Tampa area....I certainly want my wife to have as many Chinese woman friends as possible...is very healthy.

 

 

Good thinking Jimi. I know you'll try your best.

 

If you want to watch someone die from the inside out, just deny them the opportunity to mix with their own people and culture after they get to the US. It's now been just over one year since I moved to China. I am completely isolated here. I work in an office with over 400 employees, every one of which is Chinese. I am the only Westerner at this office. I can tell you exactly what it feels like to long for someone to talk to, and need someone who not only listens, but understands and can relate to you.

 

I often try to share things with my wife, about the various challenges I experience. She usually listens, but honestly, doesn't get it, as she doesn't share that frame of reference. I've talk to other Westerner's from time to time, who immediately know what I mean when I bring something up, and can relate their own experiences with the same things. It's so validating, and just makes you feel good. One little shot of it goes a long way.

 

Yet, sometimes, there is just nothing to be had. Maybe some people live in and isolated area, where options are limited. What then? The answer to that one is hard to know. Because I've been hungering lately to talk to other local Westerners, I've been spending more time looking for support groups and Web sites where I can meet people. Nanjing doesn't have a strong community yet, but there are some. I'm still looking though. You just can't give up.

[Craig and Mingjun]

I feel very blessed then. Even though I live in a small town, the college here that I work for has quite an active international community. We have a visiting professor from China every year, and 5 of our permanent professors are originally from China (one who encouraged me to go to China to meet my future wife, and even happened to be in Beijing when we visited there on my first trip and showed us the bird's nest under construction). I have iTalkBB so she can talk to her friends, and fast internet and multiple computers. Not to mention her best friend in China has a boyfriend about 25 miles from us I see a bright future...

[pkfops]

You may want to move to the SF Bay Area, plenty of Chinese here.

 

As for CFL, my wife is not interested. "It's husbands website."

 

No Chinese isolation here. Just like China.

 

I even have to sneak a bologna sandwich now and then.

[tonado]

Chinese are everywhere here in USA. No isolation.

[weiaijiayou]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

 

as others have pointed out, virtually no one likes to be isolated from their peers. there's evidence that the brain and body actually interpret loneliness in a way similar to physical pain.

 

my wife has only been in the united states for about 3 months. she volunteers every weekday at a preschool, and so she's able to do the kind of work she loves to do. although we live in a community that's about 15% chinese, she hasn't made any close chinese friends yet. i think eventually she will once she starts getting tired of some of the aspects of life in the united states. presently, when we see chinese people outside (e.g., playing ping pong) she seems to have no interest in talking to them. moreover, she wouldn't in a million years read or sign on to CFL because of her impressions of it. i was reading something on here one night when we were in guangzhou. she asked me what i was reading, and it happened to be the thread "should i keep quiet or spill the beans?" -- which, for those who missed it, detailed how one member's chinese family was deceiving american men. after that she didn't want to hear anything else about CFL, and i suffer her silent wrath if i even mention it.

 

i do look forward to her meeting some chinese friends here. she didn't take too well to the wives and fiancee's of my friends, in part because of their exuberance toward me (and all their other friends) and their practice of giving hugs each time we all get together. this makes her very uncomfortable; in china, when she gets together with a friend, i'm (or the friend's boyfriend is) just a tag-along to pay restaurant bills and carry the purse.

 

for now, she's been ok with spending time with family members (my mom, aunts, cousins) and keeping up with all of her friends back in china. eventually though, as shaquanew's experience attests, most people eventually need that contact with people who have the same background and are going through the same things. i hope she finds chinese people she likes before she gets any bad feelings...

[weiaijiayou]

Because I've been hungering lately to talk to other local Westerners, I've been spending more time looking for support groups and Web sites where I can meet people. Nanjing doesn't have a strong community yet, but there are some. I'm still looking though. You just can't give up.

 

ShaQuaNew, wish i was there. like you said yourself, don't give up...

[amberjack1234]

Only been on CFL a couple of years but one thing that surprises me is how many USC isolate their wives from other Chinese in the USA/CFL contact once they are here. As we ALL know Chinese don't like isolation and thrive in groups of their peers.

 

So your thoughts ?

Not every Chinese wife feels this way. As a matter of fact my Chinese wife will not have anything to do with the local Chinese people where we live. They range from Cooks to Cardiologist. I think that it has to do with most of them being from the south of China and Hong Kong.

 

With us she is the one that isolates me!!!!! I think she absolutely hates to leave the house for any reason what so ever.

 

Larry

[michaln]

when ling came here we were introduced to several Chinese people through

friends and we also met many from a Chinese church

ling once told me she had many Chinese friends and just wanted to meet some American people as for church she only wants to show up after the services for the free chinese food we know many Chinese American couples neither ling nor I can think of anybody who isolates their spouse it seems to be just the opposite with our friends and acquaintances

Edited June 17, 2009 by michaln (see edit history)