a cultural thing or just rudeness?

[george lee]

i was treated the same behavior when i was in elementry school and junior high school by the ABC kids, ABC aka american born chinese. we were considered FOB kids, fresh of the boat. i don't speak any english or know anything about american customs when i arrived from hong kong. it was a rude awakening for me and i told my mother about it and i refused to go school. later on, i hand out with the FOB kids where we support each other and help each other. i know how you feel to be treated by your own race. its a shame. i would not care about other teachers and stand your ground. i remember the FOB kids fought against the ABC kids but that was when we were kids and had nothing to do in school but start trouble. we were young and non-mature kids

[cguo7]

wow, thanks for all your responses. They have definitely made me feel a whole lot better. I'm really happy there are people on this website who can, for the most part, understand or empathize with me. I recieved a call from my dean regarding this incident because I emailed her about it yesterday and she told me she will find out who this person is. She agrees with me that it was out of line for this lady to be yelling at me for not greeting her (I had tried previous times to greet the teachers in that office without any responses from them). I think it would be best for me to wait and see what happens rather than say anything to that lady. You guys are awesome and thank you again for your input. I definitely feel better after reading these posts.

 

CG

[Randy W]

I'll add to this that of all the Chinese people at work, they are no more or less likely than Americans to acknowledge you in the hallway. These are almost all native born Chinese.

 

It's (usually) not a rudeness thing - some people just walk around with blinders on. Of course, when they throw a tantrum over it, there's more likely than not some kind of an agenda behind it.

Edited April 22, 2009 by Randy W (see edit history)

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

C'mon over to Nanjing. We have openings for English teachers here. Never had anyone accost me at the water cooler; well, except in the morning when I get to the hot water first!

 

 

Sorry to hear of your experience. The lady sounds like she's got a problem with her panties bunching up. Seems like there's always someone like that no matter where you go....

 

[timb]

I just wonder if that woman whom yelled at you would cut you some slack if you explain to her that you took the initiative to come to China to learn about China and your heritage. You are making the effort to do it. You didn't grow up in China, so should you be expected to know every nuance of the culture?

 

I agree with what someone else said, you will need a thick skin and stand up for yourself. In my view you did the right thing, you tried speaking with them, but they gave you the cold shoulder.

 

Please someone correct me if I am wrong because my limited understanding of Chinese culture, I thought everyone needs their "Social credits" to be accepted. Would you not have to do some favors or gift giving to be accepted into the local group?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I just wonder if that woman whom yelled at you would cut you some slack if you explain to her that you took the initiative to come to China to learn about China and your heritage. You are making the effort to do it. You didn't grow up in China, so should you be expected to know every nuance of the culture?

 

I agree with what someone else said, you will need a thick skin and stand up for yourself. In my view you did the right thing, you tried speaking with them, but they gave you the cold shoulder.

 

Please someone correct me if I am wrong because my limited understanding of Chinese culture, I thought everyone needs their "Social credits" to be accepted. Would you not have to do some favors or gift giving to be accepted into the local group?

 

Even in China, it's hard for people to know what you're thinking, unless you speak up and tell them what's on your mind. Find the right moment and put a sign on her back that says:

 

"KICK ME!"

[timb]

That would certainly determine if the woman had a sense of humor....

 

 

I just wonder if that woman whom yelled at you would cut you some slack if you explain to her that you took the initiative to come to China to learn about China and your heritage. You are making the effort to do it. You didn't grow up in China, so should you be expected to know every nuance of the culture?

 

I agree with what someone else said, you will need a thick skin and stand up for yourself. In my view you did the right thing, you tried speaking with them, but they gave you the cold shoulder.

 

Please someone correct me if I am wrong because my limited understanding of Chinese culture, I thought everyone needs their "Social credits" to be accepted. Would you not have to do some favors or gift giving to be accepted into the local group?

 

Even in China, it's hard for people to know what you're thinking, unless you speak up and tell them what's on your mind. Find the right moment and put a sign on her back that says:

 

"KICK ME!"

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

That would certainly determine if the woman had a sense of humor....

 

 

I just wonder if that woman whom yelled at you would cut you some slack if you explain to her that you took the initiative to come to China to learn about China and your heritage. You are making the effort to do it. You didn't grow up in China, so should you be expected to know every nuance of the culture?

 

I agree with what someone else said, you will need a thick skin and stand up for yourself. In my view you did the right thing, you tried speaking with them, but they gave you the cold shoulder.

 

Please someone correct me if I am wrong because my limited understanding of Chinese culture, I thought everyone needs their "Social credits" to be accepted. Would you not have to do some favors or gift giving to be accepted into the local group?

 

Even in China, it's hard for people to know what you're thinking, unless you speak up and tell them what's on your mind. Find the right moment and put a sign on her back that says:

 

"KICK ME!"

 

From the way cguo7 describes, it doesn't sound like there's much hope for the lady. Sometimes people are just mean, and there is no getting around it. Just standing there and taking her crap is likely to just invite more of the same. At some point, you just have to say, ENOUGH!

[Smitty]

I got nothing but this:

http://bayimg.com/image/eapbjaabd.jpg

[lostinblue]

I wonder if it is a loss of face with this other teacher or a money issue as mentioned in the above post. I have some friends who taught at the international school in Tianjin. They mentioned once that pay was determined by the university you went to and even where you lived.Maybe she was in the top pay grade until you entered the school.Now her status is lower.

http://www.amazon.com/River-Town-Years-Yan...4336&sr=1-1

This is a good book on teaching in china .

[cguo7]

hahaha. I have wished for quite some time to move to a different city but my hubby and his family are here, so moving away would complicate the visa stuff for us and I couldn't bear to be apart from him for so long. Thanks!

C'mon over to Nanjing. We have openings for English teachers here. Never had anyone accost me at the water cooler; well, except in the morning when I get to the hot water first!

 

 

Sorry to hear of your experience. The lady sounds like she's got a problem with her panties bunching up. Seems like there's always someone like that no matter where you go....

 

[cguo7]

I just got word back from my dean that the woman who yelled at me was reprimanded for doing so. I'm afraid I have to be honest and say that I am glad she was told off. Let her feel how I felt, belittled and upset. I'm not saying "an eye for an eye" is always necessary, but in these trying times, I feel this was a satisfactory conclusion. I do not think it necessary to apologize or give a gift because she came across in such a rude manner without any provocation ( i don't think being present in the room qualifies as provocation, hehe). Many incidents have happened in the past, but I suppose this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Many thanks, you guys are awesome.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I just got word back from my dean that the woman who yelled at me was reprimanded for doing so. I'm afraid I have to be honest and say that I am glad she was told off. Let her feel how I felt, belittled and upset. I'm not saying "an eye for an eye" is always necessary, but in these trying times, I feel this was a satisfactory conclusion. I do not think it necessary to apologize or give a gift because she came across in such a rude manner without any provocation ( i don't think being present in the room qualifies as provocation, hehe). Many incidents have happened in the past, but I suppose this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Many thanks, you guys are awesome.

 

Good for you, and good for your Dean! So, did the Dean or someone else overhear her speaking to you or did you approach the Dean to discuss it? In any event, sounds like she got exactly what she deserved. The sad part is, she probably treats several others in her life just like that.

[cguo7]

i had emailed my dean the night before and she took action the next morning. i was a bit surprised they would make it a priority, since a while back some of our foreign teachers didn't recieve the textbook for their classes until a month into the semester. Their priorities are different, I think. Saving "face" is more important than education, yikes.

 

 

I just got word back from my dean that the woman who yelled at me was reprimanded for doing so. I'm afraid I have to be honest and say that I am glad she was told off. Let her feel how I felt, belittled and upset. I'm not saying "an eye for an eye" is always necessary, but in these trying times, I feel this was a satisfactory conclusion. I do not think it necessary to apologize or give a gift because she came across in such a rude manner without any provocation ( i don't think being present in the room qualifies as provocation, hehe). Many incidents have happened in the past, but I suppose this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Many thanks, you guys are awesome.

 

Good for you, and good for your Dean! So, did the Dean or someone else overhear her speaking to you or did you approach the Dean to discuss it? In any event, sounds like she got exactly what she deserved. The sad part is, she probably treats several others in her life just like that.

[shadeOgray]

The teacher was a rude small minded idiot and not worth the effort of thought. Personally I would have apologized to her of her lack of worldly knowledge,manners and offered to teach her as shes obviously an uneducated back woods hick who bribed her way to her current position. Then smile and wave and walk out, ignoring anything further coming out of her mouth. B)