ANOTHER CULTURAL QUESTION

[dcwfn]

Maybe it's because I really don't feel well right now but here's another one of my dumb a** questions/observations. I'm supposed to be at the hospital @ 0600 tomorrow. I have an ulcer the size of a small european nation that defies the newest meds available. Hence the surgery is to remove part of my stomach to releive the situation. There's also an issue with my gall bladder and just as good a chance that it will be removed during the same surgery session. For this I'll be in the hospital for a week or so.

Here's the sticking point. Is there any logical reason for Mei not wanting her sister and her family to know that I am ill? I made the mistake of telling a cousin who is married to another cousin who works at the same restaurant. Yep, the stuff hit the fan. I understand that for whatever reason Mei and Li won't like each other. As long as nobody gets hurt I could care less. Is there another one of those secret unwritten Chinese codes that dictate to whom you'd tell about a family member's illness? I'll be honest with you guys. Today I woke up scared. This time tomorrow I'll be way off in la-la land on the operating table. I really don't need this crap from Mei or anybody else right now. Isn't there an American "rule" that says when there's a person you love that is ill, nothing else matters? Speculation is already rampant that "stress" caused this thing to occur. Every time I try to look up something about stomach surgery the internet always gives me some junk about weight loss surgery. That has nothing to do with this at all. What I do know about this procedure is that although it isn't life threatening, it is serious. Not to be taken lightly. Anybody got any thoughts on this one?

btw......When I was discussing this with the surgeon I told him I have 2 reasons for deciding to go through with this.

1. I's been this bad for about 1 month now. Therefore, I'm tired of projectile vomitting and going like a goose.

2. I have tickets to the May race at Richmond International Raceway. I'd like to be recovered enough to go and enjoy it.

He seemed to appreciate my honesty.....lol

[credzba]

I can only tell you that my wife wont tell (and forbid me to tel) anyone that she is taking antibiotic medicine.

 

Not for any std or anything embarrassing, just to get over a normal infection .. but DON'T TELL ANYONE was my instructions.

 

So, I dont know the Chinese rules, but it seems that you don't ever admit your sick.

[dcwfn]

I'm only 55 now. But, never in my life did I ever have any idea that an ulcer can be so painful. The last time I spent more than 2 days in the hospital was about 15 years ago when the left ACL was repaired. Certainly not the week or more I'm looking at now. Yep, I'm scared.

[dcwfn]

I can only tell you that my wife wont tell (and forbid me to tel) anyone that she is taking antibiotic medicine.

 

Not for any std or anything embarrassing, just to get over a normal infection .. but DON'T TELL ANYONE was my instructions.

 

So, I dont know the Chinese rules, but it seems that you don't ever admit your sick.

Yep, I hear ya! I told Mei that if her sister gets upset because she gets a phone call at work that she (the sister) can shove that restaurant where the sun don't shine......lol

[Li & John]

My wife said, it is common practice for the Chinese members of the family keeping secret of illness from other family members, mainly because they don't want the other family members to worry, especially the parents. They don't want them to worry at all.

[dcwfn]

My wife said, it is common practice for the Chinese members of the family keeping secret of illness from other family members, mainly because they don't want the other family members to worry, especially the parents. They don't want them to worry at all.

Tell your wife I said thank you! I guess we're still working on some slight differences between Guangzhou and Richmond culture, huh? In my immediate family if one of us is ill that's one thing. But, if one of us is having a procedure somebody better darn well let the rest know what's going on. I'll stay with this thread up until I leave the house in the morning. After that it'll be that week or so before I can check in again.

[david_dawei]

I've observed in many situations where personal info is involved... it is simply neither shared or asked... The key is to see the higher prinicple at work and then you'll see it occurring in other areas too.

[dcwfn]

I've observed in many situations where personal info is involved... it is simply neither shared or asked... The key is to see the higher prinicple at work and then you'll see it occurring in other areas too.

Not sure that I would believe there could ever be a higher principle than a family member's health..........I'm not disagreeing that such a theory exists just that if it does I don't agree with it.

[eseum]

My wife had to have surgery back in August for a burst appendix. She also had part of her intestine removed because of some complications from the appendix. She would not let me call her mother or brother in China to let them know. She was okay with my telling my family but she probably would not have forgiven me if I had gone ahead and called her family.

[Sebastian]

regardless of who is told what.

 

wei - good luck with your surgery ming tian. i will add you in our prayers tonight.

[areynolds]

i think the main issue is having the family worry about you and the "stress" it may cause them knowing you are ill no matter how serious or not serious it is....another issue may be simple pride in that she doesnt want to have the appearance of anything out of the ordinary to her family...even if it a simple surgery that we here in america would think that our families should know what we are going through...culturally the chinese people are private people even to the extent of not telling family about things going on business is business and life is life it is not really discussed with family...well good luck with the procedure and i hope you have a quick recovery

[shushuweiwei]

It seems very complicated and all the things mentioned seem to come into play but in our life it seems to be a pretty simple calculation of to whom we can admit "weakness" without causing them to worry or tempting them to take advantage of us.

 

Good luck with your surgery. I hope it goes smoothly and your recovery is quick. Try searching "peptic ulcer surgery" to get info related to what you're having done.

 

Sleep well.

[david_dawei]

I've observed in many situations where personal info is involved... it is simply neither shared or asked... The key is to see the higher prinicple at work and then you'll see it occurring in other areas too.

Not sure that I would believe there could ever be a higher principle than a family member's health..........I'm not disagreeing that such a theory exists just that if it does I don't agree with it.

Not higher like more important; higher like a general principle which governs the actions which play out in many situations. Your focusing on a specific situation and I'm saying there is a more general principle at work which you will see in other areas too.

[True Blue]

I'm only 55 now. But, never in my life did I ever have any idea that an ulcer can be so painful. The last time I spent more than 2 days in the hospital was about 15 years ago when the left ACL was repaired. Certainly not the week or more I'm looking at now. Yep, I'm scared.

 

I'm your age and I had ulcer problems in my youth. You don't need to be scared. An ulcer is a tear in the stomach lining. Acid (and not spicy Chinese food) is the main culprit.

 

Why do wives act this way? I don't know but I think it is women don't like to face the thought that something bad can happen so they feel by talking about it then this might "jinx us". I know it is silly but that is my experience with my Lisa.

 

Just relax and know you will be in our prayers and you will be a litlte weak at first then get stronger every day. Afterward be sure to drink lots of water and other liquid to dissipate the acid. I know a Chinese wife will give you plenty of care and then she will get tough with you if she thinks you are not pushing yourself fast enough to recover.

 

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

[NewDay2006]

I wish you well . Relax in knowing you will have your lovely wife ready to get you home to start the healing process.

Edited March 19, 2009 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)