chinese woman with child

[Q&Q]

It depends on how old the son is. If he's an adult, it's probably easier for a mom to leave him behind. The only difference would be that the mom can't visit him as often as when she's in China.

 

If he's a kid, it's really hard for the mom to leave him behind. If your girlfriend finally decide to come and start a new life with you, I do hope that you really appreciate the sacrifice she makes and hope you know that your love means more than anything else to her, including being far away from her own son.

 

Personally, I can't start a real happy life without my son. I can't bear missing the chance seeing him growing up. As a mom, when I make decisions, the decisions are not just for me, I would always take my son in consideration. I brought him to this world and I'm responsible for his growing up and his future. So when I met my husband, fell in love with him and decided to move to America, there was no discussion either my son should come or not, because, to me, my son and I are tied together. If my husband had hesitated to let my son come, I wouldn't have come here. Yes, you may say my love sounds conditional. But, you know that I'm not a teenager who can do whatever she wants. I'm a mom. I want what I want, but I also have to make sure what's better for my son.

 

 

Fortunately, my husband is so loving and considerate. When he heard my ex refused to sign the agreement for me to take my son with me to America at the beginning of the visa process, my husband was so sad. He understood how hard it would be for me to come over without my son, and he told me he would totally understand if I canceled the process. And, that's before I even told him that I wouldn't come without my son. so, that convinced me once again, this is the man I want to be with.

 

It's hard to start a long distance relationship and it's exactly those moments that dragged us closer and closer, and now nothing will make us fall apart.

 

My son came here with me and adjusted very well and very fast to his new life here in America. It has been six years....and he's going to college ( mostly likely UC ) after Summer.

[John C]

It depends on how old the son is. If he's an adult, it's probably easier for a mom to leave him behind. The only difference would be that the mom can't visit him as often as when she's in China.

 

If he's a kid, it's really hard for the mom to leave him behind. If your girlfriend finally decide to come and start a new life with you, I do hope that you really appreciate the sacrifice she makes and hope you know that your love means more than anything else to her, including being far away from her own son.

 

Personally, I can't start a real happy life without my son. I can't bear missing the chance seeing him growing up. As a mom, when I make decisions, the decisions are not just for me, I would always take my son in consideration. I brought him to this world and I'm responsible for his growing up and his future. So when I met my husband, fell in love with him and decided to move to America, there was no discussion either my son should come or not, because, to me, my son and I are tied together. If my husband had hesitated to let my son come, I wouldn't have come here. Yes, you may say my love sounds conditional. But, you know that I'm not a teenager who can do whatever she wants. I'm a mom. I want what I want, but I also have to make sure what's better for my son.

 

 

Fortunately, my husband is so loving and considerate. When he heard my ex refused to sign the agreement for me to take my son with me to America at the beginning of the visa process, my husband was so sad. He understood how hard it would be for me to come over without my son, and he told me he would totally understand if I canceled the process. And, that's before I even told him that I wouldn't come without my son. so, that convinced me once again, this is the man I want to be with.

 

It's hard to start a long distance relationship and it's exactly those moments that dragged us closer and closer, and now nothing will make us fall apart.

 

My son came here with me and adjusted very well and very fast to his new life here in America. It has been six years....and he's going to college ( mostly likely UC ) after Summer.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with me and your feelings. I am very happy for you all that life has given you what you longed for.

Her son is only 10, he is very cute and I have spent many days with him. He calls me Uncle...lol His Grandparents have most of the control on his life and how they see his life. To them it is all about raising him so that he can take care of his father. They are a very traditional family and leave very little time for his mother to be with him. The whole thing is strange to me because I am very close with my family and I have four daughters, I could never leave this country and leave them behind.

My fiancee see'e life as it is now that she plays a very small part in raising her son and yet is very grateful that his life is so good being with his grandparents. The boys father does very little with him, it is the grandparents who take him on vacation and do many things with him as a family.

My fiancee is a very sweet and caring woman, she has thought it all out yet I simply worry for them both. I can only support what ever is decided and I have spoke my feelings on the whole matter.

Have a great night and thanks again

John and SiYi

[SheLikesME?]

Welcome to CFL. I think plenty has been said here.

 

After arriving in the USA my wife sent her daughter back to her sister for awhile, which was a mistake - all in the name of a better education. It really hurt the lil one and she came here full of some kind of anger and jealous of me, but that is all straitened out and her behavior is good with restored trust.

 

Though her daughter always lived with her before we met, the grandparents were in the home doing most of the work of raising their granddaughter. Now that wife and daughter are here in the USA, for good, my wife has had a frustrating time adjusting to full time responsibility, though hardly ever lacking in confidence in herself. I guess I have tried to encourage a more warm approach. My wife says she had little to no hugs or affection growing up or loving words. Yet she would appear normal to anyone here. I started off with a lot of patience with their more regimented, non playing, distant ways with lots of work and achievement, but I have cautiously fought for a more balanced approach. This puzzles my wife based on her experience growing up, but she tries her best and I try to teach little one how to best approach her Mom and not verbally fight back so much. But this has taken a a couple of years to get where we are, and there is a ways to go. Patience. Lots of patience, yet voice your concerns and ways of doing things with as much explanation as they will listen to. Going to church has helped my wife as well observe other families and how they interact with their kids verses their children's behavior and achievement. I don't say their ways are wrong, but of course my background is so different and I just cannot stand by and say nothing, or not try to do what I think is right. But it is always a balance with a lot of compromise and even more patience.

[Finer in China]

Unlike the negative post

try not to be so negative

even the negative.....

John, try not to pile on with folks here against one member. There was NOTHING negative in Toot's post. That was basically saying once the woman gets here and certified, she will do her own thing. That is not negative, that is reality. I believe that is the way it should be. Stand in her way and then you are an obstruction to her. Edited February 11, 2009 by oscar (see edit history)

[warpedbored]

Welcome to CFL. I think plenty has been said here.

 

After arriving in the USA my wife sent her daughter back to her sister for awhile, which was a mistake - all in the name of a better education. It really hurt the lil one and she came here full of some kind of anger and jealous of me, but that is all straitened out and her behavior is good with restored trust.

 

Though her daughter always lived with her before we met, the grandparents were in the home doing most of the work of raising their granddaughter. Now that wife and daughter are here in the USA, for good, my wife has had a frustrating time adjusting to full time responsibility, though hardly ever lacking in confidence in herself. I guess I have tried to encourage a more warm approach. My wife says she had little to no hugs or affection growing up or loving words. Yet she would appear normal to anyone here. I started off with a lot of patience with their more regimented, non playing, distant ways with lots of work and achievement, but I have cautiously fought for a more balanced approach. This puzzles my wife based on her experience growing up, but she tries her best and I try to teach little one how to best approach her Mom and not verbally fight back so much. But this has taken a a couple of years to get where we are, and there is a ways to go. Patience. Lots of patience, yet voice your concerns and ways of doing things with as much explanation as they will listen to. Going to church has helped my wife as well observe other families and how they interact with their kids verses their children's behavior and achievement. I don't say their ways are wrong, but of course my background is so different and I just cannot stand by and say nothing, or not try to do what I think is right. But it is always a balance with a lot of compromise and even more patience.

Good description of life with a Chinese woman.

[John C]

Unlike the negative post

try not to be so negative

even the negative.....

John, try not to pile on with folks here against one member. There was NOTHING negative in Toot's post. That was basically saying once the woman gets here and certified, she will do her own thing. That is not negative, that is reality. I believe that is the way it should be. Stand in her way and then you are an obstruction to her.

Oscar,

Sorry if it seemed like I jumped on the pile. Like anything in life, if we ask anything will get all sorts of feed back. I appreciate all the feed back. I have an open mind but I too am a understand life, taught from life's classroom.

[NewDay2006]

Very, very common. Seems almost every Chinese woman I meet has left their child behind to be raised by the grandparents. Displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon. These are probably the biggest and most glaring of all the cultural differences.

 

I wouldn't make an issue of it and just accept it.

 

Welcome to the Candle and good luck.

When we took her son for the day the grandmother called her three times in a period of four hours.

What can you do? The Chinese lady I used to be married to, left her daughter with her ex-husband in China... lately, he got re-married and left her with the Grandmother. and moved away. Such is life... But I really liked the young lady, she was so sweet, now about 17 or 18.

Don't let this situation affect your relationship with the lady if you have serious feelings for her... I might remind you, she is a big girl.

Edited February 12, 2009 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[Q&Q]

Very, very common. Seems almost every Chinese woman I meet has left their child behind to be raised by the grandparents. Displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon. These are probably the biggest and most glaring of all the cultural differences.

 

I wouldn't make an issue of it and just accept it.

 

Welcome to the Candle and good luck.

 

 

I partially agree with you that "displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon" . We hug our children when they're very little. By the time they're in their early teenage years, we gradually stop doing all those hugging and kissing. If a teenager still hugs and kisses his or her parents, most of the time, most likely he or she would be told something like " look at you, you're a big boy/girl, still act like a baby." These words don't mean to reject a kid's hugging or kissing, but he certainly starts to feel that adults are expecting him/her to act "more mature". But without hugging or kissing each other don't necessarily mean we love our kids less than people of any other culture.

[lilac6451]

Very, very common. Seems almost every Chinese woman I meet has left their child behind to be raised by the grandparents. Displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon. These are probably the biggest and most glaring of all the cultural differences.

 

I wouldn't make an issue of it and just accept it.

 

Welcome to the Candle and good luck.

 

 

I partially agree with you that "displays of affection between parents and children are very uncommon" . We hug our children when they're very little. By the time they're in their early teenage years, we gradually stop doing all those hugging and kissing. If a teenager still hugs and kisses his or her parents, most of the time, most likely he or she would be told something like " look at you, you're a big boy/girl, still act like a baby." These words don't mean to reject a kid's hugging or kissing, but he certainly starts to feel that adults are expecting him/her to act "more mature". But without hugging or kissing each other don't necessarily mean we love our kids less than people of any other culture. B)

 

Applause, you are right on the money. All mothers are the same no matter where they are from.