Is your wife a racist?

[griz326]

By many Americans definition I'd have to say my wife is a racist. She's always saying white people this, Chinese people that, black people this, white people that and Chinese people whatever.....

 

When I was first in China in 1978, the Chinese fascination with white skin was understandable; I experienced the same fascination when natives in a village of grass huts on Zamboanga rushed around to touch me. All of that was many years ago but my wife (and many Chinese I know) often refer to the color line. ...and there is little doubt the Chinese way is better in their minds...

 

So is this racist?

 

I really don't think so, but I suspect when my gal begins to interact with more and more Americans she will be flagged for this sort of speech.

[Batmaniac]

Ying came home after work back in June and said to me in a super-excited voice "Honey! Honey! I saw a black today! Walking down the street!"

 

My reply was "What do you win a prize or something?"

 

We had a little discussion about that being maybe something she might want to say with her "inside voice" in the US.

 

As far as your wife's Chinese preferences, some of that may sound a little more nationalistic to me than out and out racist.

Edited January 22, 2009 by Batmaniac (see edit history)

[NewDay2006]

"Honey! Honey! I saw a black today! Walking down the street!"

I had a similar excitment when I went to a small college in Hays,Kansas and I saw a Black lady which far few and far between... but as we got closer and closer... I was less and less excited.

 

I'm not a judge of if your wife is "bias" or not, but I do know my wife thinks everything is better in China... the fruit, the clothes, the food..... on the other hand her friend from China who lives in Maryland thinks everything is better in America.

Edited January 22, 2009 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[LeeFisher3]

I don't believe this is racist, more than likely it is racial talk. In the US we seem to have merged the two definitions into one to the point of making it impossible to use some words in the dictionary without being labeled a racist.

 

Our spouses learn the language faster than they understand our culture or social behavior. My wife and I have discussed these things and while I know her intent was not bad in statements she made it's would not be accepted well.

 

It's not only our spouses who need to be cautious in this environment.

 

It wasn't all that long ago that I got hauled into HR because someone accused me of being a racist at work. They actually had paperwork ready to discharge me. They explained what had been overheard in a phone conversation with my wife and how that had offended someone in the office who accused me of being a racist against Chinese people. I pulled out my wallet and showed them the picture of my family and explained that my wife's English was limited and what the person heard was me agreeing to stop at the Chinese market on my way home from work to pick things up.

 

Fortunately I was given a change to counter the accusation, others may not have that opportunity. Since then I don't mention my family at work and take all my personal calls outside.

[michaln]

sometimes

Edited January 23, 2009 by michaln (see edit history)

[Richard & Li]

I don't believe this is racist, more than likely it is racial talk. In the US we seem to have merged the two definitions into one to the point of making it impossible to use some words in the dictionary without being labeled a racist.

 

Our spouses learn the language faster than they understand our culture or social behavior. My wife and I have discussed these things and while I know her intent was not bad in statements she made it's would not be accepted well.

 

It's not only our spouses who need to be cautious in this environment.

 

It wasn't all that long ago that I got hauled into HR because someone accused me of being a racist at work. They actually had paperwork ready to discharge me. They explained what had been overheard in a phone conversation with my wife and how that had offended someone in the office who accused me of being a racist against Chinese people. I pulled out my wallet and showed them the picture of my family and explained that my wife's English was limited and what the person heard was me agreeing to stop at the Chinese market on my way home from work to pick things up.

 

Fortunately I was given a change to counter the accusation, others may not have that opportunity. Since then I don't mention my family at work and take all my personal calls outside.

 

The level we've taken this to in America is ridiculous. Even the rhetoric of the Rev. Joseph Lowery at the presidential inauguration implied that whites are racist: That, after we've just elected a black president.

 

I'm not only hoping that the new administration will be successful, but that openly racist statements by blacks will become as unacceptable as similar statements by whites.

 

As to the original question: No, my wife is not racist. She is simply from a culture where saying something that generally applies to a group of people (the grouping criteria could be race) is not politically incorrect.

[Dennis143]

Skin tone denotes rank and status in China. Some of it is spoken and some unspoken. The umbrellas aren't just to protect them from damaging sun rays, but to maintain as lily white skin as possible.

 

This idea that skin tone separates the working classes is nothing new for western societies. Coco Chanel returned from holiday with a dark tan which broke the white skin mystique during Victorian France and started the trend that a tanned skin is a healthy skin.

 

Many of our wives will speak of their biases within their homes, but will display much tolerance and appear without prejudice outside.

 

There are prejudices within China for and against those who hail from north or south too.

[Richard & Li]

Skin tone denotes rank and status in China. Some of it is spoken and some unspoken. The umbrellas aren't just to protect them from damaging sun rays, but to maintain as lily white skin as possible.

 

This idea that skin tone separates the working classes is nothing new for western societies. Coco Chanel returned from holiday with a dark tan which broke the white skin mystique during Victorian France and started the trend that a tanned skin is a healthy skin.

 

Many of our wives will speak of their biases within their homes, but will display much tolerance and appear without prejudice outside.

 

There are prejudices within China for and against those who hail from north or south too.

 

Yes, I've seen some of that north/south stuff. (But, we don't have that in America. Riiight???)

 

Li also absolutely avoids exposure to the sun.

 

However, I stick by my previous statement: She is not racist.

[SheLikesME?]

Heck I was a racist to marry her

[Guest jin979]

By many Americans definition I'd have to say my wife is a racist. She's always saying white people this, Chinese people that, black people this, white people that and Chinese people whatever.....

 

When I was first in China in 1978, the Chinese fascination with white skin was understandable; I experienced the same fascination when natives in a village of grass huts on Zamboanga rushed around to touch me. All of that was many years ago but my wife (and many Chinese I know) often refer to the color line. ...and there is little doubt the Chinese way is better in their minds...

 

So is this racist?

 

I really don't think so, but I suspect when my gal begins to interact with more and more Americans she will be flagged for this sort of speech.

 

 

sometimes maybe as we feel many here think we are low, so we judge them back

[whutthapho]

sometimes maybe as we feel many here think we are low, so we judge them back

 

This is an interesting perception. To assume a class or group (not individual person) holds a negative opinion of you and to use that as justification to hold a negative opinion of that entire class or group.

 

I don't think that is racist but is almost a textbook example of being prejuduce (to prejudge an entire class/group/race) and could explain the lack of understanding between different cultures, races, etc.

[Guest jin979]

sometimes maybe as we feel many here think we are low, so we judge them back

 

This is an interesting perception. To assume a class or group (not individual person) holds a negative opinion of you and to use that as justification to hold a negative opinion of that entire class or group.

 

I don't think that is racist but is almost a textbook example of being prejuduce (to prejudge an entire class/group/race) and could explain the lack of understanding between different cultures, races, etc.

 

 

racism is perception, ok examples

 

in Denver when i go to store(safeway, all white women) i see their faces and how they look at me , always ask ID never make friendly talk, never offer help

 

in contrast Taos "super save( not white workers, native americans and mexicans), all friendly chat all things, teach me things and help.

 

predujice maybe, so why chinese create towns in usa cities in the past and live there still, i am not predujice just look after myself and family.

[Bert]

sometimes maybe as we feel many here think we are low, so we judge them back

 

My fiancee had a similar perception, but I think she has finally put it behind her. She had the perception that Americans looked down on all foreigners, particularly Chinese, and especially Chinese women. She had the perception that Chinese could not advance in the work place and that Chinese were targeted for crime, especially women.

 

She was wrong. We are a nation of foreigners. If there is a prejudice, it is the perception that Asians are more intelligent. And I certainly would not marry someone that I looked down on. It's insanity to think Chinese are targeted for crime. I work for a large, multi-national company. I can honestly say that I have never seen any discrimination against any Asian, Chinese or otherwise.

 

I think this notion is very deep-seated in Chinese culture, but it simply isn't true.

[credzba]

She had the perception that Americans looked down on all foreigners, particularly Chinese, and especially Chinese women. She had the perception that Chinese could not advance in the work place and that Chinese were targeted for crime, especially women.

 

She was wrong.

 

My wife did not have this perception until she applied for jobs for 4 months, and did not even get an interview.

She applied for professional jobs that she was well qualified for .. silence.

She applied for office jobs as a secretary, or clerk for which she was MORE than capable of doing .. silence

She tried to get a receptionist job .. silence

She tried department store jobs .. silence

She applied at the local supermarket that hires old people and hispanic people .. silence

Many of the places she applied had help wanted signs in the window

 

In truth she DID get a Christmas job for 3 weeks at Brookstones stocking.

 

When I say silence I mean NOT EVEN a no thank you.

They don't respond at all. If they interviewed her and said no, I could say well maybe your english is not good enough, or maybe someone else got the job, but no.. not ever even an interview.

 

I now believe my wife when she says that the people are prejudiced.

I can not imagine any other reason that they will not even give her an interview.

[Guest jin979]

i did not say all americans, since here in Taos mostly native american and hispanic and whites who seem to like/accept diversity is fun, in Denver it was not