Do I keep quiet or do I spill the beans?

[jhammer]

Back to being serious...

 

The family seriously believes that Al is a good man. And, the chance to have him in the family shouldn't be lost (they believe).

 

One thing I may consider is to suggest that Jie write to Al and explain everything.

Unless you don't want to be married, forget about Al. He should be able to take care of himself, you are very near to going out and looking for trouble with all the thought about poor Al. You will never be repaid by Al for being right that he is an idiot and can't take care of himself, so why go there ? Whereas, you will be repaid 1000-fold of sorrows for being stupid and going against your family :-)

Edited January 16, 2009 by jhammer (see edit history)

[Aussie in love]

G'Day Dennis,

 

You poor fella. You're obviously just trying to ilk out a simple, joy filled and humble life. Look at the dilemmas your extended family submit you to! Apologies if I appear to be uncaring, but this is so funny!

 

Anyway, I put it to the boss. As expected, Jane said "No problem. Al has never spoken to Jin or Jie, so there is no deception".

 

Jane reckons you're in big trouble with your missus if you sabotage their innocent yet productive plan.

[Guest jin979]

Back to being serious...

 

The family seriously believes that Al is a good man. And, the chance to have him in the family shouldn't be lost (they believe).

 

One thing I may consider is to suggest that Jie write to Al and explain everything.

Unless you don't want to be married, forget about Al. He should be able to take care of himself, you are very near to going out and looking for trouble with all the thought about poor Al. You will never be repaid by Al for being right that he is an idiot and can't take care of himself, so why go there ? Whereas, you will be repaid 1000-fold of sorrows for being stupid and going against your family :-)

 

i disagrre this this view completly , talking about lives here, both of theirs. If he is to become family, then honest ?

[jhammer]

Back to being serious...

 

The family seriously believes that Al is a good man. And, the chance to have him in the family shouldn't be lost (they believe).

 

One thing I may consider is to suggest that Jie write to Al and explain everything.

Unless you don't want to be married, forget about Al. He should be able to take care of himself, you are very near to going out and looking for trouble with all the thought about poor Al. You will never be repaid by Al for being right that he is an idiot and can't take care of himself, so why go there ? Whereas, you will be repaid 1000-fold of sorrows for being stupid and going against your family :-)

 

i disagrre this this view completly , talking about lives here, both of theirs. If he is to become family, then honest ?

Serious indeed, but a family matter to be decided themselves. Maybe Dennis can change his family, maybe not, but are you suggesting he go against his family ? If he can't change their minds, then what ?

[michaln]

since he has only corresponded with the mother and not really corresponded with either of the girls the whats the difference ?

tell him go to china meet a young lady have the adventure of a life time

[amberjack1234]

Poor Dennis, I don't envy you at all. Dennis haven't we been discussing these same issue for years here and haven't I read some of your reply on these same things. Try to remember some of the advice you gave to others. But you know giving advice and living the advice is a different thing isn't it.

 

I do hope that I never get into this situation and I don't think that I will. My wife would never help another Chinese woman get an American man or get involved into such dealings.

 

Essentially the two of them know absolutely nothing about each other really. Then may in fact despise each other or fall head over heals in love and live happily ever after.

 

I will end by saying that if I was the guy I would want the truth. You can not start a relationship based on lies and deception. What have all of us given in our advice to others. TRUTH, HONESTY AND TRUST.

 

Good luck on this one my old friend.

 

Larry

[credzba]

I think you all think too much.

I'd tell him my wife wants to help.

I'd get him a picture of Jin (actually jie) and then I'd explain my wife did a better job of translating, and a better english pronunciation of her name is Jie.

Teach him to pronounce it properly is doing him a favor before he goes to meet her dont you think?

 

Now the man knows he is going to meet jie, he knows what she looks like, and viola.

No surprises await him, no trick is being played on him.

 

He can love this woman or not, but the past translator services never need to be explained.

[Dennis143]

I think you all think too much.

I'd tell him my wife wants to help.

I'd get him a picture of Jin (actually jie) and then I'd explain my wife did a better job of translating, and a better english pronunciation of her name is Jie.

Teach him to pronounce it properly is doing him a favor before he goes to meet her dont you think?

 

Now the man knows he is going to meet jie, he knows what she looks like, and viola.

No surprises await him, no trick is being played on him.

 

He can love this woman or not, but the past translator services never need to be explained.

Well, the problem IS that he knows what Jin looks like, as he was Jin's early suitor. In fact, he and Jin have 'spoken' on the phone, early on (OK, they listened to each other's voices ). And, he's been lead on since.

 

Personally, I have to agree with Michaln (Mike), knowing the adventure that the first trip is anyway, I wouldn't want to back out regardless, especially if I were going to be introduced to another girl who is family and therefore not some scammer. ...gee, but then again, they are.

 

Which brings me right back to the original question...

[Batmaniac]

 

Well, the problem IS that he knows what Jin looks like, as he was Jin's early suitor.

 

Horrible car accident, plastic surgery . . .

 

It works in the soap operas!

[Randy W]

It has nothing to do with Chinese culture - just tell him the situation he's in.

[Richard & Li]

I thought I had said enough. But, after reading more more, I have a concluding thought.

 

The only person/people who can tell Al the truth without causing a disturbance within Dennis' family is his wife or mother-in-law (or whoever).

 

Dennis: If you feel that this is as important as many who have posted do. And, if you feel that Al will go ahead with his trip to China either way (which seems likely). Then, I would strongly urge your wife or mother-in-law (or whoever) to tell Al themselves.

[Dennis143]

 

Dennis: If you feel that this is as important as many who have posted do. And, if you feel that Al will go ahead with his trip to China either way (which seems likely). Then, I would strongly urge your wife or mother-in-law (or whoever) to tell Al themselves.

That's where I'm leaning too.

 

However, when I first asked my wife what was going on, that was the first thing that I told her; that they need to tell him. She wasn't receptive to the idea. I think what I'll do is write her sister and try to convince her to have Jie introduce herself (with picture) and with at least a hint of explanation. But, for sure let him know that she'll be greeting him and, hopefully, why.

Edited January 16, 2009 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

 

This total deception by her part. Talk about bait and switch! This is Bullshit! This man thinks he has been writing to the same woman only to find he has a rain check at the last minute.

Yo, Tony, don't be so naive bro. This is not an isolated case. Does that make it right? Probably not. Do marriage work, because of it? Yes. Mine is one of those, as my wife's sister posed as my wife!

 

When you say 'her part', you are wrong. The conspirators are mom, dad, daughter, dad's brother and sister in-law, and their daughter, Jie.

Dennis you have been put into a weave of deception. If I where you I would extricate myself from this yesterday. I would tell this man what is going on. I am not going to soft sell this. Her family is just going to use this man for her to get into the US. If he is not the right meal ticket then she will move onto someone else once she is here.

[amanda1969]

ºÃ¶ñÐÄ

If I were Al, I would be VERY ANGRY about the whole dishonest plan. I would not believe in any Chinese and of course Dennis143. Al would be a person of getting hurt so much!

 

I only believe true love depends on HONESTY.

 

 

Amanda

[Guest jin979]

好恶心

If I were Al, I would be VERY ANGRY about the whole dishonest plan. I would not believe in any Chinese and of course Dennis143. Al would be a person of getting hurt so much!

 

I only believe true love depends on HONESTY.

 

 

Amanda

 

i agree with Amanda and Wendy

 

so you have your answer from 3 honest chinese women

Edited January 16, 2009 by jin979 (see edit history)