Depression

[johnnybill45]

Anybody out there having trouble focusing at work (I'm at work now doing this instead of working) and feeling mildly depressed all the time because you are waiting and don't know anything?

 

I was OK the first year of waiting, but once I went past two years, I just can't seem to focus on anything anymore. I haven't played guitar in months, don't practice my magic anymore, and have trouble concentrating at work. All I can think about is immigration delays. All I can think about is my wife. I can still mangage to drag myself to the gym most days, but it's the nights that kills me.

 

I'm arranging a trip to China in November and I know that will help, but are any of you guys experiencing this also? By the way, I haven't seen my wife for 18 months! (Haven't been to China since Feb 2002) Due to losing a job, then looking for a new one, then not having any vacation, and always thinking she'd be here anyday now - has led to this long separation.

 

I justed needed to type this. Just needed to download it I guess.

 

 

John

[tonado]

I was also a little depressed while waiting for my fiancee (now wife). We didn't see each other for 16 months. During that time, I talked to my friends about the visa delays. Also, I spent many hours on this site. Just be busy and time will fly.

[whoever]

I can feel your pain here. Even my situation is a bit more delightful than your's, but I can feel it just the same way.

 

I am not gonna tell you what to do.

 

I just hear you.

[tywy_99]

Yes, time will fly as Tony said.

Time is the key to it all. It is time that will test your fortitude and drive your patience. The array of emotions is normal. Handle them in a positive and constructive way, remember,,,fortitude. It will build character.

 

-good luck and "hang in there!"

[tunger88]

I was in the exact same situation. Depressed, lack of focus, couldn't concentrate.... for a while. I waited 18 months, and it was the longest 18 months. All I can say is just try to think positively. I know it's hard to do sometimes, but things can always be worse. Keep your faith and spend a little bit more times on things you enjoy doing. Before you know it, your wife's here.

[Dave G.]

Yup....these are tough times. Quite unnatural if you think about it. You've committed your life to someone and have established a loving foudation. You are kept from being with each other by "superficial" means (e.g. immigration process). Going back to China will be the best therapy. You'll see her again, hold her, taste her, laugh with her.....everything....and you'll return home refreshed knowing all is well, if not better than what it was.

 

Think about it like this:

 

The past brought you the joy of having fallen in love.

 

The present makes you yearn for tomorrow.

 

When tomorrow comes, the joy you'll experience will make you forget the present.

 

Hang in there......http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/y/inlove.gif

[Bobby]

Be patient... I'm going through the same thing.. luckily, when I'm down, she's up, and when she's down, I'm up. I don't know what I'd do without her. All I can say is, hang in there.. it will happen, don't lose faith or hope..

 

not to make light of it at all, but you wouldn't believe the nightmares I've had.. I had one recently where my mother came to visit and inadvertently threw out a stack of forms I needed for my I-134.. I actually woke up in a sweat from that one ..

 

One other quick word of advice, if it weren't for some of the friends I've made here, it would have been tough making it through this. My other friends have no clue what I am going through and don't understand anything. Thanks, gang, for helping all of us through this..

[tonyontherock]

http://gcguitar.myetang.com/

try listen to the pieces at this site esp. the Merlin piece. I might cheer you up.

[tonyontherock]

or the Carlo Domeniconi piece to make you even more upset.

[johnnybill45]

Thanks to you all for your replies. Before I found Candle, I thought I was all alone waiting. Of course I have other friends, plus my two children (one still lives with me) to keep me from dwelling on this too much.

 

Plus my sister-in-laws, who look kinda like my wife, make me go shopping with them occasionally. Good practice for the future. I don't mind going shopping with them as long as they don't ask me "can you hold my purse"?

 

Thanks again.

 

John

[whoever]

You should hold that purse, and use it well.

[Robert S.]

I waited 21 months for my sweetheart to come over here on her K3 visa and did not see her during all that time. Now she has been here 5 months and I do not remember the wait at all. But, OMG, 2 years is even longer than that and you are still waiting. I hope you will see some progress soon in the paperwork but it is a relief to know that you will be able to go see her in November. It is only love that gives us the ability to wait for these epic time periods. Heck, I'll walk off and leave a buggy load of groceries if I have to wait 2 minutes too long.

[frank1538]

Welcome to the club.

 

As was said earlier, this is an unnatural situation. You do everything humanly possible, and nothing happens. You go crazy. What to do? You write, you call, you research, you do anything you can, but to no avail. You are essentially powerless to move the process along.

 

Nothing else matters at this point. It has become a challenge. No, an obsession. Damn it, this is not going to get the best of me. I'll just concentrate more on the problem. F**k everything else. This is more important.

 

Work suffers, life comes to a standstill, and yet you persevere. You will be together one day. Your love is strong. This is all that matters.

 

Depression? Maybe, but who knows?

 

For me the biggest hurdle was coming to grips with the fact that I had virtually no power to do anything about the constant delays and snafus. Frustrating, yes. Depressing, yes. Defeating, NO.

 

Hang in there. One day, this will be a distant memory. Stay on Candle. You've got 600 friends here to listen, chat, cajole, humor, sometimes bitch, and share. Just remember, you are not alone in this process. Keep in touch.

 

Frank and Jingwen

[Eric&Yuhui]

You've got 600 friends here to listen, chat, cajole, humor, sometimes bitch, and share.

We never bitch, do we ?

 

This is called " enthusiatic and constructive criticism of the slow-as-hell government immigration procedures "

Big difference !

 

 

ahem....

[frank1538]

You've got 600 friends here to listen, chat, cajole, humor, sometimes bitch, and share.

We never bitch, do we ?

 

This is called " enthusiatic and constructive criticism of the slow-as-hell government immigration procedures "

Big difference !

 

 

ahem....

I stand corrected. We would never bitch. Let me rephrase my statement:

 

You've got 600 friends here to listen, chat, cajole, humer, and sometimes give "enthusiastic and constructive critisism of the slow-as hell government immigration procedures"©

 

 

 

© copyright, 2003 Eric & Yuhui