Table manners?

[Guest Se_Lang]

Ok I noticed a big difference in table manners with a Chinese friend here in US and when I went to visit my fiancé I noticed it was not an individual thing but her and her whole family in fact it seemed everyone. now my mother drilled into my head from a very early age how to eat, sit,drink etc when at the table and these manner or customs are not shared by our (my?) Chinese counter part(s) So what am I wondering is has anyone else seen this and do you say anything to your better half, I know here in US eating in that manner would make some jaws drop (LOL My mother would freak) Maybe I should make this into a poll question. I am sure somebody can shed some humor on this.

[frank1538]

When in Rome.....

 

Western table manners just wouldn't work in China.

 

Napkin? What napkin? That little thing I would blow my nose with? Oh, that napkin. You need it for the WC? Here, take the whole pack. Where's your napkin? In your lap? What's it doing there?

 

Wait a minute. What do you mean I can't use my fingers to eat the shrimp? the chicken? the clams? the frog? What? You want me to eat that little piece of meat, bone and all. Ok, so I can't use the chopsticks well enough to take the bones out of my mouth. Spit it out? Sounds good to me. I'm building a nice pile of bones here. What, I left some meat on the bones? I'll try harder next time.

 

Would Chinese table manners work in the US? Hey, you can use your hands to eat that chicken. What, you don't touch the food with your hands? Sorry, we don't cut our food into bite sized portions. Nice job with the chopsticks, but try using a knife. Wait, you've got to change hands to use the fork. Ok, so we're not European. The napkin goes in the lap. Yeah, that thing, the one that's big enough to use as a hand towel. And, no, you don't need to take it to the WC. Don't spit the bones out. No? Do I just keep them in my mouth? No, use the knife to cut away the meat before you put it in your mouth. Yeah, yeah, and leave all the good meat on the bone. How wasteful.

 

Jingwen's table manners are totally appropriate for China and Chinese food. Mine are totally appropriate for America. I try to adapt to her style of eating when I'm in China, and I'm sure she'll try to adapt too when she gets here.

 

When in Rome....

[Jatuke]

Of course...in China basically there is no such thing as "table etiquette"...that's not a knock, it's just the Chinese way of life. In America, obviously things are different, so you will need to tell your better half the ettiquettes.

 

When I was in China, I assimilated with the ways of life there...I spat my chicken bones onto the table, slurped my noodles, etc...When I came back to the U.S. I went back to the American mannerisms, and explained to my better half about the difference.

 

It's all part of the experience. It's great!

[Guest Se_Lang]

LOL TY Frank I needed that, I could never get used to holding knife in one hand and fork in other, I was stationed in Germany for a couple years, I also thought "when in Rome" well that was until I tried Chongqing Hotpot with pig intestine after that I decided to leave animal innards alone also those scorpions and sea horses on a stick.

[warpedbored]

I love this topic!!! When I was in China Bing ordered all the food. Yummy pieces of chicken cut into bite size pieces. Mmmmm good! But what am I to do with this bone in my mouth? Discretely take it out of my mouth with my fingers and place it on my plate? Hmmmmm look around and watch Bing. Ahhh! I see now! Spit it out on the table! Hey this is my kind of place! I can do this! Am I worried about how people will react to her table manners here? not on your life. I am sure she will do fine. If people don't like it I could care less. It's endearing to me.

[tonado]

There is Chinese table manner. At Chinese dinner, you share food with the whole family. Before you dig into the food, you have to say "lets eat" in Chinese and everyone then goes for the food. You are supposed to only get the food closest to your side of the plate. If you finish eating and want to leave the table, you would say "Slowly eat" to everyone.

[warpedbored]

I hope you don't think I was suggesting that Chinese have no table manners. They are just different than ours.

[tonado]

I hope you don't think I was suggesting that Chinese have no table manners.  They are just different than ours.

Yes, very different.

[BillT]

Okay, I just had to chime in here...

 

I have only been to a few of the major Chinese cities (Nanjing and Shanghai, mostly). It took me a few meals to fully realize that the plate in front of me was NOT for taking big portions of food and eating it from there. The plate's primary purpose is for collecting waste (bones, heads, etc.). In the larger/finer restaurants they have people regularly give you a new plate when yours is full. My fiancee loves to eat fish heads (something about it makes her "the leader"?). I'm all for not wasting food, but there are some limits I draw! As far as eating shrimp with my hands, I find it's out of necessity because I lack the skill to put the whole thing in my mouth and use my tongue and teeth to extract the meat! Jane tried to show me how to do it, and when I couldn't she said, "Well, I have been doing it that way all my life." So it's easy for her. And using chopsticks to remove fish bones is another skill it takes time to master. I'm getting pretty good at it now, but I still have to use my fingers to remove some of the smaller ones.

 

The only real difference in "table manners" that I noticed was that everyone, including the men, always covered their mouth with one hand while they used the toothpick in the other. In America we use a toothpick like it's some kind of banner that needs to be waved for all to see. Sometimes after dinner I would just put a toothpick in my mouth and play with it (to avoid smoking yet another cigarette right then). She would reach over and take it out! That was probably a rude thing for me to do. Everyone I saw in China had no problem putting their elbows on the table (which I always do), or pushing their chair back from the table to cross their legs (which I do a lot).

 

There was one embarassing moment I had. We went to a really nice restaurant with her family, and I was trying to cut a piece of meat with my chopsticks (okay, NOW I know it's a bad idea). One of the sticks broke in half with a big snapping sound!

 

In general, it's always a good idea to follow your hosts' lead (even when you go to your neighbor's house for dinner).

 

Bill and Fengjuan

[tonado]

Some people do eat the whole shrimp with shell. They don't need to peel it. I do that too when I don't feel like spending the effort peeling the shell. The shell is supposed to give you plenty of calcium.

[Jiefly]

The only real difference in "table manners" that I noticed was that everyone, including the men, always covered their mouth with one hand while they used the toothpick in the other.  In America we use a toothpick like it's some kind of banner that needs to be waved for all to see.  Sometimes after dinner I would just put a toothpick in my mouth and play with it (to avoid smoking yet another cigarette right then).  She would reach over and take it out!  That was probably a rude thing for me to do.

 

There was one embarassing moment I had.  We went to a really nice restaurant with her family, and I was trying to cut a piece of meat with my chopsticks (okay, NOW I know it's a bad idea).  One of the sticks broke in half with a big snapping sound!

Hi Bill,

 

You are just exactly the same guy as my GG, especially in the toothpick part. B)

He also likes to put the straw into his mouth and play with it after we had meal. B) Big Boy!!

 

And your experience with chopsticks is really typical, heehee..

 

Best wishes to you and your girl!

 

Maggie

[johnnybill45]

These posts really made me laugh.

 

One restaurant near Zhang Jia Jie (Hunan Province) the guys were throwing bones on the floor and spitting on the floor. Guys in China love to spit, don't they?

 

My wife never used a fork before she met me, so I was teaching her how to use a fork. It was amusing. I had used chopsticks a lot since my first wife of 20 years was from Hong Kong, however, I never mastered the art of catching a fly with my chopsticks (as in Karate Kid).

 

Manners are relative. There is no right and wrong, but once in the states, your wife must learn the norms and folkways of Americans. She will enjoy learning that, I'm sure.

 

JE

[robhon]

I have only been to a few of the major Chinese cities (Nanjing and Shanghai, mostly).  It took me a few meals to fully realize that the plate in front of me was NOT for taking big portions of food and eating it from there.  The plate's primary purpose is for collecting waste (bones, heads, etc.).  In the larger/finer restaurants they have people regularly give you a new plate when yours is full.

 

Oh! You must have been eating in a fancy place if you got a little plate to spit things into.

 

In Chongqing eating with my wife's family, even though I've long grow accustom to their ways, I still have a hard time also displaying the same manners. I think sometimes they think I'm being a little strange when I pile my sunflower seed shells into a pile on the table rather than all over the floor.

 

I gotta agree this is a great topic.

 

I've got a thing to add to that... This is something I've been noticing for a while. What is it with the toilet tissue there that won't tear on the perforations. It must be some kind of magic Chinese trick. No matter how hard I try I (and everyone else I see) has to RRRRIP the tissue in half between the perfs. This physics from another planet, I tell you.

[Dave G.]

I'm jumping in on this one too......way too fun!

 

My personal favorite customs? Eating, spitting, crying (Sichuan food), gam bei, throwing crap on the floor, etc. As you watch others around you eat, you see food enter their mouth, watch it get sloshed around while in their mouth, and see the unwanted remains exit their mouth. This, on every bite. YET, when the meal is over, they cover their mouth with their freehand while they use a toothpick. So, it's okay to see chopsticks enter the mouth and the chaos that ensues, but I can't see you pick your teeth? I'll never figure that one out. http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/3/fie.gif

[tonado]

Yes, this is an interesting topic. This thread belongs to the Culture and Language section.