I need help ....PLEASE

[bokiwen]

Jeff,

 

Sounds like a difficult decision, but I would say that that Jin's offer to translate for you would something to seriously consider. Having the translator done by someone else who has a good grasp on english (and foreign relationships) can be a big benefit to see how the relationship develops.

 

As for translators, I like to tell a story about working at a steel mill in China. We had a meeting with Hitachi (a Japanese company), in which we spoke english to our translator, our translator spoke chinese to another chinese person, and that chinese person spoke Japanese to Hitachi. The meeting was very complicated and drawn out (we were just talking about implementation of a protocol), and most of the talking (and what seemed like arguing) was between the two translators (the English-Chinese and the Chinese-Japanese). After the meeting, we learned that the Japanese spoke a little english, and they were very confused about the whole proceedings. We made the decision to try to talk to work together. While we had a technical (programming language) as a common thread, we were able to work through the problems without much need for the translators.

 

Jeff, I certainly wish you luck, but do advice to proceed cautiously.

[C4Racer]

its a difficult one,

 

we have members here who met there wives through "translators" and are doing fine, others did not and got scammed.

using a translator is not necessarily a "reg flag" but certainly a obstacle/complication.

 

Same for asking for money to learn english, classes vary alot in cost depending on class size, etc.....

 

As for expessing her love and desire for marriage so quickly... unusual maybe, does she have childeren etc... ?

 

Does she have her own computer/email or access to them (internet bar) ? if so Jin (my wife) will translate for you both for free.

 

if I was you just take it slow, meet her sure, just keep your head level and follow your gut.

 

Good luck

 

Good advise here, Jeff. Let me add that my wife and I met through a service/translator. It seems that the key is; how willing is the lady to bypass her service/translator? If she is really interested in you, she will want to drop them as soon as possible. My wife dropped hers within a weeks to a month. We started using online translators. It was tough with quite a few misunderstandings, but we were both interested in making it work. We developed a Chinglish were it was easy to understand each other, but others listening in couldn't. The red flag would be if she doesn't want to bypass her translator.

 

As for her expression of love, I agree with others. She may have said, I really like you and the translator types "I Love You." Generally, the way things work is ladies hire a service and must pay upon the sucessful marriage to a foreigner. Therefore, it is in the best interest of the translator to get you to believe this woman loves you beyond a shadow of a doubt. They are working hard to make a sell. It is in the best interest of the two of you to bypass this translator as soon as possible. The service will still get paid if you two marry. But this is the only way to truely know how you feel about each other. Take Jin up on her offer.

Edited December 10, 2008 by C4Racer (see edit history)

[Jeff08n]

My thanks for your your posts, the PM's I received, and the phone call offer, which I accepted. My sincere thanks to Jin for her wonderful offer to translate emails. Candle for Love is truly like a family, each supporting the other.

 

I agree, there are many red flags, and some yellow flags I did not even mention in my short (LOL) post yesterday. I had to make a 160 mile business trip today, so I had a lot of time to sit and think. Its unknown if the Chinese Girl I mentioned is

simply naive, new to Internet Dating and does not realize the Red/Yellow Flags she caused, or if she is a scammer.

 

I have decided its not in my best interest to continue any further with her, even with Jin translating emails (Thanks You Jin). I am going to write a nice email tonight, which will let her down slowly, with as little pain as possible, just in case she is really 'real' , but naive.

 

Then following a wonderful suggestion made in one post, I am going get on my White Horse and look in the US for one (I only want one) wonderful Chinese Woman, with traditional values, not like the Drama Queens on most US Dating Sites. I believe with my age, this will work best for me.

 

Last night, I was reading the posts on the "Interview Results Forum". For those of you who have loved ones denied at Guanzghou, I can feel your pain and despair. My heart and prayers go out to you and your loved one.

 

If/When, I find that Special Chinese Woman, I will return and post. Until then I will silently be here with you reading the posts.

 

Thank you, all my new friends.........Merry Christmas

 

Jeff

[shushuweiwei]

its a difficult one,

 

we have members here who met there wives through "translators" and are doing fine, others did not and got scammed.

using a translator is not necessarily a "reg flag" but certainly a obstacle/complication.

 

Same for asking for money to learn english, classes vary alot in cost depending on class size, etc.....

 

As for expessing her love and desire for marriage so quickly... unusual maybe, does she have childeren etc... ?

 

Does she have her own computer/email or access to them (internet bar) ? if so Jin (my wife) will translate for you both for free.

 

if I was you just take it slow, meet her sure, just keep your head level and follow your gut.

 

Good luck

 

That's an amazingly generous offer on the part of Rob & Jin. Just wanted to acknowledge it.

[Sebastian]

Crisis Averted ! We saved another soul !! CFL Rocks !

[Clement & Emily]

Ahhh....now I can sleep well knowing Jeff's $30k is safe and sound under his pillow or in the bank

[shadeOgray]

Good wise choice

Edited December 11, 2008 by shadeOgray (see edit history)

[IllinoisDave]

Jeff,

Seems your dilemma has been resolved so I won't add my two cents on that. I would like to add a little perspective on the cost aspect though in case you decide to try again or a visitor to Candle is considering a visa adventure in China.

 

I took three trips to see my now-wife. We stayed in nice hotels the whole time, ate out nearly every meal and did lots of touristy stuff. All that combined with all fees and incidentals involved in the visa process came to about $15,000. This figure has been cited by quite a few others here who've been two to four times.

 

The $30,000 figure is too steep IMHO, especially for someone considering only one trip. Just didn't want you or anyone else to get scared off by that higher figure.

 

Good luck with your future search.

[Jeikun]

Jeff,

Seems your dilemma has been resolved so I won't add my two cents on that. I would like to add a little perspective on the cost aspect though in case you decide to try again or a visitor to Candle is considering a visa adventure in China.

 

I took three trips to see my now-wife. We stayed in nice hotels the whole time, ate out nearly every meal and did lots of touristy stuff. All that combined with all fees and incidentals involved in the visa process came to about $15,000. This figure has been cited by quite a few others here who've been two to four times.

 

The $30,000 figure is too steep IMHO, especially for someone considering only one trip. Just didn't want you or anyone else to get scared off by that higher figure.

 

Good luck with your future search.

 

 

I agree. I went over twice. Part of the time in a hotel, part in a subletted apartment, part with her/family. I don't think I spent over $10,000. Of course fees were lower then, but I also had the services of a lawyer which balances that part out pretty much.

[Jeff08n]

Ahhh....now I can sleep well knowing Jeff's $30k is safe and sound under his pillow or in the bank

 

I am sorry you misunderstood me. In no way do I have $30K laying around. I projected costs for multiple trips to China, having fun while there, seeing its past culture. It appeared to me that $30K was reasonable. If you do remember, I asked if this was a reasonable figure.

 

Jeff

[david_dawei]

Jeff... here's the conundrum;

 

Most any Chinese lady you meet online which is in china wants to come to the US; what else do you expect her to say? I'll explain more...

 

If you expect her to be more traditional and reserved.. then keep looking on.

 

But realize this: She expects you want someone who understands YOUR culture; and what does OUR culture do to extreme; expression...

 

ergo, She (and other ladies) may be advised by other chinese to express, "I love you".. BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU WANT TO HEAR IT.

 

Depending on her age.... but I'll guess she rarely expresses this and the fact that she speaks no english tells me she was advised this.. in fact, maybe the translator is speaking on her behalf. If you can't quite handle that, then you better never find a chinese lady without english cuz your never sure who who is really writing the words.

 

Honestly, it shouldn't matter who writes the words IMO. Everyone is trying to make it work out in the way they know best... but when two cultures collide, there is some rough water at first and it settles down stream usually...

[IllinoisDave]

Honestly, it shouldn't matter who writes the words IMO. Everyone is trying to make it work out in the way they know best... but when two cultures collide, there is some rough water at first and it settles down stream usually...

I couldn't agree more. Imagine the shoe on the other foot. You want to communicate long distance with a Chinese woman in HER language.

 

Do you hire a translator and then tell them to translate what you say verbatim and risk a major faux pas or let them finesse it a little allowing for cultural differences and language nuances in hopes of making the best impression possible?

[Jeff08n]

Thanks Everyone. There are so many great suggestions. Some of my GF's wording may in fact be her translator.....good point. Since my GF was on Plenty of Fish, a free international site, she may have been trying to find a partner there to save money rather than go to one of the Paid sites such as Chnlove. Her request for funding help for English and Translation could also be she just did no better or again maybe her translator suggested it.

 

Anyway, I have not yet sent her a good bye email. A little voice inside me says 'Dont Do It, you may have a real diamond". I really like my GF and hope this all turns out great. I am going to try to get her away from the translator. I have plenty of time before my trip to China to hopefully develop this relationship and see which way it goes.

 

Maybe I have missed it on Candle, but is there anyplace where there is a good list of things that should be included with the Kitchen Sink for Guz Interview ? Guz scares the hell out of me. I figure, get a early start in case things really go well.

 

Thanks

Jeff

[lostness]

Thanks Everyone. There are so many great suggestions. Some of my GF's wording may in fact be her translator.....good point. Since my GF was on Plenty of Fish, a free international site, she may have been trying to find a partner there to save money rather than go to one of the Paid sites such as Chnlove. Her request for funding help for English and Translation could also be she just did no better or again maybe her translator suggested it.

 

Anyway, I have not yet sent her a good bye email. A little voice inside me says 'Dont Do It, you may have a real diamond". I really like my GF and hope this all turns out great. I am going to try to get her away from the translator. I have plenty of time before my trip to China to hopefully develop this relationship and see which way it goes.

 

Maybe I have missed it on Candle, but is there anyplace where there is a good list of things that should be included with the Kitchen Sink for Guz Interview ? Guz scares the hell out of me. I figure, get a early start in case things really go well.

 

Thanks

Jeff

 

Here's the link to the Kitchen Sink list...but that comes a little later in the process...

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=23235

 

IF you do decide to pursue this here's a K1 guide:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k1guide

 

OR

a K3 guide:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k3guide

 

Good luck!!!

Edited December 12, 2008 by ZackinIL (see edit history)

[Jeff08n]

 

Here's the link to the Kitchen Sink list...but that comes a little later in the process...

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=23235

 

IF you do decide to pursue this here's a K1 guide:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k1guide

 

OR

a K3 guide:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k3guide

 

Good luck!!!

 

Thank You

 

Jeff