Jeff08n

I believe with the direct communication we are off to a much better start than thru a translator. There will be trying times communicating LOL. I think now is the time to sit back, relax, communicate and see how things change. I dont believe its prudent nor fair to try to second guess if the new emails are my GF or her translator. For a relationship to develop, at this point, one must show trust........with caution in your back pocket. If its going to be good, it will move forward slowly. If its going the other way.......Just give a person enough rope and they will hang themselves. Thanks to the owners of Candle and all who replied to my concerns. I dont want to use more of the forum bandwidth. Lets see how it goes. Its a long time till a planned summer trip may be taken. Jeff

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed. The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security Jeff Jeff understands a very practical issue to this... the lady may be more comfortable with a translator afterall; whether we like it or not. I do not suggest to try and bag the translator before you have even meet; I would suggest you meet; even meet with the translator's help... but I would also set that the last few days are 'translator-free'... a translator doesn't need to... uh... translate everything But I will toss in a bone with Randy, as he is often saying this... the sooner you get rid of the translator the better; I'm saying, practically speaking, use the translator when appropriate and dump the translator when the time is right. All great suggestions. David, you are suggesting exactly what I did in yesterdays email. I shared with my GF that I wanted to communicate direct in Chinese, I can online translate on this end. I explained that we needed to 'learn to communicate by ourselves". I also suggested that my GF set up her own new email for these communications. I further suggested that if we needed to talk about something of critical importance, I could send a English Email to the translator for her help. I was very encouraged with this mornings email. Evidently the translator did not filter my wish to communicate direct.....that is good. And this line in the email was especially encouraging; "I want to communicate with you directly online, but for I don¡¯t know about computer, so need to hire someone to help me and teach, I will use the name that you suggest, when I am prepared, I will let you know." So lets see how this helps our communications. We are planning a phone call on Christmas Day.....A few words of English, a few words of Chinese, but we get to hear each other the first time. It will be fun ! I downloaded Byki Chinese Lessons and am learning enough words for a brief hello, introduction, how to pronounce my name.....then we will 'wing' it LOL. I hope this can turn out really good, I sincerely appreciate all your suggestions/support. With all that said.....Caution is NOT thrown to the wind. Jeff

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed. The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security Jeff

Here's the link to the Kitchen Sink list...but that comes a little later in the process... http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=23235 IF you do decide to pursue this here's a K1 guide: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k1guide OR a K3 guide: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;page=k3guide Good luck!!! Thank You Jeff

Thanks Everyone. There are so many great suggestions. Some of my GF's wording may in fact be her translator.....good point. Since my GF was on Plenty of Fish, a free international site, she may have been trying to find a partner there to save money rather than go to one of the Paid sites such as Chnlove. Her request for funding help for English and Translation could also be she just did no better or again maybe her translator suggested it. Anyway, I have not yet sent her a good bye email. A little voice inside me says 'Dont Do It, you may have a real diamond". I really like my GF and hope this all turns out great. I am going to try to get her away from the translator. I have plenty of time before my trip to China to hopefully develop this relationship and see which way it goes. Maybe I have missed it on Candle, but is there anyplace where there is a good list of things that should be included with the Kitchen Sink for Guz Interview ? Guz scares the hell out of me. I figure, get a early start in case things really go well. Thanks Jeff

I am sorry you misunderstood me. In no way do I have $30K laying around. I projected costs for multiple trips to China, having fun while there, seeing its past culture. It appeared to me that $30K was reasonable. If you do remember, I asked if this was a reasonable figure. Jeff

My thanks for your your posts, the PM's I received, and the phone call offer, which I accepted. My sincere thanks to Jin for her wonderful offer to translate emails. Candle for Love is truly like a family, each supporting the other. I agree, there are many red flags, and some yellow flags I did not even mention in my short (LOL) post yesterday. I had to make a 160 mile business trip today, so I had a lot of time to sit and think. Its unknown if the Chinese Girl I mentioned is simply naive, new to Internet Dating and does not realize the Red/Yellow Flags she caused, or if she is a scammer. I have decided its not in my best interest to continue any further with her, even with Jin translating emails (Thanks You Jin). I am going to write a nice email tonight, which will let her down slowly, with as little pain as possible, just in case she is really 'real' , but naive. Then following a wonderful suggestion made in one post, I am going get on my White Horse and look in the US for one (I only want one) wonderful Chinese Woman, with traditional values, not like the Drama Queens on most US Dating Sites. I believe with my age, this will work best for me. Last night, I was reading the posts on the "Interview Results Forum". For those of you who have loved ones denied at Guanzghou, I can feel your pain and despair. My heart and prayers go out to you and your loved one. If/When, I find that Special Chinese Woman, I will return and post. Until then I will silently be here with you reading the posts. Thank you, all my new friends.........Merry Christmas Jeff

My sincere thanks to the Owners of Candle for Love for making such a valuable resource available to all of us in our journey with our Chinese GF/Wife's. Since early October I have been reading 100's of pages of past posts on Candle for Love, trying to understand the Visa Process and also Customs and Culture. The help I have received thru reading has been wonderful. May I introduce myself. My Name is Jeff, I live in Northern Maine, US. I am 66 years old, divorced for 5 years, and longing for a wonderful relationship again. I was a member of Plenty of Fish.com, a Online date site. In 5 years I never got a reply to any emails I sent out, then in early October, I received a email thru Plenty of Fish from a Stunningly Beautiful Chinese woman, 49 years old, living in south China, she actually looks more like late 30's than 49. I am 66, have been told that I look more like early 50's, keep up with my kids in active live, and am not ugly (I dont scare the kiddies) LOL. I was shocked to receive her email as a woman of that age and beauty in the US would never give me a second look. We started to email direct, not thru Plenty of Fish. Reading Candle for Love forums, I now realize that a woman, divorced, in China at her age apparently has little chance of finding a true love partner. She also tells me this same thing. So now the questions on customs/culture, I will be as concise as possible; Within 2 weeks of the first email, my GF was already talking about Marriage, She loved me, Wants to come to my home forever. Do Chinese woman use the word love and mean something different that what men in the US consider the word love ? My GF speaks no English whatsoever. All our emails are thru her translator. About 4 weeks into our emails, she says she wants to take English Lessons from her translator and asks if I could help her with cost. She asked for $440 USD a month for lessons. At this point in the relationship, I said no, but did buy her the complete Rosetta Stone English course which I sent to her and was received. Last month I got a email saying that her monthly income was 2400 Yaun. Her translator was charging her $2.00 UDS for each 400 Chinese Characters and that her lat month translation fare was 1800 Yaun. She asks if I can help her with translation costs. Again, at this point in the relationship, I say no, and suggest she write to me in Chinese, I use www.translate.google.com to translate it and then translate my reply in Chinese. My GF said it was hard to read and could cause a misunderstanding. Yet, when I translated the Chinese Characters back to English, I could easily read, but it was poor English in some cases. She does not want to break from the translator. SInce then, no more requests for money, but emails now are down to no more than 5 or 6 lines and every 3 days. Before this, Emails were long and a few a day. Emails; I have tried to share all about my life, my hobbies, what I like to do, in other words get her into conversation so both of us could learn more about each other. Her emails are empty, sharing very little about her. Yet, in most cases she will answer any question I have. Since early October till now, I really dont know much more than I did in the first emails. She does not open up and talk about her life, her dreams, her wants, her future. She just wants to marry me and live a life of "happiness and harmony" Her Pictures; For a person apparently not having a good income, she has sent me a lot of pictures, professionally done, reworked with Photoshop (exif file shows photoshop) Pictures that look like a Glamour Shoot for a woman's magazine. They are beautiful, she is stunning. How can she afford these pictures and not be able to afford emails ? Money; I m retired, built a beautiful home complex in northern Maine. I built a large Greenhouse for my exwife. My GF wants to grow flowers, I told her the greenhouse would be hers, yet no talk as if she were excited. I live well, build serious 4x4 trucks as a hobby. Yet, I must watch my expenses as I am on a fixed retirement income along with my investments. In reading Candle for Love, I note that many of you have made many trips to China, gifts, Visa costs. In projecting costs to bring my GF tot he US, I can see at least $30,000.00 USD or more. Is this somewhere near correct ? Marriage; My GF suggests one trip to Beijing to meet for a few weeks, then start the K1 Process. I suggested we cant fall in love for life in just 2 weeks, we cant even talk to each other. She said she will bring a electronic translator. She said " I be a good wife, I not cause you problem" She is in such a rush to get the K1 process started and get married ? How many trips did most of you guys make before you asked your GF to marry you ? English Lessons; My GF says she works from 7am to 10 pm and is to tired to study the Rosetta Stone English. She says she will learn English in the "future". She eludes that the future is after she is in the US. OOOPS ! She says our eyes, hands and her electronic translator will let us communicate until she learns English. I just bought Rosetta Stone Chinese to try to learn some Chinese. Wow, what a tough language to learn. It could be years before my GF could join in conversation with our friends or even with just me. Can this be made to work ? Culture; I live in northern Maine, winters are terrible cold, 35 below zero are accepted, she is from South China, what a world of difference. I live remote, its a 150 mile round trip to a large city. Up here, its more of a frontier life, you make your own entertainment, especially in the winter. Two people really have to be compatible to survive. My GF has knitted me a scarf for Christmas, its in the mail now. She really seems to care. Communications; ALl we apparently will have is short emails. Once we start the K1 Process, then I would feel comfortable in sending her some money each month to help out. Living remote, I am on a Internet Dial Up Connection. I only connect at 24.4K. There is no way we can not do web cam, IM, Skype, just regular emails. I do plan to call my GF on Christmas day and use the few Chinese words I have learned. I told her just to say any English words she knows. At least we will hear each others voice. A few weeks ago, I sent her flowers. She was so excited, she never received flowers in her life before. Age; I am 66, live, act like I am in my 40 to 50's. Yet my Candle is going to burn out someday. I worry that MY GF could be left alone, no english, little knoledge of customs, Live very remote and not yet drive a car (she has never driven a car), in other words I check out and she is left trapped all alone in the US... Your Thoughts ? The K1 process can take a year or more, now I could be 67-68 or older before my GF is in my home. Should I forget a Chinese wife with all their wonderful qualities and keep searching for a US Wife, and hope she will have the quality of a Chinese Wife ? K1 Interview; All we have is emails to show a relationship. If I did agree to only one meeting in Beijing, we have little to show for a real relationship and her interview/K1 might be rejected as a possible marriage fraud. Then all this money and time is lost and emotional feelings. We are both hurt. I dont want my GF hurt. Conclusion; Money needed to bring my GF to the US must be considered. Is $30,000.00 a reasonable figure ? What about her English, My Chinese ? Above all, I want my GF to be the happiest girl in the world. I want to do things for her that she has never experienced in her life. If she is happy, I am happy, we both are happy and have a great life. Sorry for the long post, but I need help to sort this all out. Many of you have been through what I am going though now. You have the experience and knowledge I need to hear. lease dont sugar coat it, tell me what you really think ! My GF reply to any question I raise on all the above concerns is " I be good wife,I not cause you problem". "We have happiness and harmony" My head is spinning, Thanks for your thought...Sorry for the long post Jeff