I need help ....PLEASE

[Sebastian]

Hi Jeff - try the Big City ?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/w4m/951941747.html

 

Warmest Regards.....

[Richard & Li]

Many have mentioned points that I agree with (i.e. 'red flags').

 

However, David also brings up some good points on the contrary.

 

You've spent a good deal of time reading about the process once the relationship is established. I suggest you spend some time reading about internet love scams. There are some very good websites explaining what to watch out for, how to protect yourself and some very good suggestions about what and what not to do.

 

My wife (before she got her visa) would not accept money from me until I had known her for quite a long time. She never asked me for money (even when I knew she needed it). The last time I sent her money; she told me not to send any more, she put it in the bank, and returned it to me when I visited her in China.

 

Since she's been in America and is my wife. She still does not like to use my money. She found a job and has her own money (although I pay all the bills, she doesn't earn that much).

 

There are over a billion Chinese women. I'm not saying that my wife's actions are typical (or that any behavior can be equally attributed to an entire culture or population). But, the money thing (especially a request for $440 US monthly, that's really big bucks for most Chinese people) is very suspicious.

 

If you are interested in finding a Chinese wife: I suggest getting to know some Chinese families where you live. You might be surprised what happens...

 

Keep your eyes wide open and use your 66 years of hard won good sense. Best of luck to you!

[david_dawei]

Here is my point: If she is waving a flag... it is a white flag... No, not of GUZ, but of culture surrender.

 

Let me beat a dead horse... afterall, they used to eat horse in the old days In the US that is...

 

If a chinese lady is speaking too 'western expression' too early.. she's been advised as so... since the western man *may* expect it... albeit... some of us are too cynical about it so early.... question it... reject it...

 

Let's say that she holds off till two months... or even two years to say the three fateful words, ILU... In any case (early or late), she may of simply learned that this was western way... so, which is really right or wrong? There is no right or wrong in it... ergo, leave flags out of it, IMO.

 

When you are dealing with a chinese lady without english, it's a whole another set of issues to consider, weigh, and contemplate. For all those who found someone with english... you'll never know the difference. It just is too complicated to explain in a thread...

 

It doesn't mean to disregard all the hesitations; nor to pursue all the heart-felt directives. In the end, you must follow you gut; but realize, your gut is programmed to western expectation... and your liable to throw away something good, or pursue something bad.

 

In the end, you will never know till about 3-5 years out anyways; in bad bases, you'll know in about 2 years or less

 

The lady who quickly said ILU is no less a soulmate than the lady who says it months later... there are too many [cynical] variables for which we are just unprepared to deal with and we question... because we are thinking too much! They speak from the heart and we dissect it. Be glad that when we speak from the heart, they do not dissent it as much...

 

This is not a message to be so carefree that we neglect the signs. But if we are carefree, we neglect the signs. If we are too careful, the neglect is due to the signs.

[SheLikesME?]

I like all the advice I was reading but did think of some of the same things as David Z. You just don't know unless you can get this woman away from the translators influence and see her for what she is.

 

 

Now if your going to pursue a girl in America, GET OUT OF THAT COLD EXPENSIVE .......... just move to Houston!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jeff08n]

I like all the advice I was reading but did think of some of the same things as David Z. You just don't know unless you can get this woman away from the translators influence and see her for what she is.

 

 

Now if your going to pursue a girl in America, GET OUT OF THAT COLD EXPENSIVE .......... just move to Houston!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed.

 

The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security

 

 

Jeff

[georgeandli]

Jeff, If I may be so bold, E-mail direct. Get the address and do it. She'll be able to get it translated somehow. When she replies, you'll be able to do it also. Just my HO.

[Randy W]

 

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed.

 

The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security

 

 

Jeff

 

 

First thing to do is ditch the translator. If you can't for some reason - what is it?

 

Even with the best translator, you are simply talking WITH the translator ABOUT your SO.

 

Use electronic (computer or handheld) where needed - these are MUCH more impartial.

[david_dawei]

I like all the advice I was reading but did think of some of the same things as David Z. You just don't know unless you can get this woman away from the translators influence and see her for what she is.

 

 

Now if your going to pursue a girl in America, GET OUT OF THAT COLD EXPENSIVE .......... just move to Houston!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed.

 

The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security

 

 

Jeff

Jeff understands a very practical issue to this... the lady may be more comfortable with a translator afterall; whether we like it or not.

 

I do not suggest to try and bag the translator before you have even meet; I would suggest you meet; even meet with the translator's help... but I would also set that the last few days are 'translator-free'... a translator doesn't need to... uh... translate everything

 

But I will toss in a bone with Randy, as he is often saying this... the sooner you get rid of the translator the better; I'm saying, practically speaking, use the translator when appropriate and dump the translator when the time is right.

[Jeff08n]

I like all the advice I was reading but did think of some of the same things as David Z. You just don't know unless you can get this woman away from the translators influence and see her for what she is.

 

 

Now if your going to pursue a girl in America, GET OUT OF THAT COLD EXPENSIVE .......... just move to Houston!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its impossible to bypass the translator, if the translator does not want to be bypassed.

 

The Girls email is received by the translator, translated to Chinese, emailed to the girl. The girl sends her chinese reply to the translator and the translator emails it to me. So if the translator sees something they dont like, it never gets translated. If the translator is honest, the email is translated properly.....otherwise, its Job Security

 

 

Jeff

Jeff understands a very practical issue to this... the lady may be more comfortable with a translator afterall; whether we like it or not.

 

I do not suggest to try and bag the translator before you have even meet; I would suggest you meet; even meet with the translator's help... but I would also set that the last few days are 'translator-free'... a translator doesn't need to... uh... translate everything

 

But I will toss in a bone with Randy, as he is often saying this... the sooner you get rid of the translator the better; I'm saying, practically speaking, use the translator when appropriate and dump the translator when the time is right.

 

All great suggestions. David, you are suggesting exactly what I did in yesterdays email. I shared with my GF that I wanted to communicate direct in Chinese, I can online translate on this end. I explained that we needed to 'learn to communicate by ourselves". I also suggested that my GF set up her own new email for these communications. I further suggested that if we needed to talk about something of critical importance, I could send a English Email to the translator for her help.

 

I was very encouraged with this mornings email. Evidently the translator did not filter my wish to communicate direct.....that is good. And this line in the email was especially encouraging;

"I want to communicate with you directly online, but for I don¡¯t know about computer, so need to hire someone to help me and teach, I will use the name that you suggest, when I am prepared, I will let you know."

 

So lets see how this helps our communications. We are planning a phone call on Christmas Day.....A few words of English, a few words of Chinese, but we get to hear each other the first time. It will be fun ! I downloaded Byki Chinese Lessons and am learning enough words for a brief hello, introduction, how to pronounce my name.....then we will 'wing' it LOL.

 

I hope this can turn out really good, I sincerely appreciate all your suggestions/support. With all that said.....Caution is NOT thrown to the wind.

 

Jeff

[warpedbored]

The rub is how will you know it isn't the translator doing what you wish?

 

All great suggestions. David, you are suggesting exactly what I did in yesterdays email. I shared with my GF that I wanted to communicate direct in Chinese, I can online translate on this end. I explained that we needed to 'learn to communicate by ourselves". I also suggested that my GF set up her own new email for these communications. I further suggested that if we needed to talk about something of critical importance, I could send a English Email to the translator for her help.

 

I was very encouraged with this mornings email. Evidently the translator did not filter my wish to communicate direct.....that is good. And this line in the email was especially encouraging;

"I want to communicate with you directly online, but for I don¡¯t know about computer, so need to hire someone to help me and teach, I will use the name that you suggest, when I am prepared, I will let you know."

 

So lets see how this helps our communications. We are planning a phone call on Christmas Day.....A few words of English, a few words of Chinese, but we get to hear each other the first time. It will be fun ! I downloaded Byki Chinese Lessons and am learning enough words for a brief hello, introduction, how to pronounce my name.....then we will 'wing' it LOL.

 

I hope this can turn out really good, I sincerely appreciate all your suggestions/support. With all that said.....Caution is NOT thrown to the wind.

 

Jeff

[Stepbrow]

Just a thought on how to know if you are communicating with your SO. You can get MSN or Yahoo messenger. Most internet bars have this. Even if she went with the translator, you could see her and know that this is really her. Also, the translator can hand off the conversation to her.

[Jeff08n]

I believe with the direct communication we are off to a much better start than thru a translator. There will be trying times communicating LOL. I think now is the time to sit back, relax, communicate and see how things change. I dont believe its prudent nor fair to try to second guess if the new emails are my GF or her translator. For a relationship to develop, at this point, one must show trust........with caution in your back pocket. If its going to be good, it will move forward slowly. If its going the other way.......Just give a person enough rope and they will hang themselves.

 

Thanks to the owners of Candle and all who replied to my concerns. I dont want to use more of the forum bandwidth. Lets see how it goes. Its a long time till a planned summer trip may be taken.

 

Jeff