Adapting to America

[credzba]

Dec. 8 will be 4 months since my wife arrived in Los Angeles.

We were CR/1 visa.

I had an electric bicycle waiting when she arrived home, and within a day or two, she was out to the local grocery store on her own.

 

About 2 weeks after arrival, her green card arrived in the mail. We almost threw it away because it came in an envelope that looked like advertisement. Only because I felt a card inside did I bother to open it.

 

We went within a day or two of the green card arrival and applied for ss#. That took all afternoon sitting in the ss office, but then 5 minutes at the window, and 2 weeks later her social security card arrived.

 

Immediately she wanted a job. I tried to tell her she needed a drivers license before she could do much in America, but .. well she IS Chinese !

She got a job at the Chinese restaurant, quit 2 days later. The people were mean to her.

She got another job at a Chinese day care, but after 2 weeks quit that job. 40 diapers a day and keeping track of 10 2-year olds was just not a good job, given the pay. Also, I encouraged her to quit because speaking Chinese all day to other Chinese immigrants was not helping her adjust to American life.

 

Meanwhile, she studied for the written drivers exam and looked for a professional job to match what she had done in China. 2 Months later, not even 1 interview. Her target for a job had fallen from a supervisor position like in China, to applying at the local grocery store.

Not even an interview... and we applied at about 50 places, including job placement companies.

 

At first I didn't believe her when she said American companies look down on Chinese, but when H.E.B. (local grocery chain) would not even interview her, I started to believe. H.E.B. has Mexican people who can barely speak English, and my wife's college degree is in English. She speaks English pretty well. I thought perhaps the application got lost, so I told her to fill out two applications, go to the store, and speak directly with the front end manager, and the stocking manager. Hand them the application directly. This would prove she could speak English, and ensure the application got to a manager. (oh and did I say they had a help wanted sign in the front of the store?)

She did as I suggested, and still not even an interview.

After this I decided that H.E.B. really did have some opposition to either Chinese, or immigrants in general.

 

I give this detail account as an example so new immigrants will understand that America may be the land of the free, but prejudices exist under the covers.

 

Don't give up though, one night my wife and I were walking to the local ice cream store, and I wanted to look in Brookstones. They had a help wanted sign out front. We BOTH applied for Christmas jobs, with almost no employee history (and even less hope). Then we went on and enjoyed some Amy's ice cream.

 

She passed her driving written test the first try ! and kept applying for jobs anywhere that we saw a help wanted sign. She looked online, and I finally said "no" when she wanted to apply as a dish washer for a restaurant! Still no interviews 3 months after arrival.

 

She tried learning to drive in my Volkswagen but it was a manual transmission. TOO much to learn all at once. She had never driven a car at all before in China or America. So, we bought a used automatic volkswagen. It turned out to be a really cute car. The one we found for a good price, was also convertible, a pretty light blue color, and had leather seats, nice stereo, turbo etc.

 

We have made many Chinese friends in America, and even found many american/chinese couples we enjoy time with. The other Chinese women introduced my wife to Costco, so we joined it. While applying, we could get a Costco amex card. We applied using my wife as the primary, and were approved! Now she has an American credit record.

 

Right before Thanksgiving, she took her driving test, and passed!

We enjoyed good american Thanksgiving food, combined with Chinese food.

Sunday night a nice lady from Brookstones called me to see if I could interview Monday or Teusday. I told her I needed to check with my work to make sure my manager didn't mind my working part time.

Within 3 minutes of my hanging up (and giving my wife all the details the lady had told me) the same lady called my wife for an interview!

My wife knew everything already, and so had no trouble talking to the woman, and arranged the interview.

 

Last night (Teusday) she interviewed and got the job! It is only a Christmas job of course, but now she will have an american job to put on her applications, and we HOPE it will make a difference. She is no longer a FOB immigrant.

 

The future will come as it always does, and we hope for the best, but in 4 months, my wife has:

1) moved to America.

2) got green card.

3) got social security card

4) got drivers license

5) got a credit record started

5) got american job.

 

(as for me I have gained 2 kilograms from good Chinese food )

 

In summary, I just want to encourage other immigrants.

You need to speak English, this is a must, but it doesn't have to be great. Most people can deal with faulty grammar, and simple vocabulary.

After you can communicate, then you can do whatever you want. It takes work, and time, and working as a family, but together you can build any life you wish.

Edited December 3, 2008 by credzba (see edit history)

[Urkidding]

What a great story¡­

 

Been there¡­

 

done that and some more¡­

 

I have to agree with you on the discrimination.

 

Unless they go to work for a Chinese owned company do they really have any chance.

 

I have even seen Taiwanese hire mainland Chinese and treat them bad too!

 

A great place to get a job with be the government ¨C but unfortunately you have to be a USC in order to get one.

 

My wife has been here almost 10 years now ¨C and works in the school district as a ESL teacher.

 

So all I can say is

 

¡°Never Give Up¡±,

 

and offer her all the encouragement that you can.

[tsap seui]

Really nice write up credzba. Good to hear things are working out for you guys...well, without the discrimination.

 

Best wishes.

 

tsap seui

[IllinoisDave]

Very nice credzba. Kudos on your wife's progress. We're going through some of the same stuff, although at a much slower pace. The learning to drive part is going slowly. Where we live she'll need to drive to pretty much any job so a driver's license is a must first.

 

Hope your wife likes the job.

[SheLikesME?]

Good story and I will pitch in on the English part. My wife speaks it but she has no ear for it and others seldom understand her pronunciation at work. I started another thread about this earlier. It affects your life. As bad as Indians are at English a lot of folks can deal with them. My wifes future opportunities are limited by her spoken and written English even though she managed as well in China. Don't forget word arrangement either, and the ever famous "he", "she" spoken problem. I still get lost if she has a male and female in her story.

[Meiji Huaren]

I agree that there will be discrimination (everywhere), but I've also seen cases that a company will not hire someone if he/she is over-qualified for the position. Sometimes that is the case as well.

 

When my wife arrived she went through all of the processes of adapting, getting her driver's license, etc. Her first job was at a small company owned by a Chinese lady from Taiwan. They treated all of the employees really bad regardless of what ethnicity they were. Now she works at an American company who treat her well (except for her NY co-workers who seem to be rude to the whole SF staff). Overall she enjoys her previous job in China much better, something which depends on the boss and corporate structure.

[bokiwen]

 

The future will come as it always does, and we hope for the best, but in 4 months, my wife has:

1) moved to America.

2) got green card.

3) got social security card

4) got drivers license

5) got a credit record started

5) got american job.

 

(as for me I have gained 2 kilograms from good Chinese food )

 

 

Your experience sounds very similar to my own. Wife arrived on July 31st. Within a month got her green card and social security card. Due to some some other family issues, things proceeded a little slowly-- such as getting her drivers permit. But Li Yin has pushed forward and has passed her written exam for her drivers license. She is still learning to drive, before I take her to the drivers exam. Very similar to your wife, Isabel has a degree in English, and is very much looking forward into getting a job--- with her goals set very high. I'm wondering what will come of it.

 

Now the wife is wondering about other things--- when can we get a house (I'm still an apartment dwellar), when can we get a new bed (she thinks my bed is too soft)--- where can we go on vacation. We will see.

 

Oh--- I think both me and my wife have gained 2 kilos too.

[NewDay2006]

Great to hear from you. Perserverence has it's place and it paid off for your wife. I'm glad to hear this.

 

I now realize my wife depended on translation software alot when reading. Her spoken english is pretty good. I guess patience will be the key for me. I'm not rushing her, so we will see how it plays out when she starts to look for a job, which won't be until she has a liscence.

 

I discovered last night, I will need to study it with her and explain things. This is fine, I want her to understand. She told me the 001 ladies told her she only needs to know the signs ,... not true at all.

[credzba]

She told me the 001 ladies told her she only needs to know the signs ,... not true at all.

 

Oh, I am not a cussing type of person, in fact my kids tease me that the first time they ever heard me use bad language was teaching my daughter to drive. (I guess when I think i am going to die I don't worry about my language).

 

This morning my wife was ddriving to work. We were (fortunately) in the empty mall parking lot driving around to fin where to turn in.

 

I say "Just turn left into any of these rows, and we'll find a parking place.". So she moves over to the far left lane, to turn left .. I don't mean the far left lane in the right direction, I mean the far left lane into oncoming traffic!!

I yell, "oh my god!"

 

So, since the mall is empty, I get her to stop the car, and get out. I walk thru what should have happened, why she should NEVER cross the yellow lines heading into oncoming traffic.

 

I felt bad for getting upset, but I KNOW she is gonna die if she doesn't learn the traffic rules. Side swiping a car, or even rear ending a car is not going to kill her. Driving into oncoming traffic will case death, and I just found her..

 

There is more to learn than signs.

As for us teachers, I wish my Chinese was better. When I am under pressure, I can't spit out the correct Mandarin to save my life, and it just might !

 

 

Good luck to you all, and great to hear of the many happy families

[bokiwen]

She told me the 001 ladies told her she only needs to know the signs ,... not true at all.

 

Oh, I am not a cussing type of person, in fact my kids tease me that the first time they ever heard me use bad language was teaching my daughter to drive. (I guess when I think i am going to die I don't worry about my language).

 

This morning my wife was ddriving to work. We were (fortunately) in the empty mall parking lot driving around to fin where to turn in.

 

I say "Just turn left into any of these rows, and we'll find a parking place.". So she moves over to the far left lane, to turn left .. I don't mean the far left lane in the right direction, I mean the far left lane into oncoming traffic!!

I yell, "oh my god!"

 

So, since the mall is empty, I get her to stop the car, and get out. I walk thru what should have happened, why she should NEVER cross the yellow lines heading into oncoming traffic.

 

I felt bad for getting upset, but I KNOW she is gonna die if she doesn't learn the traffic rules. Side swiping a car, or even rear ending a car is not going to kill her. Driving into oncoming traffic will case death, and I just found her..

 

There is more to learn than signs.

As for us teachers, I wish my Chinese was better. When I am under pressure, I can't spit out the correct Mandarin to save my life, and it just might !

 

 

Good luck to you all, and great to hear of the many happy families

 

Pennsylvania does not have a Chinese test, and required Li Yin to take a written test (we debated with the DMV whether or not translators were available, and if the test could be an oral examination). Unfortunately my local DMV would not budge, so the first time she took the test she got 10/18. My wife has a very good memory, and basically memorized all the ones she wasn't sure of, and looked up the answers immediately in the drivers manual after failing. The second time she took the test she got 15/18, and one of the ones she thinks she missed (what is the first thing you are supposed to do if switching lanes --- she put down turn on turnsignals, and supposedly you are supposed to look in the mirrors first....) was debatable for me.

 

As for driving.. Well while practicing, we already have been pulled over by a town policeman. She got very upset when a policeman was following us, and first she slowed down to an almost complete stop while making a turn. Then she decided to stop twice at the same stop sign, and then way over steered a turn (that was enough for a policeman to pull us over). She still makes wide right turns. I've only had her out for 10 hours or so (we have to watch the weather here in western PA), and she is progressing slowly. After the road incident, we drive around the mall parking lot.. I have had to yell at my wife too while driving -- which she is sensitive about. I try to remind her this is very serious stuff, and you have to not only make sure you are driving good, but also watch out for someone else.

 

Oh, the best part when the policeman is walking to our car, wife decides to take her seat belt off, and reach around for her purse in the back seat. Nice though, the policeman lets us go, after checking everything...

 

I'm trying to be very patient in the whole process, and know eventually wife will get license and be a good driver. But I certainly know what your are talking about credzba!!!

[freedream]

credzba, great story and great info~!

 

My husband is CR-1 and now has his visa...but still wrapping up all things in China before coming here. We project him to be here about one month.

 

I have already checked on local ESL classes for him (I've found 3 options for him and have gone to one so far to interview the teachers and see the classes). My husband asked me to do this so it can help him decide which one he might want to go to. He will probably also go see the most likely ones himself once he arrives.

 

I have both e-mailed him the Chinese version of the DMV driving instructions for taking the written test and have put a hard copy aside of that booklet and the application for the CA drivers license for him to study when he arrives.

 

I have found him a plan through Kaiser and have even found him a doctor near us under the plan who is Chinese and she speaks Mandarin!

 

I also found him a Chinese woman who is a Chinese medicine doctor and owns a whole Chinese medicine shop near our home, too. He doesn't really like to believe too much in western medicine-- (well, he is Chinese)

 

I have found him a kung fu school (but then he's asked to actually learn the other arts from Japan and Korea-- Taekwondo and Karate, etc., of which there are plenty around).

 

I have found him some markets which have "some" things Chinese as far as groceries go. I have accepted the fact that if we want anything really Chinese or Chinese seafood (like kelp/fresh seaweed or even the bugs he likes to eat -- (uuuggh.) we can probably find them in China town.

 

I have found a local Chinese association-- the members are mixed with Americans who were/are married to Chinese, people just interested in Chinese language, culture and food and then actual immigrants who go there for support. I think my husband will perhaps find some friends there and at least, some support from time to time if he needs it...

 

but then again-- He IS Chinese (Credzba, like you said about your wife..haha). He is stubborn and often does not like to ask for or get help from others. He REALLY likes to do things on his own. Oh he's so independant! If any astrology signs could be accurate...his IS! He fits the description of a dragon SO exactly! (yes he's a dragon).

 

I have also been trying to look at my Chinese cookbooks to try new dishes that he may be familiar with. I've also been practising the dishes he taught me how to make and the soups which are soooo good. (he's the best cook)!

 

Regarding a car...well....I'm a little hesitant to let him go with mine initially at least haha...it's quite a nice vehicle and was very expensive haha... so we'll probably look at some economical cars (and get him an extra baby and toddler seat for his car too!~) But some day, I hope to be able to kick back, put the seat all the way back on a nice long road trip and fall asleep (with the babies in the car) and feel safe and sound while he's at the wheel! ::0- Anyone can tell me when that might be? hahah!!

 

He has told me that "I don't need anyone teach me to drive-- I can teach myself and I can do VERY well!~" I told him "we can't do that-- you need to learn with a learner's permit with a licensed driver (with a license of at least 2 years I believe) in the car with him first"...

 

I told him I'm an awesome driver and teacher...but he doesn't want to be "bested" haha.

 

He does have a DL in China...but it's for his work and he never drives. His friend told me "bad"! when I asked if his driving was good. Perhaps he was just joking.

 

He's also insisted he'd ride my bike everywhere when he got here... I told him-- "you need a car in America (esp. CA). everything is so spread out-- not like your neighborhood where you can walk to everything you need". "He then said, we only need one car." I told him-- well, initially that may be okay...but soon, you'll see that we'll both need a car-- esp. with little ones in-tow!~ If I'm at work, and you need to pick up the little ones, you'll have to have access to your own car".

 

He just can't comprehend at this point...haha. He's going to have to experience it for himself.

 

I also have called some companies in the line of work he can try doing to see what training is required and how he'll need to go about getting it. He also wants to become a police officer-- something that will perhaps be a long-term goal for him...I'm not sure how to work towards that at this point... I assume he can do it...after he gets his green card? or after he becomes a citizen-- not sure which is required. His English will also have to be better.

 

We have talked about the possibility of him working in a Chinese restaurant...and both agreed he would most likely not be treated well there... And what you said about it happening to your wife just confirms my suspicions (and my husband's) that the treatment would really be not okay.

 

I have also added a cell phone line to our family plan and will be shipping his new phone and sim to him now. That way, once he's arrived at the airport, we can communicate if there are any problems.

 

Credzba, congrats on your wife's arrival and all the accomplishments you've made together! They're milestones!! And, it was helpful to learn how long and what the process was for her green card to arrive and getting the SS card. Thanks!

 

I guess we'll be looking at about the same.

 

Now I have to get serious and start writing my final papers!!! Due Monday and Wednesday~!! (i'm the serious procrastinator)! :0

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

 

Dec. 8 will be 4 months since my wife arrived in Los Angeles.

We were CR/1 visa.

I had an electric bicycle waiting when she arrived home, and within a day or two, she was out to the local grocery store on her own.

 

About 2 weeks after arrival, her green card arrived in the mail. We almost threw it away because it came in an envelope that looked like advertisement. Only because I felt a card inside did I bother to open it.

 

We went within a day or two of the green card arrival and applied for ss#. That took all afternoon sitting in the ss office, but then 5 minutes at the window, and 2 weeks later her social security card arrived.

 

Immediately she wanted a job. I tried to tell her she needed a drivers license before she could do much in America, but .. well she IS Chinese !

She got a job at the Chinese restaurant, quit 2 days later. The people were mean to her.

She got another job at a Chinese day care, but after 2 weeks quit that job. 40 diapers a day and keeping track of 10 2-year olds was just not a good job, given the pay. Also, I encouraged her to quit because speaking Chinese all day to other Chinese immigrants was not helping her adjust to American life.

 

Meanwhile, she studied for the written drivers exam and looked for a professional job to match what she had done in China. 2 Months later, not even 1 interview. Her target for a job had fallen from a supervisor position like in China, to applying at the local grocery store.

Not even an interview... and we applied at about 50 places, including job placement companies.

 

At first I didn't believe her when she said American companies look down on Chinese, but when H.E.B. (local grocery chain) would not even interview her, I started to believe. H.E.B. has Mexican people who can barely speak English, and my wife's college degree is in English. She speaks English pretty well. I thought perhaps the application got lost, so I told her to fill out two applications, go to the store, and speak directly with the front end manager, and the stocking manager. Hand them the application directly. This would prove she could speak English, and ensure the application got to a manager. (oh and did I say they had a help wanted sign in the front of the store?)

She did as I suggested, and still not even an interview.

After this I decided that H.E.B. really did have some opposition to either Chinese, or immigrants in general.

 

I give this detail account as an example so new immigrants will understand that America may be the land of the free, but prejudices exist under the covers.

 

Don't give up though, one night my wife and I were walking to the local ice cream store, and I wanted to look in Brookstones. They had a help wanted sign out front. We BOTH applied for Christmas jobs, with almost no employee history (and even less hope). Then we went on and enjoyed some Amy's ice cream.

 

She passed her driving written test the first try ! and kept applying for jobs anywhere that we saw a help wanted sign. She looked online, and I finally said "no" when she wanted to apply as a dish washer for a restaurant! Still no interviews 3 months after arrival.

 

She tried learning to drive in my Volkswagen but it was a manual transmission. TOO much to learn all at once. She had never driven a car at all before in China or America. So, we bought a used automatic volkswagen. It turned out to be a really cute car. The one we found for a good price, was also convertible, a pretty light blue color, and had leather seats, nice stereo, turbo etc.

 

We have made many Chinese friends in America, and even found many american/chinese couples we enjoy time with. The other Chinese women introduced my wife to Costco, so we joined it. While applying, we could get a Costco amex card. We applied using my wife as the primary, and were approved! Now she has an American credit record.

 

Right before Thanksgiving, she took her driving test, and passed!

We enjoyed good american Thanksgiving food, combined with Chinese food.

Sunday night a nice lady from Brookstones called me to see if I could interview Monday or Teusday. I told her I needed to check with my work to make sure my manager didn't mind my working part time.

Within 3 minutes of my hanging up (and giving my wife all the details the lady had told me) the same lady called my wife for an interview!

My wife knew everything already, and so had no trouble talking to the woman, and arranged the interview.

 

Last night (Teusday) she interviewed and got the job! It is only a Christmas job of course, but now she will have an american job to put on her applications, and we HOPE it will make a difference. She is no longer a FOB immigrant.

 

The future will come as it always does, and we hope for the best, but in 4 months, my wife has:

1) moved to America.

2) got green card.

3) got social security card

4) got drivers license

5) got a credit record started

5) got american job.

 

(as for me I have gained 2 kilograms from good Chinese food )

 

In summary, I just want to encourage other immigrants.

You need to speak English, this is a must, but it doesn't have to be great. Most people can deal with faulty grammar, and simple vocabulary.

After you can communicate, then you can do whatever you want. It takes work, and time, and working as a family, but together you can build any life you wish.

[Richard & Li]

Hi Credzba,

 

It's good to hear things are going well for you.

 

We are on a similar timeline (as you know). All is basically well with us too. Some very similar things have happened with us.

 

Li found a job with a temp service and worked every day for a few months until last Friday (when my Christmas vacation started). I have almost a month off for the holidays and am taking her to New Mexico. We leave in a week. So, she told the temp service that she would be available again in January.

 

She has been memorizing the questions that may be on the driver's test. I bought her a very nice 2004 Ford Taurus. It looks and drives like a brand new car. She's pretty excited about getting the license to drive it.

 

But, I'm worried. She has also never driven a car before and she gets disoriented so easily. I've allowed her to 'lead the way' out of Wal-Mart: She would never have found our car. (Once, she was standing in plain view of it and gave up trying to find it.) There have also been several times that we have been driving home and she thought the house was in the opposite direction.

 

It's also very much winter here. We had a blizzard with winds over 40 mph and a foot of new show and temps under -10 fahrenheit. The tempreature is not forecast to be over 0 fahrenheit until next week. The snow won't melt here until Spring. Heck of an environment to learn to drive. Thank god for anti-lock brakes.

 

-Richard

[jhammer]

Hi Credzba,

 

It's good to hear things are going well for you.

 

We are on a similar timeline (as you know). All is basically well with us too. Some very similar things have happened with us.

 

Li found a job with a temp service and worked every day for a few months until last Friday (when my Christmas vacation started). I have almost a month off for the holidays and am taking her to New Mexico. We leave in a week. So, she told the temp service that she would be available again in January.

 

She has been memorizing the questions that may be on the driver's test. I bought her a very nice 2004 Ford Taurus. It looks and drives like a brand new car. She's pretty excited about getting the license to drive it.

 

But, I'm worried. She has also never driven a car before and she gets disoriented so easily. I've allowed her to 'lead the way' out of Wal-Mart: She would never have found our car. (Once, she was standing in plain view of it and gave up trying to find it.) There have also been several times that we have been driving home and she thought the house was in the opposite direction.

 

It's also very much winter here. We had a blizzard with winds over 40 mph and a foot of new show and temps under -10 fahrenheit. The tempreature is not forecast to be over 0 fahrenheit until next week. The snow won't melt here until Spring. Heck of an environment to learn to drive. Thank god for anti-lock brakes.

 

-Richard

 

yeah, teaching your loved one to drive under conditions of snow and ice is best. I did that with my first wife, and it paid off really well.

Of course, whenever I left town , she would crash the car, but that's another matter. Keep in mind, driving isn't all that it's cracked up to be, no pun intended. I have all but stopped driving completely now because I fail to understand how to drive in SFO after learning to drive in Manhattan as a youth. Something about not running into to pedestrians here that I don't understand. If I were you, I would see if you could give up the car yourself as pure evil and see how much happier you are without it. It kind of depends where you are though, but automobiles are pure evil. remember that. :-) If I have my way, my Lao Po will definitely not drive. Maybe her daughter, I can't stop that, but, Lao Po ? If I can't drive in this region, how the heck is she supposed to figure it out.

[Richard & Li]

... Something about not running into to pedestrians here that I don't understand...

 

 

We are pretty much tied to having a car at this stage of life. I don't particularly like driving and wouldn't mind living without a car if it were feasible.

 

Maybe, when I retire, I can make arrangements so that a car is unnecessary. That would be nice.