Sebastian Posted November 3, 2008 Report Share Posted November 3, 2008 I think the best thing to do is get her in touch with a Chinese speaking person who can explain her options to her. Even better, a mandarin speaker who works for county social services and can explain it all to her, in an official manner. WTF is wrong with your telephone? (I'm not attacking you personally, I am incredulous you haven't done this yet.) Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 Most of these situations involve a face issue, it is best to have a Chinese woman help her navigate the process. This can take some time to help her understand as she will be fearful of everything she doesn't understand. What might seen natural to a woman born in the US is not the same as one who has had limited contact with US society. Interjecting Social Services might do more harm to her than good as it will catch her off guard and unaware of her options. Her natural instinct to protect herself and family against the POLICE will take over and the result will not have the desired affect. Once she understands there is hope she will more than likely leave this man, but she will lean on other Chinese women for support as she "knows" she can understand them and in most cases has much more trust in their advice. There will be a time and place for a person who is extremely knowledgeable of her options under US law and Immigration law, but they will need to work with a Chinese person she trusts and sometimes they will be the same person. Link to comment
Guest jin979 Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 guess the ideal choice would be "threadbares" wife Link to comment
georgeandli Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 What LeeFisher3 said. Link to comment
warpedbored Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 Hmmmm, I wonder if we could put her in contact with Jany? Threadbare can you get a phone number? Link to comment
georgeandli Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 warpedbored, I don't think [hope] it's the same deal. NEGLECT. Abuse sure, but not in the same sick way. Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 guess the ideal choice would be "threadbares" wife That is a good suggestion, she may not be aware of the options available, but she could be a friend and help her to understand her situation and options. Threadbares wife might need support from others who have been in the US longer to help. It is important to be cautious in these situations as the husband might not be a nice guy and if she decides to leave it is best done quietly. The other thing is she must decide she wants to leave, no one can make her leave. Link to comment
LeeFisher3 Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 warpedbored, I don't think [hope] it's the same deal. NEGLECT. Abuse sure, but not in the same sick way.Life after leaving a relationship is something Jany is extremely familiar with along with the process of getting a green card after a bad marriage. Physical abuse is not the only type of abuse that exists while it is the easiest to prove. If what we have been told is true she has a case for divorce based on abuse. It doesn't sound like she is his wife by US standards. Link to comment
warpedbored Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 warpedbored, I don't think [hope] it's the same deal. NEGLECT. Abuse sure, but not in the same sick way.Jany could explain to her there are options and how to get help from a shelter. She has experience with the system. Link to comment
NUWORLD Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 He gives her $40 per month to spend in the Chinese supermarket (2 X $20 per month) She has her EAD Card,yet she is not permitted to take any job outside the home. Her English is very poor. Some neighbors ocassionally giver her meat and vegetables,but when he eats it,he never questions where it came from,he did not pay for it and he never gives her any money. She only cleans the home and does the yard work. She was turned down for the Green Card,because she was not able to answer any of the questions,because her English is so poor,due to her being isolated in the home. Even after all this time,the way they communicate in the home is very primitive. She does not know her husbands salary. THIS IS ALL DISTURBING TO ME AND MY WIFE!We have been monitoring this for several months,and these are the most recent things she is telling my wife. No Green Card,no job,no money for a ticket to China and no hope of exposure to the English language. I think she needs: 1)To understand her rights.2)Have a CONFIRMED "safe haven" she could go to if she ever decided to make like a tree and leave. I had a bad feeling about this dude the minute I saw him. This dude is a real piece of work! (Met them in the supermarket.Strong looking honest north country woman.If you ever saw this dude,I dont think he is capable of having an "online relationship",unless he paid someone to do it for him.Real trashy dude.You know,just look at his car and you can tell what kind of dude he is.Its not possible any American woman would be attracted to him.Creepy dude.) TB, Like others have said.You need to do one of two things or both. 1) Help this woman yourself and take her in. Or?2) Call someone that will help. Trust me!! I have been down this road before with one of my wifes friends. Maybe you and the other CFL members might remember my ordeal. If not, here is the story again. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=27775 And the follow up! http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=27880&hl= Dude!!! You need to do something quick!! like NOW!!!! before it is to late!! Mike and Hong Link to comment
Guest ShaQuaNew Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 There have been several good suggestions on what this woman can do, but the first step must be her own. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Link to comment
NewDay2006 Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I have heard this before Link to comment
lubmahgrl Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 (edited) You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I have heard this before Reminds me of a joke my uncle told me when I was a young'in Two men had a very sick donkey. So they decided to take him down to the creek and try to get him to drink some water. The donkey refused to drink. So one of the men told the other to push its head in the water to make the donkey drink. Still the donkey would not drink the water. So the other man said "Look, You hold his head down and I will go to the other end and try to suck the water through him" The men proceeded as planned. After a little while of attempting to get the donkey to drink, the second man looked at the first man and said shouting "Now wonder the donkey can't drink you have his damn head stuck in the mud" ....... Not funny I know haha sorry ^^Y Why its stuck with me so long I dunno ><' Edited November 4, 2008 by lubmahgrl (see edit history) Link to comment
Richard & Li Posted November 5, 2008 Report Share Posted November 5, 2008 There have been several good suggestions on what this woman can do, but the first step must be her own. ... This is true. The poor woman may not even realize that her life is not normal. Proceed cautiously. Another old quote to keep in mind: "No good deed goes unpunished." <Clare Boothe Luce> Link to comment
Sebastian Posted November 5, 2008 Report Share Posted November 5, 2008 NOTE TB hasn't checked in in a few days. Oh well, I'm used to his MO by now. ug ug. Link to comment
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