Married to a foreigner!

[Patrick & Li]

My wife is being harassed by her co-workers because she is married to a foreigner. She says they talk behind her back and whisper about her.

I thought i was the only one who was going to have to deal with that crap. I am strong and don't really care what people here think, but my wife sometimes cries to me because her so called friends all talk about her now. Does anybody else here have that experience? How did ya handle it from your end? I try to be supportive, and remind her that she will be here in a few short months, and then only her true friends will remain. But it is getting more and more difficult to hear her cry about her so called friends doing her this way!

BTW, My wife works in a college. Guangxi Professional College in Nanning.

 

Patrick

[konajim]

Jim here,

I am so proud to have LinMei as my fiancee. And I will tell anyone, and Shout out to the World I Love LinMei! While I was in China and I might be talking to another Chinese person I met or sitting next to on the bus if they could speak English they wanted to talk so they could learn more. When I would tell them that Mei was my girlfriend or Fiancee. She would get a little upset, I could tell something was wrong. When I would ask she would say nothing was the matter everything was fine. Then later at home one evening after we went out, she was talking with one of our friends in Chinese. I picked up they were talking about me so I asked what they were talking about, Mei did not want to say but our friend told me that when I would tell people she was my girlfriend That it was private and I should not tell other people I don't know about our relationship. Maybe the people would look at her like she was bad they would say things behind her back she was afraid of being outcast. I said we don't know those people and it does not matter what they think. If they think bad of you they are the ones who are bad. They can not hurt us. Different country different cultures Ours very open thiers very closed. I don't want to hurt her so I stopped talking about us in public. Now she is at home and sometimes I call her at work at the Hospital. She is a Doctor Internal medicine. When I asked her if they knew it was her fiance calling when one of the nurses answered the phone. She said no. Maybe they think its her boyfriend. I was surprized she did not tell them. I asked her why. She told me they would ask so many questions. And they would talk behind her back. What if something happened to me, and she never made it here, they would laugh at her and think she was a liar. These are supposedly friends some for a long time. I feel sad for her I know she wants to rejoice in our Love and share it with others. But to have to hold it inside or suffer those consequences. Another part of it they Think she is bragging if she wears an engagement ring. They are all petty, and I think come from first of all ignorance, then jealousy,and envy. Sorry I don't know of any solutions I can only sympathise wth You and understand how You feel so both of YOU are not ALONE. Its a damn shame people would treat thier coworkers or aquaintenaces. and most of all friends this way. Hang In there Patrick Love Conquers all!!!!

[Guest enight]

age matters

 

those who are around 40s more likely would criticize who married foreigners.

 

those who are younger around 30s more likely think it's normal thing to them,

 

besides, who cares the others talking, please tell your wife let them talk talk talk then, that's really harmless

 

and ... she needs to be prepared that there is not only people who are in China would criticize her but people who are in the States would act in the same way...

[Patrick & Li]

Yes, i agree Enight and Jim. Thanks for your imput. I expect the occasional bad words here. I thought people in China would see happiness for someone leaving there and coming to a better opportunity. Our love for each other is so strong, and we will always prevail. My number 1 priority is us and her. My family supports us and so does hers, i guess that is all that matters.

 

Patrick

[Bobby]

When we were together in China, we didn't really have any problems. Heads turned while we were walking down the street holding hands, but I imagined that was probably more because I was a white-guy from the US (aren't many foreigners deep in SZ).

 

We went to the beach (golden beach) where I was the _only_ foreigner. We got a lot of strange looks there. At one point, I sat down on a wall and pulled her onto my lap and we just sat there talking and listening to the waves. A policeman walked by us and once he got about 20' away, started pacing back and forth, staring at us. We just ignored him, sat there for a little while longer and decided to head back.

 

A while back, I saw an article about interracial marriages (white/chinese) posted somewhere, I'll have to do some digging to see if its around. Any problems are usually very subtle, but I figure if my Southern Belle grandmother doesn't have a problem with it at all, then no one will ..

[Guest R2D2]

Pat,

 

There are many Chinese gals married to Americans in Nanning City or want to be. Jealousy is a way of life for many and they feel better by putting someone else down. I remember that the men would swim in the Yong Jiang (Jiang is river in Chinese pinyun). One day, one of the men got swept down the river and had to walk through town stark naked. None of the people even glanced at him, swinging in the breeze. Instead, they stared at the American on the motorbike with the Chinese gal. I would just smile and say, Ni Hao!

[Patrick & Li]

LOL R2, Me too bro! Ni Hao was my favorite phrase. All of the children went crazy when i said it to them. My wife is 5'6" tall, which is very tall for a chinese lady. I on the otherhand am 6'6" tall, all we heard on the streets were....Ohhhhh, He is so tall and she is so small!!!

We stayed at the Young Jiang hotel in late April and early May when we got married.

 

Patrick

[frank1538]

Jingwen and I sometimes feel the subtle undercurrents when we are out with friends. I think part of it is jealousy; part of it is cultural bias that treats foreginers as outsiders. Many of us are dealing with this "marry your own kind" mentality now and will likely experience more of it once our spouses arrive. There is not too much we can do about it except to remember that these types will always exist.

 

With respect to the jealously, Jingwen does not seem to be bothered by it, but she does do little things to make it a little easier for the jealous types. For example, she generally will not wear her engagement ring when we are out with her firends. If we are paying for something, she pays from her wallet, not mine. I think that she does not want to give someone a reason to be jealous.

 

Unlike some of the larger cities in China, Zhanjiang is rather provincial, and a westerner is a real oddity. Despite the fact that Jingwen and I are about the same age, give or take of few years (our hair belies our true ages ), I sense that more stares are because of the apparent age differences. But I agree that it's amazing how those stone faces will melt with a nod of the head or a "ni hao" and a smile.

[whoever]

Well, when those people can't get married with an American, they are jealous. And, they will talk in behind.

 

"The grape is sour", because they can't eat it.

 

My fiance also face similar problem at work. Ever since she told everyone that she will be coming to America, her boss started to treat her injustice.

 

That's just the way it is in China.

[Bobby]

I found that article and a few others, here's the link:

http://www.asianwhite.org/links.html#IRDating

 

I'll have to agree with whoever (whomever?).. my fiancee refuses to tell her employer about me as she is afraid she'll lose her job and be treated badly by her co-workers.. Her friends all like me as well as her family.. when I was in China, we just ignored everyone else and that seemed to work just fine. I haven't visited her village yet, but I'm sure that'll be exciting..

[whoever]

my fiance now really regret that she told her boss she was going to America some time.

 

She now has great difficulties dealing with work. Because, people think she will leave at any time. So, she will not get any promotion even she still works very hard.

[Guest jimb]

Posted on Aug 26 2003, 11:58 AM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL R2, Me too bro! Ni Hao was my favorite phrase. All of the children went crazy when i said it to them. My wife is 5'6" tall, which is very tall for a chinese lady. I on the otherhand am 6'6" tall, all we heard on the streets were....Ohhhhh, He is so tall and she is so small!!!

We stayed at the Young Jiang hotel in late April and early May when we got married.

 

Patrick

 

 

We stayed at the YoungJiang hotel in early April, the room was ok, but I thought the free brunch buffet was excellent.

 

jimb

[rfsun]

I have experienced this also and find it unfortunate. Early this year I posted alot here on Candle including letters I wrote and replies from email. The Candle community was very supportive but the chat board ###.com.cn in China kicked me around like a fool. It was unfortunate.

[whoever]

hehe, not everyone understands the situation.

[Guest R2D2]

LOL R2, Me too bro! Ni Hao was my favorite phrase. All of the children went crazy when i said it to them. My wife is 5'6" tall, which is very tall for a chinese lady. I on the otherhand am 6'6" tall, all we heard on the streets were....Ohhhhh, He is so tall and she is so small!!!

We stayed at the Young Jiang hotel in late April and early May when we got married.

 

Patrick

Patrick, Jimb, The brunch was the best part of the day at the Yong Jiang Hotel. The gals grow big in Nanning. My fiance and her daughter are 5'6'' tall. Must be the weather!