The Sichuan Prejudiced Chef Revisted

[Cerberus]

Well, folks time for me to get off my duff and do a short thesis on my wife Yin (aka the ¡°Sichuan Prejudiced Chef¡±) For newer members who wonder where this title comes from, here are the links.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=20888&hl=

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=12339&hl=

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=21202&hl=

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=12455&hl=

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=21856&hl=

 

The first link that is posted was in regard to her hunting flies in Oklahoma City, OK. When your wife/fianc¨¦e first arrives in the US, I don¡¯t know of a single man/woman that isn¡¯t justifiably proud of their new Partner for Life. They greatest desire is for their new partner to be accepted by society in general, her new married family¡¯s acceptance. The man or woman is justifiably proud, in love (hopefully so) and wants their new partner not to look like some strange apparition from a foreign country. I think that the reader can catch my drift, when I discussed my ¡°Chef¡± hunting flies outside of our home. The reader probably says it can¡¯t get much worse David! WRONG!

 

2 years or so later today, my wife Yin has developed into a beautifully Western acclimated Chinese woman, that is, beautiful, well-dressed, soft-spoken, kind, empathetic, family-caring woman. The epitome, of a beautiful intercultural marriage Right?

 

Wrong!

 

Her cultural leanings have now extended into the study of the indigenous wildlife of California in the San Diego. Specifically, in the field of Ornithology (Bird Study). I am not cognizant of too many men that would go to the great length and patience that I have. I mean I didn¡¯t complain, when she equipped herself with two large books (one from James Audobon, Orinithological Biography, one of California birds), retrieve the binoculars I own and head to the beach, driven by you-know-who (guess who was the mule for the foods and all accessories! Rhetorical question!), and began making observations of¡­seagulls? Personally IMHO, a seagull, is a brazen bandit, that would sell it¡¯s own mother to have just ONE more meal. This extended over three weekends until she finally lost interest. I want to save face. However, when I approached the beach for these outings, every DAMN Californian¡¯s eye I felt was on us! I saw more that one look of WTF? as we walked past them. I could swear that I heard some snickers. However, I could not locate the authors of the snickers! Therefore, kept a stiff chin a resolute attitude and kept walking.

 

However, I digress. After the ¡°seagull-phase¡± (Thanks GOD!) passed, she looked in her reference materials at other birds. She was excited to find many hummingbirds are native here in California. Therefore, she resolutely determined to track them down! I was commissioned for funding of her next expedition. 1) The funds for the feeders. 2) Additional reference books. 3) List of hyperlinks via Internet to track down these elusive creatures. 4) Assorted camera equipment in the case that she found one of the birds! 5) Etc etc, etc.

 

Yin was finally satisfied that all was in order and began proceeding to hunt them down. The moment arrived! I was hungry and we had gone to a local Denny¡¯s restaurant. There happens to be a Hibiscus shrub that was in full bloom. We are entering and a hummingbird arrives and is hovering, eating the nectar from several flowers. Yin sees it and naturally being the Chinese naturalist she is, promptly declares that California has very large flies and that they are attacking the flowers. I felt sorry for her and told her that was a hummingbird and not a fly (myself, inwardly thanking God above she doesn¡¯t have a fly swatter in her hand). She looks at me in disbelief and after seeing that I¡¯m perfectly serious and then is delighted and wonders out loud if pet shops will sell the birds in the US. I thinking one thing and one thing only; ¡°Jesus Honey, does insanity or stupidity run so wantonly rampant in your family?¡± Ok, I won¡¯t be the atypical person that many on the CFL board see. Honey let¡¯s eat, OK? Yep! Gentlemen pick your battles carefully!

 

Anyway, the birds began arriving at our hummingbird feeder, much to the Chinese naturalist/scientist¡¯s delight. However, they were more than a bit skittish, when Yin would run out on the porch with her camera for the given photo opportunity. I could understand the bird¡¯s perspective. How would you like it, it you sat down to dinner and suddenly someone begin snapping pictures of you eating? I finally explained that she needed to stay behind the shades and observe. She did wonder if they had enough to eat. What does this have to do with flies in Oklahoma, face-saving and a beautiful Chinese wife? I arrived home one day to see her outside the condo, watching over the bird feeder. Two people walked down the side walk and were promptly shooed away from the feeder area by Yin! Those hummingbirds were going to eat unmolested and have their own personal guard. I thought to myself that perhaps a bit of overtime would be required of me today! Or perhaps, several beers at a local Do-Drop-Inn! I don¡¯t want to be around when the locals call the San Diego¡¯s finest to intervene in their behalf!

 

So much for the first issue, the second issue has more to do with cooking. As many are aware my wife is from the Sichuan Province, in the city of Chengdu. Fantastic cooking, hot pot, mapo dofu, twice-cooked-pork, the list is endless. They have their own particular style of flavor, which you only get when you are in their province.

 

However as of late, I have noticed a disturbing trend with many Chinese and Yin esp. No matter what is done in the US, the Chinese and Yin can make it better. Especially in the culinary arena of expertise! Many times, Yin has referred to American cooking as cave-man food. This list encompasses, pizza, pork rinds, steaks, BBQ ribs, McDonalds restaurants and the ilk, the list is endless! Therefore, my Chinese ¡°Prejudiced Chef¡± has decided to lend a helping hand to the American civilization and save it!

 

I will therefore cite my proof and you make the call.

 

1) I do love my steaks. I have my steaks custom cut and done to my perfection of medium well done with a slight oozing of blood. I had purchased 4 steaks in this manner. Beautiful T-bones steaks, 1.5 inches thick, nicely marbled small area of fat on the outside for flavoring. Cost me about $45.00 dollars total

 

Unfortunately, Yin located them while I was at work. I returned home, anticipating a nice steak, supplemented with a salad, a good Bavarian brew, baked potato with all the trimmings. I entered the home and I saw Yin quietly sitting in her reading chair, with that small sly smile that Chinese women get when they have done something very clever. Gentlemen, this is when you need to watch out! You are about to be blown away with both barrels, at the same time, of a shotgun. I gave her my usual greeting to her, kiss on the cheek then went to shower and change clothes. She didn¡¯t say much, but still had that small smile when I left the room. I began changing clothes and there she was leaning against the doorjamb, with that same sly smile. ¡°Guess what I did today honey?¡± I replied I didn¡¯t know and I would let her finish. ¡°I saved us a lot of money. Those steaks had too much bone and fat on them!¡± You should save more, so I made Chinese-way beef with peppers!¡± Gentlemen it was at this time, that my mind went into shock!

 

OHHHHH CRAP!

 

I went to the refrigerator! YEP! Just as I suspected! Two of the steaks had been thin sliced (approximately 1/8 inches thick), marinated in brown bean sauce and was eventually, destined to be cooked with Anaheim peppers later for dinner! Bones and fat were gone also! I stood there in shock. I didn¡¯t trust myself to say anything. However the next day the two surviving steaks of the ¡°Chinese Massacre at El Cajon¡± were taken to safe refuge at my work place in our freezer we have there.

 

The hardest part of this ordeal was when my wife asked how was the dinner she prepared was. She still was very proud of her ability to adapt and overcome the caveman mentality of the American public.

 

I should mention that specialized foods that I have I still keep safely secured at work, until I can obtain two crazed pit-bull terriers to fasten at the refrigerator door.

 

2) I don¡¯t eat pizza often. However, when I do, I enjoy nothing better than getting ¡°the works.¡± Yin doesn¡¯t like pizza and in fact refers to it tasting like Chinese medicine in her taste.

 

To the point. I have a telephone number of a particular place that I go to. They know me very well and I tip extremely well. My thinking is you will get what you pay for. The deliverymen and the cooks there know my taste intimately; recognize my voice (and unfortunately Yin¡¯s also) immediately. They take extra pains and get what I love the most.

 

I was busy awhile back and asked Yin to call for a pizza. It was a particularly hectic day and I needed to stay focused on my job. Yin was only too happy to help her husband out! The order was placed and I returned to work, with happy thoughts of pepperonis, extra sauce, jalapenos peppers, extra cheese, chopped garlic pieces on my pizza when I came home! Ahhhhhh! The idiocy of a deluded man when married to a Chinese chef!

 

I arrived home and saw that the delivery gentlemen had been there and already left. I saw the box on the kitchen counter and inwardly smiled to my self in anticipation. Then the odor hit me! Strange! It smells like Sichuan peppercorns! Hmmmmmm. Never mind! Yin must have made some sort of Chinese food earlier! Again, gentlemen; I saw that small sly smile that Yin posses. Since this time, I have learned since then to prepare for tsunamis, earthquakes, major riots, California wildfires and/or my wife has done something particularly clever.

 

AGAIN!

 

I did my usual routine, kissing her, got a cold beer from the refrigerator and prepared to take a shower. Yin arrives at the bathroom door, with that same insipid smile, that I have come to hate. Not the smile! Just the timing when the smile arrives. ¡°Honey! I made the pizza better!¡±

 

Oh NO! Screw it what she has already done is done! You can¡¯t call a bullet back and I probably won¡¯t be able to fix what she has done either.

 

I finished my shower and went to the table, which she had prepared for our dinner. Plates, silverware, a nice glass of wine for her, a nice heffenwitzen beer for me; and the pizza! The PIZZA!

 

I looked at the pizza. It looked at bit unusual since enoki mushrooms covered the pizza. There was also enough red pepper that a hard-core Mexican would have broken down into tears trying to eat it, or a Chinese hot pot restaurant would have hailed my wife as the ¡°toast of society.¡± That is when the odor of Sichuan spices hit me again. This time, in full force. I love black pepper. I mean the kind that you use a pepper mill to render peppercorns usable with foods!

 

Yep you guessed it! She had removed the peppercorns and replaced in the pepper mill and replaced the peppercorns with Sichuan pepper (hu¨¡ji¨¡o »¨½·; literally "flower pepper" coming from a near-relative of the ash tree genus Fraxinus.) No self-respecting Sichuan province native would be caught 5 feet away from this spice, in their cooking.

 

I manage to choke three pieces down and I finally gave up. Meanwhile, she declined the pizza and settled for some chicken soup and rice that she had made the previous day. I took the pizza outside, and thoughtfully placed it near the dumpster for our complex. I thought that perhaps the dogs could get some benefit. The following morning, I took some trash to the dumpster. He pizza was still there, untouched needless to say! I cleaned it up and placed the box and pizza in the dumpster. However, I DO NOT believe the dogs have forgiven me for this personal attack on them. They keep eyeballing me and consistently crap or piss in front or near my condo door. I suspect that it is a full-fledged attack by them, seeking some type of retribution.

 

Thank God for LOVE! It does put bandages on wounded prides and feelings with all of us.

 

Dave

Edited February 3, 2008 by Cerberus (see edit history)

[Yuanyang]

B)

You are lucky, you know that?

[Cerberus]

You are lucky, you know that?

Very lucky , once I get past the silliness!

 

Does make life interesting though. NEVER a dull moment! However, there was that one time she tried barbecuing fish on the burners of the stove!

 

That needed a lot of love!

 

Dave

[SheLikesME?]

You expect me to read all that?

 

I have the attention span of a ... sumpin

[SheLikesME?]

Hey my wife can cook fish and make it look and taste like steak. No frigin kidding!!!!! I don't like fish but this is incredible. (PS: ANd I pick and buy the fish every time at the asian market)

 

LAst time she cooked with her fathers recipee and it was better tasting but next day it had a fish smell and taste.

 

Her cooking is beginning to get incredible. She now has more spices brought over in bags by father. Also she is cooking every day again.

 

I have it VERY GOOD when in Little Rock!

 

But I ain't in Little Rock today

Edited February 4, 2008 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[Cerberus]

You expect me to read all that?

 

I have the attention span of a ... sumpin

Sorrrry! Doug

 

Next time I'll throw photos in for you! Did you forget the BB and the thread of Stupid things?

 

My wife decided to barbecue fish on the burners of the stove. She was extremely proud of her efforts. After all it was her first time having a barbecue grill.

 

However, the circular scorch marks on the sides of the fish, caused more than a slight amount of distaste. Most esp, since I got to wash the dishes and the stove too!

 

Thankfully, she is past this now!

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

You expect me to read all that?

 

I have the attention span of a ... sumpin

Sorrrry! Doug

 

Next time I'll throw photos in for you! Did you forget the BB and the thread of Stupid things?

 

My wife decided to barbecue fish on the burners of the stove. She was extremely proud of her efforts. After all it was her first time having a barbecue grill.

 

However, the circular scorch marks on the sides of the fish, caused more than a slight amount of distaste. Most esp, since I got to wash the dishes and the stove too!

 

Thankfully, she is past this now!

Depending on the fish try baking it. Unless you are doing a Cajun beat. Self cleaning ovens save a lot of time.

Edited February 4, 2008 by Tony n Terrific (see edit history)