Lazy or just Stupid

[sweattrl1]

I really think my step-daughter is lazy and at most almost stupid, she do not want to learn english , and get very upset if her mother ask her to study,her mother lets her get online on the weekends for two hours, because during the week it take her from the time she get home till bed time to do her home work, and she is just in the fourth grade, i try to tell her no english no graduate from high school if she ever get there , and for sure no collage, i think she is fine with these choices, i can not think of anyone on cfl who have said they have this problem, all i can do is what the law say do , keep her in school, i can not make her learn, at the end of the school year when they give the final test , she will be on her owne, i wish her luck , that is all i can do for her ,her mother work hard trying to make her learn english , and she also help her with her home work, so with this little problem my wife will be unable to work in our area, any idea's from anyone who have had to deal with this,

[credzba]

I can only sympathize with you.

It is sad to see someone you love throw their life away.

 

I had this problem with my oldest children, and the did not listen, then they had to go to community college, and lost interest.

 

Finally, after they worked at terrible minimum wage jobs for a while they decided they needed collage.

My daughter is 25, and she has only 50 hours of college credit from community college, but she finally decided she needed a degree, and is now attending full time.

 

She may yet get her degree, but it is in the most difficult way.

In fourth grade, I don't know how you can show her what she will get.

 

In China she would not make the middle school entrance exam, and would go to work somewhere.

 

Back to your daughter, would it help if you did the home work with her?

What if you only spoke english in the home, even to her?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Patience, but yet you must also be unrelenting. Give an inch and you'll be giving up miles in the long run. Young people are relentless with pushing and whining about what they want and want not to do. It doesn't just come in the form of what they study, be it English or any other thing, you MUST assert that there is simply no alternative.

 

Our daughter too is a quite stubborn sixteen year old with raging hormones and her own ideas about how things should be done. Sometimes it's incumbant upon us as parents to help come up with creative alternatives; more interesting ways to learn. Sarah has been having trouble with her American History, and after helping her though it several times it became clear that it wasn't the topics, it was her ability to read is lagging behind. Sometimes there is more to things than meets the eyes. Try contacting your local community colleges or universities for English students that want to make extra money teaching English. You might be surprised what an extra 30-60 dollars a month will buy you. It's often better to work one on one and not with Mom and Dad.

[rogerinca]

Yikes, give this little girl a break…it will be ok !!!!!

 

If I read your time-line correctly, she has only been in the USA for a little over two months !!??

 

Being in the fourth grade, she is most likely only 9 years old. She has a lot to adjust to with the culture shock of coming to the US from China and it may just take awhile for her to make that transition. Heck, we talk of it taking close to two years for many adult women to make the adjustment and not be homesick etc, so why should it be any different for a little girl !!??

 

She will come along fine, just make sure she gets a lot of love and attention and help her acclimate to her new environment.

 

I have a son who is currently in the fourth grade, as well as a daughter in the sixth grade, here with me in California, and my step-daughter Minyi, is in the fifth grade in China. They have these issues, even without a change in longitude.

Edited October 7, 2007 by rogerinca (see edit history)

[pkfops]

You may find something like this useful:

 

http://www.multilingualbooks.com/blip.html

 

Remember; kids must have a fun and happy life.

[tywy_99]

I really think my step-daughter is lazy and at most almost stupid, she do not want to learn english , and get very upset if her mother ask her to study,her mother lets her get online on the weekends for two hours, because during the week it take her from the time she get home till bed time to do her home work, and she is just in the fourth grade, i try to tell her no english no graduate from high school if she ever get there , and for sure no collage, i think she is fine with these choices, i can not think of anyone on cfl who have said they have this problem, all i can do is what the law say do , keep her in school, i can not make her learn, at the end of the school year when they give the final test , she will be on her owne, i wish her luck , that is all i can do for her ,her mother work hard trying to make her learn english , and she also help her with her home work, so with this little problem my wife will be unable to work in our area, any idea's from anyone who have had to deal with this,

You don't have to tell me about "stepdaughters!" Been there-done that!

Just be patient with her and let your wife do all the work. Afterall, it is her daughter and you can't do a damn thing! Just stay in the background and handle it from there.

Things will be hard. The only thing you can do is be patient and try to show all your love.

She will resent you but you have to do all the right things even if it hurts! She will come to know this. Your wife will know this and you will know this. Let her kick you around and then buy her something nice. That's all you can do. But let your wife take front stage in all this. I feel for you, man. I know how it is!

 

-good luck

[Don]

I really think my step-daughter is lazy and at most almost stupid, she do not want to learn english , and get very upset if her mother ask her to study,her mother lets her get online on the weekends for two hours, because during the week it take her from the time she get home till bed time to do her home work, and she is just in the fourth grade, i try to tell her no english no graduate from high school if she ever get there , and for sure no collage, i think she is fine with these choices, i can not think of anyone on cfl who have said they have this problem, all i can do is what the law say do , keep her in school, i can not make her learn, at the end of the school year when they give the final test , she will be on her owne, i wish her luck , that is all i can do for her ,her mother work hard trying to make her learn english , and she also help her with her home work, so with this little problem my wife will be unable to work in our area, any idea's from anyone who have had to deal with this,

 

 

 

It sounds like she might need more friends. She needs to see the reason that she can understand. HS and Collage are years away adn can be barely understood. Friends are right now. Set up some time for her to play with others, english speaking only. She will learn English very fast than.

[jim_julian]

I agree with Rogerinca ... lighten up, you don't give up on a nine year old.

 

I assume she's in the US public school system and that her teachers don't speak Chinese. That's an immersion environment and she can't help but to learn.

 

Have you been a Dad to anyone else? You need to make sure that she can see that you love her. Even at her tender age she's probably aware that step fathers in China often do not accept step children, particularly girls. Make it clear to her that she is your daughter.

 

Does her Mom speak English? If not, she should also be going to school to set an example. As others have suggested you need to establish some rules for when English is spoken in the home ... it should be as much as can be reasonably supported by your wife's ability. Make the decision together with your wife and then let her announce the rules to your daughter as if they came from her.

 

Your daughter is very likely not lazy nor stupid ... she's likely a little child who is overwhelmed by the changes that have been thrust upon her and is trying to cope by clinging to something familiar. She desperately needs to see that you love her and that she can count on you ...

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I agree with Rogerinca ... lighten up, you don't give up on a nine year old.

 

I assume she's in the US public school system and that her teachers don't speak Chinese. That's an immersion environment and she can't help but to learn.

 

Have you been a Dad to anyone else? You need to make sure that she can see that you love her. Even at her tender age she's probably aware that step fathers in China often do not accept step children, particularly girls. Make it clear to her that she is your daughter.

 

Does her Mom speak English? If not, she should also be going to school to set an example. As others have suggested you need to establish some rules for when English is spoken in the home ... it should be as much as can be reasonably supported by your wife's ability. Make the decision together with your wife and then let her announce the rules to your daughter as if they came from her.

 

Your daughter is very likely not lazy nor stupid ... she's likely a little child who is overwhelmed by the changes that have been thrust upon her and is trying to cope by clinging to something familiar. She desperately needs to see that you love her and that she can count on you ...

 

I agree , and remember you are all just getting to know eachother in a new family , you all have alot of adjusting to do as well. Just immerse her in love, maybe make a deal with her, you teach her english, she teach you chinese, make it fun not a mission.

[chilton747]

And don't forget about her "loosing face." This needs to be prevented at all costs!

[chilton747]

The word "stupid" is a very harsh word for an adult to be calling a child. I hope she does not learn this word from you.

[SmilingAsia]

Most of the Chinese parents force their children to learn and the children may think learnig is a terrible burden and are scared of it.

Maybe you find something fun for her to learn and try to raise her interest in learning.

 

My daughter enjoys Hollywood movies and she can watch movies 16 hours a day. She has learnt the roughest words from Hollywood movies. I have to watch her mouth all the time when she uses English.

[michaelt]

Most of the Chinese parents force their children to learn and the children may think learnig is a terrible burden and are scared of it.

Maybe you find something fun for her to learn and try to raise her interest in learning.

 

My daughter enjoys Hollywood movies and she can watch movies 16 hours a day. She has learnt the roughest words from Hollywood movies. I have to watch her mouth all the time when she uses English.

My sweet lady taught herself English by watching old American Classic movies and singing along with the songs in the movies. I was so moved when I visited her in January and watched her in front of my laptop computer watching DVD movies. It brought tears to my eyes actually. I have not been the same since! (thank you honey!!!)

Enough of my dribble...have you looked into Rosetta Stone? Try downloading their sample from their website and see if your step daughter likes it? You can also call them and get a free sample CD. They sometimes do take several weeks to bulk mail. It is in somewhat of a "game form". Your step daughter may really like it?

I also agree with Chilton. "Stupid" is not a nice word for someone that young....now my adult neighbor...they ARE stupid!!! just kidding...sort of : )

[hakkamike]

I really think my step-daughter is lazy and at most almost stupid, she do not want to learn english , and get very upset if her mother ask her to study,her mother lets her get online on the weekends for two hours, because during the week it take her from the time she get home till bed time to do her home work, and she is just in the fourth grade, i try to tell her no english no graduate from high school if she ever get there , and for sure no collage, i think she is fine with these choices, i can not think of anyone on cfl who have said they have this problem, all i can do is what the law say do , keep her in school, i can not make her learn, at the end of the school year when they give the final test , she will be on her owne, i wish her luck , that is all i can do for her ,her mother work hard trying to make her learn english , and she also help her with her home work, so with this little problem my wife will be unable to work in our area, any idea's from anyone who have had to deal with this,

One thing to remember only 24% that ever go to college get a 4 year degree, so she is on her own after this year, hell send her our way we will take her in.

Edited October 8, 2007 by hakkamike (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

The word "stupid" is a very harsh word for an adult to be calling a child. I hope she does not learn this word from you.

Neither stupid nor lazy should ever be used and especially never together.

 

Using abusive language could be the core reason why a child is not motivated. And, if those words were ever uttered to a child, I would have to say that it would appear the parents are the ones needing help first.