I am not rich

[griz326]

I imagine we may have a few rich guys on this board, but most of us probably just make a good living.

 

I do not want my SO disappointed when she arrives, so I've tried to explain to her that I am not RICH and that we will live a modest life in the US.

 

She either doesn't understand or does not believe me.

 

Are you/where you concerned about that issue?

[dnoblett]

Actually this is a common problem.

 

They see your income, and just multiply the number by 8 (The exchange rate) and compare that to the average income in China and you look to be wealthy.

 

You need to explain income tax, property tax, and all the other expenses that goes into living in the USA, tell her that most everything in the USA also tends to cost 8 times more than in China.

Also this is not a "Twisted" subject, probably a "Culture & Language Discussion" subject.

[rogerluli]

I imagine we may have a few rich guys on this board, but most of us probably just make a good living.

 

I do not want my SO disappointed when she arrives, so I've tried to explain to her that I am not RICH and that we will live a modest life in the US.

 

She either doesn't understand or does not believe me.

 

Are you/where you concerned about that issue?

 

Rich guys here???

 

I think your SO is typical and thinking that you are more rich than you are telling her. She knows you are thinking that you don't want to be taken for a sugar daddy. You worry about it too. And then since men and women think differently... and we think differently from Chinese... Is this all perfectly clear now???

 

Glad I could help...

[rogerluli]

Also this is not a "Twisted" subject, probably a "Culture & Language Discussion" subject.

 

Amen to that brother Dan...But newer members see the most activity here at the TC so they stick everything here... If I was a real mod instead of a fake one I would spend a lot of time moving threads but alas no one else seems to care...

[David&Wendy]

Actually this is a common problem.

 

They see your income, and just multiply the number by 8 (The exchange rate) and compare that to the average income in China and you look to be wealthy.

 

You need to explain income tax, property tax, and all the other expenses that goes into living in the USA, tell her that most everything in the USA also tends to cost 8 times more than in China.

Also this is not a "Twisted" subject, probably a "Culture & Language Discussion" subject.

 

Take my income about 50k a year.

Monthly salary

4,000.00 USD = 30,034.00 CNY

 

Honestly,

If I had a position that paid me 30,000 Chinese dollars a month I would still be living in Shenzhen.

 

If I lived in Shenzhen a nice 3 bedroom luxury apartment could cost 3500 CNY a month. That's only roughly 10% of my monthly income.

 

Living in a Houston house, factoring in tax, HOA, etc cost $1400 a month is close to 29%

That is 3 times the cost of housing than my Shenzhen apartment.

 

Then there is grocery bill which is easily $100 a week.

Car payment

Car insurance

GAS (I'm happy if I only spend $35 a week)

 

etc...

 

If this doesn't help her understand... put this kind of data in a EXCEL spreadsheet showing cost of living there in one column and cost of living here in a column beside it.

 

One last thing: When talking about income only talk about your monthly salary.

When I lived in China that confused people if I said I made bah bah a year.

 

 

I hope this helps.

[warpedbored]

Just lay it all out on the table.

My salary is X

my mortgage payment is X

my utilities are X

etc

etc

etc

 

When she sees how much things cost here in relation to the salary she will finally understand.

 

I firmly believe it is a good idea to make sure your fiancee knows exactly what kind of life style she can expect. I know a few guys who didn't lay it all out and their sweet hearts were shocked when they got here. One guy made it look like he has a lot of money because he owned a small apt complex and a home. The home is a shack in bad need of remodeling, the yard looks like a salvage yard. The apt complex is about 8 apts of which only 4 are rentable because of lack of maintenance. Needless to say she was not impressed on arrival.

[chilton747]

I was right up front with every detail including financial matters. She saw pictures of my house, my job and I told her exactly how much money I have. If she is your FIANCEE, then you intend on marrying her. So why would anyone EVER not tell their FIANCEE all of these things before the proposal????????????????

[Joshua + Wang Zhuo]

Finance is a major topic of conversation between my Fiancee and I. I have always wanted her to know where I stand. I think it is only fair for her to know exactly the type of life she will live with me as opposed to the life that she will have in China. We talk about monthly income, savings, retirement, desires and what we can do to achieve them. At first she said that I thought too much about money and that money is not what makes people happy. But now she is turning to the dark side and she is becoming more interested in finances too. I am of the impression that money management is MUCH more important than how much you make. Make sure she understands exactly where your money goes. If she finds out that you do not have the life she expects and she does not still want to be with you, is that the type of woman that you want as a wife? It is even more important to talk about it with her BECAUSE she is in China. We do not have the benefit of traditional dating. She cannot see how you live your life on a day to day basis. Ask questions about the life she expects. You can eliminate misconceptions and it can be a fun topic of conversation.

 

Joshua

[lostinblue]

Back about a year ago there was a poll about how much money we made..I am right towards the bottom.I recognize your concern. When I first started corresponding with yan .I laid it all out in my first letter to her. I am not rich but if we both work we can have a good life here.If you need a rich person move on to someone else.When I opened a joint account after she arrived and had her use the check book to pay the bills things clicked in her head and fast. Most chinese women are good at handling money and have a desire to work.She may suprise you.

As stated before let her know what your cards are and do not suger coat too much. Send her a lot of photos of your home inside and out and of your neighborhood also .One thing I worked hard on is to pay off all my credit cards before she came.This freeded up some money after she came as I has no payments from them. Debt is a millstone around your neck to most chinese.

[DMikeS4321]

It was never an issue for Lao Po and I. I USED to make a lot of money, and she knew it. Now I don't and she knows that. Transparency is the key.

 

She is quite well of in China so, if our life here isn't that great we've both agreed I'll just move to China. I hope to take my son in 8 to 10 weeks so, if he likes it there (which I think he will), we might just do that.

[NewDay2006]

My wife is well aware of my situation. She knows I'm not rich, she knows I'm not poor... as she says, I'm in the "middle". That isn't very far off. But she also is aware I work 2 jobs(1 parttime). Currently I can't save alot of money. she says she wants to work to help me.

[IllinoisDave]

I WAS worried about this. For the same reasons you and others have expressed. I gave her as much info as I could about my financial situation so she would not be surprised.

 

She understands now that we are,as she puts it, in the "middle of the class."

[SirLancelot]

 

She either doesn't understand or does not believe me.

 

 

Hi. I understand the "does not understand" part, but I don't understand the part about not believing you. Do you mean she thinks you're only being modest/humble about your financial picture? Or that she truly believes you're wealthy, but that you're simply trying to hide your money/assets from her?

 

As almost everyone has suggested, you need to be very honest with her. Disclose, disclose, disclose! Otherwise it could be disastrous once she gets here and find out your financial situation is less than she imagined.

 

Good luck.

[A Mafan]

I'm not 100% sure where I stand, financially. By at least one metric I saw, we're in the top 80% of families, even with only me working. I'm somewhere above 85% just in single salaries. IF I interpreted the data correctly.

 

But my wife thinks we're poor.

 

She doesn't even believe we're in the top 50% for family income.

 

But she tells me that she loves me anyway, so I guess it's all good.

[Gordon]

I told my Ying that I am not a rich man and I think she believes me. She asked me once before I visited China the first time how much I made and how much my bills were. She does accounting in China so I laid it on the line for her and I guess she thinks it is adequate. She tells me that she just wants to lead a quiet and simple life. She says she will work here if we need her to. What a great girl!