Is She The Same Girl

[RLS]

I don't have my sweety here yet, but I'm curious about this. I will enjoy reading comments from those of you who have your sweethearts with you here in the U.S.

 

Okay, so you went to China, met and fell in love with her over there. She was in her personal environment, her "setting" if you will. You fell in love with the whole package. My question is -- has she changed after coming to America? Is she the same girl you fell in love with? I know things change in every marriage and nothing stays the same. Do you long to go back to China to recapture those feelings you had. Remember the first time you laid eyes on her? Did your heart do a little flip flop? Also, I don't want to leave the ladies out -- if you married a Chinese man, please answer as well.

 

I'm sure those of us still waiting will enjoy your comments.

[Joanne]

No, not the same. At times (often), she would act awkward, impolite, ... or even stupid.

 

 

When I said above, I was thinking of my Easter church experience.

 

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. We decided to use that good opportunity to expose our little girl to the church service. Our girl behaved herself rather well. I was doing fine, until it was time for the offertory. I read the program, but didn't really know the word "offertory", assumed it was about bread-breaking communion (we attended the event last year so I vaguely remembered the procedure). At that time, our girl had become a little restless. I paid more attention to her than what was going on around me. All of a sudden, a silver plate full of bills was in front of me. I panicked because my hand was occupied from helping my girl, my wallet was in the purse, I tried to reach the wallet, but realized there was hardly any cash left in it, and I felt all people around were watching me. Fortunately I heard my husband urging: take the plate. At first I didn't understand what he meant, then I looked at him, got the notion, and passed the plate over to him. I think my husband was embarrassed by this although we didn't talk about the incident at all afterwards. I can tell you, I really wished that there would be a hole in the ground for me to hide in.

 

This kind of thing would not happen if I were in China.

[Joanne]

Sorry RLS. I just realized the question was not intended for Chinese ladies. Since I have already replied, I will just leave it in. Forgive me.

Edited April 10, 2007 by Joanne (see edit history)

[SheLikesME?]

RLS: I could say yes, because of some of the stress in our lives right now. Yet our closeness was deeper. I miss the first meeting if I think of it. But like she said after that trip that of course we act different after marriage. We have work and the daily life to take care of.

 

Just take care of everything you can before she arrives. Make the finances less stressful as possible. Even if you do well, they need to feel it. Thair perspective is different in so many ways.

 

Joanne it is OK. I would/have felt the same way in the past, but if I go to someone elses church now I don't think a thing about it and never put any money in the plate. I don't think people judge that way as much anymore in the US, or do they? Another thread. I have seen some folks mail it in rather use the plate. Some churches don't pass the plate at all.

Edited April 10, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[tywy_99]

My question is -- has she changed after coming to America? Is she the same girl you fell in love with?

 

Huh......yeah.

[gnat]

Much to our happiness my wife has not change from my first emails to her. Much to our happiness I have not changed.

[jemmyell]

Nobody is ever the same day-to-day, but Loving Candle is adapting to the United States and all the little bumps in the road VERY well. I am very happy and I believe she is pretty happy, but just going through too many changes in a very short time. As soon as she gets AP she will have a chance to go spend some time with her family again in China. BUT with Yahoo, QQ, and ITalkBB she is in constant touch with them anyways!

 

-James

[ameriken]

Yes, definitely and most absolutely Jie is the same girl.

 

There are obviously going to be some kind of adjustments or changes because she is changing her whole environment, however, the basic person and values should still be there.

 

There is anther side to this: we as the USC have to look at ourselves too....and ask "Am I a little different too?" For most of us, we go to China and are out of our own environment, and she may see us in a travel or vacation mode, there may be some difference as to how we act when visiting China vs how we act when at home. But again, for both people and changes/differences should be minor and not major character or personality differences.

 

I have also often wondered if some of the 'changes' that someone may notice, are perhaps not changes but 'discoveries'. Perhaps if you dont know each other well enough, when she comes to America you both may begin to see more of the person that you didnt see before, and that may appear as a change.

[RLS]

Thanks for your comments everyone. Ken, I think you are right when you say

 

Perhaps if you dont know each other well enough, when she comes to America you both may begin to see more of the person that you didnt see before, and that may appear as a change.

 

Most of us don't get to spend a lot of time with our so's before they arrive, so I would think the first year is getting to know each other better and adjusting.

[SheLikesME?]

I think we should all go to China and let them take care of us while we lazy around

[RLS]

I think we should all go to China and let them take care of us while we lazy around

 

That's the best idea I've heard lately.

[warpedbored]

My wife and I have been married almost 3 years. In many ways she is still the same person as she was when she first arrived. Still she has changed by neccessity just living here. She is more confident in her day to day dealings with our culture. She gets frustrated sometimes with not knowing the right words to express herself. She made an interesting comment to me once. She said "in China I was tiger. Here dog or cat can eat me" I am very lucky, we have very few spats and we are now very comfortable with one another. Most of the surprises have been good ones. Like any couple we both have habits that at first were annoying and now are just accepted. Maybe just being willing to accept one another as we are, warts and all is what has made our marriage successful.

[SheLikesME?]

...She made an interesting comment to me once. She said "in China I was tiger. Here dog or cat can eat me"

 

Good words! I noticed this difference when my wife was here. It made me feel bad for her, BUT she wanted me to be the tiger for her, a time or two, when it was not the right thing to do. She was a little disappointed

[esun41]

The same? No, not even close.

 

I think the pattern for these relationships in general is pretty simple. My wife had catered to me so complete that I had no sense of refusal.

 

Washed me, fed me, bedded me and cared for me in ways that no woman has ever done. (In the beginning, mostly physical)

 

Most of that has faded but there are certain aspects of that fairy tale that still exist.

 

I needed a partner... not a love slave or maid. She's a hard and diligent worker. She's a great cook. She's saavy in business. She's someone not afraid to look forward and really doesn't look back. She learns quick and not afraid to admit mistakes.

 

All of these things (and there is much more that I didn't mention) is why I'm blessed!

[RLS]

Most of that has faded but there are certain aspects of that fairy tale that still exist.

 

Eric, you used the term "fairy tale." That is a great way to describe it. I should have used that in the OP. It is kind of like a "fairy tale" in the beginning. In a way it does not seem "real." It is something that you want to last. You never want to wake up from the dream. I guess my question deals with what happens when that dream, that fairy tale turns into reality. Thanks Carl and everyone.