Who Has Had a Wedding Ceremony In China?

[rogerinca]

 

Price will probably vary by the restaurant or hall... and you have to be careful not to push to hard on a cheaper location... there could'face' related issues. See if she can come up with a few options.

 

At ours, we got more 'red envelopes' of money than we paid in the end.. this will vary... but if you have the guts to ask her, you might find out if this traditional aspect will occur... be prepare to duck from the mop coming through the phone.

 

David, thank you !!! You raise a very good point herein and one that I neglected to mention/discuss too !!

 

When I first started to discuss this entire matter with my wife, I was looking for the best deal, of course, because I am a cheap bast¡­ !! However, my great perceptive abilities, quickly became attuned to the very important aspect that David mentions¡­.¡°Face¡± !!!

 

I was pushing for a local restaurant due to the per table cost factor. It soon became clear to me that she wanted the elegance of the hotel banquet room, due to the perception of her friends and family. The difference in cost, really wasn¡¯t that great; however, the result in my relationship with her, were ¡®priceless¡¯ !! LOL My wife is a very thrifty woman. However, this was one occasion, wherein, thriftiness gave way to a significant life experience !!!

 

Moreover, my wife was very open to me with the fact that she would be receiving the little red envelopes with ample cash to cover the entire event. She told me ¡°not to worry my man¡± !!!

[LGR_WEI]

Yes,, I should have thought to mention that I had a discussion about my SO's previous wedding. It went like this...

 

SO, did you have a big wedding with ex-husband? She said yes, very big. 3000 people.

 

SO, was the wedding a success in your mind? She said no, she there were to many things controlled by the ex-husband that did not work out.

 

SO, do you want to handle the wedding arrangements and you can do whatever you want, and I will be happy. She said yes... She will love to arrange everything, along with all her friends..

 

So, she ask to me.. How much money can I spend on this wedding? I told her "dont worry, I have enough to cover it for sure."

 

Now, I had no idea what I was going to be spending, but, I figured in my mind with all she was saying we would have, I better plan on 5000 RMB to be safe.

 

We have a DVD of the wedding. We have about 500 pictures. And today, my SO can say she enjoyed the wedding very much.

 

As to the red envelopes.. In my case, the money when to the ma ma and ba ba. I saw my SO counting the money at the hotel that night after the wedding. I never once asked how much was there. I wanted to see what was going to happen with the money. Sure enough, she called her mother and told her that there was 4000 plus RMB. Then the next day, she gave the money to her mother. I never asked why she did this.

 

I was really embrassed about one part of the wedding. My SO ma ma and ba ba took me as their son. In this process, they gave me money in a red envelope. I could not stand that they gave me this money. I knew however, I could not give this money back to them directly. So, I purchased some nice gifts before I left and thank them for a great daughter.

 

There is another story I told about going to Chongqing to marry a girl, that did not work out in the end. At some point, we were ready to try and marry, and she told me that I was expected to give her father some large amount of money because I was marry her. I was not comfortable with this since I already think she is only to me for the GC and get her father to the USA. We did not marry of course anyway, but I have heard many times the marriage entails the husband giving the money to the parents.

 

>L

[RLS]

As I read these posts, I guess my situation is very similar. She wants about 70 people to come. 50 of those are relatives. There would be 10 at a table and 7 tables. Each table would be about $180 U.S. If my math is correct, that's about $140 RMB per person. Does that not seem a little steep to anyone? Now, I've heard about these red envelopes with money in them. I have not had the courage to ask her about this. And, David, she has not mop slapped me yet, but I am preparing for it.

[ospete]

Maybe you have got the total cost per person of everything not just the catering for the reception. Also there is car hire,wedding dress,church costs if applicable,photos,wedding ring(s),wedding cake,drinks, flowers and other miscelaneous things.

[kenshin77]

When we got the visa, our goal was to be together. The ceremony was not as big an issue as was being together. With all the Visa unknowns and the 90 days, we also knew that there is not enough time to really do a formal wedding here in the US, plus, it is unlikely that all her family could make it to the US due to difficulty of getting a B1 visa, plus cost. Jie was also very understanding that I spent most of my money to come to see her in China, do the visa, etc etc etc.

 

So, we decided, lets take care of the legal and logistical aspect of the visa and AOS, and go to Vegas for a couple of days, have it done via the judge/commissioner, and come back to file the AOS. It was cheap to fly, we found a decent room downtown about 3 blocks from the county offices, and we were in and out of Vegas within 3 days. I also flew my mom out here to witness the ceremony.

 

Although Vegas was not very ceremonious, we do plan to go back to China in 2008 to have a more formal ceremony for her family. We estimate 25 to 50 well chosen people. Including photos, we are estimating under 15000 RMB, ($2000) and I dont know if that is a high or low figure. This also doesnt include airfare, taxis, food,etc. But it gives us time to take care of the more urgent costs such as AOS, etc, and it gives us time to save up money.

 

The whole idea of the visa was getting here to the US so we can begin life together, so that was the primary goal and focus of our money, and the China ceremony is secondary and something that we can relax and take a little more time with.

 

"......we do plan to go back to China in 2008 to have a more formal ceremony for her family. We estimate 25 to 50 well chosen people. Including photos, we are estimating under 15000 RMB, ($2000) and I dont know if that is a high or low figure.....".

 

Hi Ken,

 

In my very humble opinion; even at the high end of the number of people in attendance (50), $2000.00 is very high for China !!! That comes out to $40.00 per/head !! I thought I spent too much at $10.00 per/head, and we had a real gourmet feast, and everyone had a great time !!

 

Again, just my personal experience and opinion, even with an allowance for some photos, for less than $1000.00 you should have a memorable event and a great time !!!

 

Depends on which city you will be hosting your wedding ceremony and banquet, the prices vary dramatically.

 

In Shanghai, the average cost of the chinese couples' marriage ceremonies and banquets in the year of 2006 was around 30,000 RMB.

 

If you and your SO would like a formal chinese type of ceremony and banquet, you will need to save up now and be willing to pay a considerable good amount of money later on corresponding to the city you resides in China.

 

Yuki~

 

P.S. Sorry, I'm using my bf's account to post O.o

Edited March 4, 2007 by kenshin77 (see edit history)

[SirLancelot]

Again, just my personal experience and opinion, even with an allowance for some photos, for less than $1000.00 you should have a memorable event and a great time !!!

Awesome dude, thanks! Thats great to hear. We should be able to have a really decent event then!

 

Yes, it varies GREATLY in China, as it does in the US. You can go to the local Denny's in Buffalo or the Mandarin Oriental in NYC for your dinner reception and the cost difference would be $15/head vs $150/head. So it is in China. I have heard of 10,000rmb/table receptions in Shanghai. The numbers I've read thus far in this thread seems extremely low to me, but then those are real experiences and real expenses so I must accept them as fact but they seem very low when compared to Shanghai.

 

As Ken's SO is in or very near SH, the 15,000rmb doesn't seem extravagant at all. As DavidZ alluded to, it'll all depend on how much face her SO wants. She may really want to impress her family and relatives and 15000rmb will not go that far in SH. Or she could be content enough with a more humble banquet.

 

I suspect if Ken's SO is anything like Kenshin77 (Yuki), then 15000rmb probably won't be enough.

 

Ken, when you say including photos, do you mean just a few snap shots at the wedding reception or the actual wedding photo shoot at a professional studio? Because in SH, if you're talking about the actual wedding studio photos, it's going to run you between 5000 - 15000rmb for the studio photos alone.

 

RLS, what did you end up doing? How did everything go? I hope you were able to make some great memories in Nanning/GUZ!

Edited March 14, 2007 by SirLancelot (see edit history)

[Yuki]

Again, just my personal experience and opinion, even with an allowance for some photos, for less than $1000.00 you should have a memorable event and a great time !!!

Awesome dude, thanks! Thats great to hear. We should be able to have a really decent event then!

 

 

 

As Ken's SO is in or very near SH, the 15,000rmb doesn't seem extravagant at all. As DavidZ alluded to, it'll all depend on how much face her SO wants. She may really want to impress her family and relatives and 15000rmb will not go that far in SH. Or she could be content enough with a more humble banquet.

 

I suspect if Ken's SO is anything like Kenshin77 (Yuki), then 15000rmb probably won't be enough.

 

 

Hehe, I would say that what I want is a family dinner in my comfortable home for my wedding "Banquet". Just to be with parents, and few close relatives + friends, no more than 1 table please, keep it close and warm! Perhaps our budget for that is hmm 500 RMB... lol...I've been to my cousin's wedding in Shanghai as Bridesmaid, It was great and actually did cost a lot, however thats not my style, memorable doesn't equal to expensive and luxury . hmm... Wait... Can't forget that pretty wedding dress, thats a must for any bride! I guess I will try to get that on eBay or Taobao...budget for that: hmm 8k, think I can get a Yumi Katsura brand wedding dress online for that cheap...I've also talked to my friends who can take my wedding photos for free, they are the photographer lovers not that professional but still ok. After that I will just PS all the photos myself since I'm a graphic designer. I'd rather to help my darling to save the money for our daily life, for whatever it needed to be done in the future~

 

P.S. Srry, Kenshin77 = My BF, I used his account to make a few posts but I post on my own now.

 

Cheers~

Edited March 14, 2007 by Yuki (see edit history)

[yuehan123]

My wife and I had a wedding banquet as described here, after we got married in the US and returned to Nanning. We used the Sin Dou restaurant and the Ming Yuan Hotel in Nanning.

 

So, we were here and family was there. It was an easy decision for us. Her dad was in charge of the invitation list. Her family was in charge of buying all those things you need not provided by the banquet room. Those things include cigarettes. All the guys smoke and the bride must hand out, and light, the cigarettes in the receiving line. Also, the bride, or maid of honors (yes, two of them) hold a tray filled with candy, sunflower seeds and other 'required' things. The best men (also two of them- more on that later) are in charge of the cigarette cartons. The trade off is that the guests will hand over the red envelopes at this time to the bride. Almost each person, or couple, will give you a red envelope. Later, they will give envelopes again, with some small money, during the tea ceremony.

 

Also, you must buy the wine, the juice and the liquor and some snacks to bag up for going home presents. We had 10 tables at 750 rmb each plus about 8,000 rmb of these other things. The drinking and toasting is almost non-stop. As soon as the last course is served, and, oh by the way, you won't be eating much of it, the 5 of you must go to each table and toast with the liquor shot glasses at least once, maybe more, at each table. This is where the extra four people come in. Their job is to help you consume the 10 plus shot glasses of booze so you don't get absolutely alcohol poisoned.

 

Although she wore a traditional white wedding dress and I wore a suit, we changed into more traditional clothes after the receiving line but before the 'ceremony' began. We also had an M.C. and exchanged rings at this time.

 

In our case, no one, in her entire extended family, had ever attended a family wedding ceremony. In addition, more than half of the guests are farmers, or live in small villages, and were from out of town. It was our obligation to pay their travel, lodging, and meal expenses for the duration of their travel to and from the ceremony.

 

So, for us the bottom line was 100 people, 10 tables, a lot of juice, jugs and jugs of bei jou, and hundreds of smokes at an approximate cost of 16,000 rmb.

[DMikeS4321]

I would like to get a general idea of what a "mock" wedding ceremony would cost in China? Since I'm K1, I know the real wedding must be here in the U.S. My SO wants a ceremony for her relatives and friends and I certainly understand that. However, I simply cannot afford another huge expense at this time. Any comments will be appreciated.

 

A word of caution; the topic of "dowrey" has been discussed on CFL before. Here is my experience.

 

We had about 80 people and I don't even remember what it cost us. I let Lao Po handle ALL the money when I'm over there. I'm too lazy and I do it at home, so I just give it to her.

 

The shocker came when she told me about dowrey. Lao Po is Hakka, very traditional, so I just went along, but I d*mn near gagged when I heard it was to be 10,000rmb!! I figured WTF and just cowboyed up...

 

Things went very well, all the red envelopes were distributed, including the red envelope for Ma and Ba ( there goes my 10 grand!! ).

 

I was so happy to be married to her and I was so happy that SHE was happy, I didn't really care. The least I could do for such an Angel.

 

Next day, Lao Po tells me: "Oh, Ba forgot to give you this...". It was a red envelope... I opened it and... there it was, my 10,000rmb!! He had put it in a red envelope and given it back to us as a wedding gift, HIS red envelope to US! I didn't check the serial numbers on the bills, but I'm 100% sure that it was the EXACT same stack of bills I gave him the day before. Ma and Ba are from the countryside and they aren't well off (except for their 7 children), but they are just fine and generous people.

 

I loved those people before the wedding, but I REALLY love them now. I can't think of a more gracious way for this whole thing to happen.

 

I can't tell you to EXPECT any of this, Ron, but it's what happened to me.

 

Best Regards

[RLS]

I would like to get a general idea of what a "mock" wedding ceremony would cost in China? Since I'm K1, I know the real wedding must be here in the U.S. My SO wants a ceremony for her relatives and friends and I certainly understand that. However, I simply cannot afford another huge expense at this time. Any comments will be appreciated.

 

A word of caution; the topic of "dowrey" has been discussed on CFL before. Here is my experience.

 

We had about 80 people and I don't even remember what it cost us. I let Lao Po handle ALL the money when I'm over there. I'm too lazy and I do it at home, so I just give it to her.

 

The shocker came when she told me about dowrey. Lao Po is Hakka, very traditional, so I just went along, but I d*mn near gagged when I heard it was to be 10,000rmb!! I figured WTF and just cowboyed up...

 

Things went very well, all the red envelopes were distributed, including the red envelope for Ma and Ba ( there goes my 10 grand!! ).

 

I was so happy to be married to her and I was so happy that SHE was happy, I didn't really care. The least I could do for such an Angel.

 

Next day, Lao Po tells me: "Oh, Ba forgot to give you this...". It was a red envelope... I opened it and... there it was, my 10,000rmb!! He had put it in a red envelope and given it back to us as a wedding gift, HIS red envelope to US! I didn't check the serial numbers on the bills, but I'm 100% sure that it was the EXACT same stack of bills I gave him the day before. Ma and Ba are from the countryside and they aren't well off (except for their 7 children), but they are just fine and generous people.

 

I loved those people before the wedding, but I REALLY love them now. I can't think of a more gracious way for this whole thing to happen.

 

I can't tell you to EXPECT any of this, Ron, but it's what happened to me.

 

Best Regards

 

Well, my Yonghua and I have been over and over this many times. I simply did not have the cash to do this big ceremony and give Ma ma and Ba Ba $1500 U.S. By the way, I found out that this was not her idea. This was something that Ba Ba was demanding. She could not change his mind. However, we did compromise. Here is the deal we came up with and part of it is funny - at least to me: I will take 30 of them out to dinner. Cost - about $4000 RMB. I agree to send Ma and Ba money once Ivy arrives in the U.S. Here's the funny part - I agree to pay for her plane ticket and pick her up at the airport. My thoughts were to joke about this and say, "no way, I'm not picking you up at the Airport, you are on your own." But I thought better of it since our sense of humor is quite different. Now this compromise probably does not equal a huge wedding banquet, but it is something that we can all live with. I just hope Ba Ba is okay with this. I'll let you know.

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

This is one of the few times I will have to agree with SL!

 

The price varies depending on what your "Wife, SO, wants."

 

We also had a wedding in SH some of the prices posted sure seems

to be on the light side.

But those red envelopes took a big dent out of the bottom line.

 

I wasn't so thrilled about having all those photos taken and having to change cloths a million times in one day... but

hey the BOSS said I had no choice in this matter.

O BTW she was holding a mop when she said that!!

Whats a man to do??

That darn mop hurts when it makes contact with my bald head!!!!!

 

Bobby....

Edited March 16, 2007 by sleepless in Houston&CQ (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

Going from table to table toasting ... we had many many tables. Lao Po and I got water in our glasses from a rice wine bottle ... work it out before hand. At the end of the evening I was stone sober and had further increased my reputation as a hard drinking laowei!

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

Going from table to table toasting ... we had many many tables. Lao Po and I got water in our glasses from a rice wine bottle ... work it out before hand. At the end of the evening I was stone sober and had further increased my reputation as a hard drinking laowei!

 

 

Jim the wifey and I did almost the same thing.

LOL. "water and sometimes cola with very little VO"

But there was times when we had to drink from the

bottle/bottles that was at that given table we was standing at.

We had about 15 tables and we had to make the rounds

a few times. Some folks was not happy with going around

to each table just once.

But we still walked away almost sober

[Robert S.]

My wife and I got married in China back in 2001. We did not have any ceremony. We just had a few family members for a big meal that evening at her aunt's apartment. I guess with the fact she was divorced for many years that was the difference, but I am glad I did not have to go through all the trouble some of these stories tell about.

[RLS]

My wife and I got married in China back in 2001. We did not have any ceremony. We just had a few family members for a big meal that evening at her aunt's apartment. I guess with the fact she was divorced for many years that was the difference, but I am glad I did not have to go through all the trouble some of these stories tell about.

 

Same here, Robert. Nor could I afford it. We had our dinner last night and it turned out well. It was my birthday, so we had a combination dinner. She had her close friends there and all of her relatives that live in the city. I know she preferred something much more elaborate, but it just was not going to happen right now. Maybe, at a later time, I can go back to China with her and we can do it up right. First, I'll have to win the lotto.