need your input

[Alyse]

Hi, all. I was gloomy when my girlfriend told me what happend to her and her fiance recently.Well, the girl is already waiting for P4 now.

 

She met the man on a chatting and dating website, so everything went on well, been 2 years or so. Of course they both closed the profiles there as they are engaged and committed to each other. But recently, she went there again occasionally and was so surprised to find that her fiances profile openned again, and been active there, and obviously he has updated his profile by mention about his new job which occured after he knows her. so, the girl was angry enough, she sent him a message with another identity and got his reply very promptly and asking her for a picture!The girl hasnt yet raised this problem in front of the man. But yes, she is so sad.

 

I was shocked by hearing this. And I dont know how to comfort her. I am too, confused. Why people act like this when they already have such a dedicated and wonderful woman in life,yet still playing and looking around. I could only tell her be cautious and alert . Sigh

[tonado]

Long distance relationship is tough on both persons because you don't spend time with that person and the wait is so long. I don't know why the guy is active again in the dating site. Having waited for 2 years for his fiancee, I hope he is not having second thoughts. My advice is have your girlfriend ask him why he is doing this. She has to find out from him now. If he has a change of heart, then she should be better off breaking off with him as soon as possible. It would hurt more if the relationship continues and he doesn't really want to marry her.

[AZwolfman]

This is very sad, indeed, but it is the way of some worthless men. I have 2 words for her: "Dump him." If he has lied from the start and can't even be faithful before the marriage, how can you expect him to be different after marriage. He will not be more faithful; he will just be more careful to not get caught. Dump him now, cut your losses, and avoid later heartbreaks with a man whom you will never trust. There are other good men out there who would just love to have what he threw away.

 

This man has been active and has updated his profile. After 2 years in a relationship with his fiance, he shouldn't even be a member of the dating service. The girl used another identity to check out if he was really on the prowl. She received a reply from him. That is proof he is not faithful and apparently does not value the relationship with her.

 

My suggestion for her is to send him her picture, along with a "Dear John" letter. He will know he has been caught and move on to hurt someone else, but he will never know true love. Her love, on the other hand, is somewhere waiting to find her. She will never meet him unless she breaks clear immediately from this cheater.

[Guest lele-lele]

hi, Alyse, sorry to hear this sad story which happened to your friend. i am too sad to say anything. but it is better to dump him ASAP. otherwise it is possible she will be hurt badly later.

[randxuej]

That is sad, this guy is not worth it. Drop him

[Nicole]

Alyse, I am sad for your firend, just tell her that take care of herself. I can understand that how bad feeling she was. but I think "Dump him", he was a not honest man.

[Charlotte]

This should not be a surprise to most of us that things like this can happen; there are cheating men as well as cheating women in this world, in any race of any country. The only way to prevent this happen to you is to exercise caution in the steps of moving forward. Still, there is no guarrenteed for any relationship, married or not. It still takes huge effort on both partners to make the relationship work.

Tell your friend she should consider it a blessing that she found it out in time before she goes any further. It could be much worse if she is already here. If I were her, I would use the my 2nd profile to get in touch with him and let him have a shock too when he found out it was me again!!! Then I would gracefully wave goodbye to him!

[panda]

I agree that relationships need the constant nurturing of each partner , it makes it acceptionally difficult if they are apart . With prayer and contact each and everyday these difficulties can be greatly reduced and reconciled.

Be strong and you have friends here to ask upon !!

[AZwolfman]

...If I were her, I would use the my 2nd profile to get in touch with him and let him have a shock too when he found out it was me again!!!  Then I would gracefully wave goodbye to him!  

I would do this quickly (within only one or two letters). She needs to end this as quickly as possible.

[owenkrout]

End the relationship and do it with one letter. This kind of man is often very good at making women feel guilty and responsible even when the man is the one who is being unfaithful. Don't let him put the blame on you. There is no reason to discuss this kind of behavior at all.

[PJ]

Alyse,

 

I usually try my best not to weigh in with such situations, as I feel relationships are deeply personal and completely unique to the individual. There will always be communication issues, misunderstandings, and the like. When there are arguments about showing up on time for a date or something, that is just two people trying to work out their personality differences and differences of habit.

 

However, in a few rare circumstances, there are universal truths. Betrayal and unfaithfulness are vices that need to be avoided in any circumstance. Tell your friend that although it is difficult, she should cut off communication swiftly.

 

Sometimes you have to cut your losses early, regardless of what you put in, and you have to make a sharp, decisive decision. If the other person (your friend's fiance in this case) is dishonest and manipulative, then he will, as Owen said, try to make her feel guilty and responsible.

 

You know what I went through to help my fiancee get her visa. It took a year and many calls and letters to US government officials.

 

After I found conclusive proof about my ex-fiancee wanting to use me to secure US visas for herself and some guy she met a few months before coming to the US, I made a decision to send her back to China that exact instant. No hesitation, no second thoughts. She was on a plane that same day. People who lie and are deceptive will continue to spin their deceptions, if given a chance. Although I really was hurt at the time, I made a decision not to be victimized by the lies and deceptions of my unfaithful ex-fiancee any further, and since that day I have never regretted my decision for a moment.

 

P.J.

[tonado]

I would use the second profile and try to find out if he is really looking for another mate or just flirting. If he tries to get into a new relationship, then give him the big surprise and end it immediately. Maybe he just tries to meet other people but not really interest in love relationship. Play the game with him and find out the real him.

[Alyse]

Dear all,

 

I am very grateful to read your comments and suggestion.

 

I totally agree with what you say, dump this man asap, but it is a hard decision for the girl to take into action. As a friend, as a looker-on, I will tell her my opinion which is built on the wisdom I learned from your inputs. Most probably, the girl would give a period of time to play this game and find out and disclose his real face. No matter what she chooses, I sincerely hope she wont regret. I will refresh you anytime when I get news from her.

 

Here I want to say, Treasure our true love.

 

Alyse