Guangxi women make the best wives.

[Dennis143]

I know this is very subjective and has been discussed before. But, lets kick it around some more.

 

My wife still has her opinions about where a Chinese woman was raised and the ethics that were taught her. I have brought up these prejudices before, but find that I am a bit biased about this too now.

 

Case in point, my exceptional Nanning wife was raised to believe that her place is in the home. In fact, she was told by her mother, and is continually reminded by her older sisters today, that she should stay home and that by even venturing out to visit friends is a neglection of her household duties. Believe me, I could give a rip and I would encourage her to go visiting, if she wanted to. But, she has completely and totally handed herself and her life over to me to love and care for. And, says she has no desire to leave the home unless it is to work to help support US.

 

I really don't think that Leiqin is alone, in this old-fashioned Chinese way of acting (yes, actions not words). Seems to me that there are a large proportion of men with wives from southern China who also have this ethic.

 

As I see it, women from more tradional areas tend to be taught this ethic early on. Whereas, women from more urbane and modern areas tend to have a more materialistic view of home and relationships.

 

Am I all wet or is there even a smidgeon of truth in this?

 

 

 

(Serious replies only. No game players)

[rogerluli]

1. You're all wet

 

2. Nanning is a very small village eh?

Edited July 19, 2006 by rogerluli (see edit history)

[NewDay2006]

1. You're all wet

 

2. Nanning is a very small village eh?

232016[/snapback]

Not a small village at all.

[Rakkasan]

My SO is from Nanning also and has this same belief. She is willing to work outside the home if needed to support us, but cleaning the home and taking care of husband are her top priorities. Like you, it makes not difference to me. I clean house now and have for years and I suspect I will continue to participate after SO arrives (unless I am prohibited from doing so). Money is not an issue, so her working outside the home is her option. If she wants to work to send money home to her parents that is fine with me also.

============================================

Dennis, I am considering writing about that private matter we discussed. Perhaps next week I will post it in our stories. I am still somewhat concerned it could harm the visa process. It needs more thought before I move forward.

[yuan fen]

Dennis,

 

Looking past the title, and getting to the true meaning of the post.

 

Jie and I have had very similar discussions in regards to this very subject. I know that she also has strong beliefs for taking care of her husband. As you described the family influence in speaking of the household, and taking care of the husband it is also too familiar with our conversations. In fact she also gets reminded constantly from her elder sister, elder brother, and even her close school friends spoke of this while we were visiting her hometown during my last trip.

Although Jie has expressed her desire to work to support the household, she has also expressed that she has no desire to make friends once here in the US. This is a bit disturbing to me since I worry about the potential for her to become homesick or having feelings of confinement. Even when I have mentioned of other couples here in the US, American husband with a Chinese wife, she has no desire to meet or associate with them. She says that she only wants to take care of her husband. I hope that these feelings will change once we are united here, but I will support her feelings in any case.

 

Actions not words; Jie is always asking, ¡°Lao gong, why lao gong too much talk I love you? me know lao gong love me, no too much talking this one. hao ma? I look lao gong eyes understand this one.¡±

As I look at how she carries out her life in Shanghai, she does have one or two friends, but pretty much never leaves her apartment unless it is to shop for materials for sewing, food, or necessities. Early in our relationship she would venture off to Hangzhou with a business partner occasionally for material, but as our relationship has progressed she has not. I can call at anytime of the day or night, and she is there. She says, ¡°waiting for lao gong, or me worker clothes.¡± A majority of the time she also takes care of her nieces, ages 18 and 14, just as if they were her own children. This I find this amazing about her values on the home and family. She often says she must teach them the correct way to take care of themselves, but I feel at the same time she also hands down the knowledge of traditional ethics.

From my observation of relationships between couples in China, particularly my colleagues in Shanghai where the average age is mid-twenties, it seems that they spend a great time apart. In conversations I have heard that they spend the work week, Monday through Friday, apart in separate dwellings then during the weekends they spend their time together. I have seen where the husband will reside on the far side of Pushi, while the wife has an apartment near Jinqiao in Pudong. There is one case where one resides in Pudong, but the wife in Suzhou, which is the main homestead.

 

Does it relate to location? Urbane v. Rural. In some ways I think yes.

But,

Does it relate to how they were raised? More so, I feel.

 

Eric

[Dennis143]

1. You're all wet

 

2. Nanning is a very small village eh?

232016[/snapback]

Yeah, about the size of Watertown, Wisc.

 

Oh, and about as urbane and as modern too.

Edited July 19, 2006 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[rogerluli]

1. You're all wet

 

2. Nanning is a very small village eh?

232016[/snapback]

Yeah, about the size of Watertown, Wisc.

 

Oh, and about as urbane and as modern too.

232036[/snapback]

But not as many FAT people...

[warpedbored]

1. You're all wet

 

2. Nanning is a very small village eh?

232016[/snapback]

Yeah, about the size of Watertown, Wisc.

 

Oh, and about as urbane and as modern too.

232036[/snapback]

But not as many FAT people...

232050[/snapback]

Even my wife says Nanning is a medium size city. Over a million people live there. As far as a woman's place being in the home my wife must have missed that memo. She believes her place is doing what she can to improve our family. At present time that is working full time. She will defer to me on many matters but isn't afraid to make her oppinons heard either.

[Tony_onrock]

Agree. Mine is also from Nanning. No matter how I kick her, she will not go out and find a job. Kidding. She is content to be a house wife.

[jim_julian]

OK, she's only been in the US for about two months now, but Lao Po seems absolutely devoted to taking care of me and the dingy little apartment we currently call home. Except for a couple hours on day 3 in the US she has never exhibited any sense of homesickness. She does not seek out friends by seems to go along with those I find from church, work, and CFL.

 

She is from Chongqing, came to the city from the farm after high school.

 

I find it hard to imagine a more wonderful person to be in my life.

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

OK, she's only been in the US for about two months now, but Lao Po seems absolutely devoted to taking care of me and the dingy little apartment we currently call home.  Except for a couple hours on day 3 in the US she has never exhibited any sense of homesickness.  She does not seek out friends by seems to go along with those I find from church, work, and CFL. 

 

She is from Chongqing, came to the city from the farm after high school.

 

I find it hard to imagine a more wonderful person to be in my life.

232111[/snapback]

 

Jim I agree

I find it hard to imagine a more wonderful person to be in my life.

 

Im not sure which is better the Chongqing foods or the gals

God I love those hot pots, there just like the gals

"Hot n Spicy"

 

Bobby....

[izus]

big city girls

 

 

 

i could not be more happy with my BeiJing girl.....

shes perfect for me, i need a take charge chick. not someone that gets trampled under foot...

[Mick]

My wife is far from traditional in terms of her outlook on many things. She does not feel her place is just to stay at home. She worked as a teacher in China for nine years and now in the States works in International Business. Still, some of her values remain traditional. She is faithful, loyal, and believes strongly in taking care of her husband and her child. She is non-traditional Chinese in that she is a sincere Christian who takes her faith seriously and tries to live according to her beliefs. In all ways, she is a very remarkable woman but, as I have said, not so traditional in terms of Chinese culture.

 

Li was raised in a small town in Anhui Province, a very conservative area. She did not fit in well in her hometown environment although she was very successful as a teacher. She moved from her hometown to Hefei, the provincial capital. Hefei is a large city but remains quite conservative. It was in Hefei that she and I met many years ago. After a year there, we relocated to Guangdong, which was far more progressive.

 

All in all, I think Li's independent spirit, coupled with her faith, has allowed her to become her own person in many ways. It is very hard to stereotype her. I often say she is one of a kind and she truly is that.

[Li&Mick]

My wife is far from traditional in terms of her outlook on many things. She does not feel her place is just to stay at home. She worked as a teacher in China for nine years and now in the States works in International Business. Still, some of her values remain traditional. She is faithful, loyal, and believes strongly in taking care of her husband and her child. She is non-traditional Chinese in that she is a sincere Christian who takes her faith seriously and tries to live according to her beliefs. In all ways, she is a very remarkable woman but, as I have said, not so traditional in terms of Chinese culture.

 

Li was raised in a small town in Anhui Province, a very conservative area. She did not fit in well in her hometown environment although she was very successful as a teacher. She moved from her hometown to Hefei, the provincial capital. Hefei is a large city but remains quite conservative. It was in Hefei that she and I met many years ago. After a  year there, we relocated to Guangdong, which was far more progressive.

 

All in all, I think Li's independent spirit, coupled with her faith, has allowed her to become her own person in many ways. It is very hard to stereotype her. I often say she is one of a kind and she truly is that.

232125[/snapback]

Thanks, laogong.

[SheLikesME?]

I was going to start a thread today, I thought, which would compare my mother and my wife. I will wait a few months for that now I think, to bring this up again.

 

Good topic Dennis. I admire your situation and love to hear about your life at home. One lady in China asked me, why I did not pick her. She answered before I did that there is no answer. It is not like any of us had a list of things. But there is a general drift for a lot of us, not all but includes me, expressed best by Rakkasan over in another thread.

 

yuan fen: My wife is the same in what she says about meeting people. I worried about her happiness here but she has me convinced it is no problem. She denies all opportunities I describe to meet friends in our same situation. I even talked about moving to Plano or Richardson where my church has a Chinese congregation. No.

 

My wife like some of you was raised in a small city where she did the gardening. Their house has an outhouse. No hot water. Her Mom and Dad had to live apart for many years due to both their jobs at the electric company, but in different cities. In fact her name means a bird that flys home. Her Mom named her that so her husband would come home. He did at least 3 more times as she is the 2nd oldest out of 5. Ok back on subject.

 

Deep inside, if all things were taken care of by me: house paid for, savings account with enough, and etc, she would desire to live at home with no job and have babies. Yet she is a career woman who got her Masters and got not only into a city, but Beijing which was international. She wanted away from corruption when it comes to a job in China. She did NOT want to pay to get a job and keep paying to keep it or get a promotion. She HATES the corruption and spitting.

 

She got into management at her company. We are talkng a woman who never joined the party (not necissary she thought) and who marched for personal freedoms in college during the 1989 time frame. We all should remmeber some of that?

 

I get told well...... sometimes I wonder if it is her or her mother talkng when she says I can do what I want with her when I am in town. She is very attentive to all my needs and health and happiness. She defends me it seems with a fierceness. Yet she is usually so feminen. First time in my life I feel I am walking shoulder to shoulder with a woman.

 

So I would say she has those traditional values that she wants to live, in an ideal world, but much like Carl's wife she intends to improve the family situation and raise her daughter or any future children with the BEST education. She named her daughter black ink or something like that to mean higher education. I guess that is setting your foot down in China, when you name a child something specific.

 

So she is both traditional and modern. Just depends on her living conditions I would say and if she is bored or not. Gosh what energy she has.

 

PS: And on a lighter note and being somewhat egged on by your title. , SHE IS A NORTHERN GIRLand we all saw some posts about the ADVANTAGES of that. Makes me feel sorry for the rest

Edited July 20, 2006 by SheLikesME (see edit history)