Is putting your foot down like stepping on a mine?

[sleepless in Houston&CQ]

i seen the oxen bridal in the closet

and the whip with the thigh high 6 inch black vinyl boots

~~~~~

WoW

I wonder is a Chinese made whip or USA made?

I heard they Chinese whips dont hurt as much

Seems I have something more to look forward to

[SheLikesME?]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

231932[/snapback]

Funny you should mentioned that. My SO is not here yet, but she has friends that came here recently, and some of them said the same thing, that their husbands are not as nice.

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That IS scary and I have wondered about that as part of my worry with all I have to do with my job. Wife thinks I need only work 40 hrs a week. My company has a different attitude and they are laying off when work is at an all time high. Causing me to take stock and place my priorities where they belong. When in Beijing I get bored because of a lack of things to do. Being a tourst is not my style either. So I have had a lot of time to dote on her when I am there. Here in USA we have to work our tails off.

[Danax]

 

I find that the mere question of having to put ones foot down means that somehow the two people are out of balance. Somehow, something is being lost in communication. The needs and the desires of one person are not being met; therefore, the need to put one's foot down arrises.

 

Sure, Leiqin and I may be the exception. However, it wasn't a post to gloat, but to show that having to put my foot down has never been a desire nor a necessity. We live in harmony and are always asking each other what we can do to please and comfort each other. I don't know, but to me that's what I sought in marrying a Chinese woman. And, happily that's what I got. Not, blasting anyone else's marriage, but I really believe that's what most men here also seek.

Yes, I believe many men seek just that, whether they've thought about it like that or not. Anything short of that is not worth giving up one's single freedom, where the walls are silent, and can't swing mops.

 

This is a higher type of relationship, one that can elevate both parties to something beyond each individual, an unspoken, understood, moment to moment supreme harmony and cooperation.

 

Obviously, it takes two people that really get this idea for it to work. It's like dancing, and a major red-flag to me would be feeling a foot on mine, not in an "excuse my clumsy dancing" way, but rather a firm stomp.

 

Liking the same music helps too.

Edited September 23, 2006 by Danax (see edit history)

[C4Racer]

Dennis, you are the exception rather than the rule. Please be careful not to set that expectation in anyone's mind.

 

Sorry Don, but that is already set in mine.

 

I have quite the same type of story with my wife. However, she is not a stay at home wife. She plans on getting her Facial license, going to work, maybe starting her own biz and helping out the family. She thinks I work too hard and need to rest. Bless her heart. Besides, she believes the family needs the money Everything is about what is best for the family. Together we will build a strong and harmonious marriage. The perfect houshold for our son to grow up in. We always discuss everything.

 

I have never felt or want to feel the need to put my foot down. This means that someone has taken the ultimate control. The other person usually resents this, no matter how okay they are with this type of relationship. When you put your foot down, what you are really saying is, "Hey you, get yourself back in line. This is my household and you will do as I say. Regardless. Mine is the only opinion that matters." Sorry, but marriage is a two way street of give and take. True marriage is a fifty-fifty partnership. You might agree or not. But things always need to be talked out.

 

Also, why do some ladies feel their man has changed upon getting here in America? I think the answer is quite simple. They haven't really changed, but in China they see us in vacation mode. Most of us can only stay in China a few weeks or maybe up to a month at one time. Laid back, easy, no worries. Here in America, it is quite different. The pressures from the job, bills and life in general are now at the front of our minds. How we deal with these pressures is what they percieve as change. Also, do we envolve them into this life of pressures or keep them on the outside. Telling them what to do, when to do and putting our foot down if they step out of line? Sorry, this last idea was just to good to pass up. It all ties together.

 

Just my thoughts and 2 cents worth

 

You've got a Nanning girl, Lou. No worries, bro. But, you know that.

 

Yeah. Dennis, I got a Nanning girl too. They seem to be wonderful, but then you know that.

Edited September 23, 2006 by C4Racer (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I have quite the same type of story with my wife. However, she is not a stay at home wife. She plans on getting her Facial license, going to work, maybe starting her own biz and helping out the family. She thinks I work too hard and need to rest. Bless her heart. Besides, she believes the family needs the money Everything is about what is best for the family. Together we will build a strong and harmonious marriage. The perfect houshold for our son to grow up in. We always discuss everything.

 

I have never felt or want to feel the need to put my foot down. This means that someone has taken the ultimate control. The other person usually resents this, no matter how okay they are with this type of relationship. When you put your foot down, what you are really saying is, "Hey you, get yourself back in line. This is my household and you will do as I say. Regardless. Mine is the only opinion that matters." Sorry, but marriage is a two way street of give and take. True marriage is a fifty-fifty partnership. You might agree or not. But things always need to be talked out.

 

 

 

wow.. sounds just like us .. She got her facial license in the mail yesterday to boot !

 

---

 

But I will say that her opinions are stronger than mine, but I think that's more from her tendency to strike quickly to 'doing' now and not giving too much thought to anything.. but always seeking higher ground.

 

Also, there is maybe the SOs idea of coming to the US and what they means... for some, I guess they see this as an opportunity for them to do more, get more, be more.. ergo; change is strong in the equation..

 

My wife did not want to leave china.. spoke no english at first.. coming here, she only really adapts (puts up with) as needed to get done what needs to be done. She does not hold any concept of 'westernizing'; that idea would probably make her sick. Frankly, the american way has left a sour taste in her mouth already. But, for now, a year later, she still wears chinese dresses most days.. Give her ten years, working at an american firm and it could all change.. who knows...

[Q&Q]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

 

I don't think either husband or wife changed. It's just that now you live together, you have more chances to learn about "the skeleton in his or her closet"

[tywy_99]

Just curious one thing. why after chinese women got the US, some claimed their husbands or SO changed. Do you guys here think you changed after you loved one live with you finally? or both of you changed ?

 

I don't think either husband or wife changed. It's just that now you live together, you have more chances to learn about "the skeleton in his or her closet"

To put it bluntly, it's when fantasy turns to reality!