Cultural Differences

[warpedbored]

The child was born here therefore he is american.  His ethnic background doesn't matter.  As I recall though the child's father is of Mexican decent.

228127[/snapback]

This is what you said: "Jingwen is making decisions that would be best for a Chinese child. This child is American."

 

And I said the child is a Chinese American.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_American

228141[/snapback]

Tony I know full well what a Chinese american is. My point is if the child is going to live his life out in America in the years to come. He will be better adapted to that if he stays here. Going to live in China would be best if he were going to live out his life in China. Living in China permanantly may not even be an option for him since he is an american citizen. This is Frank and his family's dilema and not a suitable forum for you and I to argue what is or isn't an American. I'm sorry this got side tracked Frank.

[stacato]

When in America, do as the Americans. I am a firm believer in taking responsibility for your own actions. I will never ever understand the Chinese way of letting other family members raise their Child. I also came from another country that is as poor as China if not more, and kids were raised by their own parents. I see it in my step son what not having a father his whole life did to him. Kids should be raised by their parents, period. And if they can't raise them, then they should give them up for adoption, where a loving couple will take care of them, and the biological parents are out of the picture for good. This is not the case here as I understand. KK will still be the legal mother. Well, (And this is only MY opinion) You want to be the mother??? raise your kid!!!! you brought him to this world, didn't you??? I am not even talking about the father here. (Growing up without your father or mother will screw you up royaly). If it were me I would argue this.

 

How can anyone around here think that being raised away from your parents is good for a child?? Is anyone around here thinking about the CHILD???? This kind of a thing being done in China all the time doesn't make it right. Just like a lot of other things that are being done in China are not always right.....

[tonado]

The child was born here therefore he is american.  His ethnic background doesn't matter.  As I recall though the child's father is of Mexican decent.

228127[/snapback]

This is what you said: "Jingwen is making decisions that would be best for a Chinese child. This child is American."

 

And I said the child is a Chinese American.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_American

228141[/snapback]

Tony I know full well what a Chinese american is. My point is if the child is going to live his life out in America in the years to come. He will be better adapted to that if he stays here. Going to live in China would be best if he were going to live out his life in China. Living in China permanantly may not even be an option for him since he is an american citizen. This is Frank and his family's dilema and not a suitable forum for you and I to argue what is or isn't an American. I'm sorry this got side tracked Frank.

228152[/snapback]

Spending 3 to 4 years in China would not matter. Like I said, I know many Chinese parents (in USA) who had sent their kids to China for a few years and came back. Of course when they come back initially, they don't recognize their parents at first. But they adapt very quickly.

[Trigg]

The child was born here therefore he is american.  His ethnic background doesn't matter.  As I recall though the child's father is of Mexican decent.

228127[/snapback]

This is what you said: "Jingwen is making decisions that would be best for a Chinese child. This child is American."

 

And I said the child is a Chinese American.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_American

228141[/snapback]

Tony I know full well what a Chinese american is. My point is if the child is going to live his life out in America in the years to come. He will be better adapted to that if he stays here. Going to live in China would be best if he were going to live out his life in China. Living in China permanantly may not even be an option for him since he is an american citizen. This is Frank and his family's dilema and not a suitable forum for you and I to argue what is or isn't an American. I'm sorry this got side tracked Frank.

228152[/snapback]

Spending 3 to 4 years in China would not matter. Like I said, I know many Chinese parents (in USA) who had sent their kids to China for a few years and came back. Of course when they come back initially, they don't recognize their parents at first. But they adapt very quickly.

228254[/snapback]

Depends which 3-4 years. Kids are preprogrammed to learn ANY language accent free. Problem is the majority of the speech patterns they learn will be between ages 0 and five. He can easily learn both languages accent free if both are spoken accent free. That would likely be the case in the US (except for Frank's ya'll drawl). I seriously doubt he would hear Chinese and English in china-accent free. As the Chinese economy grows, so will the need for bilingual interpretors. One who spoke both clearly would have an advantage in years to come--something Worth considering!

[david_dawei]

The child was born here therefore he is american.  His ethnic background doesn't matter.  As I recall though the child's father is of Mexican decent.

228127[/snapback]

This is what you said: "Jingwen is making decisions that would be best for a Chinese child. This child is American."

 

And I said the child is a Chinese American. So both cultures are important.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_American

228141[/snapback]

I had the same comment to add as Tony did...

 

Some might indentify themself just based on citizenship, but some other don't, at least historically. Some identify to their religion (ie: "I'm Jewish") and some to their birth location (ie: He's Sicilian, not Italian). From what I have discussed with some chinese, they do identify with their heritage and roots, even if they have an american citizenship. And I think this may also partly be what drives Jingwen to want to continue some chinese identification for the child.

 

So, I see it as relevant to the post title, the differences in rearing.

 

As well, I've meet many chinese teens or chinese students in the US studying who spoke good english, despite growing up in china. I don't see any advantage in being 'accent free' as swaying Jingwen's decision.

 

I think it's better to try and understand her, and be align rather than always 'going on record' with some comment that serves the individual interest instead of the group.

Edited July 2, 2006 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[tonado]

Trigg,

 

You are the expert in the field. My cousin moved to Macau over 10 years ago. Her kids speak better English than Chinese. The reason is that the kids go to English school and the maid (from Phillippine) only speak English. Like you said, learning both languages would be advantageous.

Edited July 2, 2006 by tonado (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

So I went through this whole thread with Lao Po. She changed her mind many many times as each post rolled by.

 

Bottom line: Aiiiiyah! Very difficult. I don't know.

 

Yes Frank ... this is a tough one. God bless and good luck.

[Trigg]

Trigg,

 

You are the expert in the field.  My cousin moved to Macau over 10 years ago.  Her kids speak better English than Chinese.  The reason is that the kids go to English school and the maid (from Phillippine) only speak English.  Like you said, learning both languages would be advantageous.

228294[/snapback]

Yup, and it WOULD be an advantage to speak accent free--whether good for the individual or group!!!!

[Robert S.]

Well, the thing is that Jingwen is from Guangdong so the kid would be learning Guangdong-ese with a lot of slang thrown in, so the question of how clean of Chinese he would learn is not in force anyway. If he stayed in Atlanta he would learn the tainted accent of English prevalent in that place. The poor kid, he's going to talk like a redneck in two languages.

[philb]

Frank:

 

difficult at best. I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer. there is a child with many people involved and dedicated to his well being. Which ever way it goes; things could be worse. David will do well and have a wonderful extended family to offer many paths to take.

 

Do not lose sight of your daughter of (15) 23. She needs some help. A repeat would be a huge huge setback in her life.

 

Frank: you and your wife are good people and many good things will come from all of this. Whichever way it goes; support the final conclusion and go with it. Do not look back and continue to be the supportive Father (and GrandFather) and everyone will grow and smile and be happy.

 

Good Luck!

 

Phil

[Trigg]

Well, the thing is that Jingwen is from Guangdong so the kid would be learning Guangdong-ese with a lot of slang thrown in, so the question of how clean of Chinese he would learn is not in force anyway.  If he stayed in Atlanta he would learn the tainted accent of English prevalent in that place.  The poor kid, he's going to talk like a redneck in two languages.

228344[/snapback]

Not so. My wife and stepdaughter are from the same city as Frank's wife. They both speak Cantonese and Mandarin equally well.

 

Anyway, learning language is but one small consideration.

[Dennis143]

Frank, I hope that you let us all know of the final decision and outcome. This is something that we may all be able to learn from. Thanks.

[Carl]

What about Frank's relationship with his grand child? The baby has lived with him since birth and Frank is attached to him.  Here in the states he has as much family to nurture him as he would in China. Better medical care, cleaner air, cleaner water and will learn more independence than in China which in turn would prepare him for life in the US better later on. The only up side I can see to sending the baby to China is freeing KK from responsibility and Jingwen from taking over primary care.  KK is the baby's mother and I agree with Frank that if she is going to live in the US she is going to have to grow up and take responsibility. Sending the child to China will put him in the same boat as KK when he returns to the US later on.  Immature and too dependent. Cultural differences are a key factor here.  Jingwen is making decisions that would be best for a Chinese child.  This child is American

228109[/snapback]

I agree with my brother Carl.....The child is an American citizen, and while the family in China may truly love him and want the best for him, he will never be considered truly Chinese.

 

Since the child is of mixed race, that in itself may have a possible social stigma (which my wife told me was very possible) attached to the child in China as was attached to the Amerasian kids left behind in Viet Nam after the US pullout.

 

So that is another thing you need to take a real good look at.

Edited July 6, 2006 by Carl (see edit history)

[skibum]

I don't understand how the child, a USC, will be allowed to stay in China. Has the father offered to raise the child? Maybe he should be making these decisions.

[Mick]

Just wondering Frank, what is the current status on the decision. It has been a few days since your original post.