Home Sickness

[yuehan123]

Lots of good ideas here already. Don't forget phone cards so she can call the family to tell them what time to meet to chat on the internet.

 

And then, make sure you do this, if you have Win Xp, so she can read and type Chinese :

 

http://seba.studentenweb.org/thesis/howto-winxp.php

 

Thanks to Tony for providing the link in 2005.

 

Finally, go to some of those China-Town areas and find real, live, swimming and breathing fish- for dinner!

[SheLikesME?]

I wonder the same thing Ron, but as time goes by I worry less and less about this.

 

I have told my wife how homesick for China I used to get on a return. Instead of seeing a sea of people she will see a sea of cars. That in and of itself is so impersonal and makes me feel depressed. Also I have told her numerous times about the food. I just dont know what I will do . I have found an Asian grocery store. I also got on the web and see that in San Antonio there is a miniature terakata soldier display. I can't spell and I dont worry about it either unless writing her.

 

Oh, the shower thing IS so you are clean at night. I just could not negotiate that. When in China it is always at night.

 

I agree about the weekend adventures and then the driving lessons and any other thing you can think of to show her and do that is new. My wife wnats to see everything here. In CA you have so much to show off. There is a real good chinese resturant in OC that is huge and the food was great as I recall. Cant remember the name or city though.

[LeeFisher3]

The only thing I could attribute to homesickness happened on the first day of the Chinese New Year after.

 

Insisting that she call China on a regular basis to talk to family and friends has helped her by knowing she can always pick up the phone has been a big help. Took a while for her to accept that the cost was minimal.

 

I try to find something new for us to do each weekend and sometimes it's just wandering the mall together so she doesn't feel trapped in our home.

[leejcandle]

The only thing I could attribute to homesickness happened on the first day of the Chinese New Year after.

 

Insisting that she call China on a regular basis to talk to family and friends has helped her by knowing she can always pick up the phone has been a big help. Took a while for her to accept that the cost was minimal.

 

I try to find something new for us to do each weekend and sometimes it's just wandering the mall together so she doesn't feel trapped in our home.

199745[/snapback]

My wife uses her cell phone (cheap calling card) to stay in constant contact. Still, she's had to deal with homesickness from time to time.

 

But just having Chinese markets and even a Chinese church congregation haven't been enough: She comes from a big loving family, and also left a son (now 20) in China.

 

Much of the drama she has these days comes from trying to mother her son from such a distance (fussing at him about work, having the wrong friends, etc.). She's also the "big sister" of the family, and she also spends alot of time trying to help manage tough situations the family is dealing with. It's got to be hard on her not being able to be there.

 

When she reminisces about home and past situations, I listen intently. I feel that listening that way helps her deal with not being there. (It's also very interesting just from the point of view of learning in detail about her clan.)

 

My family here has given her lots of support. And her coworkers like her. So my wife's new family and friends certainly help her feel she has a new home, not just her old home in China.

[lassetter]

My SO has been here 9 months. She has a very cheerful nature and is friendly and happy. But she does sometimes miss her home town. This happens when she is not feeling well. She likes "big noses" and does not crave Chinese friendships. She has met a few Chinese people.

 

Here is a list of things we did right! Of course we did things wrong, too.

 

The things we did right were:

 

1. We bought here a good computer in China setup for talking overseas.

2. We got satelite TV with Chinese programs.

3. We cook Chinese food at home. Chinese art hangs on the wall. Some of it is beautiful and some of it is ugly.

4. I delayed buying a house until she got here. Very good move!!!!!

5. I worked rapidly on AOS.

6. We started the terrifying process of getting a driving license on arrival in the USA. Vital.

7. She got a job. Went on her own to the interview. Gutsy move on her part. The accomplishment of earning money gives her enormous confidence.

8. I shower frequently.

9. We try to do something interesting and different every week.

10. Bought her mooncake and we try to celebrate Chinese holidays.

 

rup

[dstarsboy]

My SO has been here 9 months.  She has a very cheerful nature and is friendly and happy.  But she does sometimes miss her home town.  This happens when she is not feeling well.  She likes "big noses" and does not crave Chinese friendships.  She has met a few Chinese people.

 

Here is a list of things we did right!  Of course we did things wrong, too.

 

The things we did right were:

 

1.  We bought here a good computer in China setup for talking overseas.

2.  We got satelite TV with Chinese programs.

3.  We cook Chinese food at home.  Chinese art hangs on the wall.  Some of it is beautiful and some of it is ugly.

4.  I delayed buying a house until she got here.  Very good move!!!!!

5.  I worked rapidly on AOS.

6.  We started the terrifying process of getting a driving license on arrival in the USA. Vital.

7.  She got a job.  Went on her own to the interview.  Gutsy move on her part.  The accomplishment of earning money gives her enormous confidence.

8.  I shower frequently.

9.  We try to do something interesting and different every week.

10.  Bought her mooncake and we try to celebrate Chinese holidays.

 

rup

201167[/snapback]

Hahaha! "Big noses"! What a cool way to refer to us. I'll have to tell my SO about that one.

[Jonathan]

This has probably been discussed before, but, I would be interested to know about the ways in which the SO's deal with home sickness?  This has to be such a drastic change in culture, surroundings, loss of family and friends, etc.  How do they cope with it?  Do some want to return to their country?  I hope to get some comments.

198476[/snapback]

I can't answer this one yet until my SO gets here. Hopefully, after April 24th, I'll be able to tell you.

 

However, I do know, my SO, tells me that she isn't scared or worried, because she knows she has me. So this might mean that if I spend more time with her, and give her some attention, and keep her busy when I can't, she would be able to adjust a lot easier in a new environment.

Edited March 24, 2006 by Jonathan (see edit history)

[Dan R]

You aren't far from China. The Chinese corridor of freeway 10 now goes to Corona/ Riverside area and is growing fast at over 300,000 Chinese immigrants. Hacienda Heights has the largest U.S. active Buddhist Temple and Monastary in the U.S. (Hsi Lai Hsu) if she is Buddhist.

 

Any regional food can be found in the Rosemead/San Gabriel area. The three closest 99 Ranch Markets to you can be found on this page http://www.99ranch.com/StoreLocator.asp One of them is near the temple.

 

Get http://www.kylintv.com for Chinese almost unlimited TV and http://www.italkbb.com to make China calls local and she should be a long way towards fighting homesickness.

[Dan R]

My SO has been here 9 months.  She has a very cheerful nature and is friendly and happy.  But she does sometimes miss her home town.  This happens when she is not feeling well.  She likes "big noses" and does not crave Chinese friendships.  She has met a few Chinese people.

 

Here is a list of things we did right!  Of course we did things wrong, too.  

 

The things we did right were:

 

1.  We bought here a good computer in China setup for talking overseas.

2.  We got satelite TV with Chinese programs.

3.  We cook Chinese food at home.  Chinese art hangs on the wall.  Some of it is beautiful and some of it is ugly.

4.  I delayed buying a house until she got here.  Very good move!!!!!

5.  I worked rapidly on AOS.

6.  We started the terrifying process of getting a driving license on arrival in the USA. Vital.  

7.  She got a job.  Went on her own to the interview.  Gutsy move on her part.  The accomplishment of earning money gives her enormous confidence.

8.  I shower frequently.

9.  We try to do something interesting and different every week.

10.  Bought her mooncake and we try to celebrate Chinese holidays.

 

rup

201167[/snapback]

Hahaha! "Big noses"! What a cool way to refer to us. I'll have to tell my SO about that one.

201285[/snapback]

and that is one of the nice terms for us I'm sure your SO knows it.

 

Another Da Bizi

[lassetter]

Yes, my SO does refer to us as big noses! I was under the impression that it was a common expression in China.

 

I remember touring China a few years ago with my SO and we were in one of the beautiful Guilin Caves. In our tour group their was an Englishman who must have been 7ft tall and had the biggest nose I have ever seen in my life!!! He had a cold and every minute or two he would blow his nose. It sounded like thunder! This caused enormous gales of giiggling from the Chinese.

 

Rup

[SheLikesME?]

And I thought we were just "big ugly Americans".

 

I did learn we have other reputations, some good or desirable and some not so good.

[Dennis143]

And I thought we were just "big ugly Americans".

 

I did learn we have other reputations, some good or desirable and some not so good.

201669[/snapback]

A Chinese woman whom I had a couple of dates with told me the story of when she was a little girl living in a small town outside of Shanghai. She says one day a group of German men came to her town. She and the other girls hid and peered out from behind a tree to catch a look at these strange men with their blond hair and big noses. She said it was the first time she'd every seen a westerner. She really thought they were from outer space.

 

One of the English words in the ESL class I help out in was DIFFERENT. The teacher was asking each student to tell the class how they were different from another student. When it came to explain how I was different, one of the women innocently said that my nose was big.

 

 

[lassetter]

I think that the Chinese believe that we "big noses" are "very funny." I am not sure if that is good or not! We have been married two years and there is a lot of things I am not sure about!

 

My SO seems to think that big noses are veryviolent. Surprises me in view of the enormous violence in China the last 60 years.

 

Rup

[LeeFisher3]

Today my wife shared with me she was a little homesick, we are almost to 6 months since arriving in the US together.

 

Now we have the Great Wall package, she has many Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and American friends, we spend much time exploring new things and revisiting places she likes and she burns up $15-20 a month on the phone card talking to family and friends. She has fulfilled one of her dreams in learning to swim and is now learning to drive, and read the book that Ty's wife wrote in record time. And tonight she wrote her first letter in English to one of her first ESL teachers, who took the time to write her a letter.

 

What is different, she had spring break from school and spent a number of days relaxing around the house and had time to slow down and think. She has pushed herself in studying English since she began classes 1 week after arrival and it's obvious how much she has learned. Her teachers speak glowingly of her progress and I am so very proud of what she has accomplished ins such a short time and tell her this often.

 

She mentioned she missed the snack food in China, such as barbecued chicken feet and a few others.

 

I can only think of this as natural and the only thing I can to to help is listen to her, not just hear, but listen and offer my love and support. I'm not stupid enough to think I have the power to fix everything and many times have a hard enough time fixing my own things.

 

We received our AOS interview date today and she asked if the Green Card meant she could easily travel between the US and China and I said yes, she apparently forgot that we received AP. And I know that she misses her son, mom, dad, brothers and sister.

 

Well, here's hoping we don't get hung up on a name check issue at the AOS interview next month and get a stamp in her passport. Also we hope to get an interview date for her son soon afterwords and the evil Ex will see the error of his ways in being a world class jerk.

 

She doesn't know it yet, but I intend to run her off to China at the end of the ESL semester for at least a month before I follow to spend a couple of weeks with family and friends. And hopefully we will have 3 return tickets and have to do all the paperwork again for her son as we get him enrolled for school.

 

For now, I can only be a bit more attentive, supportive and understand she is missing the place and people where she spent all of her life. I am not sure if I could have made the transition she has made with as much joy and happiness as she has shown in her daily life.

 

Now tomorrow morning I intend to make the kitchen somewhat dirty and cook her breakfast before we go out to finish getting the flowerbeds ready for spring. Who knows we may even plant a few things hoping we don't get another hard freeze.

 

I didn't have any vacation time available for a honeymoon and our trip to St Louis this week will be a combination honeymoon and chance to see a friend from her hometown who just arrived. It's a surprise for her friend and it should be interesting to see ThomasPromise's SO when she finds out we have been planning this for a couple of months and kept this a secret.

 

All in all, life is great and getting better every day.

[RLS]

You aren't far from China. The Chinese corridor of freeway 10 now goes to Corona/ Riverside area and is growing fast at over 300,000 Chinese immigrants. Hacienda Heights has the largest U.S. active Buddhist Temple and Monastary in the U.S. (Hsi Lai Hsu) if she is Buddhist.

 

Any regional food can be found in the Rosemead/San Gabriel area. The three closest 99 Ranch Markets to you can be found on this page http://www.99ranch.com/StoreLocator.asp One of them is near the temple.

 

Get http://www.kylintv.com for Chinese almost unlimited TV and http://www.italkbb.com to make China calls local and she should be a long way towards fighting homesickness.

201472[/snapback]

Thank you so much for that - DanR. Good information.