Pre marital agreements, a sensitive subject

[summersun]

I have one question here, My boyfriend and i love each other very much , but before we apply k1 visa , he asked me to sign a no -divorce contract ,if he leave me he will get nothing from what we have , if i leave him , i will get nothing.i don't ming signing a contract ,but does the contract work well. I am not happy at all . i think i am going to marry with a contract ,not love .Can anyone give me some ideas?

[Trigg]

It's called a prenuptual agreement. It protects both of you in case one tries to divorce the other and take the others money and property. It is somewhat common but some say it does no real good.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I have one question here, My boyfriend and i love each other very much , but before we apply k1 visa , he asked me to sign a no -divorce contract ,if he leave me he will get nothing from what we have , if i leave him , i will get nothing.i don't ming signing a contract ,but does the contract work well. I am not happy at all . i think i am going to marry with a contract ,not love .Can anyone give me some ideas?

175292[/snapback]

Some people consider marriage not only a union between two people, but also a business arrangement. It's something that you both should look over carefully. I STRONGLY suggest if your boyfriend is suggesting you to sign this "PRENUPTIAL" agreement, that you AVOID at all costs listening to either him or his lawyer about what is good, or not good for you.

 

Additionally, I STRONGLY suggest that you hire an attorney that does NOT know your boyfriend personally, and has had not dealing with him. Do NOT listen to him as to which lawyer is good and which lawyer is bad. Sorry, this is just the way it is. Seems like a funny thing to many, but you must remember that not every marriage works out. If you marry him and things don't work out and you don't sign a contract (prenup), then, you are entitled to at least one-half of his assets to which he must freely give you.

 

In short, find an American attorney to review any paperwork that you are thinking of signing before you sign it!

[mercator]

And no contract is bullet proof.

 

Prenups get overturned all the time. My attorney suggested one after my divorce a few years ago, and I mentioned it before I married my wife in China. He said the language barrier and the weakness of prenups made it not worth the bother. If your SO has you sign something in English and it is not your native language, a court could toss it out in a second for that reason alone.

[warpedbored]

This is a topic that has been hotly debated before. As others told you a prenup protects his assets in the event you get a divorce. Many men having lost a lot of money in a previous marriage are very cautious before marrying again.

[yuehan123]

A pre-nuptial agreement may have very little to do with assets accumulated after the marriage. Moreover, it seems like I just read on the SSA FAQ that a marriage lasting more than 7 years could result in 1/2 of the SS entitlement going to the ex- spouse. Ditto for 401k plans.

[tonado]

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5781

[se_lang]

you will find many opinions for and against a pre-nup the best thing you can do is educate yourself on what it means and make your own choice, this does not mean listen to everyone here or 001, search the web talk to lawyers etc.

[jim_julian]

This type of agreement is not so unusual in the US. Lao po and I will have one, in English and Chinese, and reviewed with her by a Chinese speaking lawyer of her choice.

[sylinchinastill]

I think it depends on which marriage it is too. Usually after men have been divorced once they will press a prenup the second time. I personally wouldn't sign one. I know women who have helped their husbands greatly in their careers by giving advice in business, helping out at home, with kids, etc. Then when they get divorced they get barely anything. That's a load of crap. I can understand if one person takes a ton of money into the marriage. But everything acquired in the marriage should be split.

[summersun]

Thank you very much for everyone ,I was not happy when I got the message from my So.I thought he doesn't love me that much as i expected.I know he had two bad experiences in his marriage ,but it didn't mean i will be the bad one too.I am going to give us more time to get through everything before starting to apply the visa.because i feel there is not trust between us if he let me sign the document. I am not an American , I don't know anythng about the law , what I know is if i love someone i will do everything for him ,to be a giver ,not a taker at any of stage .This is a Chinese way .And in such early stage to be involved with lawyer ,for me it is kind of unlucky.

My so is strongly insisted what he wants ,I think we have a problem now.

[frank1538]

Pre-nups are a matter of choice, and some people feel more comfortable with them. One thing that I haven't given much thought to is the impact if any that the I-864 has on prenups. Since the sponsor will be on the hook to reimburse the government if the immigrant is forced to seek governmental assistance and since the I-864 survives a divorce, my gut tells me that the I-864 could trump a pre-nup when there is a conflict between the two.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Pre-nups are a matter of choice, and some people feel more comfortable with them.  One thing that I haven't given much thought to is the impact if any that the I-864 has on prenups.  Since the sponsor will be on the hook to reimburse the government if the immigrant is forced to seek governmental assistance and since the I-864 survives a divorce, my gut tells me that the I-864 could trump a pre-nup when there is a conflict between the two.

175486[/snapback]

Agreed Frank. Don't think there is any document that one can invent that will take away that responsibility.

 

It does seem odd (counter-intuitive) to think of signing a document that speaks about what you will do if things don't work out, while at the same time discussing marriage, a union of trust, and seemingly forever.

 

I still think it a difficult choice to make one with another, even after losing my life savings and property through divorce. Through the years I've managed to regain some financial footing, but with great difficulty. But, I have no plans to ask my fiancee to sign a pre-nup. This is my personal choice, and a good many Americans would say it's unwise.

 

Still, the content of any prenuptial is something that must be discussed between both people, very carefully. Talking about how everything will be is fine, but so is discussing the "what-ifs." No one knows what will happen, if we did, the divorce rate would reduce everywhere.

 

I actually understand your feelings about his request, but I can see his side too.

[david_dawei]

It sounds like you need to talk with him some more about this... If you love each other, then you should be able to openly discuss this as well... I guess you shouldn't need it either... but some like to cover all their bases...

 

I guess I don't quite get discussing a divorce issue at the start of a relationship either... I hope this does not become a stumbling block for you. Please talk to him some more...

[Stone]

I am a Chinese American. Maybe I have different culture background from my Chinese origin. But I do not and will never have a prenuptial agreement. Here are my rationales:

 

(1) Do not marry someone who you do not trust 100%. Marriage is very serious and should be well-thought of beforehand. Look at the tragic stories which happened to others.

 

(2) I do not know when I will die. I may die tomorrow because I am hit by a truck or die from my chronic illness. I told my wife that I have a life-insurance policy. If I die, she will have a large sum in $$$ paid from the insurance policy. For all my U.S. bank accounts, investments and 401K plan, I designate my wife as the sole beneficiary. In the event something happened to me, she will inherit all my money. At the moment when I die, I want to make sure my wife and my son will be taken care of, then I will die with a smile.

 

Mutual trust, as I believe, is critically important in a happy marriage. I cannot understand why people would rush into a marriage without 100% trust of their SOs.

Edited December 13, 2005 by Stone (see edit history)