Why would a Chinese husband loose love.....

[tonado]

It is part of the culture and difficult to understand.  The father doesn't want the mother so he doesn't want the child either.  He see them as one.  There is no benifit for him to love his other son since he doesn't know if the son will love him back or provide for him in the future.  Chinese is about "Quid Pro Quo".  There must be some benefit for them or they just won't do anything for other.  I don't know how to really explain.  This is not true for all father but fairly common in China and most part of Asia.

169798[/snapback]

This is also true here in America.

[SheLikesME?]

A related topic is the number one question asked of me by women all accross China when I was listed in ChinaLoveLink web site: "Do you beat your wife?"

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169801[/snapback]

I think the reason they asked this question is not because they have been beaten by ex-, but because they heard horrible stories about Chinese women married to abusive American husbands. The soup is spoiled by one bad tomato, or egg, or whatever.(Don't remember the origianl saying. )

169807[/snapback]

Don't mean to have sounded so negative on the Chinese man. I know many who seem to be very good husbands and fathers. Butt....I must have been a magnet for women on line who told me their Chinese husband did. Most seem to think in genral terms that Americans treated women better and with more affection. I found a definate pattern with the ones I go to know, but it was not all of them. Just never got that kind of question on American singles web sites. I always got into a rather heavy discussion with them when this came up. Only one brought up a story of an American killing his Chinese wife.

 

Back on topic my wife did say that if we could stand it, we could allow her parents to raise a new baby until it is 3, if we wanted. There seems to be a willingness to endure seperation for another good purpose. My wife's name has to do with her mothers wish that her husband would retrun to her. He did. He had to work in another city for years. She has a brother who's wife is in a seperate city going to school and will probably work in a different city after graduation. Their son lives with the school teacher. So the whole family is broke up and you can tell the my wif'e sister in law suffers with it but says nothing. I admire the self discipline to endure this and be faithful to your spouse and children. So maybe in divorce it is a bit easier to leave the ex and the child behind. Maybe I am all wet too.

 

My wife does want to go get the child support from her ex someday she says, for her daughters future in college. I don't care I told her. She seems to feel bad that I would be so generous and he is not. He used to be a CEO or something. She has no idea what he does for work now days.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Back on topic my wife did say that if we could stand it, we could allow her parents to raise a new baby until it is 3, if we wanted.  There seems to be a willingness to endure seperation for another good purpose. 

169960[/snapback]

That suggestion is something that is so foreign to our culture here in America. Love is the root of what your partner is and her parents are a part of that. Maybe, just maybe, there is something that our parents learn that might make a child turn out better than if we try it ourselves. I wonder...?

[Dennis143]

This topic really gets to the root of why so many Chinese women chose not to marry/remarry a Chinese man and are so eager to find a loving West Man.

 

The fact that so many of us are willing to accept and love a woman's child as our own, without the slightest consideration of what we will gain from it, other than knowing we have done something just and right....

Edited November 19, 2005 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[SheLikesME?]

Back on topic my wife did say that if we could stand it, we could allow her parents to raise a new baby until it is 3, if we wanted.  There seems to be a willingness to endure seperation for another good purpose. 

169960[/snapback]

That suggestion is something that is so foreign to our culture here in America. Love is the root of what your partner is and her parents are a part of that. Maybe, just maybe, there is something that our parents learn that might make a child turn out better than if we try it ourselves. I wonder...?

169961[/snapback]

In her case I think it was a matter of her comming here and she feels so compelled to work. I don't think she knows how to live without working. Yet she would like more children, perhaps. So she simply thinks of a way to acomplish it. She knows babies are a handful. Yet there is work and America. So like she said, "if we can stand it". To her she is comming to America, and working. How she fits kids into this is another problem.

 

Anyway, of course I will not do that. I have time and as long as I have my job, the resources to take care of the kids. But yes her thinking will consider the sacrifice of seperation. Sometimes I can get so into what is going on over there that I can see it. I mean the grandparents take care of the grandchild all the time at least during the day, because both parents work, from what I saw in many of the places I went. The children appear very happy and well mannered. Well fed and clothed, in even the small towns or villeges. Her ex parents lived with them during marriage and after the divorce they stayed with her rather than their son. The grandpa loves the grandaughter and dotes on her. She moved them out a year ago but then she needed them back to help with taking the little girl to the hospitol daily for an eye treatment. So they are back in the house. She is a very happy well balanced little 5 year old. Well mannered and diciplined yet typical 5 year old. I am amazed. Children seem to be a priority in China. Yet the father contributes nothing. The grandpa took the girl to see him and but he has no desire to see her more. Says her mother is good enough for both parental roles. Oh well. It happens in America too.

[SheLikesME?]

This topic really gets to the root of why so many Chinese women chose not to marry/remarry a Chinese man and are so eager to find a loving West Man.

 

The fact that so many of us are willing to accept and love a woman's child as our own, without the slightest consideration of what we will gain from it, other than knowing we have done something just and right....to love our woman, is to love everything about her....and, it is simply our love that we give, unconditional, eternal and all embracing....geeeze...let's all sing kumbaya my lord......kumbaya.....oh lord...

169985[/snapback]

The way I hear it a divorced woman and especially a divorced woman with a child is good for a gf but never a wife. Let me quote some of the women I have spoken with. The chinese man always look for the young girl. Always want to marry the young girl.

 

When quizzed even the divorced men want a very fresh start. I have heard some say it is impossible to find a Chinese man who will marry a divorced woman, or one with a child.

 

So I see many of them have little opportunity but to get on the net and see if a foreigner will love them. How many have heard the line that they will work and pay for themselves and their child, they just need the love of a good man, or something like that?

 

Man I gotta get off cfl and get back to work. adioooo

[Joanne]

This topic really gets to the root of why so many Chinese women chose not to marry/remarry a Chinese man and are so eager to find a loving West Man.

 

The fact that so many of us are willing to accept and love a woman's child as our own, without the slightest consideration of what we will gain from it, other than knowing we have done something just and right....to love our woman, is to love everything about her....and, it is simply our love that we give, unconditional, eternal and all embracing....geeeze...let's all sing kumbaya my lord......kumbaya.....oh lord...

169985[/snapback]

The way I hear it a divorced woman and especially a divorced woman with a child is good for a gf but never a wife. Let me quote some of the women I have spoken with. The chinese man always look for the young girl. Always want to marry the young girl.

 

When quizzed even the divorced men want a very fresh start. I have heard some say it is impossible to find a Chinese man who will marry a divorced woman, or one with a child.

 

So I see many of them have little opportunity but to get on the net and see if a foreigner will love them. How many have heard the line that they will work and pay for themselves and their child, they just need the love of a good man, or something like that?

 

Man I gotta get off cfl and get back to work. adioooo

170008[/snapback]

They are the jewels, possess lots of good virtues:

- They are indenpendent, ready to take their share of responsibility;

- They are loving, having custody of child is the proof;

- They are capable and hard working;

- They are appreciative, of your love;

- They are determined, to build a happy family together with you.

- They are usually good-looking, too!

Don't understand why Chinese man let you go first.

[SheLikesME?]

They are the jewels, possess lots of good virtues:

- They are indenpendent, ready to take their share of responsibility;

- They are loving, having custody of child is the proof;

- They are capable and hard working;

- They are appreciative, of your love;

- They are determined, to build a happy family together with you.

- They are usually good-looking, too!

Don't understand why Chinese man let you go first.

170014[/snapback]

Exactly

[Dennis143]

They are the jewels, possess lots of good virtues:

- They are indenpendent, ready to take their share of responsibility;

- They are loving, having custody of child is the proof;

- They are capable and hard working;

- They are appreciative, of your love;

- They are determined, to build a happy family together with you.

- They are usually good-looking, too!

Don't understand why Chinese man let you go first.

170014[/snapback]

 

170015[/snapback]

Oh, Joanne....have you got any sisters?

[Joanne]

They are the jewels, possess lots of good virtues:

- They are indenpendent, ready to take their share of responsibility;

- They are loving, having custody of child is the proof;

- They are capable and hard working;

- They are appreciative, of your love;

- They are determined, to build a happy family together with you.

- They are usually good-looking, too!

Don't understand why Chinese man let you go first.

170014[/snapback]

 

170015[/snapback]

Oh, Joanne....have you got any sisters?

170018[/snapback]

This is not a match-making site, Dennis. My mind is clear on that.

[peterscat]

The father doesn't want the mother so he doesn't want the child either.

Right. on the contrary, if you love someone, you would love her everything, that is so called "love me, love my dog". And I love Peter, so I love his cat too..^0^

In my opinion, it is not a culture difference. it happens in the US also. Peter and his dad barely keep in touch since his dad remarried. His dad doesnt seem to care for Peter for years (oh my poor Peter..)and he has 2 more sons in his new marriage~!!

Edited November 19, 2005 by peterscat (see edit history)

[sylinchinastill]

That isn't cultural at all- it's just people. Individuals are all different. There is also a saying in Chinese- Ho ma Ho Ba. Step-mother, step-father. Your real father will turn into a step-father when he remarries. This is often true in all cultures.

[Cerberus]

That isn't cultural at all- it's just people. Individuals are all different. There is also a saying in Chinese- Ho ma Ho Ba. Step-mother, step-father. Your real father will turn into a step-father when he remarries. This is often true in all cultures.

170084[/snapback]

I agree with Sylvia. This doesn't sound like cultural issue. IMHO it seems that this is the individual husband making a choice all by himself.