Instead of Red Flags....

[jim_julian]

So sooo different from American women.

 

She loves me and is concerned about me. The American ex was concerned about herself and if I could get her to the lifestyle she would like to become accustomed to ... she never worked a day in her life.

 

My Lao Po already has voluteered that she will live with me anywhere. When I'm in China she pays for everything. I've met more than 50 people in her family and been to countless dinners. I even exchange a few e-mails with cousins.

 

Lao Po is selfless ... she would do anything for me. She has a "good heart".

 

She makes me feel like a

[Dennis143]

So sooo different from American women.

 

She loves me and is concerned about me.?The American ex was concerned about herself and if I could get her to the lifestyle she would like to become accustomed to ... she never worked a day in her life.

 

My Lao Po already has voluteered that she will live with me anywhere.?When I'm in China she pays for everything.?I've met more than 50 people in her family and been to countless dinners. I even exchange a few e-mails with cousins.

 

Lao Po is selfless ... she would do anything for me.?She has a "good heart".?nbsp;

 

She makes me feel like a?

153604[/snapback]

Jim, you old codger! Having a lao po 22 years younger and treating you like the king that you are.

 

Can't wait to have my young lao po with me and I can walk in those shoes too!

 

You are a lucky man, but you don't need me to tell you this....

Edited September 13, 2005 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[paula]

So sooo different from American women.

 

She loves me and is concerned about me.?The American ex was concerned about herself and if I could get her to the lifestyle she would like to become accustomed to ... she never worked a day in her life.

 

My Lao Po already has voluteered that she will live with me anywhere.?When I'm in China she pays for everything.?I've met more than 50 people in her family and been to countless dinners. I even exchange a few e-mails with cousins.

 

Lao Po is selfless ... she would do anything for me.?She has a "good heart".?nbsp;

 

She makes me feel like a?

153604[/snapback]

Jim, you old codger! Having a lao po 22 years younger and treating you like the king that you are.

 

Can't wait to have my young lao po with me and I can walk in those shoes too!

 

You are a lucky man, but you don't need me to tell you this....

153605[/snapback]

hello Dennis143 Your name is also Dennis? My husbands name is Dennis too. Where are you living in the US? My husband is living in Fort Worth, TX. He is also 22 years older than me, but his exwife is only 2 years older than me. My American colleague told me it is not common to see US-US couple has large age difference in the US, only US-Asian couple does, but my husband against it Honestly I dont think age difference is problem for us, but have to admit having a lot pressure to support our kids. Our kids are so young, and they are 11, 9, 8 years old now. I admire some American guys in 40's with grown up children I found it is funny that Americans either get married too earlier or get married very late.

 

By the way, why you think EMS is slowest? My husband had told me he never seen EMS in the US before I mailed him my passport. Due to DHL delayed my package 2 weeks last time, I chose the EMS this time, then nightmare starts

 

Another thing I want to know if all American guys here are much more patient than Chinese women?? Why Americans dont like to deal with US government? Whenever my husband hear " paperwork or call USICS or call IRS" spoken from my mouth, it seemed he felt be pushed or get upset easily. He always told me it is no use to call Immigration offfice and I need to be patient. He thinks when it comes it will come, calling USICS will bother them and make our case even slow. We always had argument about it. He also thought most government staffs are black people, who are not clever and inefficent. He always told me " OK, I did what you want and called them, a black woman answered me, but not help at all, bla bla bla......." All the governments in the world are not efficent? After dealing with USICS and IRS, I noticed if you did everything right at the begining, then your case is fine and goes smoothly. Once you made a little mistake, the US government will make the mistake huge and worse. I am really tired of the US government now

[The Jeff]

I think we're all tired of the US Government. I knew some Canadians, Australians and Brits who had Chinese SOs and it took them at most 6 months for the entire process.

 

The worst was the Spanish process. Take your Chinese SO to the Spanish Consulate and talk to a Spanish visa officer together. Sign a paper and send it to the Spanish visa centre via fax. Wait for an aproval via returned fax and have the visa issued on the spot.

Total Wait: 1 to 2 hours.

[david_dawei]

What were some of the possitive signals that your SO gave you that let you know that she was not a visa chaser?

153183[/snapback]

1. She did not know any english when we first meet. Saw no need to know it.

 

2. She did not want a relationship with a foreigner. She only wanted to find someone in china.

 

3. She did not want to leave China when we first had contact. Said, if it means leaving China, she didn't want to get in a relationship.

 

4. When we first meet, she would not look at me.. her face was too red and she keep touching it and covering it.

 

Add it up, and I did not see a visa chaser in those bashful eyes...

[Randy W]

Mine is still the same person I saw the first time we met online. Falling in love felt more likely discovering that we were already in love.

 

Consistency (across several interpreters and now electronic), a love that I've never felt from anyone, and the feeling that it is just there and won't be turned on or off.

 

Did I mention that I love her, too?

[leejcandle]

Mine is still the same person I saw the first time we met online. Falling in love felt more likely discovering that we were already in love.

 

Consistency (across several interpreters and now electronic), a love that I've never felt from anyone, and the feeling that it is just there and won't be turned on or off.

 

Did I mention that I love her, too?

153656[/snapback]

Ah! There's one I forgot:

 

Consistency;

 

Everything I ever learned about her, from other people, watching her, or her own descriptions were always consistent. No hint of hidden agenda or hidden personality.

 

Beyond that; I guessed for myself while she was in China what might be unsaid that I would find out later. I satisfied myself that if my guesses were true, that she would still me my good wife; and they did come true.

 

So consistency was a big deal for me, before and after her arrival.

[izus]

Dennis everytime i look at that little cartoon on your avatar im bustin out laughing....

 

 

but all jokes aside this is no joke

Edited September 13, 2005 by izus (see edit history)

[Yuanyang]

So sooo different from American women.

 

She loves me and is concerned about me.  The American ex was concerned about herself and if I could get her to the lifestyle she would like to become accustomed to ... she never worked a day in her life.

 

My Lao Po already has voluteered that she will live with me anywhere.  When I'm in China she pays for everything.  I've met more than 50 people in her family and been to countless dinners. I even exchange a few e-mails with cousins.

 

Lao Po is selfless ... she would do anything for me.  She has a "good heart".

 

She makes me feel like a 

153604[/snapback]

Jim, that's so true. My wife is very pretty, I think she's the most beautiful woman God ever made, but it is her Heart that shines through so brightly and beautifuly that I feel like I'm dreaming. What have I ever done to deserve such wealth?

[JamesnYuHong]

There's been a lot of discussion lately about red flags and warning signals.  I would like to ask the opposite.  What were some of the possitive signals that your SO gave you that let you know that she was not a visa chaser?

 

Early on, while Instant Messaging with my SO, I had asked her to send her paperwork via Chinese UPS.  Four weeks had passed and I had not received her paperwork.  She told me that she was sorry that she had sent it via EMS (Chinese parcel post).  I jokingly said that 'Well, I guess you won't be here until 2006 now, because you sent it by slow boat from China.'  Her exact response was (I saved the IM):

 

meilady: Very sorry,My city have not UPS, only have MES.So I only use MES mail you( Very sorry, I forget tell you about this(

dennis: well, I guess you come to US in 2006 then

meilady: Why I need long time can with you together in USA???

dennis: because you send package by slow boat from China (joke)

meilady: I feel very misery for this( I want with you together early

meilady: In that long time, Can you to go to see me again??

 

Right then, I knew her only concern was to be with me and that any early apprehensions were now gone.

153183[/snapback]

Thank you for such a positive post!

I have been looking for these positives !

 

My SO gives me so many green flags. In fact, I have been searching for red flags and the only ones I have found are on flagpoles there! Some of the green flags:

 

***Meeting her parents, then her whole family

*** She spent all her money on me. Paid for taxi from the airport, bought me food, bought my mother a gift, and when she ran out of money, she would not let me give it back to her. When we met with her family at a restaurant, she was so concerned making a good impression, that when she got her monthly salary deposit of 2000 yuan, she took out 1000 (1/2 her monthly pay) and gave me the cash and told me to use it if I needed to. We didnt, and I gave it back of course

*** We talk on MSN every day, and she uses an internet cafe, and that costs her about 400 to 500 yuan a month. We talk 6 to 10 hours per day! She has only missed one day since we first met and that was in the beginning ! Every day, she is there, online ! ! !

*** She has bought other things for me, pants, a book, all on her own

*** She has never knitted, and is making a scarf for me, her bao bao, to be ready for my December trip.

*** She talks with my mother online too.

*** Her eyes light up every time I schedule a trip there

*** When I first came to China, I went for 10 full days. She told me she would not leave me alone, and wanted to get all the time off from work. She ran into some difficulty, and told me not to worry, she will quit her job if they did not give her the time off! ! ! She said if I am coming all the way to China to meet her, she will spend every minute with me ! !

And there are many similar things that others have said in their posts. Can you imagine an american woman doing these? I can't !

These women know how to give, and they deserve the very best we can give them, and what they want most, is to be loved and respected ! !

153581[/snapback]

My wife did quit her job the first time I went to China. The boss wouldn't let her leave to go pick me up at the airport, so she quit. Toward the end of my visit, her boss called and asked her to come back to work, so she did, after I left.

Also, when I got laid off from a job, I called her and told her, and the very first thing she said was, "Come to China!"

[johnxiaoying]

The way she cared for me when I was sick, the worry she had, the way she cried when we first parted, the way she cried when I telephoned after our first parting (for days), her friends, her family............the absolute lack of any red flags.

[Phil & Ningning]

Jiening also quit her job for my first visit.

 

Many months later, I was in a position to go visit her a third time. My mom was in Arkansas and Jiening convinced me to use the money and vacation days to take my son to visit grandma instead. In spite of the burning desire to be together, she put the well-being of my son before herself and me. At that point I knew I had made the right decision. She is the only one for me.

 

Those values are reinforced daily now that we are together.