[Back In The USA]

OK, I really want to finish this story, so I'll make every effort to wrap it up as soon as possible.

 

ShuPing and I returned to the hotel, tired from our whirlwind tour of the Forbidden City. When she asked if I was hungry I told her I was and that I wanted to take her somewhere to eat Italian food, I had to open my Chinese phrase book to help explain what I was talking about. She decided to call the front desk to find out if they knew where one was.

 

We were told that the shopping center a few blocks away had such a restaurant. We headed over to the shopping center, but all we found was a food court and there was no Italian food there. Now the search began.

 

We asked tree taxi driver's before we found one that thought he could find Italian food for us. He got on his cell phone and called several people and then said he thought he knew where it was. We headed towards Tiennamin Square and around in circles before the driver stopped and made another phone call or two. He assured ShuPing that he wouldn't charge us if he couldn't find it. I began to wish for Mr. Lo.

 

Finally, after a good 30 minutes of confusion, we found ourselves in a part of Beijing where the hotels were tall, limos pulled up in front of them and Americans sat in the restaurants. We got out with assurances that the restaurant was right in the area. I looked up at one of the buildings and saw a large, neon Pizza Hut sign, but that's not really Italian, so I passed on it.

 

We walked to a few places, looked at the menus and found nothing but Chinese food, expensive Chinese food (which, to the uninitiated, is really not that expensive). We almost went into a dance club (I think it was a strip club, but I couldn't tell. The door was attended by a bevy of beauties dressed in very long fur coats.)

 

Finally, we ended up at a very nice looking French restaurant. We entered, sat down and looked at the menu, lo and behold there was an Italian dish, roasted chicken breast in a spicy Alfredo sauce with fettuccini. I knew this because the menu was in English. I ordered the meal for both of us, a nice Chardonnay to go with it.

 

I joked that her she was eating an Italian dinner in a French restaurant in Beijing with an American, how much more international could she get? The breast was good, though a little bit tough. The fettuccini she enjoyed, especially the sauce and the veggies on the side rounded it off. ShuPing didn't care for the wine, but I had really waned to order something sweeter, so that was my fault.

 

This best, however, was watching her with the knife and fork. ShuPing told me that she wants to learn American customs and the right way to do in America. Now she can use a fork, but she wanted to hold it properly and use it the correct way. I showed her, but she struggled with it. Towards the end she was doing great.

 

I don't think she was too impressed with the meal, neither was I, but we had different reasons. She seemed to dislike the presentation of the food and the need to concentrate on how she was eating. She also didn't like the wine, but insisted on drinking it anyway, she got a little tipsy. I just didn't think the food was that great. I really wanted to find spaghetti for her to experience.

 

We left and decided to go see a movie, but never found a theater. Instead, we went shopping for gifts. We browsed a couple of shops and then found some things to buy. We hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel after a very long day.

[Well, I finally got something of value]

Sorry Cliff, I've been out of it for the last week and not really able to devote any time to read posts here, but now that I have, I've got my wheels spinning.

 

I think the most effective way to hit a politician is through his campaign coffer. Appeal to his virtuous nature through his wallet. Remember, in politics, it's not what can he do for you, but what will he gain from helping you. If you can bring enough money or constituents or influence to the table then he'll sit up and take notice. Otherwise, sad to say, your letter will most likely be opened by a screener and you'll recieve another token form letter and calender.

 

It would be good for the rest of us to send our opinion of the good congressman's dedication to this issue. We need to convince him that here are enough of us out here that it is a major issue. We need to convince him that you would make a great poster boy for his campaign. Give a politician anissue to run on, the words to speak on your behalf, make it appealling to his constituents and he'll begin to bend over backwards. The trick is bringing enough fuel to the fire.

 

I think we all need to e-mail, mail, or call this Lacey Clay and make him think that we'll all vote for him next election day if only he can help Cliff out.

 

What a dickhead, but like all penile politicians they'll come through if you stroke them right.

[Americans adopting in China]

I am a professed ignoramous when it comes to Chinese history and culture. When I met ShuPing, I was just looking for a connection to a different culture, not a wife. My trip to China was eye-opening in the extreme and I still don't know diddley.

 

I have this argument with a co-worker all the time. We talk about different cultures, primarily African-American because that's his culture, and how the WASP (White AngloSaxon Protestant) power structure teaches only WASP history and values. His solution is to segregate all races and teach them in segregated classrooms until they enter college. His point being that this is the only was they can truly learn about their culture and heritage and get a sense of who they are.

 

"How can a white teacher impart the culture and values of black America to any child, black or white?"

 

I agree with his point, but I disagree with his method. I believe only a family can teach their their heritage to a child. A neighbor can come close, a neighborhood, church or community group can teach some, but only a family can give a child a sense of him/herself via family roots and knowledge of the family.

 

Unfortunately, there are too many broken families who have no sense of their own identity to impart any of that to their children. Still, all it takes is a mother or father, sitting down with their child and telling the story of that child's birth to give that child a small sense of who he/she is. The more a child learns about it's mother and/or father, the more they know about themselves.

 

Confuscious and the Chinese people hit on a very neccessary ingredient for the survival of a people - ancestrial honor and respect for one's culture and history. How many thousands of years has this sustained that country? America doesn't have that sense of self for the most part.

 

Getting back to the adopted Chinese children. Adopted parents, especially those from another country and culture, will never be able to adequately teach these children the native culture, but they can teach about the love and concern they have for each other. They can teach about their family history. Giving that child a sense of self is what's important, especially since that child will never really know his/her native culture as well as someone who grew up in China. The adoptive parents provide a trade off for the child, love of a family for cultural heritage. I'm sure it's a trade off that those kids will appreciate.

[Realities After the Arrival]

Every day is great. Every day is great because there are new challenges. We are happy because we enjoy seeing the other push themselves and share the joy with each accomplishment. So I think that romance is the act of loving to be together enjoying eachothers accomplishments and not a particuar night out.

 

Just like I said.

 

My wish for you is that you both feel that way in a year, 5 years 10 and 20 years, etc.

[Back In The USA]

We got hit up again at another place, this time I knew to just shake my head no and keep walking. Nothing beats persistence like flatly ignoring someone. However, on my next trip I plan to bring a little extra and hit one of them up, the art was good.

[Back In The USA]

Mark, another great story. I remember when I was in Beiijing and tried the peking duck for the first time. It was an experience. I do have a question here for you, and that is the marriage certificate. When I was married in GZ, all I got was the red book, and then the translated notorized copy. Is this what you mean or is this something else.

 

Thanks

Thanks again Squeaky. No, I mean the translated, notorized copy.

[Back In The USA]

Beijing (part 2)

 

The train ride to Beijing was fairly uneventful. I was really tired for some reason and so I fell asleep pretty quickly. ShuPing talked with our compartment/bunk mates and I drifted off. She woke me up to ask me for her toothbrush or something (I was laying on our valise and jackets), but I was only aware that she climbed up on the bunk over my head and I was out again.

 

I woke up around 3 AM, hoping that ShuPing would wake too and we could watch the moon and talk again as we had on our way to QiQiHaer. Alas, it was not to be. Instead I listened to a George Strait CD and looked out the window alone.

 

I went back to my hard, hot bunk (everything was piled up over the heater and it was getting really warm). When I woke again, ShuPing was awake and we chit-chatted a little, snuggled a little and looked out the window a little. I suggested she call Mr. Lo, our ever dutiful taxi driver and she did, saying he would meet us. We arrived in Beijing around 9:30 AM.

 

My biggest concern was trying to lug all of our (my) luggage from the train platform to the taxi. It took us two trips to get it off the train. ShuPing didn't want to spend the money, but I hired a boy with a cart after about 15 feet of struggling with the bags. They were doing some kind of construction on the platform and it was crazy. He got us to the taxi stand for about 12 RMB.

 

And there, right next to the curb, amid the throng of a hundred taxis, stood Mr. Lo, our ever reliable driver and resident angel. Amazingly, out of a quarter mile of possibility, he was right in the spot we had walked to. We loaded the bags and he pulled out into the mass of taxis. There we waited about an hour. I'll never understand why they don't have a thru lane for drivers with passengers, but they don't. You have to wait until the guy up front gets passengers and leaves so the next guy can get passengers and go. Still it gave us some time to show Mr. Lo some of our wedding pictures.

 

Mr. Lo took us back to the same hotel we had stayed in before (one day I'll ask ShuPing the name of that hotel). When I attempted to pay Mr. Lo, he wouldn't take it. He said it was a wedding gift.

 

HouLi had made arrangements with her sister to meet us in Beijing and bring the original marriage documents to us. I had assumed that the little red books we got were enough, no we needed the actual marriage certificates.

 

We showered and waited for her to come to our hotel room and when she did, we went to lunch in the little restaurant next to the hotel. She had asked me if I liked duck, I said I did and so that's what she ordered for our meal. When they brought it out it was sliced nicely into medallions and placed neatly on the plate with two baked duck heads facing each other on top. My first taste of Peking duck.

 

The meal was pleasant and HouLi's sister was quite nice, even paying for lunch. ShuPing had told her of our intention to visit the Forbidden City and the Summer Palace. She suggested that we go to the Forbidden City that night.

 

We did just that. We got there about an hour and a half before it was to close. When I got out of the taxi, (we apparently gave Mr. Lo a couple days off), I saw a white lady with four children. I deduced that the lady was American, from her voice and asked where she was from. She replied that she lived in ShangHai, but they were from Denver. Amazed, I told her I lived in Arvada and we both laughed at the coincidence.

 

We toured the Imperial Palace too quickly. We saw all the main attractions, but each for only a brief moment. We were even way-laid by a young guy who spoke very good English. He said he was an art student, his class was about to go to San Francisco and wanted to get my opinion about his paintings. He wanted to know if they would appeal to Americans. We followed him to a room filled with some really nice paintings, he explained the art to us, the different types and meanings behind some of them. Then came the sales pitch. It was a scam, but the paintings were original and he offered them at a great price. We still turned him down, but if I'd had more time and money....

 

My video camera was out of film, but I did get some great shots on the digital camera. I was disappointed that we didn't have more time to see it, it truly is a beautiful place. You can feel the history all around you as you walk through it.

 

We returned to the hotel and prepared for dinner. I had in mind to take ShuPing to an Italian restaurant for spaghetti, I had seen one when I first got to Beijing. I'll tell that tale in the next installment.

[Realities After the Arrival]

Just to add a bit to what I wrote earlier, falling in love isn't hard, staying in love can be. It's a choice you have to make every day and not something you can put on the back burner. When life happens, (work, school, kids, relatives, friends, car trouble, etc.) you've got to decide if it will get in the way of you enjoying it. To stay in love, you have to decide to.

 

Another example, when my ex and I first got together, she would absolutely drive me nuts when she squeezed the toothpaste in the middle of the tube. It was almost to the point where I was about to go buy my own personal stash of toothpaste.

 

Then one day I got it. I decided that if I was going to love this woman, I would have to accept her for who she was, not who I thought she should be. It wasn't that I decided to love her regardless of where she squeezed the toothpaste, I decided to love her because of where she squeezed the toothpaste. It was what made her an individual, either I would love her for being her or I wouldn't be able to love her.

 

Even though the toothpaste issue was small and insignificant, it transferred to everything else in our relationship. My point is you can worry about all the little things in your relationship or you can appreciate those things for what they are. They are the magic of life and of love.

 

Her pregnancy, and ultimately, the baby could become issues, just like toothpaste and a million other things can be issues, but only if you fail to see the magic in them.

 

Romance happens when you find that magic.

[Realities After the Arrival]

Unlike Michael, I am a therapist (one of my many hats), but I do concur with him. Romance is more about being than doing. Love, when it's real, generates romance naturally. It sounds like you are romantic, you are doing the right things because you are feeling the right things.

 

Love and romance are like everything in life, when we're going with the flow, i.e. being honest with ourselves, being ourselves, persuing what is right for us; life supports us. When we try to hard to be something we're not, when you try to be romantic because you're afraid you're not, that's when it isn't really you.

 

JM sounds like an honest person. She loves you and that's who she wants. When you try to be romantic, you're not being you. Stop trying and just be romantic, by being what you feel is romantic.

 

Example: I once bought a book called "1001 Ways To Be Romantic", I used many of the ideas in the book, but only some of it worked. Most of what I tried to do wasn't me and it came off as phony. I was much more romantic when I was spontaeneous, following my impulse to do something.

 

There are 2 other factors at work here too. One of the hardest things to do in life is to appreciate everything, to see through the illusion and find the wonder in life. Life can be mundane or it can be a magical journey. It usually falls somewhere in between. (Finding the magic of life when you're taking out the kitty litter is one of my favorites). You said it's hard to be romantic within your day to day life, re-think that one.

 

The other factor, and this trumps everything else, she's pregnant.

 

Imagine if a doctor gave you a bag full of different kinds of pills and said take these at random for the next 9 months. Some are uppers, some are downers, some might even be hallucinagenic, some will put you to sleep, others will make you wide awake, and others don't do anything at all. You won't know which are which, but it doesn't matter, you must take them.

 

That's what her body is doing to her. There's only one thing you can do about it. Love her. Be patient with her, make her comfortable, do the best you can to meet her needs, be understanding, but always do it out of love.

 

So, there's my $80 worth of advice, be love and you will do love, simple as that. Simple, not always easy.

[Back In The USA]

we all know all to well the sad an depressing feeling of leaving our loved one behind, However on the bright side it gives you that much more desire to go back again an again what helped me was doing all the paper work for visa, planning the next trip, and just talking 2-3 times a day online it really helps when you can do video chat seeing their face and her smile will warm your heart.

 

Great story, I would suggest you print it in some fancy font on nice bond paper and store in your wedding album.

That's a great idea Darrell, I'll do that, but I also have bigger plans for this story. I'd like to start from the beginning, when ShuPing and I first met on-line and flesh the whole thing out more. I want to take it further along in this visa process, maybe 3 months, and get it published.

 

I've said before that I'm not the kind to run around and protest the embassies or service centers, but I will share some stories. Everybody on this BBS has a story of delay and inconvenience, some more heart wrenching than others. I think the first step to changing this whole mess is making other people aware of it. I plan to include some of the ridiculous crap that people have gone through.

 

I've always wanted to write a book, I think I have some talent for it, now I have a compelling subject and some encouragement (thanks for all the encouragement guys). So maybe I can write a book that will get some attention and help us all out.

[Back In The USA]

Thanks Squeaky, ShuPing is somewhat more liberal than her family, having been corrupted in Nanning, but she's still hesitant about public affection. Of course it could've just been while she was in QIQIHaer.

[Back In The USA]

OK, I'm getting close to the end of this story. Let's see how far I can get today.

 

I remember the song I sang to ShuPing, "(I Can't Help) Falling In Love With You". It got such a good response that I just had to figure out what it was.

 

Well, the karaoke was Christmas night and we planned to go back to Beijing on the 27th. ShuPing told me that we needed to go to Mama's house to give her 3 gifts, another tradition. So on the 26th we just hung out before going shopping. We bought a few simple things, powdered milk, liquor and a cake from Holiland, a little chain bakery just in front of the apartment building.

 

We had an early dinner/lunch at Mama's and spent some time there with the family. I was pretty attached to them by now. We watched a VCD of our wedding. Apparently the guy who video taped the thing had it transferred to VCD, something I was suprised to see. We went through a few things, what things of ShuPing's would I take and what would I leave behind? I just kept thinking I would have too much to take back with me.

 

That night we lent back to the apartment fairly early, around 5 pm. The electricity went out and we left thinking it would be on when we came back. I wanted to hit the computer kiosk, show her some things (like the Candle) and print out the I-130 for her to sign. We each checked our e-mail and I finally got some football news. My fantasy football teams went straight to hell, but knowing that the Broncos were in the playoffs was cool. Unfortunately, when I tried to pull up the printable I-130, I found that they didn't have Adobe loaded on the computer, nor did they have a printer, so that idea went out the window.

 

We spent a couple of hours on the computer and decided we'd have a late dinner. I had seen a restaurant across the street that advertised western food. I suggested that we go there. I figured I'd eaten enough Chinese food to get a good idea of what it was. We were seated in a cozy, private room and given a menu. Of course it was in Chinese and I had no idea what was western food and what wasn't.

 

ShuPing translated what she could, but all she could tell me was, this is chicken, this is beef, etc. I told her to order some beef, some chicken, but I really had no idea what she was getting.

 

When the waiter began bringing food, the first thing he brought was a huge bowl of cubed ice cream. Hmmm, OK. He brought some kind of chicken dish, some vegetables and then some thin steaks smothered in garlic, and finally a big fruit salad. There really was nothing western about it, except that we had silverware. I love watching ShuPing try to use a fork as much as she enjoys watching me use chop sticks.

 

The food was good, but the company was better. I really enjoyed having the quiet time with my wife. We talked about our childhoods and various memories of our families. She is very funny, inquisitive and sincere. We drank 2 bottles of Harbin beer, OK, I drank most of it, but if she had drunk any more, I would've had to carry her out of the restaurant.

 

She informed me that most of the restaurants that claimed to serve western food really served Chinese food. I told her I could tell. I told her that in America desert came last and salads came first. Our plates are big and we put our food on the plate to eat it. So when the waiter came to get our money she told him how things are done in America. He left and came back a few minutes later, handed me a cauliflower kitchen magnet and told ShuPing that the owner was grateful for the information. I wonder if they'll change things.

 

We went back to the apartment to find that the electricity was still out. Not to worry, ShuPing had bought some candles.

 

The next day was spent cleaning up our stuff and packing for Beijing. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I was also packing for home.

There's a certain feeling that goes along with leaving and I wanted desperately to avoid that feeling, but it wouldn't go away.

 

We had lunch with SuhJie, SuhJieFu and FongShu. My friend had given me $100 to buy him some ginseng root and ShuPing had arranged for SuhJieFu to pick up the best, he came back with 8 boxes. It turned out to be the display cases with the certified ginseng sewn to red velvet. I just stared at it, bewildered. I had no idea how I would get it home.

 

We left the apartment with luggage in hand and headed to Mama's again. Once there we began packing things in earnest. ErGuo had bought a couple of burlap type suitcases and a tube to carry our portraits in. I packed them to the max. We ate dinner and it was time to leave.

 

We were escorted to the train station by the whole family, minus mama. We waited together fo a good hour before it was time to board the train. I had come with 2 suitcases, I was leaving with 4. They helped us get on the train and then stood outside the train for 15 mins in the frigid cold.

 

There are people you meet in your lifetime who come and go with very little impact on you. Then there are those who come into your life and leave a lasting impression. My new family welcomed me in and I will never forget them. ShuPing and I sat at the window as they stood outside and I felt my throat close up and the tears well in my eyes. ErGuo hid behind a pillar to hide his tears, TeGuo put his hand to the glass to touch mine on the other side. Sisters cried and our grand nephew waved sadly, not really understanding why I was leaving.

 

The train pulled away from the station and I tried to snap one last picture, but the flash reflected off the window and all I have is a blurred last image of my new family.

[Back In The USA]

I've never heard of a soy milk machine. I buy it all the time at the store, in fact, that's all I use for milk. Where can I get one of them?

[Back In The USA]

I would think they'd like cheese in the north at least. My new niece told me that northern China is China's cattle country, supposedly there are a lot of cattle ranches there. I suggested that we have a cultural exchange, we'll send American cowboys to China and Chinese cowboys to Colorado. Can you say "Howdy pardner" in Chinese?

[Hey Clifford Keelac]

Do you mean other BBSs don't have topics like 300? Where else can you go to get immigration info and have a discussion about toilet paper? Yep, the Candle is the best.

[OT - soory, couldn't resisit...]

Gives a whole new meaning to meow mix. I wonder if they ever throw in a few coffee beans for flavor.

 

"For dinner tonight, I'll have the roasted civet cat with braised coffee bean sauce and can you bring the hair ball soup before the main course, I prefer to eat it seperately."

[Back In The USA]

I really should be sleeping, but I'll regale you folks a little more.

 

Most mornings spent at ShuWei's (ShuPing's sister) home, we woke up and ShuPing insisted that we brush our teeth and wash our face. Not a problem, morning breath is a health hazard, but I always like to eat first, then brush. Eating first allows you to taste the food you're eating and then brush it all away. ShuPing could never understand this.

 

She also had a hard time figuring out why I didn't want warm water to brush or wash with. I guess I'm just used to running water and would rather face the icy cold water from the faucet than use a pan or cup of warm water. She finally gave up on me after a week or so of supplying me with a warm cup of water that went down the drain.

 

We ate a little breakfast and left to go shopping. Apparently another tradition is for the groom to prepare a meal for his in-laws the day after the wedding. I had a menu in mind and we were going to buy what we needed.

 

The taxi took us to Fu-Mart, China's Wal-Mart. The thing about Fu-Mart is that it is a maze that takes up 3 floors of a building. There were shopping carts on the first floor, but we had to use the escalators and go to the 3rd floor to get a cart, even though the check out was on the 2nd floor.

 

The top floor contained all the clothes and appliances and non-food items. Then came the escalators down. The wheels of the shopping carts weren't hard rubber like an American cart, they're more like two metal disks that are about an inch apart. I figured out why when we got to the cart escalator. It's like a conveyor belt, not like stairs, but it has grooves in it and the wheels, or disks, fall into the grooves and then it gets stuck there. You can go down this incline, lean on your shopping cart and not roll anywhere.

 

The other cool thing about the shopping carts is that all the wheels turn. You can be headed in one direction and move your cart 90 degrees to the left or right without turning. It's very useful when you've got someone standing in front of you, blocking your aisle.

 

Anyway, Fu-Mart is a far cry from the little corner grocery shops on the corner, they truly are a "super market". They had a bakery, meat and produce departments. They also have the shelves stocked with canned and dry goods. They also have many things that you'd never find in an American grocery store - live fish, crabs, frogs and turtles. They even had a nice sized, live trout that I almost bought.

 

Anyway, I had omelets, sausage and pancakes on the menu. We found most all of the ingredients I needed. No syrup, so we used honey. No baking powder, but we used baking soda. Otherwise we found everything else, everything except the cheese, we forgot to get cheese. I was a little upset because an omelet isn't an omelet without cheese.

 

The sausages weren't spiced at all, so they proved to be more like spam, but the rest of the meal turned out near perfect. I am a pretty good cook and I had to improvise some, but no problem. I even mastered making the omelets and pancakes flat in a wok, not an easy task.

 

Mama and TeJie (I think that's right for oldest sister), a 6 year old grand nephew, ShuPing and I ate a very good meal. The little boy really liked the pancakes and honey. Everyone else claimed to like the whole meal. I was right pleased with myself.

 

That afternoon Mama went home and ShuPing and I had some time to ourselves. It was the first time we could relax together as man and wife. No pressing plans to make and nothing to follow up on. It was nice and we took advantage of the time to fall in love a little more.

 

That night we were to meet TeGuo and several other family members at a hotel for dinner and the go dancing. We did. It was another great meal. This time the feature dishes turned out to be bear meat and some kind of fish. ShuPing told me the fish was very special and that I should eat it, so I did. Half way through the meal, I noticed that the fish was half gone and needed to be turned over. The shape of the meat and the thin, finger-like cartilage running through it reminded me of something. I asked ShuPing if the fish had big teeth and was very mean, she said yes, that's what it is, shark. It was really good, so was the sweet bear meat.

 

Everyone was very lose and we were all drinking that Chinese liquor, (the bottle I have at home has "Gujinggongjiu" written on it). Soon the conversation got to displays of public affection. I think ShuPing mentioned something about my penchant for it - and my reluctant restraint since coming to QIQiHaer. That kind of thing, she says, is not very acceptable for respectable Chinese people.

 

This got TeGuo going. He spoke Chinese and I don't know what he said, but if I had to interpret it into English, I would say it went something like, "Are you kidding? I can kiss my wife anytime, even in public, just watch". With this he proceeded to give his wife a kiss on the cheek.

 

I told him, no, no, this is a real kiss and I laid a good lip lock on ShuPing. Turning back to him I said, "Go ahead, show us a real kiss". His wife looked like she would punch him if he did, but he tried anyway. She stuggled a bit, but good naturedly took a quick one and then pushed him away. This, of course, brought a loud round of applause and cheers.

 

Now it was SuhJie (ShuWei) and SuhJieFu's turn. They are pretty conservative and he was not nearly as toasty as we were, but they gamely kissed on the cheek. We gave them more encouragement and they kiss on the lips, but reluctantly. Unfortunately, for them, my camera was slow with the flash and I needed to take several pictures before I got one that was good enough.

 

The meal was great and we had a really good time, but it was time to move on to the dancing. We walked a few blocks in the serious cold and came to what I thought was another hotel. What it turned out to be was a karaoke lounge. This place had separate rooms, each with it's own karaoke machine and accompanying TV. We closed the door and commenced to have a little dancing and singing party.

 

The first music played was techno and I showed them how to dance to it, well, at least I showed them how I think you dance to it. It got crazy. ShuPing's niece's husband, a big guy who is in the Chinese army and I started slamming each other. I had to show him how to do it, but he soon got the idea. Fortunately, since we were both drunk, it didn't last long. Later TeGuo attempted it and ended up jut falling all over the place so that didn't last long either.

 

FongShu, ShuPing's 20 year old niece had some moves and wanted to dance, so we danced a little and ShuPing picked up some of her moves and we really had fun.

 

I was happy to see that there were English songs on the machine, quite a few as a matter of fact. I don't have the greatest voice in the world, but I'm not bad within a small range. I sang several songs, including, "Twist and Shout", "Honky Tonk Woman", "Time In A Bottle", "Your Song", "Wooly Bully", "Rocky Mountain High" and "A Whiter Shade of Pale". ShuPing and I tried "My Heart Will Go On" and I got everybody going on "Hey Jude". The best was when I got down on one knee and sang "(I Can't Help) Falling In Love With You" to ShuPing, everyone hooted and hollered over that one.

 

Soon the night was over and we all went home, but a strong bond was formed and I can't wait to get back there and teach them how to line dance.

[Back In The USA]

Thanks Darrell.

 

There's that one spot at the bottom of the top set of stairs where they have the fences going half way across and then tires set up at the bottom, that's what got me. I could just imagine someone falling and not stopping until they reached the bottom and bounced off the tires. OUCH!

[Back In The USA]

So, once the pictures had been taken and most people were walking out the door, ShuPing's niece ushered us to the elevator. I asked my new wife what we were going to do, she said, "We go to eat some somethings". My hunger pangs disappeared immediately.

 

We went to a private room attended by a few brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and the photographer. I was happy to see the large, round table filled with delicious looking food in the middle of the room, I could hardly wait to get to it.

 

We had squid soup, pork ribs, beef, fish, vegetables of various sorts, some kind of caramel covered potato type thing and finally the jiao dz <sp>(pot stickers or filled dumplings for those who aren't familiar with the Chinese name). Almost all meals are accompanied by jiao dz, but we had several different types for this meal. It really was a special feast.

 

For those who don't know about dining in China, the various dishes of a meal are served in separate bowls on the table and everyone uses their chop sticks to take mouthfuls of what they want to eat. You get a small plate or bowl for rice or to put very small portions on, but no big plates to pile food onto. If the dinner is served at a large table, there is a "lazy Susan" or rotating table sitting on the table. It makes it much easier to eat from all the dishes at the table.

 

When we finished eating we sat for a few minutes to let the food digest and for some to smoke and then it was time to leave. We walked out of the banquet hall to a photo opp with the blow up Santa that stood outside. The rented car was gone and we, along with the photographer and most everyone who ate dinner with us, all jumped into taxi cabs. This was another one of those "I guess I'm just along for the ride" trips. I had no idea where we were going or why.

 

A few short minutes later we stopped outside a local shopping mall. I figured I was about to spend more money for something, but we walked into the middle courtyard of this open-air mall. The temperature was 5 to 10 degrees and everyone had coats but ShuPing and I. There was a sense of urgency for this reason, but I still didn't know what the heck we were doing.

 

This courtyard area is plush and green all year long, thanks to the modern miracle of plastic. There are different types of artificial trees there and at night the palm trees are lit with colored flood lights. There is a playground for the kiddies and park benches to sit on. The place looks nice, the thing is, there's nobody there because of the frigid cold. No one, that is, except us. We were a source of great interest to anyone walking by. I finally figured out what we were doing when I was told to sit on the park bench with ShuPing. We were there to have our pictures taken.

 

The photographer and our niece snapped a couple of pictures and we were captured forever in the illusion of eternal spring. (Except for the bit of snow on the ground and the redness of our cheeks). We quickly made our way back to the taxi, but stopped just long enough to get a couple of more pictures in front of an ice sculptured lion. We jumped into the taxi and headed back to her sister's apartment.

 

There were more pictures taken of us in the honeymoon room, fun poses this time. We each received an apple to eat as wedding gifts. Apparently more good luck for the marriage. We hung out for a few hours and had a rest. ShuPing informed me that tradition called for Mama to spend the night with the newly weds. Huh? It was not that big a deal because our wedding night/honeymoon had really been spent in Harbin.

 

As night came it was time to eat again. We walked Mama across the street and down the block to a nice restaurant. We all sat around 2 very large tables and feasted again. ShuPing and I were each given a large bowl of soup. It had a tasty broth and some veggies in it, but it also had one long, thick, flat noodle. I bet the thing was at least 8 feet long. I was told that we had to eat the whole bowl of soup to ensure we would have a happy marriage. More good luck, at this rate we were the luckiest couple in the world. Yes, we did manage to eat the whole thing.

 

With our stomachs full to bursting and our wedding night upon us, we left the restaurant. ShuPing told me that we had to go get our hair washed. Hmmm, OK. I assumed that we would go back to the public baths, but no, we were going to a beauty salon. ShuPing and I and Mama, she needed her hair washed too.

 

We walked Mama out of the restaurant and, amazingly, it was snowing. It was a nice snow and a heavy snow, big flakes falling fast, but without any wind. I had dreamed of a white Christmas - how perfect was this?

 

The beauty salon was an experience in itself. We all sat down in the hair washing stations. They washed our hair without using any more water than what was in the watered down shampoo. The wash included a scalp and back massage. Our hair was rinsed in a sink and then we were handed over to a guy with a blow dryer. Soon we had nice, clean, styled hair.

 

The one thing I noticed about the hairdressers and other shops in China is that everyone seems to have a part of what is typically a one person job here in the states. The hair washer, the hair stylist, the cashier, all were different people. I suspect that if we were to have our hair cut, we would've seen yet another person. I found it interesting and no doubt due to the number of people who need jobs in China.

 

Our wedding day drew to a close. Mama went to bed and then, so did ShuPing and I. But the next day would prove to be a new experience.

[The P4 Floodgates Finally Open]

There's a great day a comin'!  I see a time when visas will be granted in record time!  My prediction for this year - the process breaks lose and the new norm is 4 to 6 months.

 

Congrats, Francine will be here soon.

4-6 months??!!!!

 

You on drugs Mark or just lovesick? B)

The truth is..... 4-6 months might leave one's head spinning, but if all of the stars and planets are aligned precisely right.... It could happen, even going through GZ.

 

Let's see:

 

VSC - 1.5 months

NVC - 0.5 months

Ship to GZ 0.5 months

P3 - 0.5 months

P4 - 0.5 months

Interview 1 month......

-----------------------------------

Ok, add it all up and one gets: 4.5 months.....

 

As Moscow has combined the P3/P4, perhaps China would do the same and save some time that way.

 

Of course, the flipside is:

NSC/TSC - 7 months

NVC - 3 months

Ship to GZ 1.5 months

P3 4 months (120 days max, right?)

P4 3 months

Interview 2 months

Whilte Slip????????????

--------------------------------------------

Add it up and one gets 20.5 months.

 

 

Let's hope Mark gets the first timeline.....

Are you planning on moving to Vermont?

 

I wonder what would happen if one used a mail forwarding service? Some look very much like a "real" address (no PO Box or anything). Just file a change of address once the wife gets to the USA.

 

------ CK ------

To all you scoffers out there, "HAH!"

 

OK I won't gloat until ShuPing and I get through this in 4 - 6 months, but I will say...

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! to everyone being swept through the floodgates!

 

God has smiled on the Candle today!

 

No plans for Vermont, but if I knew it would help...

[Back In The USA]

Thanks Michael, glad I could be of service. Of course, we'll expect a full report when you and Yan get married.

 

I don't know how "typical" our wedding was, but it was definitely big. ShuPing has a large family and she is the baby of the family, plus she just turned 35. It may have been a real celebration for her family to finally "give her away".

 

I know you guys are waiting for the next installment, but I've been wiped out lately. I'm back to my overnight job tonight and I should be able to post more.

[The P4 Floodgates Finally Open]

Hey, I feel it in my bones, just call it a hunch, or wishful thinking.

[The P4 Floodgates Finally Open]

There's a great day a comin'! I see a time when visas will be granted in record time! My prediction for this year - the process breaks lose and the new norm is 4 to 6 months.

 

Congrats, Francine will be here soon.

[Back In The USA]

I'm glad my stories are appreciated. I'll keep them coming as long as you guys want to hear them.

 

A quick aside from the wedding story. ShuPing and I were on the train from Beijing, approaching QiQIHaer and I asked her how to say "Pleased to meet you". She told me "Gee yen dow ni, hun gow shein". I practiced and practiced and practiced. I had it down pat. When I met her family I couldn't remember it to save my life. I mumbled something about "gun jow knee" and everyone got a big laugh out of it.

 

Where were we? Oh, ShuPing and I sitting in the Honda at the banquet hall. ShuPing told me we had to wait before we could get out. I looked and saw her brothers unrolling something in front of the doors. No, not a red carpet. I realized what they were about the time the firecrackers started popping. There were 2 rolls about 10' each popping like crazy! People were plugging their ears and turning away. I swear the firecrackers popped for a good minute straight. Then, at the end, were 2 boxes. These boxes contained M-80s or the Chinese equivalent, they exploded with 2 and 3 loud booms on each. I thought that was the coolest thing I'd seen, and heard, in a long time.

 

We got out of the car and were immediately showered with confetti and sprayed with silly string. People were cheering as we were directed inside the banquet hall.

 

We entered the large banquet hall and went right into a side room where a sofa and some desks were. We sat down and waited as people came in and out. The photographer took some pictures and we had to provide our little red books to the guy I assumed was the priest or minister. I made arrangements for the sound guy to play our song when it was time for the first dance.

 

There was a live band that played a few songs while we waited and a karaoke machine that played something funky like, "She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain" or "My Darling Clementine". Finally we were asked to walk to the back of the hall.

 

We walked to the back of the hall and I met with ShuPing's nephew's wife, an English teacher. I had met her the night before and she was to be my interpreter. We waited for the announcement and began walking to the sound of "Here Comes The Bride". We reached the stage and stepped up.

 

The announcer (I'll call him "Mr. MC") talked for a few minutes, introducing us. He asked us a few questions which my interpreter deciphered for me. The questions centered around how we had met and how could two people, so different and from so far apart, fall in love. He talked quite a bit and then we exchanged rings. I expected to exchange vows or say some things, but Mr. MC never asked anything of the sort, but he did talk a lot.

 

Finally he invited us to dance and announced us as Mr. and Mrs. The song we had chosen was the Chinese version of Coco Lee's "A Love Before Time" from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. (OK, it was my choice, but she definitely agreed with it.) It isn't a very easy song to dance to, but we could barely hear it anyway since Mr. MC kept talking. Didn't matter though, I was in another place, far away, with an angel in my arms.

 

Soon the music stopped and we went back in to the side room. A few minutes passed and ShuPing's neice came in to take her away. I sat alone for several minutes as the band played and Mr. MC sang. Soon ShuPing returned and was wearing her red wedding dress. Talk about your China dolls! She was simply beautiful.

 

We went out again, this time directly to the stage. Mr. MC talked some more and then asked us to make a toast "American" style. Huh? Do we, as Americans, have "a toast"? I had no idea what he meant. Through the interpreter, I gathered that he wanted us to clink glasses. We were also supposed to do the intertwined arms toast as well. This proved to be comical as I had to squat down to be on the same level as ShuPing.

 

Then we had bowing to do. Mama was called up to the stage, interviewed, and then ShuPing and I had to bow 3 times to her to show our respect. Then we bowed to our guests 3 times. Then we bowed to each other 3 times. It was at this point that I began to feel hungry. There was all this food on all these tables and a table reserved for us, but every time we sat down to eat, after the bowing, we had to get up.

 

We had to go to all the tables and make toasts with all the guests. We drank Coke, they drank many different things. There were 10 or 11 tables and we hit each one of them. I'd never drank so much Coke.

 

There were so many people and I knew nearly none of them. Still, it was nice to have so many people share our special event with us. Then it was time to take pictures with them all. The photo opp took at least 30 mins and during that time I became more and more hungry. Finally, the last of the pictures were being taken. Then I realized that they were also taking the food.

 

I saw things being boxed up and I thought maybe they were saving it for us. It was quite the spread, and I was hungry, so maybe you can imagine why I was apprehensive about the meal.

 

Well, I save that for later. Did Mark and ShuPing get to eat at their own wedding? Tune in next time for another episode.

[Back In The USA]

Boy, I've only been away from my wife for 7 days and I'm dying. I have to admire everyone who's persevered longer than I have. I have no doubt that we will make it to the end, but what a long road through hell.

 

It does help to write about my experiences though, so thank you all for the server space and the sympathetic eyes and comments.

 

Back in QiQIHaer there were many things to do for the wedding. We had to buy bedding for our wedding bed and red shoes for ShuPing. I was constantly impressed by the customer service and the way there are sales people for every item in the store.

 

We also bought rings. Nothing elaborate, white gold, a small 1/4 karat solitaire for her and a thin band for me with diamond cuts in it. Wedding paraphernalia, like foil designs and streamers, red matches and confetti, flags for the cars and silly string.

 

We decorated our room in red, of course. Red sheets, red comforter, red pillow cases. Foil designs on the closets, windows and doors. Red streamers on the ceiling with a red paper ball hanging in the center. We were doing it right.

 

The morning of the wedding had finally arrived. I had my instructions. I was to be taken in the rented car to Mama's house, go and knock on the door and call out, "Mama! Come in!" (or it could've been a Chinese phrase that sounded like come in, maybe one of you guys know). When the door opened, I was supposed to give the person opening the door a red envelope with 10RMB in it. There was a whole list of things I was supposed to do, but even armed with this info, I still felt lost and unsure about what I was going to do.

 

We woke up early on the morning of Dec 24th. ShuPing left about 7AM to go get ready, her neice picking her up from the apartment. I, on the other hand, had to put on my red wedding jacket, black pants, red socks and red underwear and wait patiently until 9 to be picked up. Gradually the place began to fill with more and more people. There was a guy with a video camera and a photographer taking shots of the bedroom and decorations and the nervous groom. Fortunately, ShuPing's niece FongShu was there with her limited English ability.

 

The appointed time finally arrived, 9AM and I was ready to get the party started. I was escorted downstairs by assorted family and friends to a black Honda Accord with flowers all over it. Stopping only long enough to get a picture in front of it. Off to Mama's house we went.

 

We turned into the dirt road of Mama's neighborhood and were directed through the maze of little houses. The closer we got the more people directed us until finally we parked to an audience of about 25 people waiting patiently in the cold.

 

I walked to the front door and it was wide open, no need to knock or slip anyone a 10. The place was packed with wedding guests, but there, on the bed/platform in the living room, sat my beautiful bride. Resplendid in her white wedding dress and just as nervous as I. I walked in, smiling like an idiot and attempted to hook the red corsage on her dress. This was difficult as there was nowhere to hook it and no safety pin to pin it. When that didn't work, some one called for a pin and I was told to light a cigarette for Mama.

 

Mama was sitting in a chair behind me with a cigarette and I lit it. She took a puff and passed it to someone. She handed me a red envelope and I handed her my red envelope and the deal was done. ShuPing was mine. (OK, she was mine before then, but it was one of those surreal moments when things aren't quite what they seem).

 

I wasn't done yet. I still had to put on the red shoes. I slipped them on her feet, reached into my pocket and pulled out the coins I had been given earlier, I threw them on the bed as I had been instructed and then turned to my lovely bride. She put her arms around me and I picked her up. More pictures were taken and then it was off to the waiting Honda.

 

Now, here is a fine point that I don't think I will ever understand about China. I am 6'2" and bigger than everyone I met over there, but not that much bigger. My brothers-in-law are right around 6' for instance. Why are the doors made so short? A 5'6" doorway? Thank God ShuPing is a light woman. Fortunately, I was able to carry her through the 3 short doors that stood in my path to the car and never let her slip.

 

We stood in front of the car for more photo opps before we got in and proceeded, with paparazzi escort, to the banquet hall. (No kidding, the 2 folks with video cameras - one of them mine - were in a van ahead of us with the hatchback open and the cameras rolling). We made it with no problem and waited in the car while something special occurred, but I'll have to tell you about that in the next installment, I've gotta go to work now.