A Mafan

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, you may find yourself in a difficult situation at some point when no western silverware is available. Best thing is to practice as much as you can. One good way to do it is just buy a bag of beans and get some chopsticks. I recommend starting with the wooden disposable ones, because the roughness of the wood helps grip a little, and any success is encouraging. Just open the bag, and practice transferring the uncooked dry beans from a bowl to a plate, and then back again. You will improve immensely in just a day or two.

I'm here in Hawaii. Reply or send me a message if you need anything while you're here. 208542[/snapback] Please send Papayas. My wife loves them. Ate them just about every day. 208745[/snapback] I take it you have already returned to the Mainland U.S. Um, I can get mangos. The trees are all over the place. But papayas? I don't even know what they look like.

I'm here in Hawaii. Reply or send me a message if you need anything while you're here.

Go ahead and start working with a realtor. You don't pay their commission (the seller does), and they can help you figure out what you want/need as well as helping guide you through the proper steps to protect yourself, like having an inspection done. All that being said, buying a house is a big deal. Most of the money you send in payments for the first 3 years is to interest alone. Thus, it is in your best interest if you buy a house where the monthly payment is less than you can afford. Paying an extra $100 each month can save you tens of thousands of dollars in interest over the life of the loan. If you are planning on selling (and moving to a newer/bigger house) within 5 years, don't pay points...you won't get your money back in interest saved. Sometimes an older house has more things that need to be done, and yes, some big problems can be very expensive to fix. But most of that can be avoided with the pre-purchase inspection. Since you have not lived in the U.S. before, I'd recommend buying someplace smaller than you might want and just live there for a few years to get a better idea of what you really do want, and then make your second home purchase be the one you want to stay in long-term (perhaps the rest of your life). I'm not sure about the house your SO is living in now, because if you just lease from them, or if they finance the mortgage, many of the laws that are built-in to protect buyers won't shield. So, again, work with a realtor, and you won't have to worry that much. The more research you do, the better.

That describes many Chinese movies, including pretty much all of Zhang Yimou's films. His most depressing is "Ju Dou". I'll never watch that one again. Even "Happy Times" (Xingfu Shiguang) is a little depressing. Still, it's got some good humor, and stars Zhang Yimou's 3rd "discovery" (the first being Gong Li, the 2nd being Zhang Ziyi). Maggie Cheung, like most Hong Kong actors/actresses, has starred in a staggering number of films. Some of them are extremely bad, like "Heroic Trio". "The China Box" (about Hong Kong right before the handover, has Maggie and Gong Li...who speaks 3 sentences of obviously-memorized English) is pretty bad, too.

"Jiang Kai-shek" is the Cantonese form, I believe. It's "Jiang Jieshi" in Mandarin. You can also call him the "Guomindang Lingdao Ren".

Cellphone (Shou Ji) and World Without Thieves (Tian Xia Wu Zei) are excellent. 7 Swords (Qi Jian) is good. I'm not sure you can get them through Blockbuster yet. The thing is, I don't think you can divide "gongfu movie" from "culture movie", because there's quite a bit of crossover. What you're trying to do is probably somewhat like trying to gain a deeper understanding of U.S. culture by only watching chick flicks. Sure, you'd learn a lot, but you'd miss the lessons found in the male-bonding films, american humor, etc. One Gongfu movie that has good humor and makes some good points is "The Iceman Cometh". It also has Maggie Cheung as a star, btw. Another one that lots of Chinese people like is "Infernal Affairs" 1, 2, and 3. The Hong Kong crime society movies are dark and pessimistic, but good. They explore love, loyalty, betrayal, courage, cowardice, greed...

Okay, I checked on the shoes thing. It's actually almost exactly like the clock. 鞋 is a homonym for 邪 (evil). So if you send shoes 送鞋， you are sending evil 送邪。

I hadn't heard the thing about not buying shoes. Off the top of my head, it may be because the word for a worn-out, dirty, whore-skank is "Po-Xie" (破鞋), or "broken shoe", as in "used so much sexually she just wore out". So by buying her shoes, you may be implying she's just such a woman? Dunno. I'll ask around. Also, never buy someone a clock. Giving a gift is "Sending"　（送），and the word for clock is a homonym for "final/death" （钟/终）. The meaning is thus:　with this gift, I send you death.

It was a natural understanding that brought us together in the first place. From there, we've worked hard at it. 2-3 hours of conversation every night for more than a year helps.

We talk things out. Even at midnight, with kids to take to daycare/school before 6:30am the next day, it's more than worth the extra hour to keep talking with her until we work it out. The times I've let us say "see you tomorrow" without working it out have been the worst days of my life. Listen, and talk. Give. Put her first. Be calm, stable, forgiving, and patient. Always have the courage to tell the truth, unshaded. That's how we've worked, and we are getting closer all the time. I love her more each day, and I understand more every time we talk.

Based on how I admitted I misunderstood the situation, and that I stated clearly that I was venting my frustration upon realizing my mistake, this is the one that felt like sarcasm: This was the one that sounded like hostility: Obviously, I misread the tone. Probably because it seems like your humor is fairly dry. It comes across much better if I read it imagining you typing with a wry (sympathetic?) grin on your face. Or I'm just being too sensitive because my past mistakes leave me with only less-than-optimal choices. In any case, I feel worse because I feel like my failure to read closely results in my fiancee paying the price.

I was replying to A Mafan who seemed to want to complain about the rules after making his choice. Don't we all? 206943[/snapback] I'm complaining about the rules that make no sense, yes. I'm accepting the rules that make no sense, yes. There are advantages/disadvantages to filing a marriage visa, and advantages /disadvantages to filing an engagement visa. I didn't read the rules with an eye toward trying to find a gap, I read the rules with an eye toward trying to understand it terms of advantages and disadvantages. I misunderstood it. When I was finally forced to confront the actual wording, it was painful, based on assumptions I had already made in the face of my misunderstanding. I didn't understand why, after having endured the disadvantage of the engagement visa and not asking for the advantages of a marriage visa, I couldn't get married just 1 day before bringing her into the U.S. I analyzed it on the basis of actual deception and/or danger to U.S. security, and see absolutely no difference once the engagement visa has been completed. Thus, it's a senseless rule. But after accepting the reality and my misunderstanding, I'm going to follow the law. And I tried to help explain to others more clearly to help them avoid making the same mistaken assumptions I did. Your sarcasm/hostility really wasn't what I expected from what is suppsoed to be a mutual-support site in what is a very difficult emotional time for me.

Congratulations! I'm happy for you.

Yep. The people saying "don't try to be the test case" are correct. I spoke to a lawyer about it, too. Fraud. It sucks, but it's fraud. My post was venting, the last gasp of irritation/frustration/anger before final acceptance. But the wording is clear: it is a Visa to enter the U.S. as an unmarried person for the purpose of getting married. Anything else is, as I've repeated a few times, fraud. I understand the idea of celebration with the family. But, honestly: if you have the celebration, then one of you dies on the way to the airport, good luck getting any spousal privileges on the basis of the ceremony. I think of it this way: in the U.S., if you get married in a big church wedding, you exchange the rings, exchange the vows, light the unity candles, "kiss the bride", and "I now pronounce you husband and wife". But you don't actually get married until the pastor/judge signs the certificate and turns it in. So would you have the ceremony, do all the stuff, have an expensive reception, open all the presents, send all the thank you notes, go on a honeymoon...all without a marriage license? And then a few weeks later go have a legal marriage in front of the judge? Wouldn't that feel silly? False? I want to celebrate the wedding with her family and friends. Coming back to the U.S., none of my family and closest friends can afford to come to where I live to celebrate with us. So the most important day of my life, the beginning of our actual, legal marriage, will be without any of the people we most care about present. And all the joy and happiness and celebration with her friends and family (whom I also love very much), that should be for a wedding, will merely be to announce that we Will Be Getting Married Really Soon, Now. But for anyone feeling like I do: that's the law. It may be ridiculous, but that's the law. I always thought the most important part of the process was just determining that the person you were bringing into the U.S. wasn't a criminal, wasn't disease-ridden, and wasn't trying to pull a scam to get into the U.S.; if that's the case, it still seems to me that after you have the approval to enter the U.S., you should be able to marry anywhere between the date of approval and within 90 days of arriving in the U.S., but no more than 6 months overall. As such, it seems like there should be a waiver or addendum you should be able to apply for after receiving approval to change a K-1 to a K-3 without having to start all over. After all, you've already determined the exact same things you would need for a K-3. But that's not the case. Due to some really asinine wording. Still, it's the law. And we'll stick with the law, even though it means we can't celebrate our actual marriage with the people we love. The whole process is dehumanizing, but at least I can end up with the love of my life by my side when it's done.

From what I can tell, it seems like California does one type of Visa until it gets caught up, ignoring all others. Then it does another type of visa application until it gets caught up, ignoring all others. Eventually it gets around to the 129F, and gets caught up. As a result, they do a whole bunch of applications at one time, and a wide range of dates gets taken care of. If yours was last to arrive, it probably gets done with less waiting time. If yours arrives right after that visa type was caught up, then it probably languishes for a while until that stack gets full again. Kind of like an overseas mail container. They can't send it until its full...usually takes 2-3 weeks. But if yours is the last letter before they close it up and ship it, it can happen pretty quick. ...all luck of the draw. I think.

I've seen time frames all the way from 5 months to over a year; it all depends on the individual and their own set of particular circumstances. By the way, welcome to CFL and good luck. This is a great website -- full of information. I can't offer much at this point because I'm only a short ways ahead of you. Some of these guys have been here a long time and know the ropes. Someday I hope to be able to offer more help. Ron 206320[/snapback] Lawyer vs doing it yourself: If a lawyer does it, you know it's done right. I didn't think about my ex-wife's name change between our marriage and divorce...I thought the SSAN would be enough to determine it was the same person. That delayed us by about a month, if not more. Having a lawyer would have avoided that. On the other hand, a lawyer wouldn't actually do it themselves, they would have their clerk do the work. And the clerk has other things to do. When the letter comes, how many hours does it take to open the envelope? Does it sit on the desk overnight? Does it take 2-3 days to get around to taking the next step, when you'd send it back the same day? Those minor delays (because it's not a vital emergency situation to them like it is to you), could potentially cause your visa to take longer. Potentially. It's not an easy choice. Either way could potentially delay the completion. Know theyself, and choose accordingly.

Because the purpose of a K-1 visa is "entering the US to marry a US citizen". If you are already married before you come to the US (regardless of when) - then you are entering for a reason other than the one you were issued a visa for, which technically means visa fraud. It is sufficient reason to be turned back at the POE and quite possibly barred from re-entry for a period of time. It seems like a tiny little detail, but it it's actually a very big tiny little detail. 205982[/snapback] Why? Does the U.S. not recognize marriages in other nations? What is so special about U.S. soil that it's the only place you can get married for a K-1? I understand now that's the way the rule is worded. Now I just want to understand exactly what the justification is for wording it that way. The way I understand it, a K-3 is what you must do if you are already married. The benefit is that you get a permanent green card as soon as the visa is approved. The "cost" is that it takes longer. So the K-1 Visa was designed so that you could start the paperwork before getting married. The benefit is you get it a little earlier, and you can start the paperwork before actually getting married. The downside is that you only get a conditional (2-year) green card, and only after you actually get married. The twisted part of this is that they go through so much trouble trying to determine if it's a sham relationship or not...but being eager to get married seems to penalize you instead of providing evidence of love and commitment. I'm not asking for the benefits of a marriage visa. I am more than willing to stick with downside of the engagement visa. I already went through the pain of the last 7 months (and will be 10 months by the time we finally get approved, as things appear now). If I had understood the utter stupidity of this stupid rule (if I had read it word-for-word instead of trying to just understand a logical difference between a marriage and engagement visa), I would have married her last September, in China, with her family and waited a little longer to have her with me. Bottom line: when she has passed her interview, she's shown she's healthy and not a criminal, we've demonstrated we have a real relationship and are both eligible to marry (single) to their satisfaction. At that point, she's been given permission to enter the U.S. on a temporary basis, and that permission becomes semi-permanent (2 years) as soon as we marry. If we marry a few hours before getting on the plane, that shouldn't make any frikken difference. But due to a stupid, small-minded wording, it does. I know, I know...that's the rules. I'm just venting. It's just that it's about as stupid of a distinction as I can think of. It does nothing to protect the U.S. from fraud. Allowing us to marry in China does nothing to make the U.S. any less safe. The only thing this stupid minor distinction does is prevent us from truly respecting her family by marrying with all the people she is closest to. Yes, you can have the "reception", there. It's actually a lie, isn't it? You aren't married. If you die in a taxi accident on the way to the airport, your pseudo-spouse gets no legal recognition whatsoever. If you try to go on a honeymoon in China before returning to the U.S., you aren't actually married. And discussing doing that and pretending it was an actual wedding feels dishonest to her. And telling her, "we can just have a reception/engagement party for the family" feels dishonest to me, too. This sucks.

All right, now I'm confused. Why not marry in China after the interview is over and the visa issued?!? Like the man said, if the marriage is legal there, it's now legal here, and vice versa. So why does it matter where you marry, as long as you marry within 90 days?

I don't know how this all works, either. I had returned home from my visit to my fiancee before you ever saw yours for the first time. Our NOA was sent on the same day as yours (13 Oct). Yet you got approved by 20 November, whereas they didn't even look at mine until the end of December or so. Of course, it's possible you were using a different service center than California...

Okay, thanks.

I never expected the process to take so long. I guess all my research on immigrant fiancee visas included information from Europe, because I saw most people were totally done in 150 days, and some as quick as 90 days. Here I am close to 150 days, and haven't even gotten the P3 yet. That means I should expect at least another 150 days from now, if not more, until the interview. This is absolutely frustrating. How can I tell my fiancee when we might realistically get to finish this process? Anyway, my question is: I have a chance to go to see her again in China, and I want to take the opportunity to marry her. How would that affect our engagement visa application? How could that affect our engagement visa application? My thought is that when she arrives, we can have a western/church wedding to fulfill the "must marry within 90 days" requirement, and turn that form in. But since nothing is ever simple, exactly why can't we do that?