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I'd say that if you want to avoid being too dependent on her, then don't get into the habit of being too dependent on her. If you're already used to doing so, I think you will have to "break the mold" of your daily expectations and routines, which could be hard. One day you'll have to say, "What do we need honey? I'll go get it myself." (As she says, "What? Huh?") When you get into a cab, you'll have to break the habit of allowing her to converse with the driver. Since you're starting fresh with your return to China, do your best to avoid falling into "dependent" habits that you'll want to break later.

I can't say for sure whether anything is wrong, but a few things strike me as red flags. The main thing is communication. When your wife agreed to give her apartment back to her ex-husband, where did you believe she would then be living when/if he decided to take it back? Did this not concern you? Furthermore, it turns out that she had a separate apartment available but didn't mention it to you until she wanted your financial input. Shouldn't the existence of this alternative apartment have come up sometime in your discussions in the aftermath of her signing over her home? Finally, this other apartment sounds huge and extremely expensive. Even though you've been sending $800 per month, nothing you've said gives me the impression that you'd know whether or not this one is also somehow related to the ex-husband. It's your life. No one here can say with any confidence anything about your wife's character, her ex-husband's intentions, or their relationship, or, correspondingly, how you should respond to the ex-husband. The main feeling I get is that you're investing huge amounts financially without having a deep understanding of the situation and relationship histories that you've walked into. If that's a leap of faith you're willing to take, then go for it. Since you're probably already tens of thousands of dollars into the relationship, whether or not to treat her ex-husband to dinner seems like small potatoes. You might as well.

Yes, I've taken it. It's computerized so that the questions can be customized to how well you're doing. Get more right and you'll get harder questions, which are worth more points. As others said it's used for admission to graduate school.

People very frequently say they'd like to see someone killed. But when you get stabbed in the heart and people really are happy, then you really "achieved" something special.

Wonder where and how whome has been...

And let's not forget arguably the most famous example in which the vice president (Burr) shot and killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel! Fascinating and weird. Apparently there used to be a lot of duels...

7 Days Inn has always met my expectations on price (maybe 140RMB/night?), cleanliness (reasonably clean, never saw any insects at the 4 or 5 I've stayed at in various cities), and service (usually staffed by friendly young people, has internet). There's one down the street from the consulate -- make a right on tianhe bei lu and follow that until the pedestrian overpass (10-15 minute walk?), where you'll be able to see the yellow building.

I¡¯d guess it¡¯s probably the script rather than the specific characters that causes her reaction. Specifically, the top two look like characters from about 200 BC¡­

I saw this guy on Chinese tv like 2 years ago. Very funny and interesting man. A lot of his jokes were going over their heads though (e.g., "peaking duck," ha).

Hmm, һ˵²Ü²Ù, never heard it, but now I can use it... Thanks I plan on going to Anyang sometime. My wife's dad once bought a train ticket to return to Nanyang, but the seller sold him a ticket for Anyang and refused to change it...

But it's often surprising how little a racist attitude matters when it comes to meeting people "in the flesh." When people don't conform to stereotypes they're seen as exceptions and can be let into the bubble. As for the original story about Lou Jing, I think the animosity (which as Randy pointed out seems to be coming mainly from anonymous strangers on the internet) is first based in the fact that she was conceived when her mom cheated on her husband and Lou Jing's father turned out to be a deadbeat. None of this is Lou Jing's fault, but it's all disdained in Chinese culture (e.g., just look at insults such as »ìµ°). The racial issues magnify the animosity and play into fears that Western influences that have accompanied China's opening up are corrupting China.

As others have said, having the interview in Chinese won't be a problem, but the consular officer will want to see evidence of how you communicate. In our case I included lots of emails and letters in Chinese in our original petition to USCIS, and before my wife's interview I went into ACH with an "Evolution of Relationship" letter I hand-wrote in Chinese. Along with some other questions I had, I showed this letter to the VO, and she looked at it and made comments on the computer. I asked if she wanted me to read it out loud for her but she declined, saying nothing more than it was very well written. It was a pleasant exchange, and when my wife interviewed (in Chinese) she got pink. Another member here was recently in a similar situation -- her husband spoke very little English, with them communicating only in Chinese. I believe she brought copies of diplomas from her Chinese schooling, and they were given blue. She can correct me if I'm wrong, but the lesson seems to be to provide original diplomas and certificates from any schools for their inspection, and (from my experience) to provide documentation of your Chinese ability in the form of emails/letters in the original petition and something tangible from you, in Chinese, for your wife to hand to the consular officer with your passport (the EOR letter).

I brought one from China a few years ago and didn't claim it. I think I had to take it out and let them look at it at customs, though, if I remember correctly.

I think you're getting at something along the lines of what I was originally thinking, which is that if the people responsible for the recurrences of the nv component were men, then the presence of the man is implicit and the characters for "marriage" need only be associated with women. The whole thing is tongue-in-cheek, though -- interpreting the content of characters is often like an art or an exercise in imagination...

yeah, give Highlander 15 years starting now and he'll understand Chinese language just as poorly as you do

fu yang quan (¸§ÑøȨ)

Highlander, I'm in the same boat now. You say she "could not come to visit" you -- did you try that and fail, or were you just convinced she would not be able to? That's what I'm trying to figure out -- is there some way to get her here on a tourist visa, or should I give up on that and not put her through the process... She told me soon after we first started talking in May of 2008, that it was impossible for her to ge a tourist Visa. On my return trip from Chongqing in April 09, the plane was almost all Chinese, so I was thinking how did they get Visas. Perhaps I'm misinterpreting what you guys are asking, but to reiterate: yes, it's possible. (that being the point of this thread) From the people who did it successfully, the important components seem to be: they had not yet filed for the fiancee visa, which would signal the Chinese person's intention to immigrate to America. they supplied information that made it apparent that they needed to return to China.

On this page there's a "Remembering Tiananmen" audio segment of an interview with John Pomfret. http://www.hereandnow.org/2009/05/rundown-522/#2 Pomfret's a guy whose take on China I have always found to be fascinating. He was in China first as a student in the early 80s studying Chinese and then history, then he was back again during the late 80s and was an eyewitness (and was shot at) as the troops entered Beijing from the west. He then made it to the square before the troops arrived and stayed until everyone left early in the morning. In the segment he responds to a question about an image embedded in his mind from the event. He recounts an armored truck running down 11 students (for what reason he doesn't know) as the despondent protesters were walking out of the square. Subsequently I believe Pomfret was forced to leave China and was not allowed to return again until the late 90s.

Here's a video of some sparring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4XJHiUaP5w...feature=related

I've experienced some similar things in China and at first really took them to heart. But aside from showing the teacher that you have an interest in your son's education, would it have mattered if you were there or would your wife pretty much have just explained what was said, similar to what ended up happening?

Seems like more exposure than 90% of people have before applying. Just do a lot of research on here as you get things ready. If you anticipate any problems ("red flags") then try to provide relevant information up front with your petition. For example, I think you said your fiancee and you communicate in Chinese, so the consulate will probably want to see some evidence of you doing so. (and in this case it will be fine for her to interview in Chinese when you reach that final stage) What I did was include (in the initial petition) a bunch of email logs between my wife and I showing correspondence in Chinese, and some physical letters that I translated into English for the people at USCIS. All of this stuff that you send in with your petition will get forwarded to the consulate and will be looked at prior to and during your fiancee's interview. Then for the interview I hand-wrote an "evolution of relationship letter" in Chinese that my wife gave to the visa officer to read. Good luck getting things ready.

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heh, my wife is from Henan. I'll tell Ndesandjo to join if I see him there Here's a long interview with Ndesandjo about his novel: Interestingly, it says before the interview and in some other news articles that Ndesandjo is fluent in Mandarin, but his short demonstration at the end of the interview isn't very impressive... Also, what was with all the passing on questions? (I mean, Beethoven vs. Mozart? sheesh...)

I'd back off from taking pounds of chat transcripts. A few good ones spread out in time should do, if the visa officer asks for them. For now, focus on organizing the information so that, as Randy sometimes says, it paints a clear picture of a happy couple. I'd suggest: #1 Make sure your EOR is easy to understand and conveys what your experiences together have meant to you both. #2 Make sure the visa officer will see things that paint a good picture of your relationship (e.g., put your best pictures on the front of folders). #3 Make sure your fiancee can easily find anything extra the visa officer asks for. From what I've seen and heard of you, you'll both do fine.