leejcandle

Our relationship practically started on Yahoo Messenger (October 2003), and grew from there! The difference is she got her own computer last May; no more internet cafe and "friends computer", fees, etc. We're on very many hours per day; we love the price.

My SO received my package with the cell phone without having to pay anything. Maybe because of the low values on the form ($20 for the phone).

I read the book. It was quite interesting. Also, there was a TV series in 2003. I watched most of it, but I didn't see the finale. Possibly it's available from Japan on DVD/VCD. Another movie that I like as a personal growth story is "Red Beard". It stars Mifune, with some other actors we often see in Kurosawa movies. That story is a bit slow, has many sub-plots; but is very moving. Fulfillment comes at the end.

When I arrived in September (China Southern from LAX), the walk from the arrival to the domestic departure gate was veeeeerrrry long.

Congratulations!! I hope you'll be happy? Could you tell me the flight itinerary you used to San Francisco?

Glad you really got it.----Duty,Responsibility ,plus strength I tend to go for two sorts of stories (regardless of the look of the movie or the acting): 1) The responsibility plot; where the protagonist(s) do what they should, regardless of the cost. In the Warriors of Heaven and Earth case, the good guys start out doing something simply out of responsibility, not realizing the true significance until later. 2) Personal growth: where the lead character is growing and maturing throughout the story. I fell in love with the Samurai (I, II, III) series for that reason. Myamoto Musashi is shown at the start as a brash teenager, and you see him grow and mature over the years into a responsible and wise warrior. Actually I'm a sucker for a third (which is an element in the Samurai series) The good guy has several women who love him. That's a true guy's hero fantasy. We want to be strong like the good guy, and we want women to love us.

I just finished chatting with the friend that gave my fiance the fee info. She says the fee is 10%. That would amount to 16 RMB if they use the $20 I put on the customs form. I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Yes it's expensive. I used mine (ATT Wireless) in an emergency on my first trip. On subsequent trips, I had expensive calls from people who didn't realize I was out of the country. ATT even charged me for calls routed to my voicemail. So don't turn it on in China unless you need it. I told folks to use email to contact me while I was there. I used mine for text messages last March. But in September, that didn't work. I bought a cell phone from CellularAbroad to use in China. That's much more economical.

I can't tell you the specific amount of duty IF it is imposed, but it may very well be. I had a friend in China once send his camera back to the U.S. for repair because it was still under warranty; when it was sent back to China he had to pay some ridiculous customs fee on it -- something like half the price of the camera. Now, if the phone is mixed in with other goods, it may be overlooked, but generally duties are charged on electronics. This is a really good idea (sending a phone your fiancée a phone to call you with); it's too bad you didn't just give it to her when you visited last. A couple non-customs issues to consider: (1) If she has to charge the phone (she may not depending how soon she's coming if you sent it with a full charge), she may have to worry about voltage issues if the phone's charger is only set up for 110. (2) Make sure she knows that she CANNOT use the phone before passing through U.S. Customs after she lands. Most airlines will let you use it after the plane lands while taxiing now (and have you seen the news - you may be able to use your phone in the air soon!); but after she gets off the plane and gets her bags she won't be able to use the phone until she gets past Immigration AND Customs. They always warn you of this on the plane, and I think generally make a point of doing it in Chinese as well, but it's worth making sure she knows because (i) you don't want the phone confiscated, which would ruin the whole point of giving it to her anyway; and (ii) this may cause further delays as she comes through. "After she lands": Most flights I'm on; about 200 cell phones light up when we start taxing. This is when she'll have to use it, because... "before passing through customs": I wasn't aware of this; I'm glad I asked the question. "when you visited last": That would have been ok, for a prepaid phone. We had different plans then (September). This one was purchased free for adding it to an existing contract. As it is; I'll have to pay 1 month or so ($20)of account charges before it actually gets used. After she gets here, I'll have her use my calling card to call back home. I declared $20 for the (free) phone on the customs sheet; mainly because I wanted the items to add up to a reasonable insured value. So if they ask her to pay $10; she'll grumble, but that's ok with me. When she first asked about the customs fee; she was implying that she'd just do without the phone. But I'd much rather her have it; even with the fee and the aforementioned usage restriction. If for some reason I'm not where I expect to be that day (in that airport); I want her to have a means of contact; not just sitting and fretting...

I bought a cell phone and sent it to my fiancee. The idea is that when she lands in the US, she can contact me immediately. I'll be at the same airport waiting for her to clear immigration and customs. She has a cell phone she's been using in China. But the one I sent her is shared on my existing contract, and will work as soon as she turns it on here. I preprogrammed it my my numbers, and some others. But a mutual friend of ours (in China) told her that she would have to pay a customs fee for the cell phone I sent. Is this true? If so how much? The cell phone is in a package with many other items. Please advise.

I generally liked WoHE, though I think the end is a bit too 'miraculous'; but no worse than other movies where fantasy is involved. This is one that I've watched repeatedly; I think I'm attracted to the values shown by the protagonists; mainly duty, responsibility. For those who haven't seen it, I'll give you a teaser without spoiling it. It's got a plot twist similar to Saving Private Ryan: The good guys think they're merely protecting a caravan from lowly bandits. But it turns out they're protecting something much more important.

This reminds me of something I told a friend months ago; that it's amazing the sorts of things that come out when all you can do is just talk. It made me realize that in my previous relationships, we never spent any where near as much time just talking to get to know each other. My SO has heard things from me that I've never told anyone; because talking is our only means of communication. Like how a blind person has much more sensitive hearing; our chat's get very deep and meaningful.

I'll also answer from the perspective of my previous marriage; then relate it to my current relationship with my SO. I was unhappy for years before my divorce. But my ex and I were still able to function as a team; especially for the sake of our boys. We supported each other through the death of a parent on each side; and through other difficult situations. This was long after the honeymoon was over. I think the issue is more than communication long-distance at the start (my ex and I didn't have enough there; so our marriage began with false expectations). But through the relationship physically together; you need to be able to function through all sorts of difficulties. That requires growing maturity, patience, and sometimes healthy self criticism and growth. So if there's one thing I would take forward as a positive from my previous marriage to my upcoming union with my fiancee; it's that ability to mutually solve life's problems together. Even today; my ex and I communicate and collaborate for our boys' sake. I want that for my future wife and I also. When I visited her in Nanning, I paid special attention to how she dealt with the public, how she worked through controversial situations, how she deals with family crises. We worked together through different situations. I've seen how she behaves under pressure; I understand her 'style' of disagreeing. We also developed the sort of routine where you see partners and/or team members get in sync, and the daily routine takes less effort. When we communicate by video chat, we talk about values; or plans for the future. But the face-to-face and team problem solving are where I believe a functioning marriage works. For us; I've seen how we work together, and I'm quite confident.

Our timeline is probably par for the course. Even though we were told the entire process could take anywhere from 9-15 months, we were in a very low period in the July-August time frame when our package sat for weeks after reaching Guangzhou customs. I made a 'relationship maintenance' visit in September; partly because the time before we could plan on seeing each other again seemed open-ended. During September together, we reinforced love, as well as our daily routine; which we continued after I returned. Now that we have a few weeks left we can talk about practical matters, as well as our affection. Use the time to communicate. Learn as much Chinese as possible. I feel the depth of our relationship is because we're communicated so much; in such detail. It's also really handy to be able to sit at dinner with her family and say some basic words; tell some dumb jokes; etc. Learn as much about her and her temperament as possible. I've found out some things that will help me understand her deeply, and help me prepare for her adjustment to life here. If your SO doesn't have a computer, help her get one. Use video and chat to communicate daily. Keep each others' moods up. Keep a regular routine. My SO and just finished a couple of hours explaining to each other (in detail, for the umpteenth time) why we are so precious to each other. In this "time of waiting" as we call it, we've gotten to know each other very well. Keep your chin up, and make wise use of the time until she arrives in your home.

LouRose, I came back after my previous post to add some additional comments for everyone, but my comments will also help answer your question. We initially used human translators (young daughters of her close friends; though we paid fees). So from when we met in October 2003 and during my first visit, we had some very deep discussions (even intimate); via the human translators. My only concern with that is I felt in some cases some information was being left out; or maybe the chat was going too quick a pace for all three people to have gotten everything understood. Sometimes I felt the girl translating was spicing up the conversation for the fun of it. So when I visited last December-January, I asked my SO to buy a cell phone that could read/write Chinese SMS. Since she couldn't use a computer (she's in her 40's; grew up in the country), I wanted a means to not only keep in contact; but to communicate amongst ourselves without the paid translator. On my side, I started studying Mandarin intensely. (For the previous 3 years, I had studied Japanese.) I knew from my work with Japanese that I could use input method editors and translation software. But I also wanted to get past the practical issues I ran into traveling alone in China. What I learned was that (common wisdom) translation software can make silly mistakes. So my Mandarin study progressed to where I could read and pick up the translation mistakes and correct them before sending to my SO. So from January through my second visit in March, until she got her own computer in May, we used SMS to communicate with each other; between Yahoo video chat sessions with a human friend running the chat. I didn't have to insist on my SO taking English classes. After she bought a computer, my biggest problem was getting her to learn Pinyin. She knew how to use stroke input methods on her cell phone, but I had to push her for a while to realize that with the means at our disposal, Pinyin entry and our computers, our best means of clear communication is for us to communicate in written Chinese. So we have had some very deep discussions communicating with each other in written Chinese. When she tried to chat with me in her rudimentary English, it only meant frustration. We couldn't communicate at all on a level for a true discussion between people; it was more correcting newbie mistakes and me trying very hard to keep my patience. During my third visit in September, my Mandarin was well enough for us to have basic interaction through our daily routines. But when we needed to discuss something important, we'd use our computers or pocket translators (I took my laptop along with a router; networked our computers in her apartment. We had one or two long discussions on Yahoo; while sitting next to each other. What's curious is that if she has something to say during our chats that's difficult to type in Pinyin; she'll pick up her cell phone and write a text message. (Her cell phone uses and input method based on written Chinese character strokes, so someone who knows how to write Chinese characters can use that input method. But she sometimes struggles with Pinyin) Also in September, I was able to engage in banter with locals or shopkeepers while we shopped. I even got involved with a bargaining session when my SO negotiated for price; then I interceded when she threatened for us to leave . (She was trying to save me another 60 cents; I had listened to the price points in RMB, and stopped her when I got impatient.) My point is that we American halfs of these relationships need to learn enough of our Chinese halfs native tongue to deal with some real and practical issues. Simply waiting for her to learn English means not only that you aren't communicating; but there are some important issues you won't learn until later. Whether learning important things later matters to us, depends on our individual situations.

Don't think simply of communicating with her. After my first trip to China, I decided that it would be very practical to know more than just the basics. On that first trip, before I was with her and a translator we hired, I got into several situations (Guangzhou Airport, various shops) that left me feeling helpless because noone could speak English. By my third trip (because I had studied hard) I could engage in simple conversations between my fiancee and shopkeepers; follow the bargaining interchange; put it my 2 cents. Don't do it just for her. While in China, it's very practical to know some Chinese. On a different note, I'm able to help her learn English by being somewhat bilinqual with her while she progresses.

Wardpedbored, Your own reasoning supports her. When it's Wednesday here, Thursday already happened for them. As the world turns, China is closer to the International Date Line. Think of sunrise and sunset; Their entire day; from sunrise onward happens sooner, before ours. The same with the Middle East, Europe, and ships in the Atlantic, etc. I often watch the Chinese (new day) daylight emerge in my SO's apartment on her web cam, as the sun goes down here: Like I see her Thursday morning on our Wednesday evening. ( I get a wierd sense of dejavu, since I've spent so much time there, seeing the Nanning sunrise in person.)

Congratulations!!!

Good luck Alex.

Alex, I've had a knot in my stomach at times because of that same sort of request. My fiancee would not be able to ask her ex for the newspaper photo; at least not from hearing her talk about him and their relationship. She doesn't want him to even know where she lives; thus she can't have her son come to her apartment. I've often wondered what triggers them to ask for that sort of evidence. Maybe if the ex isn't living at the address entered on the 129F? I wonder. But on your other points; if the consulate told us everything up front, the fraudsters would be quite prepared. So I've just consigned myself to being part of a crowd waiting in line where there are some bad guys that need to be detected and filtered out. We'll succeed; I just have mentally prepared myself for the curve ball that we can only miss once. If my fiancee is asked for similar evidence, we'll simply have to work through it. I'm going to tell her about this situation so she can somehow prepare to respond. I have no doubt that my sweetie will be here beside me in February; no matter what the consulate throws us in January.

If I'm not mistaken, they're checking for a particular fraud method I've heard of before; where a Chinese couple has a sham divorce; he goes to the USA and waits for her. They want his picture to make sure he's still in China. The consulate wants to make sure they're actually divorced and not trying to hook up in the US. Additionaly, they want to make sure the 'divorced' couple isn't living together in China right now; thus the request for the residency document(s). Just my recollection from previous readings.

On mailing labels: I too created a set with both English and Chinese characters for the address. My packages always get there. In addition, when you need to use a pressure sensitive multi-sheet mailing form, you can use a sticky label on each sheet. (It would take me all day to have to write all the characters, much less have them show through intelligibly on the copies.) So when I go to the post office, I have several sheets of labels in 2 sizes; and just rip'em and stick'em whereever they're needed. On sending Chinese characters in email: Make sure you set the character coding to Chinese Simplified (GB2312). Even though your computer could be setup to read and write Chinese, your email could get garbled if the charset isn't set properly. In my case, the mail composer lets me write the Chinese, but complains if I try to send it and haven't set the proper charset. So I made some email templates with the charset already coded to GB2312; no worries.

Congratulations Russ & Vivian

Congratulations!!!

Thanks guys. It's been tough keeping our emotions up since my last visit in September.