what's the difference?

[jingutierrez]

Could you tell me in your opinion what's the difference between chinese girls and the US girls?

 

for me, US gg are more gentleman, more considering~ he cares his health condition more( I mean go gym more than chinese gg )~~~ he is fun to explore because of different culture~ he never be afraid to say "I love you", even in front of his friends~ he respects woman more than chinese gg~ and seems like US gg are more family men than chinese gg, mmm...this is different from what I learnt from the US movies.

 

but US gg don't speak Chinese or don't speak it well, sometimes they eat too much fastfood~ uhh~~~ can't think of anything else so far, will keep updating~

 

[Dan R]

Well....... nope I can't generalize. So far my SO is different from anyone else I have met in China, Japan, Mexico, Korea, Canada or the U.S. Nope can't even pin point what it is that makes me love her (she has asked me that question though) except that I find the way it all comes together in her irresistable and a joy to be around.

 

Is she Chinese? Yes Is she traditional? sometimes Is she modern? sometimes Is she willing to experiment and learn? Oh yes!

 

Will we have a long and happy future together? Gee that would be wonderful

[sylinchinastill]

I think there are differences in American men and Chinese men. But I didn't marry a Chinese man because I didn't like American men- the American men I have dated were good people- My husband is a good person. But I wouldn't date a Chinese man just to date one. I probably wouldn't go to China just to find a Chinese man. I just happened to be there and happened to meet this man. This one man who I wanted to spend my life with. I agree with donahso's idea of money as well. My husband is more frugal than I am. I like to go out to dinner more. But I think a lot of the perception about American women is that we search for men with money and that we like to buy clothes and luxury items. I am not like that. But then again- I have always been either in school or in a foreign country working- and I have never really had a lot of money to deal with. Since coming back to America with my husband I have been able to buy as many books as I want. And I love buying books- it is probably my biggest expense. My husband understands that. He says that when he was growing up even though they didn't have money his parents always spent money on books. My parents weren't really like that. My dad isn't a big reader and he never understood why that was so important to me. So now I can read as much as I want- and that makes me happy. I do enjoy the culture differences- although sometimes they are a pain in the *&^- for instance- we recently rented an office- and it is frustrating that feng shui has to be a consideration in finding an office and setting up a room. I am used to setting up a room based on how many outlets there are for the computer and etc.- Not where the window and door are for feng shui purposes. I like that we have lots to talk about and that our lives are so different though. But I hate that all American men and Chinese men and American women and Chinese women are in different categories. I think American women in the south and north and east and west are completely different creatures. I think people who grew up where I did are totally different people from me. I hate sociology for this exact reason.

[david_dawei]

It's amazing what one breakup has spawned for [some great] threads.. and maybe long overdue. (the latter, not the former , ugh!)

 

I think these differences come out of the different political and social structures of our countries, so these might be interesting at some point to discuss as it has an influence on men, woman, children, etc..

 

I agree with all the points by Donahso.

 

Chinese ladies have great resolve and independent strength. Probably in part from the harder way of life and their social standing. American women will grow up through their teens probably worrying about their looks, their boyfriend and other peer pressures, which the chinese girl will not have to endure. (this is maybe the saddest evolution of our society in my opinion).

 

Chinese ladies keeps some items more private and do not share them. They are more discrete and proper. They may not publicly say "I love you", but rely more on actions to show it. They do not necessarily like to give lengthy explanations. It might frustrate them to ask them certain questions or they don't want to spend their energy in. Almost like, if they understand it, that is enough. An american woman will like to talk to no end.. keeping you up all night just to talk through an issue. An american woman might seek the advice of everyone she knows (family, friends, even to counseling) for a problem in a relationship. The chinese lady will keep it more private.

 

A chinese lady is more practical: Night is for sleeping, not staying up all night to discuss an issue.

 

Chinese lady puts the man first. She shows a certain manner of respect for the role the man will fill, like in decisions. What he decides is good enough. I think an american woman will want more (and demand) equality.

 

This is a sticky one: Because Chinese lady's do not like to share or explain, they might choose to 'hide' an issue because they don't see any [practical] reason for the man to know or get involved. So, on some issues, they don't consider this 'lying' or 'not telling the truth'... They just wish you would not get involved or bring it up. American's have a fetish for 'the truth' or about 'lying'...

 

Chinese woman are more straight forward and openly blunt, getting to the heart of matter. They do not 'beat around the bush'. They will tell you straight out if they do not like something. So silence from them can be taken as an agreement.. They'll speak up when they want to make a point. This ties to the defering to the man to make some decisions.

 

They strongly tie their relationship to the man in terms of HIS well being. So that their well being is dependant on his. Their happiness is largely drawn from the man's health and happiness. So they strike to take care of those two issues particularly: To feed him well and to make him happy. And they work very hard at this, in our eyes, but to them, it is their 'duty', if one can not take that the wrong way.

 

Chinese ladies prefer actions over words...

[david_dawei]

But I hate that all American men and Chinese men and American women and Chinese women are in different categories.

well, this is a 'distinction and concept' issue that eastern philosophy fights against, whereas the western philosophy has always followed...

 

One day, I was at lunch with Zixuan and her friend, YangNa... I got along very well with her friends, particularly this one.. We sometimes would talk about the "differences" in our culture, women, men, etc.. Then YangNa leaned forward to me and said, " I hope that we all come back in the next life and there is only one country. We are all brothers and sisters of one land".

 

I have never heard an american suggest this with so much personal conviction in their eyes.

 

I personally love the social titles that people have for addressing (mm,gg,uncle, aunt, etc). China expressesions and actions are more a family kinship than america. Americans are constantly teaching kids to be 'wary of strangers'.... I did not see this in China. There is a title for anyone at any age. Stranger is not one of them. (although foreigner be).

[Dan R]

Right On David! I'd say you observe astutely and state your observations well. And that isn't simply because I agree with what you said I hope ebveryone knows me better than that by now.

 

"This is a sticky one: Because Chinese lady's do not like to share or explain, they might choose to 'hide' an issue because they don't see any [practical] reason for the man to know or get involved. So, on some issues, they don't consider this 'lying' or 'not telling the truth'... They just wish you would not get involved or bring it up. American's have a fetish for 'the truth' or about 'lying'..."

 

My SO is doing her best to teach me this one through action

[david_dawei]

I prefaced this one as sticky. Many hold 'truth' as the ultimate of trust, particulalrly in a relationship... I am not arguing against this. I am trying to redefine a little bit how I now approach this issue of trust or truth.

 

I had to step back and re-examine this issue of what we call truth.

 

I trust Zixuan with all my heart... mainly because she has already shown this to me in many ways.

 

In the end, I felt that you must 'trust' your SO. But to me 'truth' is not as important an issue as I have always been taught. If it is none of my business, or my SO does not want it to be none of my business, then I have put her in a difficult situation if I expect to get something out of her.

 

Once I finally got all this straightened out in my head, I flat out told Zixuan, "Trust" is more important than "truth". She replied, "mei guan xi" (doesn't matter).. which was the essence of it.

 

Meaning, it was none of "her" business... I came to a point of reckoning what she has always already lived... She was basically telling me, 'ok, move on, why talk about it... just live it'. That's their philosophy. But ask them to explain their philosophy and they have no idea what your talking about... which is really: Just live it, don't talk it.

[sylinchinastill]

I do think that Chinese people have a different concept of truth- sometimes they think that lying is okay for a specific reason. I am big on truth- but I also don't think you should tell someone something just to hurt them.

[david_dawei]

I do think that Chinese people have a different concept of truth- sometimes they think that lying is okay for a specific reason. I am big on truth- but I also don't think you should tell someone something just to hurt them.

So your 'big' on truth but 'small' on telling it?

 

This is actually consistent with what I [think] I am saying.. Chinese are not against truth. They just don't always like to say something they feel is none of your business.

 

The world would be a much better place if we would just stay our of things that are not our business...

[sylinchinastill]

No- but I think that sometimes people are honest to the detriment of their spouse- I don't mean like telling things you have done bad now- but I mean like re-hashing old relationships and stuff like that. I used to be really obsessive about who my husband dated in the past and why it did or didn't work out- immature stuff- and my husband never said anything about it- because he felt like telling me stuff would make me compare and would hurt me in some way- like that. I always tell the truth- but really there isn't anything I do or that happens that I wouldn't tell. But this topic came up in a conversation about my mom and her husband- he didn't tell her something and she was really mad- and my husband thought it was okay not to tell her or to lie because he thought it would upset her- and my view wasn't the same- but I can see how that makes sense.

[david_dawei]

Oh god.. the "laundry list" of the past.. I agree with your opening point.

 

Both a lie and truth can hurt.

 

So there is a decision: Get hurt by the truth, or get hurt (possibly if one finds out) by a lie. When viewed in this context, why do we put the "truth" as more important.

 

I think the age old argument is: "If you don't tell me the truth, I cannot trust you"...

 

I separate out these two issues, as mentioned in a previous post...

 

Here is another way I look at it: Suppose something happened, but the 'truth' did not come out till years later... Then someone finds out the 'truth'... and they are NOW suddenly hurt. Why does the mere understanding, years after an event, make it as if it were happening today, producing anguish for something that is long gone.

 

Consider the guy who committed a crime 20 years ago.. and is finally caught. What if he has lived a model life since then, clearly never to repeat the wrong and was sorry for it. Our judicial system does not understand anything but retribution... and therefore would lock the guy up.

 

As humans, I think we are above such systems, but we act like them sometimes...

[Dan R]

So what is THE TRUTH? Is there actually a truth or is it simply what is perceived and understood within the ability of an individual to deduce. An accident is seen by four people from different postions on the corner and the two drivers in the cars. All are asked what they saw. There arise 6 truths. No one lies there are actually 6 truths. When they get together and talk about they arrive at a consensus of what happened. Thus a 7th truth is born.

 

After many years of study I believe truth is a way of defending ones own understanding while denying the validity of another's truth.

 

I was raised on a quote from Theodore Roosevelt which my father holds dear to how he conducts himself.

 

"Aggressive fighting for the right is the nobilist sport the world affords"

 

As I get older and observe more I see that this can be easily abused and used to justify war or denying another's right to be right. It goes with truth.

 

Today I find that aggressive fighting for the right is only nobile of that right is another's right to disagree.

 

Social order is acheived by limiting rights but civilization is encouraged by putting limits on those limits so as not to stifle humanity.

 

Sorry to wander to the larger picture here from what happens between two people but I think the principle is the same.

 

Namaste (the divine within me bows to the divine within you in oneness)

[david_dawei]

So what is THE TRUTH? Is there actually a truth or is it simply what is perceived and understood within the ability of an individual to deduce.  An accident is seen by four people from different postions on the corner and the two drivers in the cars. All are asked what they saw. There arise 6 truths. No one lies there are actually 6 truths. When they get together and talk about they arrive at a consensus of what happened. Thus a 7th truth is born.

TRUTH? In a movie, Roshomon. This movie brought to world fame the Japanese director Korousawa.

 

Can't say that I agree with the Roosevelt line (sounds like a politician wrote it), but I like your 'social order' comment which reflects the struggle and challenge of society.

 

I look at truth on a few levels: Personal truth and contingent truth.

 

The first is what we perceive as truth, and frankly is passed off too much as truth when in fact (truthly speaking ?!) it may not be. We've had a recent posting demonstrating this which I think spawned even this post !

 

The second one is truth that is based on the relationships in the world; whether between people, objects, or concepts.

 

I think the first one is not necessary to harp on, since we all probably understand the perceived truth idea. We can both believe something as true, and yet, they might differ, or even disagree. Religious beliefs...

 

My idea of contingent truth goes back to it's origin: Why is truth even a concept?

 

And this is more interesting to me since it ties back to the cultural differences, which are really an product of philosophical, social and political pursuits. I really hate politics, so I'll ignore that. Social issues are quite interesting, but I think they are based on environmental and philosophical issues... China's environment is one of hard work in everything they do. Even seven days a week is normal. So many mouths to feed in this country and the farmers work is probably the hardest of all.

 

Phiosophy differences:

The Western world espouses a dualistic world, and 'distinctions and concepts' rule our way of life. Everything has name and some properties about it. It is true that snow is white, but only because someone in the past decided to call this stuff falling from the sky "snow" and someone decided to call anything whose 'color' appeared as that stuff does, "White".. of course someone came up with the concept of color.

 

So we have a truth that depends on the concepts and names assigned to objects: (cold, white, fluffy).

 

Eastern philosophy has long fought distinctions, and instead prefers to reference all things back to a ONENESS. Interesting how addressing people in China is like ONE big family. I was even called 'uncle' by Chinese children--not foreigner or american.

 

I remember even once reading about Southern Italians (near the boot) who did not really have a name for the different colors that we normally would associate with grass, vegetation, and the sky. Clearly, we would normally have dramatically different ways of describing these, but they saw all of them as a drab gray... as if there was really no purpose or point to any further distinction.

 

I don't think I answering any questions.. only presenting that the basis for why we think and act is really a product of of how, in the long past, some thought the world should be described.

 

Ultimately, I see this as the reason for the 'cultural differences'... and even why 'truth' could be thought of differently by different people.

 

Truth is just a concept. There are a billion concepts... yet, we have put on a pedestal this one. It is very interesting as to why we do this. No amount of explanation will probably satisfy me, since I see the value in not taking concepts so seriously.

 

The Buddhist maxim: Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, has always amazed me with its simple instruction on how to live life. I have asked some Chinese to describe this concept to me. They think I am absolutely crazy to discuss such a idea they have never hear nor ever thought of. Yet, if you watch them, you will see this practical side in most things they do.

 

Americans do not operate on a practical basis. Gone is the idea of Kennedy's "what you can do for your country".. it is now reversed. I have serious misgivings about American culture, so I'll hold my tongue at this point...

[tonado]

This is based on my wife, her sister, her cousins and her aunt. I am sure it is not true for all Chinese girls.

 

They love nice (could be designer) clothes (especially wearing a dress instead of pants). A lot of time, they are over-dress for the occasion. American girls love fancy clothes too but they like the casual look (jeans, sneakers).

[eeyore]

This is always such an interesting topic.

Most Americans (men and women) I know tend to be more materialistic.

Some American women would ask 'what kind of car does he drive?' A Chinese girl would want to know 'how will he treat my family?' Of course I'm generalizing and everyone is different but that is generally what I've seen.

 

Some of the differences between my Chinese wife and American girls I've dated in the past is; My wife is a lot more loving and caring. She is thinking, planning and talking about our future together. The American girls have not been too worried about our future. They have acted like they don't really care if I'm around tomorrow, someone better could and have (in their opinion) come along. My wife is very loyal and other in the past have not been so.

 

My remarks and comments are out of my own experience. I can not and will not speak for or against anyone I don't know. I'm only referring to my own observations and experiences.