Shame has this come up?

[ptcrusier333rph]

I know Shame is something that aim mostly at women, if a man sleep with a woman and not marry her the shame on the woman not the man, same goes with if she was raped the shame on the woman not the man. What about divorce the fact that the husband left or they just parted, is the woman still consider shamed and how did you cope with this problem?

 

 

Robert

[david_dawei]

Shame seems to come in a few disguises. One form I would say is the "losing face" one. This is not anything to do with divorce, but clearly a form of public social shame. On my first trip to China, Zixuan and i were on tour.. some people got really irrated with the bus driver and insulted him publicly, causing him to 'lose face'. A very ugly and heated exchange occurred and they almost went to fists. I had already read about this and knew that the only possible outcome was either blood or restoring of 'face' by the offending person. I'm glad to say the latter occurred, but to witness the event was something.

 

Shame also seems to go deeper just than just the woman. The family is often 'shamed' as well from the divorce or even a broken engagement. A Chinese lady friend told me that a woman will not introduce a man to the family until they are engaged or ready to marry. And if it breaks up, then the family is shamed and will 'hate' that person for causing the shame. As well, if a woman is unmarried till late in life, it can bring some form of shame to the father.

[eeyore]

My wife tells me that divorce causes shame for the whole family. She says that if she were to get divorced her parents would feel very ashamed.

[ptcrusier333rph]

Why I brought this up, is a 14 year old girl was rape by the friend of the father, last I hear the father want to kill the friend but the girl is now shamed becasue she going to bear that man child.

I find it sad that a child is blame for the action of another.

 

Robert

[tonado]

Divorce is getting very common now in China. Shame shouldn't be an issue now.

 

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http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2...tent_420456.htm

 

China's divorce rate up 21.2 percent in 2004

(Xinhua)

Updated: 2005-03-01 01:51

 

China saw 1.613 million couples divorced in 2004 while 8.341 million couples registered to marry that year, according to statistics of the Ministry of Civil Affairs.

 

Couples queue to make divorce transactions in Yichang, Central China's Hubei Province on December 20, 2004. [newsphoto/file]

Compared with the statistics of 2003, 282,000 more couples divorced with an increase rate of 21.2 percent while 227,000 more couples got married in 2004.

 

About 995,000 couples chose to divorce at civil administration organs rather than suing at courts in 2004, 304,000 couples more than those in 2003 with an increase rate of 44 percent, which covers 62 percent of the total divorces.

 

China's civil administration organs should make more efforts in educating the people to take a more cautious attitude to marriage, said Prof. Wu Changzhen, an expert in marriage and family law with the People's University of China.

 

As for Prof. Wu, three factors should be blamed for the sharp rise of divorce numbers in China in recent years.

 

The first factor is the simplification of divorce procedures. With the taking effect of the new marriage law in

 

 

October 2003, a couple who present their own residence booklet, identification cards, marriage certificates and their written divorce agreements will get their divorce certificates on the spot. While in the past they had to present the recommendations offered by their enterprises or institutions where they were working or by the local residents' committees or villagers' committees, basic community organizations in China.

 

Secondly, unlike the past when people who got divorced would get a debased appraisal, the Chinese society tends to take a usual attitude to divorced people, said Wu.

 

Moreover, Wu said, the opening of the Chinese society make people enjoy more freedom in marriage.

[BuffaloPaul]

I think one of the motives for my SO looking for an American was that she was divorced twice. She even would not tell her parents about the second divorce until our application was filed. She felt she had lost face even though neither divorce was her doing

[se_lang]

Why I brought this up, is a 14 year old girl was rape by the friend of the father, last I hear the father want to kill the friend but the girl is now shamed becasue she going to bear that man child.

I find it sad that a child is blame for the action of another.

 

Robert

There are options for the girl adoption,abortion, etc.... with the girl being this young she does not need a baby especially one that will always remind her of a horrible moment in her life as well the baby does not deserve anything bad as a result of what the man did. It is a tough position to be in for an adult I can't imagine the pain this girl feels. There are those here that can give much better advice on this topic then I could even hope to say, I hope they contact you.

[ptcrusier333rph]

it one of the girl that Thoa teach at her school.

 

She not sure what gong to happen

 

robert

[david_dawei]

Divorce is getting very common now in China.  Shame shouldn't be an issue now.

This is an example of where traditional and modern ways clash.. Shame is a traditional issue. Since the chinese are slow to change, I suspect that shame will be link to divorce for quite a while.

 

Maybe under some western influence (Japan had to undergo American occupation and ended up being a little more western of all the eastern countries), China will shift acceptance of issues like divorce. Let's just hope that they don't learn some of our darker sides in the process (like many things in the US, we over indulge in our freedom at times).

[sylinchinastill]

I don't think the girl or her family should feel ashamed. The man who raped her is an evil messed-up pig- and if she doesn't want to have his child she shouldn't- or she should put it up for adoption. You hear a lot about women who are raped and then are too scared to tell the police or their families. This is a very sick part of society- that a victim could feel ashamed.

[BuffaloPaul]

Was reading about the drastic increases of "honor killings" in Germany. Seems that if a woman has sex out of wedlock Muslim society seems to think it is honorable to get rid of the offending female. Read of this in Middle eastern and even Indian societies. First I've seen of it spreading to the West.

[Dan R]

Was reading about the drastic increases of "honor killings" in Germany. Seems that if a woman has sex out of wedlock Muslim society seems to think it is honorable to get rid of the offending female.  Read of this in Middle eastern and even Indian societies. First I've seen of it spreading to the West.

This has been an international problem for a number of years now, primarily involving Pakistanis. There were several cases in the U.S., Norway and U.K. that reached the point of international crises Each involved a Pakistani man married to a foreign woman. In each case the man or a family member killed the woman for suspected infidelity. At least one I remember was burned alive in a public market place and it was legally accepted as justified in Pakistan. One resulted in first degree murder conviction in the U.S.