newbie question

[shimaore]

I am not yet at the stage of having the woman I love next to me but read so many scary stories about living together - let me explain my fears .

 

From the stories i read it is all about how all of sudden really adult guys found themselves in a small colony of the PRC in the middle of their home ( USA ) by cooking , getting cultural habits from their love ones .

Maybe i am naive to think marriage is about giving/taking and creating together something new ( ie fusion ) .

 

I admire my other halves culture but i also love my culture ( ie would not be able to eat 100 % chinese and speak perfect mandarin during my dreams ) - and i think our union will work only if we create our own culture ( the best out of everyone 's habits _ hehehehe ) in a foreign country ( I am also an immigrant ) and taking the most of the host culture ( english is great language - heheheh ) .

 

To simplify my confusion : Guys between you and me what is the cultural aspect your loved one appreciate the most out of the west ?

 

 

Best Regards,

[Trigg]

Tater Tots and cheese dogs. Thats about it. When you really think about it, compared to China, America has little culture. We are an infant country full of blends of so many other cultures that our has yet to fully materialize.

 

It is very difficult for most of our SO's to participate in what little culture we have as the American way relies on many of the things that our So's do not have e.g. voting and driving. One of the things I truly love about being married to a Chinese woman who is seeped in and anciant and rich culture is having her share it with me. Much like roots by way of marriage.

 

Sooooo, lay back, stop worrying and enjoy the ride. Your darlin' isn't trying to take what you have. Rather, she will enhance it and add to it.

[lele]

Tater Tots and cheese dogs. Thats about it. When you really think about it, compared to China, America has little culture. We are an infant country full of blends of so many other cultures that our has yet to fully materialize. 

 

It is very difficult for most of our SO's to participate in what little culture we have as the American way relies on many of the things that our So's do not have e.g. voting and driving.  One of the things I truly love about being married to a Chinese woman who is seeped in and anciant and rich culture is having her share it with me. Much like roots by way of marriage. 

 

Sooooo, lay back, stop worrying and enjoy the ride. Your darlin' isn't trying to take what you have. Rather, she will enhance it and add to it.

Great point!!!

 

wo xiang wode laopo! wo bishu dian hua ta...

 

zaijian lala

[Jeikun]

Personally, I like to think the snippets and bits of European cultures and how they have changed over the past 200 years is American culture - not just the things we have uniquely created since that time. My roots go back to, and include Europe. So in that light while our "unique" culture may not be so old, our collective culture is.

 

I really like Chinese culture, and am also excited to learn more about it and in some ways integrate it into our life together, but it's not going to be a one-way exchange. Sorry, but there will be no carpet mopping, leftovers on the counter for 3 days, or laying in bed and not showering for a month after childbirth going on here. (Of course I'm tactfully listing things Jun would never have done anyway... lol)

 

American culture isn't all McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Pro Football, and Mickey Mouse. You do yourself a disservice to marginalize your own culture.

[shimaore]

Tater Tots yammy did not know what it is , but looks pretty good might try to cook it ( most recipe site suggest frozen potatoes - yakkk )

 

Infant culture maybe but geez what a culture : edgar alan poe ,cinema, jazz , etc...

It maybe very recent but i am ashamed to say it , it is the most universal culture one can find . A kid in the middle of soweto can sing to you the latest 50 cents lyrics or a teen in the middle of rural France could by heart describe to you the entire menu of his local Mc Donald .

By the way I am not american but old does not always mean Good in terms of culture but in terms of cooking " you do the best soup in the old pot "

You actually raised an interesting question : how do one person participate in the growth this Infant culture ?

 

p.s. just think we all have something to exchange from each others even from the most primitive culture in the world.

[oregonknl]

When I designed my house, I had the kitchen and informal dining area in the front --- modeled roughly after Fei's older sister's apt. Which is huge --- didn't swing the seperate food prep room, but did include a pantry with a door... Seems to be an ok configuration...

 

My Chinese daughters love Fei's cooking, and are always disappointed now, when Papa cooks dinner --- or any other meal, for that matter ..

 

Meanwhile, Fei has discovered western breakfasts --- and likes when I cook: "that smoked pork" (bacon).

 

Ketchup is a new favorate condement ... often replacing "spicy" --- fermented chilli pepers ...

 

Meanwhile, Fei is worried about her weight gain since arriving in USA (I warned her !! --- but fortunately, in all the right places ~!) ---

 

--- And my Chinese doctor (Taiwan) -- drew the routine blood last week, and wrote me a letter --- arrived yesterday: to inform me that my cholesterol has improved significantly: "keep up the good work !"

 

... and I have lost ten pounds since Fei arrived in mid December....

[warpedbored]

Meanwhile, Fei is worried about her weight gain since arriving in USA (I warned her !! --- but fortunately, in all the right places ~!) ---

 

 

 

 

It seems most of our loved ones put on a few extra pounds once they get here. No big mystery. In China they walk a lot more. Many live more than 3 or 4 floors up in a building with no elevator. Here we drive everywhere and American food has more fat.

[awch]

I agree with Jason- America definatly does have a distinctive culture. I just never realized it till I was alienated from it. That really gave me a new prespective.

[Trigg]

I agree with Jason- America definatly does have a distinctive culture. I just never realized it till I was alienated from it. That really gave me a new prespective.

Distinctive culture?? Perhaps. But few of us are more than a few generations removed form another country and almost none of us are more then ten or so generations away from somewhere else. Hardly time to develop a culture with history enough to "marginalize"

 

No one, not even the worst of Chinese bashers, can consider what we have as an ingrained culture as compared to that of the Chinese. At very best we are a collection of "new traditions". Americans are a very nomadic group who rarely stay still long enough to throw out that weeks garbage and certainly not long enough to have a lasting and rich culture.

 

Nope, for me I'm taking the best of the US and marrying it with the best of an enduring, time proven culture. Then again, haven't we all??

 

Ethnocentric ideology aside. We are cultural Neanderthals when compared to our Asian counterparts.

[Dan R]

Oregon,someday you must try Chinese bacon with green beans for breakfast. They have a very meaty bacon with heavy smoke. Unless you raise and butcher the pig you can't duplicate it. Our hogs are bred and raised to be fattier to supply our sausage needs. Also the meat used for bacon is cut to save the meatier parts for other things. The fattiness and low smoke of American bacon is what has made it a difficult item for export.

 

We do indeed have a culture. From the food we eat to the way we dress, walk, talk and approach to politics. When you travel you can usually pick the Americans from the Europeans and South Americans or Australians.

 

While we do differ also by regions there is still a cultural bond. In WW2 spies were uncovered in Germany by serving pie to see which end they started at. Not everyone is the same but in general we have ways of doing things that distinguish us.

 

It doesn't take a single lifetime to adapt to a culture. People living only a couple years in a different culture and returning here can have trouble "fitting in". I am sure when our spouses visit home their friends will notice these changes. My college classmates from Asia had similar difficulty fitting back. China is already experiencing change as "returnees" move back from abroad bringing cultural habits and customs they learned.

[Jeikun]

China does have a longer history and older culture, yes. But as I was saying... MY culture doesn't begin with the signing of the declaration of independance, or even when my paternal ancestor sold his land in England and moved to the US with his sons in the 1700's. Or when my Maternal ancestors sold themselves into 7 years of indentured servitude for passage to escape the religious oppression in France in the 1600's. We did not appear out of thin air then. I did not lose my right to their blood, history, or the bits of their traditions and cultures which along with others, have become the basis and "starting point" of our American culture.

 

Our national history may be young, our culture is not. Are the roots of our military and many other traditions not handed down since Rome? There's well over over 2,000 years worth of tradition... What about Christmas, and other holidays? Originally pagan rituals dating back to time unrecorded.

 

People act like our culture is brand new, popped into life from a vaccum and has no background or history. People all over the world think it, and many people here think it.

 

Not enough culture to Marginzlize? Now Trigg, I'm sure YOU could name me... 3 great works of American poetry... 3 great American plays, 3 great American authors, 3 great American Philosophers, and 3 great American painters... you're educated enough. But anyone answer me this: How many of YOUR WIVES can? After being in America for even 10 years how many do you think will be able to? Will they have seen them? Read any of their work? Learned about any of their lives or their contributions to our "barely existant" culture, and the western world in general? Or after 10 years in this country, will they still think our Musical culture is only on MTV, our art Mickey Mouse, and our Philosophy Jerry Springer? Who's fault will this be?

[egolessvegan]

Freedom of speech and of course all the many channels on the cable tv.

Ken

[Trigg]

Ok, JP if you re satisfied that your fragmented culture is as deep and enduring as a culture thousands of years old then stick with it. personally I am adding onto mine with a time honored proven traditional culture. You talk of European culture as if it were ours when 40% of Americans do not have a European background, Ethnocentric behavior at it's worst stop us from learning from and celebrating what others have to offer-much like bind patriotism it can do more harm than good.

 

I'm out of this one.

Trigg

[Jeikun]

Ok, JP if you  re satisfied that your fragmented culture is as deep and enduring as a culture thousands of years old then stick with it. personally I am adding onto mine with a time honored  proven traditional culture. You talk of European culture as if it were ours when 40% of Americans do not have a European background, Ethnocentric behavior at it's worst stop us from learning from and celebrating what others have to offer-much like bind patriotism it can do more harm than good.

 

I'm out of this one.

Trigg

LOL you misunderstand me, Trigg. Does it really have to be one extreme or the other with you?

 

I'm perfectly fine with the concept that Chinese culture is older and more homogenous than our own, as is their language, writing system, history... what I'm arguing against is the concept that US culture is nigh non-existant and basically worthless that I seem to see all over the place.

 

If you take me for some kind of closed-minded American type, well I guess I can understand that as you don't know me personally, and I have been a little over the top in my arguing in an attempt to counter act what I see to be a sad and alarmingly prevalent opinion. If you did, you'd realize that would be a pretty off-base assumption.

 

But looking around at what our kids coming out of high school actually know about US history, literary figures, etc... it's not suprising. What little culture we do have is forgotton in the face of our "pop culture". It's a pet peeve of mine, so perhaps I over react.

 

I'm equally excited to introduce Jun to MY (apparently fragmented, euro-centric, and largely imaginary) culture, just as much as I look forward to learning more about hers.

 

Being a young woman, and wanting to find a career, and succeed here in America... not just get by, or be my happy little housewife I see understanding and being able to adjust to the American way of life as necessary. We both want to see her with the same level of fluency in English that she has in Chinese, and as close an understanding as possible of the American mindset... as close to being truly "bi-cultural" as she can be will give her the power to choose what she wants to be, give her the confidence to feel like she can master her own destiny and be a sucess here in America, just as surely as she could be in China. I'm not saying our ways are better... sometimes they are not, sometimes they are, and most of the time they are just "different"... but the more she can understand all of our little cultural quirks, and adopt them if she chooses the more choice and power she will have here. I want Jun to mother my child, not BE my child.

 

 

I'm not arguing against "Is American culture better/older/more valid than Chinese culture." I'm arguing against the concept that it is forgettable, worthless, not worth sharing, and that I should be grateful I'm marrying someone from a "real" culture to show me the sensible alternatives to my barbarian ways.

 

Is this Ethnocentric behavior? To say "I want to learn about your culture and also teach you about mine?" Is it Ethnocentric behavior to feel as if I have a nigh unwinnable argument to even suggest that I HAVE a culture? I guess next I'll be a racist because I like having blonde hair and blue eyes?

 

feh.

[egolessvegan]

Nah, maybe it is disco music.

Ken