Reality now sets in

[egolessvegan]

Good point! What about when the woman is giving up an excellent job? That is what I meant, is it fair?

[cosmiclobster]

I think the 90 days is plenty of time for two to realize if they can live together or not. Any sensible couple should know this.

Yes, 90 days and the year it took to get to the 90 days!!!

 

For me, after meeting on line, I had a good enough feeling to go to China 4 months later. After being together for 4 weeks, we were both sure that we wanted to be together. Waiting for the visa process has assured us that the wait will be worth it. The fact that we have been on line together almost every single day also reinforces it.

 

Hopefully, all of your questions/reservations should have been worked out/resolved before she gets here and the 90 day clock starts ticking. Problems in this area could be what the VO is looking for!

[Razbre]

I have 3 grown children....my son thinks this is great....my 2 daughters, lol, want get t-shirts that read " I Survived My Daddies Girlfriends" on the back, and on the front "I'm Here, Your Not".

 

They asked me how I could give my love so easily to someone so far away as well as know so little of and about. Expecially when many have come and gone. Always thinking, telling them that THIS is the one.

 

I explained it to them this way.

 

MANY of my previous relationships were based more on the physical relationship than the mental. How many times...do people start dating...and after sayyyyyyy...the 3rd-4th date end up in the sack, or whereever for that bit of intamacy. After that first time....it it more or less a given thing, you know one way or another, you WILL be getting into the sack...and it is good....and it is great...and it is fun, and you can't keep your hands off each other. That becomes the basis of the relationship...not a 'love', and sometimes not even a 'like', but 'lust' is driving now.

A 'regular' roll in the hay, maybe at her place....maybe at his...and it is so much fun, that ok...now lets move in togeather....and it sort of snowballs from there. At least it seems my luck has run...lol

 

Yunling knows me better than my own family right now, through the long chats on every medium we could find. When we started chatting, I once stated it would be nice to be able to take her out on a date, just to talk...(yeah...right...) Her reply was....that we were on a date, everytime we chatted. If that is the case, then she is the ONLY one, whom I have really talked with, about anything and everything.

 

And to be able to carry it on, for over a year now, and still have the same feelings, the same 'God, I can not wait until I get to talk with her again' feeling.

 

Yup....gotta say she's THE one for me.....

 

'Jim - Portland, USA' knows what he's talking about.

 

WOW...this is longer than I ever intended THIS to be!

[eeyore]

Bought the cow and am learning to speak cow.

Moooooooo?

 

It's a leap of faith, but you both should be ready and eager to take that leap. No one can say what will happen in the future, but if your gut isn't saying LEAP LEAP LEAP, you might have a problem. If you don't have some common ground, interests, values and/or some other common denominators, you could be leaping into some quicksand.

 

Only you can sincerely look into your heart and decide if this is what you really want to do and HOPEFULLY she feels the same way.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

Bought the cow, farm, pasture and milking stool too.

 

My wife and I feel very much the same about this topic. Even though we have not spent that much time together (not nearly as much as we would like), we've put an extra effort into our relationship that would not be required if she or I were to date/marry someone local. We both feel that the extra effort makes our relationship more worthwhile. I know there will be an adjustment period for both of us, but that is true for any relationship. Even though she is 1/2 a world apart this is with out a doubt the most secure and stable relationship I've been in. I also talk to her (be it on the phone or over the internet) more than anyone, past or present.

 

T

[eeyore]

It's not at all uncommon to hear of couples spending hours each day online chatting or on the phone. Day after day, month after month.

 

Can anyone claim they ever spent so much time 'together' getting to know each other before moving in and living together?

No.

 

I think I have spent more time and effort getting to know my wife from such a long distance than in any other relation. We talked on line and on the phone for 6 months or longer before we even met. At our first meeting it was not hard to figure out that we both were looking for the same thing. It was more apparent because we spent such a long time talking before hand. Both of us know we could have a good life together. Nothing is for certain but I believe that our relationship will last because that is something we both want.

[leejcandle]

This reminds me of something I told a friend months ago; that it's amazing the sorts of things that come out when all you can do is just talk.

 

It made me realize that in my previous relationships, we never spent any where near as much time just talking to get to know each other.

 

My SO has heard things from me that I've never told anyone; because talking is our only means of communication. Like how a blind person has much more sensitive hearing; our chat's get very deep and meaningful.

[eeyore]

My SO has heard things from me that I've never told anyone; because talking is our only means of communication. Like how a blind person has much more sensitive hearing; our chat's get very deep and meaningful.

That goes for me too.......

[cosmiclobster]

It made me realize that in my previous relationships, we never spent any where near as much time just talking to get to know each other.

Lee: This is true for me too!

 

Razbre: I have also been down the road of carnal relationships. But it is so much nicer when your motivation comes from the place you describe:

 

"And to be able to carry it on, for over a year now, and still have the same feelings, the same 'God, I can not wait until I get to talk with her again' feeling".

 

I think anyone who can get to this point and then be together with your loved one is a very lucky person!!!

[eeyore]

"And to be able to carry it on, for over a year now, and still have the same feelings, the same 'God, I can not wait until I get to talk with her again' feeling".

 

I think anyone who can get to this point and then be together with your loved one is a very lucky person!!!

Very nice and true too.

[G-man]

Ken,

I know exactly how you feel. Did you ever have thoughts like, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO?" It's human nature to fear the unknown, but what are the alternatives. Stay home and do nothing..........Not. Give it your best shot and everything will work out.

[eeyore]

Ken,

I know exactly how you feel.  Did you ever have thoughts like, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO?"  It's human nature to fear the unknown, but what are the alternatives.  Stay home and do nothing..........Not. Give it your best shot and everything will work out.

G-man,

 

Stay home and do nothing............................not an option.

 

I see you met your sweetie on Asianeuro, that is where I met my wife too. Great site.

[sylinchinastill]

I think everyone who answers on this forum have a subjective view. Anyone who had the opportunity to live with their loved one before did so- and those who did not have no choice but to believe that the time is enough. I think that people change- that what makes a marriage immediately good is not going to make it good forever. What people who go through this process have over couples who live close to each other is endurance- and the will to make it work- and that will go a long way. But I think the chances of something not being right in the beginning are small for any couple- no matter what the situation is- and I think the chances of it falling apart in the end is the same for every couple. I have seen so many couples who were married for years and then it fell apart because they 'grew apart.'- I think the risk in this is no greater than the risk of dating your next door neighbor-

[sylinchinastill]

One other thing I think- something that is important in knowing how your spouse will be in a marriage is dealing with adversity and this process shows that- how we deal with the strain of this is very important- and it shows so much about how you will deal with hard times in the relationship.

[eeyore]

One other thing I think- something that is important in knowing how your spouse will be in a marriage is dealing with adversity and this process shows that- how we deal with the strain of this is very important- and it shows so much about how you will deal with hard times in the relationship.

I agree totally with this. The waiting game is a good testing ground. This has been stressful for both my wife and I. It is one reason we decided to get married sooner as apposed to later. We have to trust each other a lot at this point, there is not a whole lot else to go by.

 

good communication helps build that trust too. She knows how to get a hold of me just about any time of day or night and I her. If she or I felt the need to 'check up' on the other we know we could. Anytime there is a change in plans about when to call or what not, we communicate it.

[philb]

Portland Jim & Lee:

You have the perspective!

I'm divorced; and many of us are. I've got to ask myself if I had spent as much time, effort and sincerity with the ex-wife as I now do communicating across an ocean with my SO....would I be divorced today?

My SO wakes me up and puts me to bed. I can only thank Yahoo for all the hours of video feed and messages flying back and forth for free. If I for some reason miss a session with my SO; I find myself just a little out of sorts....just not right until the next time. Funny, I've talked about things over the internet that I somehow never got around to with the ex.

 

When she gets here, I've got a very good habit to keep in place = COMMUNICATION.