american woman/chinese man

[tonymasiello]

Hi Amber,

 

I would venture to guess that the gender ratio of USA citizens participating on this site is not too far off from the gender ratio of those petitioning to get a visa for a loved one. In that regard, I think this site will always have far more men than women, simply because CFL is a microcosm of the reality.

 

We are a very diverse group of people, brought together on this site by a common aspect of our lives. There have been many times that I have been in disagreement with something being said or something being discussed has made me feel like the outsider. There have been occaisions when I have been disappointed in the behavior and lack of ettiquitte displayed here by some. But, the good still outweighs the bad, and I still find participating to be worthwhile. The gender axis is but one of many that can seperate the membership here. I think most of us see the value in the diversity among us, and most of the men here appriciate the perspective of the US women who participate.

 

Your idea about a site, like CFL, but for US women is a great idea. Have you considered starting it yourself? It can be difficult to get a web community off the ground and acheive a certain critical mass, but it has to start somewhere. Perhaps, a site dedicated to US women with international (not just China) SOs would be easier to build membership.

 

Anyway, don't let the 'guy's club' thing get in your head too much. You have a lot to gain and a lot to give!!!

[warpedbored]

Well sisters, I for one love having you here. Your input is more than welcome. As far as this being a guy club is concerned. I have to agree with Tony. It is only natural that since it is mostly men here it would have more of a masculine personality. That doesn't mean you are not welcome. I would love to see more feminine involvement here. Particuarly from our Chinese sisters. The toilet seat issue I am guilty of instigating. It was not meant to be hostile though. I truely wanted to know what it is about leaving the seat up that seems to piss women off so much. Dribble and bad aim is a legitimate complaint. My aim is pretty good though and if I miss I clean it up. I assumed most men do. Perhaps I am wrong on that assumption but it still has nothing to do with the seat up or down issue. Another point Tony made is the personality of the group changes with the influx of new members and the drifting away of older members. CFL today is very different than the one I came to 2 years ago.

One comment you made Amber refers to the "American women suck" attitude. I won't deny some of it exists but the toilet seat issue is more of an ongoing battle of the sexes that exists in every level of society in America.

All in all though Amber, We love you gals and hope you stick around.

[sylinchinastill]

I second Taz's Amen. That is why a lot of times I read but don't post or I write a reply to a post and then I don't put it up. A lot of times I just feel like my opinion isn't needed or wanted- I think part of it may have to do with the fact that mostly this is a male site- and the males here have crossed the waters- and maybe the American female perspective just isn't what they want- like warpedbored said. Not that it is to be rude- that's just how it falls.

[beijingjenny]

I agree - sometimes when we 'sisters' are forgotton or excluded ("hey guys, how did you meet your Chinese wife-to-be?") I get a pit peeved but I usually choose to ignore it and find the threads that are helpful or where I can contribute. I've learned so much, and enjoy the debates as well. I think of some of you like family now and am glad to know all of you

 

Jenny

[awch]

Thanks for the responses, especially from the 2 guys. But, unfortunatly, only 2 of you did respond.. which really leads me to conculde that the general feeling is as I thought.

 

Carl no big deal about the toilet thing, it was just a little frightening how everyone jumped to say something bad.

 

Also thanks for the women's responses, I'm glad now to know that it wasn't just me.

 

Anyways, Tony, I do have my own website with the capability to host a forum. But I'm not sure if anyone would go.... it's really more of my personal website... so not sure yet.... Also I have thought about having one for all US women with international relationships but the thing is I think people in Chinese relationships have many more things in common with each other than someone, lets say, in relationship with a British guy. Like I said, I like the distinct flavor of Chinese here.

 

I'll keep thinking about it though...

 

In the meantimes I'd like to encourage the ladies to visit the new RR. The atmosphere is fresher there. It's smaller so that' s probably why....

[LouRose]

I agree there is definitely a guy's club feeling, and like Syl, maybe its part of the reason why I don't post that much. I'm sure individually every man here is really nice but when they all get together and start egging each other on, that's when the testosterone overload comes out.

 

Most of the members are men, there's nothing we can do about that, and nothing wrong with it of course. But that's not to say there's nothing we can do to make a more comfortable place for us. I think the idea of a women's CFL forum could be nice, and maybe we could include Chinese women too since there are also not that many of them here. Or if that doesn't work out, at least we should try to keep up threads like this chinese man/american woman one, so we women that are here can stay in touch better.

[LouRose]

Don't worry, no hard feelings. It's true I'm not as active here as some other women.

 

Amber, what do you think of the women's forum idea instead of encouraging women to go to the RR which is really meant for other things? I wonder if such a forum would have the same problem of nobody going there, but maybe its worth a try. Who thinks they'd use it?

 

Or maybe it wouldn't have to be so seperate, I'd feel a little weird having a "secret" forum. I'm imagining another regular forum for women's discussion, that most likely the men wouldn't check as much but could if they were interested.

[John & Hai Yan]

Well, I want to throw my support in here for the women. I also enjoy reading all of your posts. I learn quite a bit from them. I think the "truly wise men" on this forum, young or old, can learn a lot from a woman's perspective. I also appreciate reading the posts of the few Chinese women that are on the board.

 

When all is said and done, I think it often comes down to extending some basic courtesies and showing respect. As mentioned we are a truly diverse group. We are young and old, male and female, right wing and left wing. city dwellers and country folk, northerners and southerners, PH.D's and high school dropouts, rich and not so rich, asian, white and African-American, we come from all religious and non-religious backgrounds. We are anything but homogenous. It helps that when we make a post we are aware and sensitive that we send our post to members of all of these groups. Personally, I will always be respectful to the women on this board. As Jason has pointed out many times, American women are our sisters, our mothers, our daughters.

 

I think it is great that Don is offering the women their own forum for discussion. If it is closed to all the men however, I think we will lose the benefit of what the women have to offer. If that is what eventually happens then I just hope the women will continue to contribute to the open forums.

[awch]

Hmmm... well it's something to think about Don. But just like Louisa said, I'm not sure how I feel about a "secret" forum.

 

I think the issue is not really the US women talking together, but that when we give input to a discussion our ideas and opinions are not valued, scorned or ignored. Rather than seeing a seperate forum I would really just like the current attitude to be more friendly and relaxed, so that we can feel comfortable jumping in on discussions here.

 

I'm thinking about starting an American women's dating international guys type of forum on my own website.. not sure though. I don't really know that much about websites, I just use front page.

 

I'll think about it more and get back to you.. maybe share some PM's with the ladies to discuss.

[beijingjenny]

I agree the main need is just to do something to make our voices louder somehow. But all in all, to tell the truth, it doesn't disturb me overly greatly. Just more a nuisance. Perhaps I am just too used to it in general (not just here). I know whenever someone steps over the mark or doesn't include us, often (certainly NOT always) they are open to being pointed in the right direction. Even if they haven't all posted here, we do have a number of great guys here for all the not so thoughtful ones.

 

Some kind of forum or website for women dating or married to Chinese men would be interesting, but def hard to get a decent membership going.

 

At any rate, girls let's keep speaking up (nicely, of course )!

[Jason+Joanna]

I for one value what the women on this board have to say. I would like to step up and say that I would love to hear more from you all. I encourage you post more, and more often as well.

[MarkLuvsShuPing]

Sorry, late as usual.

 

My first reaction to the idea of an all women's "secret" forum was that it was a great idea, especially if it included the Chinese girls. However, most of the girls have expressed a reluctance to do this and, once I thought about it, I would hate to lose threads like the one where Jenny announced her pregnancy. I got some great info about the cocoa butter that I was able to pass on to ShuPing, now she's looking to get some. I never would've thought about that on my own.

 

I would encourage you to create more threads like this one. I checked it out to start with, but then I got disinterested and left it alone.

 

Maybe that's the secret, if you'd like to create a topic for woman only all you have to do is start off with shopping or home decor (OK, I know that's really chauvanistic, but it would keep the guys away). We'd still be able to look in if we wanted to, but most men wouldn't bother.

 

I'd also like to invite all the girls to the RR2, Amber has made quite an impact (thanks Amber).

[Guest DragonFlower]

Well,Carl has his worms.

I figure what I am about to say may get some rotten cabbages launched my way.

 

I thought we had some pretty swell diversity going here.

People from all walks of life,races,situations.

All getting together to talk about relevant issues,have a little fun and share some of the pain the waiting causes.

Admittedly this BB is a little topsided in the white male category.

I for one think the idea of a forum slanted towards females is a great idea.

But,a secret society,are we trying to reinvent segregation here.

I suppose if women have a private club,the men will need one too.

And so on and so on.

 

 

Every body here has some insightful,meaningful things to say from time to time.This sharing of ideas is what has made this place good.

Let's not hide these things away.

 

(This is of course only an opinion,not endorsed by anybody I ever heard of or the management of this staion,or my mother or the next door neighbors two cats)

 

 

 

 

B)

 

long

[awch]

Ladies:

I've got some news for ya. I'm currently working on getting my own website set up, it should be running by next week. Not intended to replace CFL, just it's own kinda site.

 

It will be called AWIP: American women, international partners. (I like how the word "whip" is incorporated

 

If you have any suggestions or want info on it, please PM me, especially with suggestions! I hope Don will put a link up after it's running.

 

Amber

[beijingjenny]

Sounds great Amber! Well done.