Very important - I need advice ! ! !

[hongrose1230]

well, for the professional pictures for the Chinese girls, most of the girls like to use the professional, for my ponits of view, that is not real her, if you are real looking for the relationship or the commitment, I don't think it is good idea to put the professional pictures on the line, you can just put the normal pictures, then if both get communiate each ohter more, you can sending more pictures and so on, I know, from on line dating, the pictues are most important, nice good pictures are starting the communiate, make the chemistry( maybe)? well, I think so, this girl maybe

maybe us this to attract the man, not only you , maybe also someone else! You need to take the time t find it out, when the time is ready, come to China to pay the visit, spend some time, with her, or her friends, coworkers and family and so on, time will tell!

[beijingjenny]

The general consensus seems to be:

 

1: Follow your heart and gut feelings

 

2: Take your time (This one is probably most important so early in!)

 

But you really have to figure it out for yourself - love is not something other people can tell you. Just the fact that she is not a "traditional" Chinese girl isn't in itself bad - some men might like a more liberated woman. But this is something only you can know.

[frankmeiling]

My dearie never got a picture of me until a year after we started communicating via email and messenger. We never used the webcam until much later. It wasn't because I had something to hide. I have my parents to thank for my upbringing and which my dearie and I are very grateful for. My dearie has been very patient and understanding throughout that time. That's one of the many many reasons why I love my dearie so much.

 

What I would like to say is that everyone of us is unique and so is every situation and circumstance. Why not give her a chance and take your time to get to know her much better first before making the final decision? Let her know you want to be friends with her and take things slow. At the same time, you can make other friends. Just my humble opinion.

 

Thanks.

 

MeiLing

[oregonknl]

WOW ~~!

 

I would submit that this thread is one for the record books!!!!

 

We are getting responses, almost back-to-back --- of those who think it is ok to "present yourself" (sexually) early in a relationship against a very different take by those who have a more traditional view of Chinese women --- but look at the contrast of MeiLing's post --- who didn't even offer a picture to her SO until a year after the beginning of communication ~!

 

.... And yet, MeiLing is sympathetic with the woman in this case ... Wow!

 

To me, since I joined in April, this is the most culturally diverse thread I have read on the Candle ~!!! Just very interesting !

[Guest skduvall]

Hi Everyone,

I must say that I thank each and everyone of you for the very interesting comments you submitted to my question. It was indeed very educational. I am working on several of the suggestions posted here and believe that I will definately be able to make a better decision based on your suggestions. So again - thank you for the help.

In conclusion let me add that I think this woman is sincere and has only acted in a more sexual way because I think she indeed is very sexualy excited about me. I'm not much, but to a 50 year old Chinese woman - I guess I would be a very good catch. I think she is very anxious to have a husband again and definately excited to the prospect of moving to America! I am less suspicious now and look forward to my first introduction which will be after the new year sometime.

I will definately post new threads as this relationship develops, So you can see how well you predicted this woman to turn out. I have faith in her and will proceed with the relationship (a bit more carefully).

Thanks,

skd

[beijingjenny]

Age might make a difference - although you'd think that'd make her even more traditionial. I've a friend just got her fiance visa - she is 38 and by Chinese standards an old maid, so is happy to have found someone!

[mtbdude]

skd,

 

if you decide on a chinese wife (which i recommend!), you are going to invest a lot of time and effort and money. yan zi and i have waited a year, now, and i will be making my 5th trip to visit her in sep. you are already making an investment of the most precious thing, time. seriously consider cutting your losses. there are so many beautiful, sweet ladies to meet in china.

 

for my part, i met one beijing woman who started talking about sex and asking me for money early on. met her on kiss.com, and what a turn-on she was! i was still wounded from my divorce, and she was just what i thought i needed. cute, sexy, and needed me. then i saw that her profile remained and was being updated -- after she was supposedly getting serious about me. that was enough for me.

 

since then i've learned that the average chinese woman isn't anything like that. yan zi refused money from me until only recently. that's because i convinced her to quit her job and let me support her when she sent in p-3, so she would be ready to leave china when the visa happens. but we've known each other for over 2 years now. i send flowers every month, and she loves it, but always lectures me a little bit for spending the money. she still hasn't spent most of what i sent for her support.

 

anyway, hope this helps. you already got all sorts of good advice. just adding my $0.02. i hope you find yourself a good woman (like i did).

 

steve

[mtbdude]

skd,

 

sorry, i hadn't read your last post before writing what i just wrote. i wish you both good luck.

 

steve

[jkobman]

I think the glamour photos are fairly presently fairly common, BUT the "takin' the clothes off" stuff is not common for most Chinese women who as a group tend to be very modest.

 

My 2 jiao, but I'd be very careful.

[Mengxin]

If you have a shread of doubt don't do it. It's not worth it. Too many fishes in the sea.

[jkobman]

...and yes, the money issue. If she's asking for money, not too good, I sometimes tell Sarah "I'll wire money to you for this or that" and she says no, she'll get it from her father. AND, if I pay too much for something, I have to hear about it from her AND we walk/take the bus instead of a taxi. Thrifty seems to be a mantra with her and her friends/family.

 

And, I got to stay with her family and meet the rest of the extended family - this helped me unerstand her a lot better.

 

AND, a friend I have taught with in China (and who has gone every summer fpr 15 yrs.) said "see how the family is looked upon in their community."

 

OK, I'm done preachin'

[Martytb]

Just to reinforce what other folks here have already said, My wife refuses to accept any money from me. She has often offered to send me money so I won't take weekend side jobs ( I like the weekend work, and can't get her to understand. I don't do it for the money). She is very modest. Her exact words were "I am traditional Chinese woman" We did not and do not discuss sex. We don't have to.

Before meeting Wei Ping I met several women who were very beautiful, but they all had sick parents or a child far away and needed money to visit or care for them. More money than they needed to travel twice around China.

Visit the lady. Be sure to meet her family and friends. Then make your decision. Better to be safe than sorry.

 

And that is my two cents.

[Mengxin]

AND, if I pay too much for something, I have to hear about it from her AND we walk/take the bus instead of a taxi.

I'm with you all the way, until you mentioned taking "The Bus." I will argue that all day.....at least until she breaks me down and make me give in too. I hear you dude, the bus sucks. (it doesn't make sense either...not to spend an extra 8 rmb, to get where your going 30 minutes earlier?) ...Two ways of doing things, her way and the wrong way.

 

(kidding baby )