Why My Wife Is Angry With Me

[carhil24]

It's my experience when someone else  tells her something, she understands.

That reminds me of something that happened just the other day. Ever since my wife has been here, she has been asking me to buy her a Chinese restaurant. Even though I am not totally against the idea, I am just not quite ready to retire from my job and put in 15-18 hours a day in some hot, greasy, smelly, kitchen, to earn what after all is said and done, probably minimum wage per hour. After countless discussions about the difficulties in buying, opening, and operating a restaurant in America, up till a couple of days ago, she still believed that the main reason I did not want to buy her a restaurant was because I did not love her enough to be willing to work with her. What happened a couple of days ago, you ask? She saw one of her Chinese friends in a supermarket the other day, and in the course of the conversation, this lady told her that since they have opened up their restaurant, she has lost 10 lbs, has been working 12-15 hours every day, and never realized that operating a restaurant was so difficult. So what does my wife do when we get home, she proceeds to tell me how difficult it is to open a restaurant in America. And being the great husband that I am, I answered, "Oh, really?"

[Robert S.]

It's my experience when someone else  tells her something, she understands.

That reminds me of something that happened just the other day. Ever since my wife has been here, she has been asking me to buy her a Chinese restaurant. Even though I am not totally against the idea, I am just not quite ready to retire from my job and put in 15-18 hours a day in some hot, greasy, smelly, kitchen, to earn what after all is said and done, probably minimum wage per hour. After countless discussions about the difficulties in buying, opening, and operating a restaurant in America, up till a couple of days ago, she still believed that the main reason I did not want to buy her a restaurant was because I did not love her enough to be willing to work with her. What happened a couple of days ago, you ask? She saw one of her Chinese friends in a supermarket the other day, and in the course of the conversation, this lady told her that since they have opened up their restaurant, she has lost 10 lbs, has been working 12-15 hours every day, and never realized that operating a restaurant was so difficult. So what does my wife do when we get home, she proceeds to tell me how difficult it is to open a restaurant in America. And being the great husband that I am, I answered, "Oh, really?"

That was very fortunate. Maybe she can change over to the idea of doing something else. My wife has wanted to open a restaurant and I would have gone for the project with her but it is just such an expensive proposition that it was useless to talk about. And I have heard that you need to be prepared to lose money in the first year until you get established. I still believe my Ping could have a successful place because her cooking is so good and she could train the cooks to cook the way she wants them to do. The great downfall of Chinese restaurants in America is their use of those crappy premixed sauces, just add water. I have been told by our great CFL member, Charlotte, that she has eaten in over 100 Chinese restaurants here in America and that barely 10 of those had good food. If a lady wanted to open a restaurant and make it different from the other ones, with shorter hours, a much smaller menu, and better quality it would probably make better money and take less time than the generic ones.

[Robert S.]

Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow.

And a hot plate for a range; a pile of vegetables on a mat on the ground for a produce department; and an odd concoction of ice cream, milk, and ice cubes for a milkshake! Come on guys, we can have some fun with this one!

Ping recently made a milk shake like that, and used a Granny Smith apple in it as well. She could not understand why I didn't like it.

[Dave G.]

Thanks for the great laughs this morning. I needed them. Seems it's normal. It just kills me now that JM seems so unhappy. I think the whole issue has made her homesickness even worse. We'll see how it resolves itself....

[Bobby]

I run into these things occasionally. I get the full gamut.. nearly every hard surface above the floor is covered in old newspaper now (its always interesting to read what happened two months ago while eating lunch). Things are _always_ better in china (she won't eat chicken or most meat here because it was "killed too late"). She misses being able to walk out her front door, pay 12 cents for the bus and go anywhere in town.

 

But she's adjusting.. its been slow, and I can understand some of her arguments. I'm ok with the newspaper as long as we have an apartment and with gas prices what they are now, I can understand the bus thing too .

 

The only help I can provide you is to suggest being patient. Whenever I run into a stalemate like some of the ones you've described, I simply chaulk everything up to being "the way things work in the US".. She gets upset, but then realizes that things are different between the US and China, and not everything that seemed convenient in China is exactly correct here (she likes to pay for everything in pennies because she hates seeing them around the house). We are from two different worlds, and although we should work on bringing together the best from both worlds, it isn't always the best thing to do. When I was visiting China, I made some concessions, and I make concessions now every day. I don't do it necessarily because I want to, but to make our life together better.

 

Remember: one day at a time

[Guest blsqueaky]

Boy, after reading all of this, I can not believe how lucky I am with Ling. She has told me on more than one occasion that since I am on the road all the time, why look for larger house, when it will cost more that what I pay now. I know in time there will be a larger house, but for now she says "save money, we not need something bigger". I think that she just likes the idea of living on a quiet lake here.

 

Also, now as far as her adjustment, one friend already has her joining a goup of ladies, called the red hat society. Don't ask. All I know about them is that they get together once a month, party and have a great time.

[frank1538]

I run into these things occasionally.  I get the full gamut..  nearly every hard surface above the floor is covered in old newspaper now (its always interesting to read what happened two months ago while eating lunch).  Things are _always_ better in china (she won't eat chicken or most meat here because it was "killed too late").  She misses being able to walk out her front door, pay 12 cents for the bus and go anywhere in town.

 

But she's adjusting.. its been slow, and I can understand some of her arguments.  I'm ok with the newspaper as long as we have an apartment and with gas prices what they are now, I can understand the bus thing too .

 

The only help I can provide you is to suggest being patient.  Whenever I run into a stalemate like some of the ones you've described, I simply chaulk everything up to being "the way things work in the US"..  She gets upset, but then realizes that things are different between the US and China, and not everything that seemed convenient in China is exactly correct here (she likes to pay for everything in pennies because she hates seeing them around the house).  We are from two different worlds, and although we should work on bringing together the best from both worlds, it isn't always the best thing to do.  When I was visiting China, I made some concessions, and I make concessions now every day.  I don't do it necessarily because I want to, but to make our life together better.

 

Remember: one day at a time

Jingwen must have learned from your wife. Unfortunately, because the Sunday Atlanta paper is pretty thick, I'm still reading April.

 

Jingwen still thinks that just about everything about America is "bu hao" (no good). My response continues to be "bu si bu hao, bu tong" (not no good, different). Slowly, she is beginning to realize that there are differences and that those differences add a variety to life.

 

Now, if I can only get her to add a little American variety to the food. At least, she's discovered that habenero peppers are actually hotter than Chinese peppers and so, they're better. Chalk up one for the home team.

[se_lang]

Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow.

And a hot plate for a range; a pile of vegetables on a mat on the ground for a produce department; and an odd concoction of ice cream, milk, and ice cubes for a milkshake! Come on guys, we can have some fun with this one!

Ping recently made a milk shake like that, and used a Granny Smith apple in it as well. She could not understand why I didn't like it.

Have you ever heard of a smoothie.

[Dave G.]

Quick follow up. In four words: Daddy got boom boom!

 

Seriously, the tension for the last three days has been thick. I came home from work yesterday and things were "different" in the house. JM had been up to something. Bottom line: she came up with some GREAT ideas. They'll add value, be cheap, and look very nice. One thing I'm struggling with but I'm keeping my mouth shut. Eventually, she'll see the problem and fix it on her own.

[oregonknl]

Bobby:

 

"We are from two different worlds, and although we should work on bringing together the best of both worlds, it isn't always the best thing to do.."

 

Interesting ... can you give some examples?

 

 

Frank, on Jingwen's "bu hao" to things American. ...

 

When I met my first daughter, she was two but very talkative ... the first day she just cryed, but the second day, she started out steering clear of me, and running to my then wife anytime I got near.

 

Every time I got close to her, she said in perfect English: "butthead!" and tried to poke my eyes out with her pointy little index finger (actually got it in my eye the first time)... So I asked Nichole, who was from the agency, and spoke Mandarin, what the hell Jet was saying that sounded much like "butthead" -- and she told me it was actually ... bu hao .. she thought I would be upset, but really it was touching, and funny, I thought.

 

--Kim

[Trigg]

So I asked Nichole, who was from the agency, and spoke Mandarin, what the hell Jet was saying that sounded much like "butthead"  -- and she told me it was actually ... bu hao .. she thought  I would be upset, but really it was touching, and funny, I thought.

 

--Kim

Through the eyes of a child. Are you sure she menat bu hao??

[Trigg]

menat?? I meant-meant

[oregonknl]

Yeah, Trigg...

 

I trust Nichole's translation skills....

 

... that, plus they don't usually offer English classes (even as an elective) to 2 year-olds in the orphanges of China..

[warpedbored]

I thought Chinese people were supposed to be subtle.

Subtle? you mean subtle like a train wreck?