PBS.org Independent Lens - Seeking Asian Female

[Mick]

You raise an excellent point, Dennis. All too often second, third, fourth generation Asians, Latinos, etc., who were born here just like the rest of us, are lumped into the "immigrant" category in folks' minds. As I mentioned in another thread, my first girlfriend, the girl I dated from eighth grade until high school graduation, was Japanese-American, born in Sarasota, Florida. Still, there were folks who would ask "How long have you been in America?" Her parents, God bless them, they were really fine people, were in the camps in WWII. And they, too, were born in America, right out there in Los Angeles, in fact.

[Dennis143]

You raise an excellent point, Dennis. All too often second, third, fourth generation Asians, Latinos, etc., who were born here just like the rest of us, are lumped into the "immigrant" category in folks' minds. As I mentioned in another thread, my first girlfriend, the girl I dated from eighth grade until high school graduation, was Japanese-American, born in Sarasota, Florida. Still, there were folks who would ask "How long have you been in America?" Her parents, God bless them, they were really fine people, were in the camps in WWII. And they, too, were born in America, right out there in Los Angeles, in fact.

I have an American coworker who's of Japanese descent. He jokes by standing straight with hands at his side and then bows while saying "How you?" sounding like he's fresh off the boat.

[gzbabi]

I've had this discussion with American born Asians. They (most of them) realize that living here among this huge immigrant Asian population that they'll quite often be lumped into that group of new arrivals. I see the same with latinos whose families have lived here for generations.

 

From my perspective, it's a white non-white issue. Simply put, white anglos settled this country and any non-white racial groups are too often assumed to be foreign born, blacks notwithstanding. It raises their hackles of many non-white Americans to have to too often explain that they were born here and their family have been here for generations and that they're as American as me or anyone else.

To amplify this and turn this argument 180 degrees. I was not even born in America, born in Europe and my family is from there, my parents never lived in the US. I am actually the immigrant here (now USC), and everyone assumes my whole family was here for generations.

[david_dawei]

 

You raise an excellent point, Dennis. All too often second, third, fourth generation Asians, Latinos, etc., who were born here just like the rest of us, are lumped into the "immigrant" category in folks' minds. As I mentioned in another thread, my first girlfriend, the girl I dated from eighth grade until high school graduation, was Japanese-American, born in Sarasota, Florida. Still, there were folks who would ask "How long have you been in America?" Her parents, God bless them, they were really fine people, were in the camps in WWII. And they, too, were born in America, right out there in Los Angeles, in fact.

I have an American coworker who's of Japanese descent. He jokes by standing straight with hands at his side and then bows while saying "How you?" sounding like he's fresh off the boat.

 

 

and the reverse problem is how to save face to not appear to be the stupid immigrant.

 

The joke among chinese is easy: Just say, "Sayonara" (appear to be Japanese)

[Randy W]

.

Steven speaks up - thanks to Greg in the Facebook Nanning and China forum

 

Steven of Seeking Asian Female Talks about Online Dating, “Asian Fetish,” and Relationship Advice

Steven emailed us about his reaction to seeing himself on the silver screen, his perspective on the problematic term “yellow fever,” and his advice on keeping a marriage strong.

 

 

By the end of May 2009 we came to the USA, and on August 22 we got married. So as a couple we’ve been together six years, and as a married couple it will be four years in August.

 

. . .

 

My searching was thorough and my vetting process took time. I did a lot of communication back and forth with many people and some seemed very nice while others were not in the running. With emails you can find out quite rapidly the character and level of education of the writer and her intent. But I was pragmatic and practical in my approach I thought.

 

When I finally connected with Sandy we communicated every night through emails and web cam, and photo exchanges. We knew about each other’s families long before we even met. You may laugh when I say communication because the movie shows us having a difficult time. But it only became difficult when there were some serious differences or arguments. And while it appears in the film that we were always that way, truthfully that was not the case. We get along wonderfully well, we have great chemistry.

 

. . .

 

I volunteered for this film (without pay) for the sake of Art. I gave it all the open honesty I could. So it was with some surprise that I found the emphasis on creepiness.

 

. . .

 

I was hoping to show that an everyday guy can find love and purpose from a connection to an everyday woman on the other side of the earth. That a solution to my invisibility and diminished choice in my own country is at hand with the modern tools of the internet.

 

That even a schlub such as me can find a soulmate with some diligence and desire with these tools.

 

 

 

[Mick]

I read the interview yesterday, actually, as it was posted on my facebook page feed. Steven certainly comes across better in the interview than in the video.

[Fu Lai]

 

.

Steven speaks up - thanks to Greg in the Facebook Nanning and China forum

 

Steven of Seeking Asian Female Talks about Online Dating, “Asian Fetish,” and Relationship Advice

Steven emailed us about his reaction to seeing himself on the silver screen, his perspective on the problematic term “yellow fever,” and his advice on keeping a marriage strong.

 

 

By the end of May 2009 we came to the USA, and on August 22 we got married. So as a couple we’ve been together six years, and as a married couple it will be four years in August.

 

. . .

 

My searching was thorough and my vetting process took time. I did a lot of communication back and forth with many people and some seemed very nice while others were not in the running. With emails you can find out quite rapidly the character and level of education of the writer and her intent. But I was pragmatic and practical in my approach I thought.

 

When I finally connected with Sandy we communicated every night through emails and web cam, and photo exchanges. We knew about each other’s families long before we even met. You may laugh when I say communication because the movie shows us having a difficult time. But it only became difficult when there were some serious differences or arguments. And while it appears in the film that we were always that way, truthfully that was not the case. We get along wonderfully well, we have great chemistry.

 

. . .

 

I volunteered for this film (without pay) for the sake of Art. I gave it all the open honesty I could. So it was with some surprise that I found the emphasis on creepiness.

 

. . .

 

I was hoping to show that an everyday guy can find love and purpose from a connection to an everyday woman on the other side of the earth. That a solution to my invisibility and diminished choice in my own country is at hand with the modern tools of the internet.

 

That even a schlub such as me can find a soulmate with some diligence and desire with these tools.

 

 

 

 

"I had never thought about it before until 10 years after the disastrous end of my second marriage. I avoided any romance for that period. Then I saw my son find a beautiful Japanese girlfriend whom he later married. They seemed so happy and looked so nice together. She was very polite and amiable but definitely not a subservient type. She was a powerful go-getter for sure, with strong opinions, and high standards, and a sense of purpose.

 

I thought maybe this might be a new and better direction for my life as well. So I diligently searched for ones I might have chemistry with. Each nationality seems to have a personality of its own. Early on in my search and communications I discovered that the Chinese style of communication was what I enjoyed most.'

[Randy W]

I read the interview yesterday, actually, as it was posted on my facebook page feed. Steven certainly comes across better in the interview than in the video.

 

Yes, that was where (mine, too) I copied it from Thanks again to Greg.

[Fu Lai]

EPILOGUE

 

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Screen-Shot-2013-05-02-at-2.11.49-PM.png

[ameriken]

 

 

 

That even a schlub such as me can find a soulmate with some diligence and desire with these tools.

 

 

 

I can relate....

[warpedbored]

Kind brings home the old adage "there are two sides to every story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle." I now regret the negative comments I made about him. It appears that Debbie Lum was determined to portray him as a creep even if the truth didn't fit.

[Mycitylights]

I want to comment as an American woman. I really enjoyed this documentary. I did not find Steven creepy at all. Even at the beginning. A little offbeat and goofy but his vibe came across as totally harmless. He actually seems like a lot of fun. And besides, he is actually fairly good looking for an old fart.

 

 

 

He seemed stable for the most part. He had a full time job and a nice apartment in downtown Burlingame. Now, I don't know if Burlingame has rent control but that cannot be cheap. Downtown Burlingame is a beautiful affluent area and I imagine Sandy enjoys living there. I know I would! Especially if i was with the man I loved.

Steven seemed to really adore Sandy and was dedicated to her. Which is what any woman wants.. loyalty, I suppose. Sure, he is immature. But so is she. And they work well together. They are both willing to compromise. I'm really surprised to see you guys giving them such a hard time! When so many of you seem much wierder than him! ;-) Well, as they say, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I thought it was a lovely love story and I'm glad they are still together after all this time.

[Steve in USA]

I want to comment as an American woman. I really enjoyed this documentary. I did not find Steven creepy at all. Even at the beginning. A little offbeat and goofy but his vibe came across as totally harmless. He actually seems like a lot of fun. And besides, he is actually fairly good looking for an old fart.

 

 

 

He seemed stable for the most part. He had a full time job and a nice apartment in downtown Burlingame. Now, I don't know if Burlingame has rent control but that cannot be cheap. Downtown Burlingame is a beautiful affluent area and I imagine Sandy enjoys living there. I know I would! Especially if i was with the man I loved.

Steven seemed to really adore Sandy and was dedicated to her. Which is what any woman wants.. loyalty, I suppose. Sure, he is immature. But so is she. And they work well together. They are both willing to compromise. I'm really surprised to see you guys giving them such a hard time! When so many of you seem much wierder than him! ;-) Well, as they say, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I thought it was a lovely love story and I'm glad they are still together after all this time.

Thank you MCL for posting your thoughts from your own perspective.

 

It was uplifting and reassuring to read, as at first I identified a bit too close to the subject in the "Documentary". But I do contribute that more to the filmmaker's preconceived bias about that other Steve and not on the couple's dynamics together.

[Bigguy_33]

Update:

 

I see from Steve's Facebook page, that they were having lots of problems. He wrote, he needs to get rid of Sandy.

 

Here's a pic from a years ago on the right, the left is from when Sandy arrived.. I could not even recognize Sandy anymore.

 

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/drafted72/Default/steve%20and%20wife.jpg

Edited September 29, 2015 by Bigguy_33 (see edit history)

[Greg.D.]

Update:

 

....... He wrote, he needs to get rid of Sandy.....

Wow, what a horrible thing to publish (for the world to see) about your partner.