Sooo... Where do I start ?

[hayabusa]

Hello ! I am begining a journey, and I am clueless, I sometimes wonder what I am getting myself into, but life is short, make the best of it, and be good to people.

 

I have been reading many post's here over the last few day's, wow everyone is so helpfull, it is great to see. I will begin from the start, please forgive me I do not type or spell the best, and I dont want to ramble on !

 

I met Q online just over a year ago (dec. 1st, 2011), It was Asian beauty website, I did not like to pay to write or chat, but I thought it was what I needed to do to find a cinese lady, I did find out later there where site's for free, oh well... We wrote many letter's, and chatted many times, we both asked many questions of each other, she does have 2 son's, age 20 and 19, she has no plans of them coming here, she knows it would be very hard for them here, they have no college, nor do they speak any english. She is 39, I am 50, she know's I am far from rich, I had to start saving right away, if I was going to go and meet her. We started using email the 1st of jan., also she started a english class.

 

We started to skype the 1st of july, wow she is real !! we begain to skype everyday, talk, laugh, good times, we discussed my trip, we planned the 1st of dec. The 1st of sept. I look to book my trip, we talk about trip, hotel near her. BOOM... She stops skyping, her emails are short, she tell's me how much she care's for me, how I am in her heart, and she wants me, but... she said she has gone to consulute, embassy, she explains how much time it may take for her to come here, she wonders if I make enough to show I can support her, she is getting cold feet maybe, maybe she did not know what was all involved in all of this, also she was having some issue's at home (moving, changing appartments). I email her many times, tell her dont worry, dont give up, we will try our best and see what happens. Over about 2 months we had little contact, I tell her she broke my heart, and I was not going to go to china anymore, I always wished her the best, and she of me. Then I get email from her, she said sorry to hear about new york storm, was I ok ? I email back, I live in minnesota, haha, yes I am fine ! I tell her I miss her, and I wish she would write me. She replyed back very quick "I can skype now if you like" Sooo... I skype with her, we talk, she has tear's, which makes me get tear's, she explain's I have been on her mind everyday, she is very scared, she does not want a broking heart, it is a huge step for her to leave china. She explain's that her friend was married to a foreigner in china, he went back to his home to file for visa's, she has never heard from him again. Q does not want this to happen to her, she would rather get married in the USA. We are back to skyping everyday, sometimes twice, I think being apart a little maybe drew us closer (?) Her english is getting better everyday.

 

I have been watching flights go up and down in price, I wanted to write to you all here first before I booked trip, but I just booked trip, I am set to go feb 5th thru feb 26th, 20 nights, I did book hotel for the whole time, so when I go to chinese consoulete in chicago for my visa they will see I have round trip, with hotel the whole time. She did offer for me to stay only 3 nights in hotel, then I could stay with her in her appartment if her son goes and stays with his father during this time, or lastly we could rebook at same hotel, or find a cheaper hotel. She would rather not have me spend all that money on hotel, (she wants to save money, thats good ! ) I did read on "visarite" site that I could cancel hotel after I get visa, and I checked with hotel and they offer free cancelation up tp 48 hours to check in, is this safe to do ?

 

One more thing here, during the time she did not comunicate with me, I met a young chinese lady "Z" online who is in New York, she has been here almost 4 months, she is 26, went to college for bussness, her parents came here about a year ago and bought a store, she works at sore for her father, I beleave she said she has 10 green card ? we do not skype yet, we chat a little, she writes very sweet letters to me, but now Q is back in picture, what did I get myself into ? I do not want to hurt anyone, I feel Q and I might have more in common (age) and I know more about her, but she is so far away, and we have a lot of hurtles to jump over, Z on the other hand is in USA now that is huge for me, (I think) much less hurtles to jump.

 

Any tips on going to get my visa ? also she would like to see a marrige ability form, would it be easyer just to get that in china ?

 

Once again I did book trip, I am going to China, I will remain optimistic, open minded, I do not want to rush into anything, but that's what they all say, I try to look at it as a trip, and I will have a guide, a very pretty guide at that, I have never been with a "asian" lady before, so here I go...

 

I am sure I forgot things to mention here, but I am sure you will ask me more things, and I will remember more.

 

Thank you in advance for your comments, and you help.

 

Have a good day, Dale

[dnoblett]

Many say a trip over to China is a "Honeymoon" trip, so best to treat it that way, go there and see how it goes. In my time I visited China twice to meet prospects, the first time over to meet an online friend I could tell it was not meant to be so it ended after I returned to the USA, however on the second trip over to meet my wife, we could tell we had something, and continued pursuing the relationship after my return, eventually getting her a visa.

 

About your USA prospect, if already a permanent resident, then there is not the immigration motive for the relationship, and many on this site do suggest looking for a relationship in the states over the international thing.

[Randy W]

I'm going to toss out that this girl (Q) may have other prospects in her pipeline.

 

"she said she has gone to consulute, embassy, she explains how much time it may take for her to come here, she wonders if I make enough to show I can support her"

 

Really?

 

If she DOES have other prospects, you may not find that out on just a single trip.

 

I'll second Dan on the 'bird in the hand' (Z) approach.

[warpedbored]

Welcome to CFL. At least you've found the right place to ask questions. From reading your story I to have doubts about her intentions. You mentioned you met her on a pay site. Your initial communications probably weren't even her. Her "trips" to the consulate also make me go hmmmmm. Still you won't know until you go over there and see. Even then if you are smitten take it slow and see what happens. As Dan and Randy mentioned the US woman has the big plus of not needing you for a green card. It may be worth checking out. The fact you are interested in both women shows an uncertain commitment to either. Nothing wrong with that since you haven't actually met either of them. My advise? Take the trip to China but don't count on it working out. It's worth the trip just in broadening your horizons.

[dan1984]

Welcome to CFL. At least you've found the right place to ask questions. From reading your story I to have doubts about her intentions. You mentioned you met her on a pay site. Your initial communications probably weren't even her. Her "trips" to the consulate also make me go hmmmmm. Still you won't know until you go over there and see. Even then if you are smitten take it slow and see what happens. As Dan and Randy mentioned the US woman has the big plus of not needing you for a green card. It may be worth checking out. The fact you are interested in both women shows an uncertain commitment to either. Nothing wrong with that since you haven't actually met either of them. My advise? Take the trip to China but don't count on it working out. It's worth the trip just in broadening your horizons.

 

Completely agree.....seems as if there may be something fishy going on, with the sporadic communication, trip to the consulate, etc.....

[dan_ling]

Welcome to CFL. At least you've found the right place to ask questions. From reading your story I to have doubts about her intentions. You mentioned you met her on a pay site. Your initial communications probably weren't even her. Her "trips" to the consulate also make me go hmmmmm. Still you won't know until you go over there and see. Even then if you are smitten take it slow and see what happens. As Dan and Randy mentioned the US woman has the big plus of not needing you for a green card. It may be worth checking out. The fact you are interested in both women shows an uncertain commitment to either. Nothing wrong with that since you haven't actually met either of them. My advise? Take the trip to China but don't count on it working out. It's worth the trip just in broadening your horizons.

Completely agree.....seems as if there may be something fishy going on, with the sporadic communication, trip to the consulate, etc.....

 

Yep be cautious on this one, but this will be a trip to remember even if this lady is not the one!

[david_dawei]

I feel you are a book and being played by two book ends... and nobody has even bothered to open the covers to see what is within.

 

You are better off stopping all of this online nonsense and saving yourself a lot of grief.

 

Your a typical american whose heart is easily played... and chinese play it like a flute...

 

When it is right, you don't have many questions or doubts... your leaving me just shaking my head...

 

JMO. (Just My Opinion).

[Doug]

Welcome, though I am not sure I can welcome anyone.

 

Well who knows the truth of all this. Even if it were not another man visiting her during the communication stoppage, and it didn't work out, it bothers me that she is so concerned about the wait and requirements of the visa, rather than truly in love and trusting. And maybe she does truly love you and is faithful, but American adjustment may not be easy and may result in panic and problems for both of you down the road you didn't anticipate. Better to hurt them now than further down the road. They don't like to lose anyone either. My ex-Chinese found out about my new Chinese bride and was all over me like a cat in heat. That was not easy to walk away from, but of course I had to.

 

Boy just starting English. Well my wife had seen a lot of the world with her job and simply decided 3 years before meeting that she would have to learn English, so we can talk. In other words she prepared first and advises others who ask her about a good man outside of China.

 

99% of them want to save, but for me that translates to controlling, which I think many are. I found a few, who are now friends who are not so bad about that. Just talk it out, but don't let her know what your trying to determine.

 

Now the young one writing sweet emails reminds me of my what my present wife did, which was completely opposite of all the others. You might want a short trip to her first. And how will you explain a trip to China if she works out? Yes the age thing may matter but your 50 and not 58/59 and that makes a difference. I imagine she will want kids, so 50 isn't entirely out of the question. I saw a couple the other day with 2 little boys and all looked happy. On the other hand she has been here only 4 months and has not had time to make new friends. Would she stick?

 

Having said this and I could say more, I have no idea what I am talking about and only you can tell. Just be ware. It can be the best pu$$y on earth, like silk is sandpaper in comparison, and the meanest battle ax you ever met after marriage.

[tsap seui]

Welcome, though I am not sure I can welcome anyone.

 

Well who knows the truth of all this. Even if it were not another man visiting her during the communication stoppage, and it didn't work out, it bothers me that she is so concerned about the wait and requirements of the visa, rather than truly in love and trusting. And maybe she does truly love you and is faithful, but American adjustment may not be easy and may result in panic and problems for both of you down the road you didn't anticipate. Better to hurt them now than further down the road. They don't like to lose anyone either. My ex-Chinese found out about my new Chinese bride and was all over me like a cat in heat. That was not easy to walk away from, but of course I had to.

 

Boy just starting English. Well my wife had seen a lot of the world with her job and simply decided 3 years before meeting that she would have to learn English, so we can talk. In other words she prepared first and advises others who ask her about a good man outside of China.

 

99% of them want to save, but for me that translates to controlling, which I think many are. I found a few, who are now friends who are not so bad about that. Just talk it out, but don't let her know what your trying to determine.

 

Now the young one writing sweet emails reminds me of my what my present wife did, which was completely opposite of all the others. You might want a short trip to her first. And how will you explain a trip to China if she works out? Yes the age thing may matter but your 50 and not 58/59 and that makes a difference. I imagine she will want kids, so 50 isn't entirely out of the question. I saw a couple the other day with 2 little boys and all looked happy. On the other hand she has been here only 4 months and has not had time to make new friends. Would she stick?

 

Having said this and I could say more, I have no idea what I am talking about and only you can tell. Just be ware. It can be the best pu$$y on earth, like silk is sandpaper in comparison, and the meanest battle ax you ever met after marriage.

 

As Howard Johnson in the movie "Blazing Saddles" said about Samuel Johnson after he made an emphatic speech during which he repeatedlyslapped his hat on his leg and spiritedly mumbled and stumbled his way though it......"Well, there you go, who among us could argue with that?"

 

Dougie, I think you said it all big guy...especially that last paragraph. I know you had me on the edge of my computer chair in rapt attention. And thanks for reminding me of Blazing Saddles. A better and more profound movie has never been made.

 

By the way, when did you git hitched Bubba? Did you tell us here and I wuz asleep, or quite possibly I wuz hiding out on the jack porch backing off again? I jes don't remember anything more than you had met a beautiful woman, and showed us the pitcher of her. It's hard to keep up with you range ridin' cock o' the walk cowboys. Congrats, masked man, great to see you back in the..... ahh...er.....saddle again. One thang is four shore....you don't mess around.

 

tsap seui

[Mick]

Blazing Saddles was a classic if there ever was one. Slim Pickens is one of my all time favorite actors. I recall at one point, after the "Gov" had said something sage and profound, Slim said, "Gawl dang it boss, you use yer tongue better'n a two dollar whore."

 

On a serious note, I agree with what Doug said about it being better to hurt now than later. Just keep your eyes open and don't let your judgement be clouded by romance. Good luck....

[cdrobin66]

Please, Please get to know her very well. I think many people become attached to the wrong person. Also if you are not familiar with the culture try and read up on as best you can. That is my advice and good luck.

 

Carl

[Doug]

Tzapper I really don't have a clue

 

 

I made a joke once.

 

The sequal to Blazin Saddles

 

 

Blisterin Ass

 

 

 

I mean you gotta figure. Sittin on that blazin saddle is likely to..... blister that ass, so one follows the other. Ahhhh, maybe that tow truck in Cars would agree with me.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Doug (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

Ya done gud Douggie. Glad to see you got married and are happy. Good luck with the visa ride, may it be a short one and may she pick the lucky ducky out of Guangzhou's lucky ducky pond on interview day.

 

You deserve the best man.

 

tsap seui

[MarineClimateLover]

I'd be cautious. I've lived in China for 10 years, my wife is Chinese, and I think that I understand the differences between Americans and Chinese folks somewhat well.

 

I think there's reason to be cautious mainly because there was the communication stoppage and a trip to the consulate (maybe). As for the information she says she gained at the consulate most of it could have been gotten on the internet. While my wife and I have been going through her green card process she's been able to go to Chinese websites and get answers and understand the process just as well as I have from the official American consulate site.

 

A trip to China would be OK for a couple different reasons. First - it'll help you understand where this woman is coming from. There are many subtleties of Chinese society/culture that will fly under the radar for you but you'll be able to see her in her own environment - plus visiting China is simply a very interesting experience on it's own.

 

Like others I think considering the gal in Brooklyn might be an ideal path to take, first, and if that isn't wholly satisfactory then move things forward with your friend in China.

 

At the base of all this, with your friend in China, consider her motives to immigrate. She may be looking at things completely different i.e. she wants to leave China for the U.S. while you're in it for the "love" or whatnot.

 

Best of luck.

[tsap seui]

My guess is if all the tiny hiney wimmin trying to get a "mantaxi" ride to the States could just get visitors visas, come over for a few months to see for themselves and realize the streets are NOT paved with gold, nor do we all have trees in our backyards that grow $100 bills on them....the amount of tiny hineys seeking a ride to America would shrink dramatically.

 

My wife goofs around some on QQ and 001 and brother, there are a lot of guys whose wives are jes waiting on that 10 year green card, with husbands who aren't suspecting a thing.....SURPRISE!!!!

 

And there are just about as many wimmin who just want to go the hell back to China now that they've seen what America has to offer.

 

L O V E, yer damned lucky if'n it finds you, or you find it. I'm not down on Chinese wimmin folk in any way shape or form. They are hard driven and have a dream. Love comes in a distant 3rd somewhere in the peckin' order. I can't says as I blame them for their agenda, us white boys have ours too, I reckon.

 

Sometimes ya finds love between the two of ya. Sometimes ya finds ya wake up with an empty bed and yore lil' twinkie in your hand. One thang is 4 certain though....if'n ya don't take the fantasy trip of a lifetime, and give it yore best shot, with yore eyeballs wide open, ya just gonna wake up with yore lil' twinkie in yore hand, anyhow.

 

Go for it my man. Go to Chinertucky with a smile on yore face and a heart full of hope. Wimmins is like peanuts or pecans.... The outside shells all look the same but ya just don't know if'n ya picked a rotten one until you hold it in yore hand and open it up for a wee look see at the meat of the subject.

 

I may be crazier than Tom Hillegass's damned dawg but I'll tell ya....my first trip to Chinertucky to meet a woman I thought I had been talkin' to on the internet for about 6 weeks had one funny little thing wrong with it... for my viewin' pleasure "she" had given me 10 photos of 3 different wimmin....what???? Hell, I didn't care, I figured I'd meet a 4th woman who looked nothing like any of the other 3 (none of whom was all that prudy to begin with). I tol' myself, I'd jes key in on whoever met me, and get to know her. No need to think about the others.

 

Sure enough, I walk into the airport in ol' Beijing and a woman who looked nothin' like any of the 10 photos of 3 different women I had with me is standing there at the end of the line with a paper that had my name and her name written on it. And she looked much better than any of the other 3. Good God Billy Bawb, we have been together now over 6 years and went through 4 years and 10 months of war with the State Department to get her a visa to come here.

 

Turned out she had never even talked to me, it was some agency thing, and she had walked into the agency 10 days before my plane was to land. When she told them she hadn't even talked to me and I didn't even have a photo of her they laughed at her and said...."Look, he's an American, we all look the same to them."

 

If I hadn't have gone to China I'd never have met Wenyan. I realize I could just as well have met Naynew and it would have been the complete opposite....but if a man don't take no chances on romance, he ain't gonna meet hisself a 25 cow wife.....oh they is pleanty of 8 and 9 and even 10 cow wives in the corral and you may take a chance and only meat a 4 cow wife but you jes gotta GO and figurre things out yourself in real life...this internet crap don't mean nothing. And like yore momma always taught you...."do all yore thinkin' with the head that the thinkin' cap fits on, as the other head will only lead you to trouble".

 

Good luck.....

 

tsap seui