The Power Shift - What do (Chinese) Women Want?

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Hey all, thanks for the welcome backs. Anyway, I enjoy being stared by all the Chinese. Why? Because, when they are staring, I put a huge smile on my face and frantically wave at them. Of course, I have the last laugh as they soon find themselves crashing their bodies into a nearby lamp post or another person. Ah, the failure of the Chinese to let go of long stares at a lil old laowei. But seriously, I always have fun smiling and waving back at them;to see their boyish/girlish laughing, giggling responses are...simply priceless.

 

I was also staring at you, along with everyone else in the Shanghai subway station as you were trying to get directions to the bus station for the bus back to Nantong.

 

Edited May 19, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[amberjack1234]

You know that I didn't notice any staring. I am sure that it was done it's just that I didn't notice any. I tend to not care what other folks are doing and pay attention to what I am doing. I suppose that I should be more observant of other people, especially while in another country, for my own safety and that of my wife.

 

We were walking in my in-laws apartment compound and around the corner cane 4 young kids on their bikes and slammed on the brakes and one of them yelled laowei.

 

Larry

[DennisLeiqin]

 

We were walking in my in-laws apartment compound and around the corner cane 4 young kids on their bikes and slammed on the brakes and one of them yelled laowei.

 

Larry

OMG Larry, you're kidding!

[amberjack1234]

We were walking in my in-laws apartment compound and around the corner cane 4 young kids on their bikes and slammed on the brakes and one of them yelled laowei.

 

Larry

OMG Larry, you're kidding!

 

No, I thought that it was funny. My first laowei call. I would guess they were 10 yo or so,

 

Larry

[ChrisA]

God, just about everyone on this forum has play the Ni Hao (hello) game with younger generations while out and about in the general population (shopping etc.), so it happens directly and indirectly, even when you go for dinner it's happening, but they get over it pretty quickly and accept that you are there in there presents. I remember well one time being out traveling with ex's family in a rural area, and we stop a local farmer's market, they had never seen a foreigner, I could feel every eyeball on me as soon as I stepped out of the car.

[knloregon]

Yeah, last century, you got stares ... Not as much anymore in major population centers, but still very much the standard in rural areas, and even second tier cities.... Amazing how many cities, even today, over a million population and still fairly isolated to foreign visitors...

[credzba]

I think this is relevant to this discussion.

Priscilla Chan seems to know what she wants.

Medical school graduate, and married to her college sweetheart.

 

http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2012/05/20/news/web_photos/20.3N020.mark2.C--300x300.jpg

 

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/zuck_status_married_aa561ESt7s8St8zasf89SI

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I think this is relevant to this discussion.

Priscilla Chan seems to know what she wants.

Medical school graduate, and married to her college sweetheart.

 

http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2012/05/20/news/web_photos/20.3N020.mark2.C--300x300.jpg

 

http://www.nypost.co...t7s8St8zasf89SI

 

Thanks for helping to steer the topic back to the orginal article. Priscilla Chan is from China, and went to Stanford University. She is a good example of a Chinese woman who achieved success and found a rich man to marry. Now, this is an extreme example, but it truly is the the Chinese families expectation that their daughter will get the highest marks in the very best Western school, and meet and marry a rich man.

[ChrisA]

On top of that, she's been living here for close to 10 years, so she has learned our system and how we live. It's not the same for some one just arriving here and having to learn all over again from scratch.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

On top of that, she's been living here for close to 10 years, so she has learned our system and how we live. It's not the same for some one just arriving here and having to learn all over again from scratch.

 

Honestly Chris, I think you would be very surprised to see the elite social circles of China. There are many educated professional women in China who hold avanced degrees from prestigious American Universities. There are even more who hold bachelors degrees, who spent only the 3-4 years in the foreign country it took to get the degree. The other side of the spectrum, are Chinese women who hold advanced degrees from Chinese or other Asian countries; Taiwan for example.

 

These women are at the top of their game. They speak impeccable English and have extraordinary grammar skills. Any of them would dance circles around most Western people when tested. Their knowledge of world events and culture is uncanny. These women are not interested in the common man. Why would they be after all the hard work, time and money their families have invested.

Edited May 21, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[ChrisA]

On top of that, she's been living here for close to 10 years, so she has learned our system and how we live. It's not the same for some one just arriving here and having to learn all over again from scratch.

 

Honestly Chris, I think you would be very surprised to see the elite social circles of China. There are many educated professional women in China who hold avanced degrees from prestigious American Universities. There are even more who hold bachelors degrees, who spent only the 3-4 years in the foreign country it took to get the degree. The other side of the spectrum, are Chinese women who hold advanced degrees from Chinese or other Asian countries; Taiwan for example.

 

These women are at the top of their game. They speak impeccable English and have extraordinary grammar skills. Any of them would dance circles around most Western people when tested. Their knowledge of world events and culture is uncanny. These women are not interested in the common man. Why would they be after all the hard work, time and money their families have invested.

 

I can agree with what your saying, but there are other women out there that are not as advanced from an education standpoint, and they don't fall into the elite status as your saying. What is the percentage of say 1 million Chinese women looking for a lifes mate that fall into this category?

I mean a Western man with BA in under-qualified by your standards or the standards your suggesting to be a possible husband, so in a sense we are a common man in relationship to these elite women who hold Masters or Phd's?

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Please go back and read the article posted about the power shift in China. That is what this thread is about.

 

 

China's educated women

 

Many Chinese women are receiving a higher education and entering the workforce. Success changes their marriage criteria; they want a partner who matches them intellectually and financially. Unfortunately, many women encounter resistance to their success.

 

The word shengnv(剩女) refers to an unmarried woman in her late twenties or older. The word means "leftover women," and more and more it is applied to a particular class of women: highly educated professionals. The Economist reports that Asian women are avoiding marriage in greater numbers than ever before.

 

Traditionally, because they themselves could not work outside the home or contribute to earnings, women have sought to marry into successful families. But now, more women have climbed to the top of China's pyramid: they have advanced degrees and run businesses. These women are no longer seeking to marry up; they want partners of equal stature.

 

But educated women have difficulty finding a partner. China Daily reported a story of a young woman whose fiancé dumped her after she obtained her master's degree. Her success threatened the traditional zhaogu paradigm. About 50% of Beijing women making a university-educated salary (5,000-15,000 RMB/month) are not married, according to the Economist. Traditionally, women are expected to stay at home and raise children after marriage; this forces a choice between work and home. Rather than face this choice, educated women are simply not marrying.

 

If men still want to play out the zhaogu relationship, educated women increasingly seem wary of it. Educated women often remain single later in China. This implies that these women have not found mates who will respect their desire to continue working. Educated women don't want to give up their places in the growing economy. A new marriage criterion is emerging for this particular class of Chinese women: a man who will treat them as financial partners, not dependents.

 

Women in this category do not seek men from dating websites. They are interested in executive level men who are at the top of their game.

[ChrisA]

On top of that, she's been living here for close to 10 years, so she has learned our system and how we live. It's not the same for some one just arriving here and having to learn all over again from scratch.

 

Honestly Chris, I think you would be very surprised to see the elite social circles of China. There are many educated professional women in China who hold avanced degrees from prestigious American Universities. There are even more who hold bachelors degrees, who spent only the 3-4 years in the foreign country it took to get the degree. The other side of the spectrum, are Chinese women who hold advanced degrees from Chinese or other Asian countries; Taiwan for example.

 

These women are at the top of their game. They speak impeccable English and have extraordinary grammar skills. Any of them would dance circles around most Western people when tested. Their knowledge of world events and culture is uncanny. These women are not interested in the common man. Why would they be after all the hard work, time and money their families have invested.

 

I can agree with what your saying, but there are other women out there that are not as advanced from an education standpoint, and they don't fall into the elite status as your saying. What is the percentage of say 1 million Chinese women looking for a lifes mate that fall into this category?

I mean a Western man with BA in under-qualified by your standards or the standards your suggesting to be a possible husband, so in a sense we are a common man in relationship to these elite women who hold Masters or Phd's?

 

There are over 338,000 women on AFF looking for a man. You might want to open your eyes too! Take a look at AFF, you might be surprised.

Edited May 21, 2012 by ChrisA (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

This thread is not about me, it's about highly educated Chinese women who are not interested in common men. I am a common man. Most likely every man who posts on this website is also considered to be a common man or less in their eyes.

[A Mafan]

The article is about middle class Chinese women...not the elite.

 

It is following the same trend in the US: the more education a woman has, the more difficult it is for her to find a potential mate acceptable to her.

 

Women of all cultures are hypergamous: they want to marry a man who will raise their status. It plays out in women always wanting to attach themselves to men who are at least a little bit more/better than them in multiple ways: taller, richer, more outgoing, smarter, better educated, older, more wealthy, more powerful, more famous.

 

The only change in China recently is that as more women can attain a middle class life from their own efforts, their field of acceptable husbands shifts upward. And since wealth/power/education plays out along a normal bell curve, the number of potential mates falls off quickly.

 

So they marry later in life, complain about the lack of eligible men, demand more, and have less satisfaction in marriage due to a feeling of being forced to "settle". Same as in the US, just maybe 20 years behind the same process.

 

The most interesting thing about this happening in China, however, is that the trend of sons outnumbering daughters will exacerbate this.

 

If women delay marriage until their mid-30s and then look for older men, only single men over 40 will be sought. That means lots of men in their 20s and 30s who want to get married will be out of luck.

 

I see this playing out two ways:

1) Young Chinese men are going to take more risks and be more flamboyant to establish themselves as acceptable targets of hypergamous women despite being younger

and/or

2) Chinese men are going to accelerate the trend of marrying foreign women (lots of Thai, Cambodian, Vietnamese, Laos, Burmese blood about to enter China).

 

The good news for Americans is that being American (and being an access to a green card) will be seen as a step up for another generation or two.

 

The bad news for Americans is that many of these Chinese women won't be satisfied with just a green card, and may well nag and complain more than the American men will be ready for.