Am I in Love???

[mikem]

I don't normally share stuff like this but I need to hear from you "old timers" who are already married to your Chinese lady/ My Jing always always always simles at me even when we just look at each other or when I look at her not even to say anything there is a smile. WoW do you guys get this too or am I just missing something??. I just got through having a home cooked meal of fresh fish, shrimp, my favorite egg plant and Chicken soup dinner and was typing this, she was in doing the dishes I though and then shows up with a cup of black Cha next to the computer and five minutes later a bowl of fresh cut watermellon.. I know she is attentive does this stop after awhile or do I have to suffer with this for the rest of the relationship

Mike

[Mick]

I would suspect that each lady is different Mike, but I know that Li is very thoughtful. She often anticipates my needs or desires and fills them before I can even think about it. We have been together going on six years and it hasn't stopped. In fact, now that we know each other so well, it has only become better and better. I try to do the same for her. Especially now that she is pregnant. I love Chinese women.

[Patrick & Li]

Ohhhhhhhhh The agony!

 

I sometimes feel a little guilty, because i actually have to think to be thoughtful. It comes natural for my wife. I know its the culture, and i am thankful everyday for being able to experience it.

 

Patrick

[frank1538]

One day I mentioned to Jingwen that I would help her keep the house clean. Big mistake. "I don't help you where you work", she said, "so you don't help me where I work."

 

We finally settled on indoor v. outdoor cleaning. Inside the home will clearly be her domain, but I wonder how long it will take for her to be "corrupted" by Western notions of sharing the workload at home.

[robhon]

You should see the looks I get from Youyue's family as I take care of the baby! It just seems assumed that this is the women's domain. But, for myself, I WANT to change my little boy's diapers! And the family just sort of anxiously stands back and watches. It's really quite a funny scene.

[robhon]

I have to add... I'd be careful to start assuming that Chinese women are servile. I find that, while they will do many wonderful things for you, there is also an assumed reciprocation. And often they won't vocalize what they expect. It's assumed that you "should" know and understand. This can lead to strife and stuggle in Chinese/American relationships when we Americans don't know what is expected of us.

 

I find it very important to explain that Americans tend to say what they feel. And as a result, we also expect to hear when people are unhappy about something. This is often a very diffucult thing to do for a Chinese person.

 

This is one of the truly challenging aspects of what we all face. And even though it may be difficult at times, it's also what makes our relationships so wonderfully rich.

[Mick]

I have to add... I'd be careful to start assuming that Chinese women are servile.  I find that, while they will do many wonderful things for you, there is also an assumed reciprocation.  And often they won't vocalize what they expect.  It's assumed that you "should" know and understand.  This can lead to strife and stuggle in Chinese/American relationships when we Americans don't know what is expected of us.  

 

I find it very important to explain that Americans tend to say what they feel.  And as a result, we also expect to hear when people are unhappy about something.  This is often a very diffucult thing to do for a Chinese person.

 

This is one of the truly challenging aspects of what we all face.  And even though it may be difficult at times, it's also what makes our relationships so wonderfully rich.

Very wise and true words Rob. Servile Li isn't!

 

Yet there is a big difference between being servile and being thoughtful. Thoughtfulness tends to come from the heart and a persons character, whereas being servile stems from a culturally bred sense of duty. Li has always been thoughtful. It is her nature and a part of the beauty of who she is. It goes right along with her being caring and compassionate, not only with me but with others. And you are right about the Chinese sometimes not expressing themselves, at least not directly. It takes a bit of sensitivity and understanding of this fact to make a bi-cultural relationship work. Our first year together, though beautiful and filled with passion, was an educational process for both of us. Unlike the majority of folks on this board, I spent our first years of adjustment immersed in and living in her culture. It was a challenge but it taught me so much and I think this is a part of why our relationship is so deep and meaningful. I love this woman at a depth that I never thought possible, but more than that, I respect her a depth beyond that. To have what we have is a joy and a blessing, one I give thanks for everyday without fail.

[mikem]

Well appreciate everyones input..I try to give here everything I possibly can Either in words or attention and gifts although she gets "angry" spending to much money on her but thats OK. Also I have already gotten the I will do this I am the LaoPo thing.. Like unpacking and packing my bags doing the laundry etc. etc. So know where to draw the line on territories..OK OK she just brought me in Chinese breakfast its 9AM here coffee sweet rolls sometype of roll she makes with stawberries in it and a rice an egg mix with veggies along with banana bread watermellon and Kiwi she is really into the cooking thing.. I am ruined for any other woman..

Mike

[robhon]

I am ruined for any other woman..

This is surely her evil plan!!

[mikem]

I am ruined for any other woman..

This is surely her evil plan!!

Roger that I will just have to suffer through it..

[frank1538]

Well  appreciate everyones input..I try to give here everything I possibly can Either in words or attention and gifts although she gets "angry" spending to much money on her but thats OK. Also I have already gotten the I will do this I am the LaoPo thing.. Like unpacking and packing my bags doing the laundry etc. etc. So know where to draw the line on territories..OK OK she just brought me in  Chinese breakfast its 9AM here coffee sweet rolls sometype of roll she makes with stawberries in it and a rice an egg mix with veggies along with banana bread watermellon and Kiwi she is really into the cooking thing.. I am ruined for any other woman..

Mike

I feel your pain

[warpedbored]

The cruelty of it all!!!!

[MoonCarolCafe]

I'd be careful to start assuming that Chinese women are servile.

 

Those that do deserve exactly what is coming thier way.

[efrazier]

hi this is huan, eddy took me here to see what are you talking about chinese women. i feel so shamed because i am neither thoughful nor pretty.i pinched him whenever i want and took him as a pinch bag.(wooo.......... iam crying) really? all your chinese wife are so nice and gentle? i am a chinese woman but apparently eddy was pretty bad luck.

lol but nomatter what he love me so much and make me very happy.

i really should learn something from your wives. i even don't know how to cook at all!!! i never tried to ask him whether he need tea but always have to be asked by him. i guess i am a man trapped in a woman's body. but anyway, i hope you all can get happiness and love forever.

and merry christmas.

[JoeLiyan]

Well  appreciate everyones input..I try to give here everything I possibly can Either in words or attention and gifts although she gets "angry" spending to much money on her but thats OK. Also I have already gotten the I will do this I am the LaoPo thing.. Like unpacking and packing my bags doing the laundry etc. etc. So know where to draw the line on territories..OK OK she just brought me in  Chinese breakfast its 9AM here coffee sweet rolls sometype of roll she makes with stawberries in it and a rice an egg mix with veggies along with banana bread watermellon and Kiwi she is really into the cooking thing.. I am ruined for any other woman..

Mike

Mikem, one of the "seldom here, black-hole crowd" veterans. Nice to read your posts.

 

Find your story very interesting as I've seen somewhat of that side to Liyan, however not to your fiance's degree...not by a long shot. Here the work IS shared, truly. There are some things she'll do and I'll do, then we'll switch off a couple days.

 

Liyan is from the business world of Shenzhen, a "liberated(?)" chinese woman of which China is being besieged now...that generation coming up. She's very acclimated here and recently accepted a position with HR Block. So we're both tired the end of the day.

 

She's no American woman, but she's also got the traditional chinese woman's mannerisms (without the b*** attitude) and just a naturally gentle person. I'd say you've got quite a catch in your fiance. Treasure the goodness but don't abuse it. Kick in where you think it's appropriate.