What traditions did your spouse bring to the US?

[monkeyking]

My girlfriend and I were talking about living in the US, and then she brought up postpartum confinement, or the Chinese tradition of "sitting for a month" after giving birth. To me, I am not sure how easy it is for a middle class family to have the mom do nothing for a month after giving birth, but she insisted that it has to be done this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. For those of you who have children, was your Chinese wife able to do this month?

 

Also, on the topic of Chinese traditions, what traditions did your Chinese spouse want to bring to the US, and were/are you able to do them?

[david_dawei]

This is a good topic... If your reallying trying to understand this "month off" thing, make sure you don't approach it from a purely rational point of view.

 

In chinese medicine theory, the mind-body-emotions all make up the person; then the next concentric circle is their interaction with their environment which has layers of the weather, food, people, etc.

 

So this is done for health reasons; health for the mind-body-emotions. I would not underestimate someones susceptibility to altering this.

 

To be blunt: This issue *can* be way beyond tradition. But it's important to ask such questions as we often talk in terms of tradition and even superstition. But these issues are often tied to long held beliefs about some aspect of life.

[lou]

My girlfriend and I were talking about living in the US, and then she brought up postpartum confinement, or the Chinese tradition of "sitting for a month" after giving birth. To me, I am not sure how easy it is for a middle class family to have the mom do nothing for a month after giving birth, but she insisted that it has to be done this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. For those of you who have children, was your Chinese wife able to do this month?

 

Also, on the topic of Chinese traditions, what traditions did your Chinese spouse want to bring to the US, and were/are you able to do them?

 

"no ifs,ands or buts" ! My wife was the same way. We thought

long and hard about her going back to China for the birth of our

daughter because she was VERY concerned about this and it was

impossible to get any of her family here.

 

I thank my mom for understanding traditions , we stayed by her

for the 1st month and she did almost everything. Without her we

never would have made it.

[Urkidding]

I sent my wife back to China during the pre-birth period because she was getting sick a lot and needed special care. I for one did not know how to make the special soups (fish) and other herbs that made her feel better. She continued to stay with her parents up until the 6th or 7th month and came back here for the birth knowing the difference between Chinese health care and American health care.

 

After our child¡¯s birth, my wife stayed in the house for at least a month. This is tradition. Period! Afterwards, she was outside proudly showing off her new baby to everyone like a peacock in full bloom. I manage to take off a week after the birth to help accommodate her but in her eyes, doing it by herself was one to the hardest things to do. I wish her mother or sister could have come here to help, but that¡¯s another story in itself. We managed to do it by ourselves and look back at it and wonder how we ever did it. Of course it made the relationship much stronger too!

 

As far as traditions go, I would never change my wife or have her change her traditions. She is who she is and that¡¯s Chinese.

[Mick]

When Li gave birth to Salina, she was up and about on Day Two and back to work in five days. The one-month confinement was discussed and at the time her employer laughed until I thought she was going to die.

 

I understand that it is a tradition in China and it would be great here as well, but without family close by to take care of her and extended maternal leave, it isn't very practical. I wish Li could have done it, but she said she would have gone nuts if she was confined that long.

[hakkamike]

My girlfriend and I were talking about living in the US, and then she brought up postpartum confinement, or the Chinese tradition of "sitting for a month" after giving birth. To me, I am not sure how easy it is for a middle class family to have the mom do nothing for a month after giving birth, but she insisted that it has to be done this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. For those of you who have children, was your Chinese wife able to do this month?

 

Also, on the topic of Chinese traditions, what traditions did your Chinese spouse want to bring to the US, and were/are you able to do them?

My wife has been sitting for 9 years here and has not had a baby

[slw268]

From what Ying has told me the month long sabbatical is so as not

to expose the baby or mother to the wind element.

This includes a month without showers and eating only chicken

[Sam and Fen]

I asked Fen and she said the 1 month (excuse) to not do anything is correct.

Showers are with HOT followed by warm water only and no washing hair for 1 month.

No spicy,sour or fried foods for 1 month.

[Dennis143]

There is a thriving industry here in the So. Cal. Chinese community taking care of Chinese newborns and their mothers.

 

There are large modern 7-bedroom homes where the moms bring their babies and stay for a month. The babies stay in their nurseries and are attended to by 'nurses' while the mothers stay in their rooms.

 

My wife works as a nurse in several of these homes. It is understood that if a new mother does not strictly follow the regiment of staying indoors, out of sunlight, drafts and cold their health will prematurely degrade, they will age faster and they are more likely to develop bone problems later in life.

 

There's no questioning this practice. Not doing this is as absurd to Chinese as doing it is to westerners. The mothers who stay in the homes here in SoCal pay up to $5000/month and believe me many of them are not rich. But, being away from their families and their care leaves them little choice in their minds.

[slw268]

I asked Fen and she said the 1 month (excuse) to not do anything is correct.

Showers are with HOT followed by warm water only and no washing hair for 1 month.

No spicy,sour or fried foods for 1 month.

Different province - different yet similar practice.

[Robert S.]

I thought it was for two months. My stepdaughter stayed with little baby Johnny for two months before leaving him with her mother and going off to work again. Ping made me wait another two weeks after that before she let me go and join her and the baby, I don't know why. I think that Ping believes in the 1-2 month rest thing, but actually baby J. went out shopping on his third day of life, so they apparently did not believe in some kind of anti-wind or anti-outside kind of idea, it must have been just the rest and togetherness Ping felt was necessary.

[shanghaigale]

We lived in Shanghai and my wife is from there. When we had our daughter in China my wife told me about the 30 day tradition but she didn't believe in it at all and neither did her parents. The day she had the baby she decided to get up and leave the hospital after being admited and go and get something to eat. She didn't even tell them she was leaving and just got up and walked out. We walked about a mile to a KFC and had chicken then went back in about an hour. She had the baby 5 hours later at about 8 that evening 100% natural with no pain killers of any sort. In the morning she was up and about and insisted on getting a shower right away. She also wanted to leave the hospital the same day. However, the hospital wouldn't allow her to leave until the third day after the baby was born. She refused to stay inside after we got home and we pretty much did the same as we always did. Her mother and father didn't even come over to visit at all until over a month after the baby was born. She did however, have a close aunt that helped with our 9 year old son while she was in the hospital. The son was from her previous marriage and needed to go to school on Monday and come home on Friday afternoon from his school. To my wife she had no want or reason to stay home for the 30 days. She would have been climbing the walls by that time.

Gale

 

My girlfriend and I were talking about living in the US, and then she brought up postpartum confinement, or the Chinese tradition of "sitting for a month" after giving birth. To me, I am not sure how easy it is for a middle class family to have the mom do nothing for a month after giving birth, but she insisted that it has to be done this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. For those of you who have children, was your Chinese wife able to do this month?

 

Also, on the topic of Chinese traditions, what traditions did your Chinese spouse want to bring to the US, and were/are you able to do them?

[Mick]

There is a thriving industry here in the So. Cal. Chinese community taking care of Chinese newborns and their mothers.

 

There are large modern 7-bedroom homes where the moms bring their babies and stay for a month. The babies stay in their nurseries and are attended to by 'nurses' while the mothers stay in their rooms.

 

My wife works as a nurse in several of these homes. It is understood that if a new mother does not strictly follow the regiment of staying indoors, out of sunlight, drafts and cold their health will prematurely degrade, they will age faster and they are more likely to develop bone problems later in life.

 

There's no questioning this practice. Not doing this is as absurd to Chinese as doing it is to westerners. The mothers who stay in the homes here in SoCal pay up to $5000/month and believe me many of them are not rich. But, being away from their families and their care leaves them little choice in their minds.

Now that is really interesting that an industry has grown up around the one-month custom. It makes sense, though in an area where there is a large Chinese population. I wonder if they have similar places in New York, San Fran, etc.?

[lostinblue]

I think if you look at life in early china it makes sense. You had to use a public shower and restrooms.Perhaps a mile walk with wet hair to arrive home. A larger portion of the population had disease that today we do not have. TB,polio, scarlet fever to name a few. The best way not to get sick is to keep away from the general population.Often you need to look back in history to find why certain things are done as a form of tradition.

[Urkidding]

I think if you look at life in early china it makes sense. You had to use a public shower and restrooms.Perhaps a mile walk with wet hair to arrive home. A larger portion of the population had disease that today we do not have. TB,polio, scarlet fever to name a few. The best way not to get sick is to keep away from the general population.Often you need to look back in history to find why certain things are done as a form of tradition.

 

This makes a lot of sense se to me and the same would apply if you had a child by Cesarean birth too!