What traditions did your spouse bring to the US?

[david_dawei]

I think if you look at life in early china it makes sense. You had to use a public shower and restrooms.Perhaps a mile walk with wet hair to arrive home. A larger portion of the population had disease that today we do not have. TB,polio, scarlet fever to name a few. The best way not to get sick is to keep away from the general population.Often you need to look back in history to find why certain things are done as a form of tradition.

 

This makes a lot of sense se to me and the same would apply if you had a child by Cesarean birth too!

and don't let her get a 'bikini cut' if they must do it

[2mike&jin]

Well...I must be something of an urban hero...I just lived through the first 2 months of living with a Chinese wife/newborn - without any outside childcare! I encountered less "risk of death" than being shot/shot down in VN, awarded the Purple Heart, and being dragged out of the jungle! The first month - was a "problem" just on the merits of the tradition and culture.

 

Ok, a little backing up...JinLin gave birth to David (Da Wei) on Christmas eve, in Hawaii. Mom had to have a C-section after 40 hours of "not quite getting dilated enough". Baby and Mother healthy - and ready to come home...NOW WHAT?

 

Ok, Mom's parents are deceased - no siblings - no one in China to come and help. I'm so old, my parents have been gone a couple of decades - but resourceful, independent - and overconfident - AM I!

 

I told Jin, since I don't work - I can assume all the duties of the "Mother" she didn't have - and could take care of anything! Ok, on paper this is a great concept -- somewhere in the execution phase I was a broken excuse for a confident caregiver - but somehow survived. I barely made it.....

 

Yes, I had been schooled in going to Chinatown each morning and buying the 1/2 of a fresh chicken - 4 chicken livers, 2 chicken hearts, and a large clump of "Yellow Only" ginger. The earthenware rice cooker became the Chinese "slow cooker" -and my 1/2 gallon of Chicken Soup - with abundant amounts of ginger - would produce some kind of odor throughout the three floors of our house. (This story is not nearly as bad as the "dead black chicken" we hauled around in the back of the car when she was pregnant and craving home-food). This "Ji Tang" - was occasionaly substiuted with "Fish Soup" about once a week. Yes, I trudged down to Chinatown each morning to get the ingredients and have the gruel bubbling in the pot for the Queen - so she could produce abundant milk for the Prince!

 

During the first four weeks - I gave almost all care to the child - and waited on her as much as I had time to do. She bathed - sort of - but it was more like an invalid's bath - everything except her hair. She waited three (I might add) long weeks until she washed her hair. During this period of time I was told, (1) I was a cheap man - and why handn't I obtained the services of an Aiyi to help the first 30 days, (2) Next time I needed to get a Chinese Au Pair to take care of the prince - (next time meaning next year sometime when she has the next one , (3) What's wrong with me...don't I care about her?, oh..and BTW her friend Xuejing's mother is coming to help her with her baby and Candy's mother is here in Hawaii helping now...., --- HUH....where did these statements come from -- I lost 10 lbs - I'm working about 16 hours a day - and night - all to make this woman comfortable --- this isn't fair!

 

Well - from her perspective - what I did wasnt' fair. I was supposed to have "Help for her" in the home to take care of everything while - I guess.... her and I sat around and admired our new progeny! My logic - of neither of us WORK outside the home --- didn't seem to mean much. Fast Forward...

 

Well - it's been 2.5 months - and things are really going well. Ms...Dragon Lady ...has returned to normal Sweet JinLin - and I have "Wrongly" written her vile mood off as "post partum - Mei Gua Adjustment"...silly me, if I don't learn from history I'm doomed to repeat it. But...I'm only half dumb - and half smart --- for my often viewed sneaky ways have started on my next plan. I've done my research on getting a Chinese Au Pair for when the next one arrives - all so the Au Pair can take care of the young Prince while mom and I take care of the "NEW ONE". Maybe I only half learned the lesson -I will have a young 21-26 Chinese Nurse/Teacher in the house providing care for the 18 month old! (Au Pairs can't take care of any child younger than 3 months). So I've satisfied one of the requirements of having help in the house for a year (way better than a month), now I have to ensure that the 18 month old likes Chicken/Ginger Soup and Fish Soup - so that I can insist that the Au Pair make it for him daily....and that he go to every room in the house - so she can help clean up after him. These are the levels to which I have stooped - meeting this Chinese Tradition.

 

My advice - after bungling this -- if your wife has a relative/mother have her come stay with you for at least 4 months - preferrably 6 - to avoid the unpleasant assaults that will certainly befall you. If there is noone - get her "engaged" in finding a month of care - that she approves, has vetted with friends, and has arranged and paid for. This has the effect of "shifting the monkey" as it were. I'm going to check locally - and see if we have any such service here in Hawaii - I was dumb as a post - for not checking before the first one - life just isn't worth it to screw this one up...again!!!!

 

Best of luck to all of you - should you find your wife in such a delicate condition - and this evil period of vulnerability overshadow your every good deed...remember no good deed shall go unpunished!

Edited March 9, 2010 by 2mike&jin (see edit history)

[warpedbored]

Don't beat yourself up too much. You know Mike, you didn't stand a chance. No matter what you would have done it would have been wrong. "American people don't know how take care" Of course as this story is retold it can go two ways. Either, "my husband is best husband, really take good care me", or "aiyah my husband so stupid, can't take care anything" Like I said you can't win.

[Yuanyang]

My girlfriend and I were talking about living in the US, and then she brought up postpartum confinement, or the Chinese tradition of "sitting for a month" after giving birth. To me, I am not sure how easy it is for a middle class family to have the mom do nothing for a month after giving birth, but she insisted that it has to be done this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. For those of you who have children, was your Chinese wife able to do this month?

 

Also, on the topic of Chinese traditions, what traditions did your Chinese spouse want to bring to the US, and were/are you able to do them?

 

 

 

Human Sacrafice