Concern

[Bryon_Tran]

My wife picked up her visa back on January 7th but she is not coming here until February 19th. I told her she could stay for Chinese New Year since her brother from New York was going to be visiting durning that time. I was hoping she would say no and come over in January but she decided to stay.

 

I see others that have gotten there visa since my wife picked her's up and they are aleady here. I told her nobody where I live celebrates Chinese New Year and that it might be 5 years before she goes back again. I miss her alot but she doesn't seem to miss me as much. We were last together December 29th 2009. She doesn't get as excited or emotional as I see others do but maybe that is because she is older than most that immigrate. I can tell she has a genuine love for me I am the first man in her life so she has never had heart break except for when I upset her .

 

I know her love will grow stronger for me in time but when we were together in her country I could see the love for her family and friends was very strong and it will be hard to compete with. I am a little worried she will miss them so much she will decide she likes it better back there.

[RobertH]

Come on over and spend it with her. Show up unexpected.... Dont tell her your on your way.

[samsong]

You both will have to be honest with each other, especially when she comes to the states but even now when she is still in China. Ask her how she really feels and see what she says. Maybe you're feeling a little jumpy which is natural. But try to find out what she honestly feels. Be open to each other. It's the best thing that both of you can do. Good luck.

[Guest jin979]

Three things

 

1. you told her to stay for CNY

 

2. you told her she will not be able to visit her family again for 5 years

 

3. you seem to need training

[warpedbored]

My wife picked up her visa back on January 7th but she is not coming here until February 19th. I told her she could stay for Chinese New Year since her brother from New York was going to be visiting durning that time. I was hoping she would say no and come over in January but she decided to stay.

 

I see others that have gotten there visa since my wife picked her's up and they are aleady here. I told her nobody where I live celebrates Chinese New Year and that it might be 5 years before she goes back again. I miss her alot but she doesn't seem to miss me as much. We were last together December 29th 2009. She doesn't get as excited or emotional as I see others do but maybe that is because she is older than most that immigrate. I can tell she has a genuine love for me I am the first man in her life so she has never had heart break except for when I upset her .

 

I know her love will grow stronger for me in time but when we were together in her country I could see the love for her family and friends was very strong and it will be hard to compete with. I am a little worried she will miss them so much she will decide she likes it better back there.

I wouldn't worry too much about her decision to stay for CNY. After all you suggested to her she should. The way you put it makes it sound like a test. Secondly there is no point in trying to compete with her family. They are her rock solid base and that will never change. Instead concentrate on building her separate relationship with you.

 

As far as her not getting as emotional as you think she should, most Chinese women aren't as prone to outward displays of affection as Americans. They are more likely to show affection in actions such as bringing you some fruit or a cup of tea. Taking care of you in a myriad of different ways. She will expect you to reciprocate, this is not a one way road.

 

What have you done to ease her transition to American life? I would make sure she has access to call her family anytime for as long as she likes. Look into a VOIP phone system such as I-talk BB. With I-talk BB she can call them free and they will give you a Chinese phone number where her friends and family can call her free.

 

Food is one of the most important things to a Chinese person. Is there an Asian market in your area where she can find foods she is familiar with? If not be prepared to make a trek to where there is one regularly. I doubt there is anything that could make her feel deprived as much as not being able to get food she knows.

 

Are there other Chinese people in your area she can make friends with? She will need a social life as much as you do and may not be able to relate to your circle of friends.

 

Lastly, patience and understanding. It would be unfair to expect you to do all of the bending but you can't expect her to assimilate completely to American ways either.

 

Good luck Bryon, you're in for the ride of your life.

[Bryon_Tran]

She is in Ho Chi Minh but they celebrate CNY and she considers herself Chinese.

 

I was planning on flying back with her but there was a delay in her getting the visa by a week so since I coudln't get my stay exteneded that long I had to come back alone. I cannot afford to go over now until I save some money. I overspent this last year to bring her here.

 

I told her it might be 5 years but realisticaly we might be able to do it in 3 years. I just wanted her to be aware of the worst case scenerio.

[Sam and Fen]

I will say it very bluntly:

 

Much ado about nothing.

[3timescharm]

I will say it very bluntly:

 

Much ado about nothing.

I agree with Sam on this......and Carl. My SO got her visa in December and is still not here. Her Father wanted her to stay for Chinese New Year and I agreed. Some days she seems real excited and other days she does not. Remember....she has alot on her mind and a very big change in lifestly comming. I have learned that the reason my SO does not seem so excited sometimes is because she is spending time with family. That is very important to her. I do not think yo really have anything to worry about......just continue to show your love for her now and in the future.

[Bryon_Tran]

Thanks for the responses I feel better knowing that it is not that uncommon.

 

I live in Bismarck it is very cold and we have no market but 200 miles away in Fargo there is a small shop that has some stuff. The next closest place is Minnapolis about 400 miles away. I think we will be ordering food online if I can find a good website.

 

My friend who introduced us lives here and he is also Chinese and so is his girlfriend. I don't mind hanging around him a little but not to much.

 

She does bring me alot of food and worrys greatly if I will like her cooking when she comes here. I have been spendind alot of time and money getting everything ready here. When I call her she is very busy going out to eat with family and friends. Freinds that she hasn't talked to in years have come out of the wood work and took her out to eat or she took them out to eat.

 

The other day I told her about some stuff I purchased to make her life her more enjoyable and she was very moved by it. She asks me if my house has ghosts. I told her there was no such thing but I don't think she believe's me. The day after she gets here she wants to visit my mothers grave. I told her we could go in May for memorial day but she insisted on doing it the day after she gets here.

 

I guess I have alot to learn. To bad there is no Chinese wife for dummies book.

 

Thanks again.

[dnoblett]

Thanks for the responses I feel better knowing that it is not that uncommon.

 

I live in Bismarck it is very cold and we have no market but 200 miles away in Fargo there is a small shop that has some stuff. The next closest place is Minnapolis about 400 miles away. I think we will be ordering food online if I can find a good website.

 

My friend who introduced us lives here and he is also Chinese and so is his girlfriend. I don't mind hanging around him a little but not to much.

 

She does bring me alot of food and worrys greatly if I will like her cooking when she comes here. I have been spendind alot of time and money getting everything ready here. When I call her she is very busy going out to eat with family and friends. Freinds that she hasn't talked to in years have come out of the wood work and took her out to eat or she took them out to eat.

 

The other day I told her about some stuff I purchased to make her life her more enjoyable and she was very moved by it. She asks me if my house has ghosts. I told her there was no such thing but I don't think she believe's me. The day after she gets here she wants to visit my mothers grave. I told her we could go in May for memorial day but she insisted on doing it the day after she gets here.

 

I guess I have alot to learn. To bad there is no Chinese wife for dummies book.

 

Thanks again.

I hope you have warned her about this! My Yu is from Guangxi Province just north of Vietnam, and she HATES the mild but cold snowy winters here in Rochester, I can only imagine how a woman from Vietnam is going to react to the HARSH COLD of Bismarck.

 

I have been there in the winter, remember well Ice forming in my mustache just walking across a packing lot. Can you say 20 BELOW!

 

Has your girl lived her whole life in Vietnam?

 

GOOD LUCK!!

[samsong]

Thanks for the responses I feel better knowing that it is not that uncommon.

 

I live in Bismarck it is very cold and we have no market but 200 miles away in Fargo there is a small shop that has some stuff. The next closest place is Minnapolis about 400 miles away. I think we will be ordering food online if I can find a good website.

 

My friend who introduced us lives here and he is also Chinese and so is his girlfriend. I don't mind hanging around him a little but not to much.

 

She does bring me alot of food and worrys greatly if I will like her cooking when she comes here. I have been spendind alot of time and money getting everything ready here. When I call her she is very busy going out to eat with family and friends. Freinds that she hasn't talked to in years have come out of the wood work and took her out to eat or she took them out to eat.

 

The other day I told her about some stuff I purchased to make her life her more enjoyable and she was very moved by it. She asks me if my house has ghosts. I told her there was no such thing but I don't think she believe's me. The day after she gets here she wants to visit my mothers grave. I told her we could go in May for memorial day but she insisted on doing it the day after she gets here.

 

I guess I have alot to learn. To bad there is no Chinese wife for dummies book.

 

Thanks again.

I hope you have warned her about this! My Yu is from Guangxi Province just north of Vietnam, and she HATES the mild but cold snowy winters here in Rochester, I can only imagine how a woman from Vietnam is going to react to the HARSH COLD of Bismarck.

 

I have been there in the winter, remember well Ice forming in my mustache just walking across a packing lot. Can you say 20 BELOW!

 

Has your girl lived her whole life in Vietnam?

 

GOOD LUCK!!

I can relate to the "ghost" remark made. My wife said something about ghost one time that was a bit peculiar but wanting to visit a cemetery is something my wife wouldn't want to do. She is afraid of anything that deals with death. I can't even talk to her about it without her breaking out into tears, so I just avoid the subject.

[Batmaniac]

We usually stop at my grandmothers grave when traveling to Dallas. Ying likes to put oranges and strawberries ( she found out those were grandmas favorite) on the stone. Last time we didn't have anything but Oreo's so that's what grandma got!

 

but yeah we have a lot of ghost discussions. After a few drinks Ying has been known to really freak out my friends by talking about a 50 foot ghost that chased her mom all the way home one night.

[Guest jin979]

OMG soo cold, I see a move in your future

[Bryon_Tran]

Yeah she has lived her whole life in Vietnam and one day she was complaining to me about how cold it ws in the movie theater. I think it got down to 70 degrees and I hand't noticed it myself. I told her about the cold here and she is fine with it. I told her my house is warm and we have to stay where I have a good job and she is ok with that.

 

She has a shrine in her house to the GODS and to her parents and she prays everyday and sets food by them until the food goes rotten. I think she wants to pay respect to my mother or she fears my mother will haunt her. I will start watching ghost hunters with her I think she will love that show.

[dnoblett]

OMG soo cold, I see a move in your future

Yes Damn COLD.

 

http://www.wunderground.com/history/airpor...hlyHistory.html

 

Lowest -15 for this month overall average 8 degrees.

 

Last month it hit -33F there.

 

http://weathersticker.wunderground.com/weathersticker/bigwx_cond/language/www/US/ND/Bismarck.gif