The Accidental [Eastern] Tourist

[david_dawei]

I decided on a whim to go to china.... I'm almost a week behind on posting... each day is like a week... so here goes.

 

-------

 

 

Day 1: Arrive in BJ. Ba Ling Hou

 

Meet up with two friends, nicknamed Elephant and Hooker. The former for his face resemblance and the latter for his name character has a hook in it (his other nickname is ¡°Onizuka¡± from the Japanese film (and series), GTO). Our original plan was to return to their hometown upon arrival but that was changed as Hooker needed to work in BJ the next day, so it made more sense to just stay. That gave us the chance to meet up with Big Face (should be self explanatory) who is working in BJ. These three are school friends who earned the nickname the ¡°F5¡±. Actually Hooker is not an original member of F5 since he is Onizuka after all. The other three members are Farmer (dark skin), Dog Dog (yes, he looks like a dog upon certain glances), and Power (large build by Chinese standards). Eventually we would get back to the hometown the next day to meet up with Momo and Figo. All of them fall in the birth decade which Chinese call, ba ling hou (°Ë©–ºó); born after 1980. Ergo, the next birth decade is called, jiu ling hou, born after 1990.

 

We took the subway from the airport to where Big Face worked and then walked a few blocks and registered at a hotel for the night. It was unclear if all four of us would be staying in the one room or not. Our normal answer to such queries is, ¡°we will see¡±. What we knew is that we all wanted to eat and drink so Big Face took us to the local restaurant where we ate many dishes including the famous Chairman Mao dish, Mao Shi Hong Shao Rou (ëÊϺìÉÕÈâ). It is a tender pork dish with plent of skin/fat on top and shaped somewhat like a turtles back. I decided to at least give the chairman some respect and waited until that particular dish was completely finished before asking these ¡®ba ling hou¡¯ their thoughts on Mao. It can be summed up as: He was a very good man who later did some bad things. It seems his symbolic role persists. As well, the idea that ¡®good people who do bad things¡¯ (instead of just saying someone is a bad person) is a common theme I hear and is one will can be seen portrayed in Chinese movies as well.

 

I know from previous trips what turns on these ba ling hou; Cigars and alcohol. So this trip I brought flavored cigars (like last time) and also many small bottles of alcohol called mini¡¯s or also called nips. I brought about 50 bottles from around the world. They tried the a schnapps (said it was children¡¯s medicine times 1000), Southern Comfort--SoCo (my favorite drink and which big face announced he finally found an alcohol he can drink.. and later I the night we called him Big Red Face), and some Vodka (finally something closer to Chinese bai jiu). The SoCo was a big bottle, so we drank most of it along with a bottle of red wine that Big Face bought for me. In typical Chinese packaging, I saw the outside read as a Shiraz and commended him for an Australian pick, to find out at the table when we opened it up that it was a Cabernet. Whatever, we drank it along with some beer.

 

We left the restaurant and went back to the hotel room and drank and played cards for a few hours. Big face was quite drunk since he usually does not drink and being the still virgin of the group, he received a lot of attention and jokes. Finally he told us to just bring back a girl and he would put an end to that. So three of us left the room in search of some ¡®room service¡¯, leaving Big Face behind. We had noticed a place when walking to the hotel and found another as well but both did not do ¡®out call¡¯. Oh well, in chinese way of thinking, we did what would could possibly do. We went back and drank more and played more cards. Big Face finally left to go home, so now we know that only three of us would share the room with an elegant and revealing glassed in bathroom. I actually like the lack of privacy as displayed in china; In a later episode, someone comes to the bathroom and opens the door to say something and then leaves without closing the door, leaving one truly with their ¡®pants down¡¯ and unable to close the door without some further challenge. Oh well¡­ just leave it open¡­ not sure why they even install the door in the first place.

 

Some other exchange of gifts did occur. In my last trip I discovered that Hooker collects (or tries to) antique cameras. Upon my last return to the US, I found a few on Craigslist which I bought and told him I would bring. A 1929 German camera and a 1950s Polaroid. He gave me a beautifully framed picture of Chinese Shadow Puppet, from Xian (he makes periodic trips there since he meet his girlfriend there and she is still there). He also gave me some very pretty chopsticks in white stone with drawings. Despite his youthful Onizuka reputation, he is a fairly refined guy at times. But he is the drinking master of the group who appears to be able to drink without compromise any alcohol put before him, despite his thinly muscular athletic frame. Figo is the other drinking master.

 

Of the entire Ba Ling Hou group, only Hooker and Momo seem to have a sense of direction. They are ironically the only two with stable relationships and both are long distance. The rest seem to bounce between women or simply are drifting along (although Figo is a computer network geek who is married and slightly older; His wife recently had a child and has been back at her hometown for almost a year now. I gave Figo some gifts for the child. The Ba Ling Hou (and more so the Jiu Ling Hou) seem to present some concern to the Chinese. As one older Chinese said to me: they seem without purpose but will do anything for two dollars; the implication is that these two dollars are used to go to the internet caf¨¦ and that girls likewise will do anything. A sense of responsibility to the country and family appear to be lacking. This view received a startling surprise by the Sichuan earthquake which saw hordes of Ba Ling Hou mobile to go help others.

 

More to come.

[david_dawei]

Day 2 - 3:

 

I was invited to go play soccer with the "Old Guys" team. They have meet for six years on saturday to play; and to go drink like no tomorrow afterwards. I felt compelled to accept.

 

20 minutes into the game my calves felt exploding; 40 minutes in, they were numb. by 80 minutes (yes, no half time break) my thighs were screaming. I was trying to save all energy possible but at this point my legs had no-go... I only wondered when the dark sky would finally tell them to stop playing.... finally it came.

 

I limped off the field and told my friend that I had to just go lay down. He called his dad (of course) and his dad said to come drink (of course); I was after all the honorable invite player... so I limped to the restaurant where 30 guys awaited my arrival.

 

with legs completely numb, my head full of fire, and body limb... the second floor was full of energy. I was told: "if you feel pain, just drink and then you will not feel pain". I already knew this from years of experience in the US... WTF... I'll go along with it now. Rounds of 'gan bei' and everyone wanting to drink left my body quite numb.

 

Finally came the soccer critique: A government official was called out to come see me play and was at the table now and said to me: "your soccer is actually quite excellent but you are very lazy". I said, "I have not played in five years and cannot run too much". He said, "then you should play more!". I said, "ni shou de dui", I agreed. MY legs required four days to recover and the next day we went to a massage to try and help the recovery.

 

Needless to say, we drank all matter of jiu, pi jiu and everyone wanted to "gan bei". After 90 minutes of dehydrated, leg cramping, soccer and then drinking all night, I was completely dead to bed. My next plans were a six hour train to the frozen tundra of the northeast of china... Dongbei.

[david_dawei]

One of the nights was spent drinking with the ba ling hou group; Elephant, Momo and Figo. Much debate surrounded the idea of "true love" and "future plans". Momo has a delimma; whether to pursue a Ph.D and get many companies after him or just go earlier to his girlfriends hometown and work... he wants the latter... and the wide range of ba ling hou shows; some are disillusioned about their lack of life and some are struggling with the opportunities in front of them, but they will choose less.

[david_dawei]

Before I left Hebei, was a night of drinking and conversation about life. It seems that Ba Ling Hou feels a question mark that past generations might not of questioned as much. I was in a rare moment of wanting to go to bed early; usually I am the late night call to drink more. But Ba Ling Hou wanted to go out to play pool; it's only 2 minutes walking and they asked, so I know it is a serious request, not just 'play'. There is a nervousness in them this year that they cannot sleep easily. So I quickly feel the situation and jump up and say, "zou le" (let's go). We play, smoke and talk many issues. These guys are actually particularly good at pool; in fact, all of this group is well played in pool.

 

The night before a friend shows up at a pool hall we are at and comes with a custom stick at 1000 rmb. As rounds will go, the stick gets passed around but when I finally play against the owner I try to offer the stick back to him. In typical mistranslation I get offered the stick to my surprise; I was not holding the prized stick, he was... and so I ended up with it !! I broke the opening balls in my typical way; I was taught from a guy in the Air Force Training Camp who was a pool master. When he got drunk, every night, he would teach me all his tricks. But the angst in him was that his sister was a true pool master he could never beat, however hard he tried. So it seemed that player more pool and drinking more was his refuge; I was his sink tank. He taught me a side break from rail which was almost magical go watch. I rarely play pool but I intuitively understand the angles and trick shots, so when in china I find myself in the 'zone' and beating many players. My side break often sinks a ball or two to everyone's amazement and a few "safes" keeps me in the game till I can win.

 

That night I win many games in a row and finally fatigue and cannot win another. The next night I am pulled against my will to play pool... it's my last night so I cannot refuse. I can feel this is anxiety in them and not fun and games; so I go. We chat the night, meaningless conversation and I know what it means; life has no direction for them. It is after midnight and I am ready to go back. My friend suddenly looks at me, and says, "Jiu Ling Hou" (after 1990 born), and looks at the only other pool table having someone. I look over. Yep, two Jiu Ling Hou playing and laughing after midnight. School may be tomorrow but tonight they just want to play pool. I want to go sleep. I have a 6 hour train in the morning.

[Joanne]

Do you think you are addicted to China or addicted to some girls in China?

[Smitty]

You sir, are a wild man!

 

I hope you have a great time on this trip, and that your recovery goes well!

[tsap seui]

Great story David!! Sounds like yer in yer element buddy.

 

Gan Bei or PARTY HARDY... who knows where the direction of life will take ya.

 

Tell us more...

 

tsap seui

[david_dawei]

Elephant is the leader of the group; everyone seems to go to him to figure out 'what is going on tonight'. He accepts that position without fanfare since it simply means they get to enjoy each other's company. But he finds some of them not able to meet as often due to other's having an relationship.

 

His heart was broken some years ago by his first true love and soulmate; unfortunately for him, she was pushing for marriage and he still felt he wanted to live his youth; he was holding on to empowerment felt from Ching Chun ( 青春 ). These Ba Ling Hou talk of Ching Chun like it's some magical school mascot which gives them their pride and energy of youth. One chinese lady friend once told me, once you lose that feeling of Ching Chun you want it back. She recounted telling her american husband that she wanted him to give her back her 'youth'; he hung his lead low and said, he wanted his back too.

 

For Elephant, the overriding sense of Ching Chun keeps him from making a lasting relationship which he yearns for; maybe afraid he will lose it too quickly or spend time in a relationship and have wasted this period of life. After the heart breaking breakup, he went out with a relatively tall girl whose smile made her very pleasant to look at. She was soft spoken but enthusiastic. He sent me many emails to the US when they were going out saying he had to leave her; He had no feelings for her outside of just a 'friend', and felt it not right to keep in such a relationship. They parted as 'friends' and we ran into her during my last trip at a restaurant and then again on the street. The three of us smiled, happy to see each other without any regrets. Maybe Elephant has a redeeming value, but his next girlfriend, a hotel 'services' girl puts a question mark on that. Lili was a small girl with a radiant smile and a tongue that struck like a whip. She was both adorable and fierce and then adorable again. She quit her 'job' once they started dating but she always wanted more. He once again refused the closeness and just wanted a bed friend. Often writing me once again saying this was not fair to her and he must leave her. I always said, then just do it. He cited the special perks of being with such a girl. Oh well... question mark went to exclamation mark.

 

Lili is the female counterpart to the Ba ling Hou of this now extended group, who as previously said, 'will do anything for 2 dollars'. All her hotel services girls are Ba Ling Hou and many come from the far reaches of the Northeast and have obvious Russian mix influence. (The 'boss' lady runs the group and when introduced to me we had many rounds of gan bei over a group lunch when Elephant was still with lili in my previous trip). Ironically on my trip over to BJ, I sat next to a guy from Harbin (who went to US for school, naturalized, worked for IBM, Texas Insruments, and ended up back in China marrying a Shanghaiese and on their second baby). I probbed him with questions knowing that Harbin had Russian influence in the same way that Qingdao has German influence, but I was unsure if the former was due to any similar occupation and then ousting as the latter. He seemed to think the Russian influence was only in architecture and cuisine.

 

Eventually Elephant left Lili... still in search for his soulmate which he says can be "14 or 40", as a soulmate need not worry age. But as a Ba Ling Hou, he worry her looks which must be 'sexy'.

 

Oh... as for his first true love; she wrote him some 3 years later to say 'hi' and it shook him badly to hear from her; since she left him instead of just staying in the relationship; She was ready to dedicate her life to him, but as a wife; she was practical after all; why should she waste her time on a guy who cannot fully commit to her beyond words and some loving action. He wrote me an email about 6 months ago to say this girl sent a message and he could not think straight; how to respond? his heart was still deeply hurt and when he texted her back, he 'lost it' and wrote a Homeric diatribe wishing a biblical pestilence on her. Last word we heard just days ago: She was getting married to another guy.

 

My six hour trip to the frozen tundra of Liaoning was spent sitting next to a girl with some striking features, also going to the same stop. She was too shy to try any english so I got out of her that she was making her way to Dalian, another city at times occupied by Russians (and Japanese). I asked if she was from Liaoning (Liaoning Ren), but she replied she was of Mongol descend; Now I understood her unique facial features.

 

Shenyang was nothing less than frigid the night I arrived. By the time I woke up the next morning, a mere 12 hours from arriving, I was terribly congested with ringing ears and headache. It would take me some 30 hours to convince some of what I needed and that what they first gave me did little but slow down the inevitable infection and fever I knew was coming.

Edited December 19, 2009 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Do you think you are addicted to China or addicted to some girls in China?

If I am, then my medicine may well be here too

[NUWORLD]

Elephant is the leader of the group; everyone seems to go to him to figure out 'what is going on tonight'. He accepts that position without fanfare since it simply means they get to enjoy each other's company. But he finds some of them not able to meet as often due to other's having an relationship.

 

His heart was broken some years ago by his first true love and soulmate; unfortunately for him, she was pushing for marriage and he still felt he wanted to live his youth; he was holding on to empowerment felt from Ching Chun ( Çà´º ). These Ba Ling Hou talk of Ching Chun like it's some magical school mascot which gives them their pride and energy of youth. One chinese lady friend once told me, once you lose that feeling of Ching Chun you want it back. She recounted telling her american husband that she wanted him to give her back her 'youth'; he hung his lead low and said, he wanted his back too.

 

For Elephant, the overriding sense of Ching Chun keeps him from making a lasting relationship which he yearns for; maybe afraid he will lose it too quickly or spend time in a relationship and have wasted this period of life. After the heart breaking breakup, he went out with a relatively tall girl whose smile made her very pleasant to look at. She was soft spoken but enthusiastic. He sent me many emails to the US when they were going out saying he had to leave her; He had no feelings for her outside of just a 'friend', and felt it not right to keep in such a relationship. They parted as 'friends' and we ran into her during my last trip at a restaurant and then again on the street. The three of us smiled, happy to see each other without any regrets. Maybe Elephant has a redeeming value, but his next girlfriend, a hotel 'services' girl puts a question mark on that. Lili was a small girl with a radiant smile and a tongue that struck like a whip. She was both adorable and fierce and then adorable again. She quit her 'job' once they started dating but she always wanted more. He once again refused the closeness and just wanted a bed friend. Often writing me once again saying this was not fair to her and he must leave her. I always said, then just do it. He cited the special perks of being with such a girl. Oh well... question mark went to exclamation mark.

 

Lili is the female counterpart to the Ba ling Hou of this now extended group, who as previously said, 'will do anything for 2 dollars'. All her hotel services girls are Ba Ling Hou and many come from the far reaches of the Northeast and have obvious Russian mix influence. (The 'boss' lady runs the group and when introduced to me we had many rounds of gan bei over a group lunch when Elephant was still with lili in my previous trip). Ironically on my trip over to BJ, I sat next to a guy from Harbin (who went to US for school, naturalized, worked for IBM, Texas Insruments, and ended up back in China marrying a Shanghaiese and on their second baby). I probbed him with questions knowing that Harbin had Russian influence in the same way that Qingdao has German influence, but I was unsure if the former was due to any similar occupation and then ousting as the latter. He seemed to think the Russian influence was only in architecture and cuisine.

 

Eventually Elephant left Lili... still in search for his soulmate which he says can be "14 or 40", as a soulmate need not worry age. But as a Ba Ling Hou, he worry her looks which must be 'sexy'.

 

Oh... as for his first true love; she wrote him some 3 years later to say 'hi' and it shook him badly to hear from her; since she left him instead of just staying in the relationship; She was ready to dedicate her life to him, but as a wife; she was practical after all; why should she waste her time on a guy who cannot fully commit to her beyond words and some loving action. He wrote me an email about 6 months ago to say this girl sent a message and he could not think straight; how to respond? his heart was still deeply hurt and when he texted her back, he 'lost it' and wrote a Homeric diatribe wishing a biblical pestilence on her. Last word we heard just days ago: She was getting married to another guy.

 

My six hour trip to the frozen tundra of Liaoning was spent sitting next to a girl with some striking features, also going to the same stop. She was too shy to try any english so I got out of her that she was making her way to Dalian, another city at times occupied by Russians (and Japanese). I asked if she was from Liaoning (Liaoning Ren), but she replied she was of Mongol descend; Now I understood her unique facial features.

 

Shenyang was nothing less than frigid the night I arrived. By the time I woke up the next morning, a mere 12 hours from arriving, I was terribly congested with ringing ears and headache. It would take me some 30 hours to convince some of what I needed and that what they first gave me did little but slow down the inevitable infection and fever I knew was coming.

 

Well Ya know how i feel buddy.

Like i always say, Party on!! And have a beer on me.

Take care and have fun.

BTW: We got to have another phone beer party again soon.

Mike

Edited December 19, 2009 by NUWORLD (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Day 4-8: in Liaoning province

 

Upon arrival I am waiting outside the frozen Shenyang station and a old lady comes up begging; I simply reply, 'mei you qian' (no money). I guess technically it was a lie but I only had a wad of 100 RMBs. She pressed me again and again, not believing that I had not even a coin. I did laugh inside at the absence of even a coin.

 

I visited here in my previous trip, a more sultry august now almost arctic. So my eating preferences were already known to be anything spicy, particularly fish or duck brain or pig intestine. Dog was a must and was told that would come a few days later, which it did.

 

I'm less interested to relating my personal reasons for travel and prefer to comment on observations, but some context I guess will help. I have only sparingly at best mentioned not being married any longer; I found out some things that I was not supposed to find out.. oh well.. I called it 'game over'. (yes, I should probably change my name then), but I meet someone almost a year ago who was at the time 'chatting' with another american; so we were just friends at first. But this is who I spent some time with in my last trip in August (we also went to Nanjing together to visit another CFL couple, and had planned to again except for the sickness changed that). So, I'm back again to spend some more time here.

 

But the weather really played havoc on my apparently inflexible floridian lifestyle of warmth. When I was young, I constantly got ear infections during winter and had not had that happen but maybe 4 times in 20 years; now it was making up for lost time and hit me very hard. Needless to say, they wanted me to take a combination pill, of some antibiotic and decongestant but which I can feel was not enough to break up the congestion; being a single pill with dual action I could not take more decongestant since that would mean over taking antibiotic.

 

I finally convinced them I needed separate pills and to change the antibiotic to one I know always works for me in this situation; I also compromised and told them a chinese medicine pill they could get me for the decongestant. I suffered through about 30 hours of miserable pain and eventual fever before they would do it. I also enlisted the help of my friend in Nanjing so she could forcefully translate the need to "just get it" for me. Everyone relented and bought what I asked for. Within six hours I felt the change begin; within 12 hours the fever broke and congestion had unplugged in both ears.

 

I made some mention in my previous trip about Liaoning Jiu (alcohol); In Hebei, low grade alcohol is around 35%, while here a low grade is 45%; and they argue here that the higher the better since you may get drunk but you don't get the headache. I think they've been drinking too much jiu.

 

On this trip, I also got to try some home made jiu. In both case, I could rate them around 50%/100 proof and each one soaked in the common way; in the sweet Gou Qi Zi (枸杞子), or Lycium Fruit (or Wolfberry). The second batch was actually the well known Beijing drink, Er Gou Tou soaked in Gou Qi and Ginseng. It took the normal bite off the Er Gou Tou and made it almost pleasant. At lunch yesterday, I was told we'll have some of the expensive Mou Tai soon.

 

I mentioned before that I brought some "nips", small mini bottles, which I shared some with the Ba Ling Hou group. I actually brought most of the bottles to give as a present to 'uncle', who is the drinking master of the family and inventor of the Er Gou Tou cocktail. As silly as it sounds to bring nips as a gift, I learned this a few years ago when someone asked me to do it since they collected them but had a hard time to get them in china. It turns out that uncle was fascinated by these little bottles from all over the world and I was told he pulls them out a few times a day to survey them. What I didn't anticipate was the younger brother, but he's not all that young, so I call him Lao Di, actually likes them and he was equally fascinated by them. He pulled them out and carefully organized them like a child might do with a car collection. Seems odd that these nips were received with so much fascination.

 

For mom and aunt, I brought expensive watches which they almost fought over who should get which one; it doesn't matter who you intend them for, it seems the elder will get extended the choice but aunt didn't want any 'indian giving' to occur !

 

Brother had a baby recently, so I brought a few gifts for the baby including a bath wrap which has a little hood; I always thought these were very cute. A few friends I meet in the first trip received either incense / box, and dried rose flowers for all. Seems all the woman couldn't put down the dried flowers and constantly smelled them throughout the night.

 

I was forewarned about mom; a tough lady who likes to control everything and everyone. A former respected and very caring doctor, but who has had three heart operations already; and winter causes her some extremity pain and water retention. I had hoped to 'read her energy' a bit using Qigong but with my sickness, I haven't mustered up too much strength. I did use a pressure point section which exists along the hand to see what issues she had; Despite knowing how to do this, I am a bit inprecise at the exact locations but said either her shoulders or possible her chest area shows a problem.

 

Yesterday, I performed some Tai Ji to mom and aunt; afterwards, aunt promptly went to another room and returned with Tai Ji swords! Then put on a Chen style Tai Ji VCD which we all watch some sword play.

 

Apparently mom has never agreed to any man (as good enough), including her daughter's first husband who eventually cheated on her and left her with child. Mom also did not like the previous american and demanded her daughter stop that as she could "easily get her a rich man if a man is needed"; So she tried twice and her friends did as well.

 

Seems stubbornness runs in the family and that was all to no use. Lulu had been alone for 10 years and never wanted to marry again and only chatting with the other american because her chinese friend in the US asked her to. She understood the implication, but she only chatted and refused any visit for 8 months because there was 'nothing inside me'.

 

A long story short, but the friendship with Lulu found her heart 'suddenly awake'. She stopped talking to the other american and that caused tremendous lose of face to her friend in the US; we have since believed that maybe the american paid money for this 'match' for the friend kept going to extreme lengths to try and mend the relationship which never amounted to more than chatting. lulu realized this so-called 'friend' was only interested in forcing her to change her mind and the reality was understood; this was not really a friend after all.

 

Another long story short: mom shocked everyone by completely accepting and doting on me. Lulu says something is truly wrong with her since she is completely different. I was asked if I was afraid to meet mom; I said "bu pa" (not afraid). From the first moment I meet her, I called her 'ma' and I could feel her open up. She has a heart, filled laugh and her slightly puggie face grows more when she's with me. She insists to lulu that one of my parents must not be american for I am certainly not american; I had to disagree with her former analysis but agree nonetheless with her latter one.

 

We have all eaten together most every lunch and night; the last two days at Aunt/uncles because they are next door. Two nights in a row, I am stumbling back to the apartment, oblivious to the time but thinking it must be midnight or later; in both cases, it was but 8pm. But we did eat dog last night... while his dog runs circles beneath the table. We feed him some duck.

Edited December 19, 2009 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[amberjack1234]

Great stories Davis. I always enjoy reading your chronicals of China. Keep them coming please.

 

Larry

[warpedbored]

Mama sounds like a corker. Do tell us more. I like her already.

[david_dawei]

Mama sounds like a corker. Do tell us more. I like her already.

I spent alot of time trying to get a good picture of mom before we meet. I knew she is one of those ladies who was terribly shaken by her husband's death and has since not quite been the same. She has two children who are incredibly filial; the son (younger) is extraordinarily so; he acts the big brother to all.

 

Lulu has a hard time to refuse her mom in anyway and has relegated herself to 'listening to mom' as how her life should just be lived; in some way, she probably hoped this would ease mom's hidden pains. For this reason, she has lived with her mom the longest, even when married before the husband asked for them to move to another house together but Lulu refused the husband for her mom's interpreted need of her.

 

Lulu's daughter is pressured the most; leaving each day at 7am and returning around 9pm; studying all day, coming home to sleep. During summer break, she studied most days as if in school still and not allowed to spend too much time out or with friends.

 

I think like Eunice said in another thread: emotional problems abound here, and maybe to some degree the family feeds it. But Lulu laid down some surprises and openly defied her mom at a few turns when her mom tried to stop her having any relationship with me. A breaking point occurred when her mom turned off the internet and Lulu took her daughter at night and showed up at aunt's house, asking to stay there. This of course put the aunt (sister) in a precious position since she could not refuse Lulu coming to the house in need but that would show her supporting of defying her own sister. In what I would say is typical fashion, everything was allowed to just unfold as it was occurring; Lulu slept on the floor at her aunt's for a month; her mom privately had told the sister she thinks it would only last a few days.

 

It may of been a battle of the willpower of the ladies in the family as the men could do nothing but let it unfold. Lulu finally agreed to go back to mom's house but announced she would move out soon; the gauntlet had been laid down: She was about to do what she would not even do for her first husband. One may say it was the mouse that roared which caused the tigress to lay quietly down.

 

Mom found a suitable compromise; she had a second apartment next to Uncle so she told the 8 occupants they had to leave. We are now staying in this 3 room apartment (one bedroom and a kitchen and a bathroom) which is really only suitable for 2 people.

 

Mom had accepted the reality which included she no longer had full control over others, but she gave her apartment to her so that she maintains her role as the mom who takes care of her children. Thus, in the end, she let go of some of her old ways and adapted to maintain the family harmony she ultimately really needs (knowingly or not). In fact, everyone seems quite happy with the situation but with brother's new baby, his normally role of taking care of everyone has diminished at the same time.

 

So change has been forced on mom on a few fronts; Lulu has said she has never seen her mom so interested and open to someone outside of the family. I think it's simple: She finally meet the american who caused this mouse to roar...

[warpedbored]

Ha ha! great story David, don't you dare stop. Amy Tan never wrote so well about Chinese mothers.