A journy back from the abyss.

[RobertH]

Do you ever wonder what she saw in you that made her pick you? When thought you did not have much to offer.

 

Before I go on I will give you a little of my story.

 

I was married to a beautiful Filipino woman for 17 years. I would like to think we had our good times. However now that I look back I always felt very beat down by her. It seemed I could do nothing right, I did not have a impressive job, I look sweaty, I smell like the sun, oh I heard it all. I smelled bad, (she slipped up and actually said this one time right after I got out of the shower and went to give her a hug) (I know now that was her way of avoiding any physical contact.)

 

I went from being happy all the time and confident in my self to worrying about every little detail and seeing myself as someone no one could love. When I filed for the divorce I figured on spending my life alone.

 

I was a mess, it took some time to be able to feel good about myself again. I was very lucky to make some friends at my Bus driving job who made me feel good about myself again. Friends who would build me up and pointed out the good thing.

 

I met Hui threw Yahoo personals. A friend of hers who now lives in California had talked her in to letting her put a profile on the site for her. Im not sure why the friend who lives in LA would put her in the Phoenix area section I do not know, but I am sure glad she did.

 

I still remember the night I saw Hui's profile. I had been looking threw the site and paused breifly on her profile then moved on. Something in the back of my mind kept nagging at me to go back. It was one of her pictures she had ont he site. The picture was not one of those drop dead sexy types. It was just one of her looking so accepting and loving with a peaceful look on her face. ( It's the picture of her listed in my profile if your cureious. Where she is leaning forward and wearing gloves.)

 

I went back to her profile and read it again and just stared at the picture. I got up the courage and sent her a Email. Well at the time Hui was still learning english so the Emails were passing threw her friend in CA. I didnt know this at the time ...lol... After a few weeks of Emails Hui felt her english was better and she started to write back herself. (looking back I can tell where she started writing the Emails because her English took a step back ...Lol...Dont tell her I said that or i will get a mop slap.)

 

A few weeks in to our Emails Hui and I start talking on MSN when she has her Lunch break at work. Well I talk some and then I listen to her reading my text to herself outloud. I loved to listen to the sound of her voice as she read them. I rearanged my work times to make sure I was able to talk with her every day.

 

I was working one night chatting with Hui using my phone to chat with Hui on MSN when she sends me a text saying She is very happy god let her meet me, she feel like her life not have a hole in it anymore. That she had met someone she knew she was to be with.

 

This small sentance turned my world upside down. I felt many things, happyness , fear, excitement, unworthy.

 

I sent her a text back and asked her. Are you sure it's me? She replied "Is you. I feel so tight with you."

 

This made me tear up a little bit. I was thinking she will be disapointed if she comes here. Im only a school bus driver/Pizza delivery/Security patrol/grounds keeper.(yeah I got 4 jobs...) my condo is not that impressive. In short I didnt see that I had anything to offer anyone.

 

The she taught me allot about acceptance. I told her soon after. "I do not want you to think I am something I am not." "I am not a rich man."

 

Her reply was. "It is ok if you are a poor man, I am a poor woman also." We will make life together as couple and money is not immportant as long as we have money for food and live."

 

Wow was my thoguhts on hearing this. I soon after made my plans to visit her in China.

 

When I was in China with her everything just felt so right. I remeber one of the big things that made me happy was she wanted to be close to me all the time. Man I was SWEATY! (Not stinky I never smell I use deoderant and keep my self very clean) and she didnt mind. She would give me hugs and hold me close to her when we were out walking around. I had to pinch myself...... I was begining to feel like I was a person again.

 

Fast forward to my return home and my discovery of CFL. I turned in my K-1 application and started my wait.

 

Well during my waiting old feelings of being unworthy and doubt kept popping back in to my head and in to my post here on CFL. I was getting worried and impatient with many things. Things I had no control over.

 

Then some new friends ( you all here at CFL) pulled me aside and hit me over the head with hammers and mops and all sorts of hidious things. When I recovered from the beating you all told me to relax and things will work out.

 

I want you all to know I took it to heart. I backed off on the school issue, I stoped stressing over how many days until she is her. ( Ok sometimes that bugs me still. ) And all is much better. I see Hui's face is all smiles once again when we chat. And most of all I feel more at peace.

 

I am sorry to ramble so long but I wanted you all to know what a differance the support you all give here makes.

 

I check this board 4-5 times a day I think of it as a security blanket of sorts...

 

Ok I will shut up now. I dont think many of you will read this whole post but thats ok. I just felt better writing it...

 

 

Robert

[Dennis143]

Most of us have traveled the same journey as you have and as your are now, Robert, and that includes our journey with CFL.

 

Nice post and always continue think positive.

[weiaijiayou]

Judging from things you've said here, you have plenty to offer in a relationship. Sorry you ever doubted it.

[HongKong2LA]

In the immortal words of 38 Special, "hold on loosely but don't let go, if you cling too tightly you're going to loose control". Sounds like you learned that before it was too late. Good luck on your journey, it's a thrill of a lifetime and it's clear that you are enjoying it to the fullest.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxqPRdR36I

Edited September 13, 2009 by HongKong2LA (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

try to apply three basic ideas and I'll give an example for each:

 

1. Be realistic

If it wasn't you, it would most likely be another guy she meet. That shouldn't deflate your love bubble as much as it should allow you to feel the same fate she feels; after all, you are the man she is with and to her that is all that matters.

 

2. Be practical

Realize that logic doesn't rule all situations; sometimes what is expedient or practical does. Sometimes, it's not as practical to spend a lot of time thinking or mulling stuff over since nothing is getting done. Realize her way (wanting to "do") may not be your way (wanting to "think"). Somewhere in the middle will be your life together.

 

3. Be sensitive

Being "level headed" is what the chinese would probably term being 'balanced'. And while the former term connotes mental balance, I think their idea is that everything needs to be in balance, including the emotions; We westerners have been taught so long to 'let it all out' and she might not be as accustomed to that. So, being sensitive means being sensitive to her expectations and needs, which may include your in balance... I think the way we normally say to achieve that is to count to 3 (or 5 or 10 or whatever you need) before a rush of emotion comes out.

 

I have said, when two different cultures come together, it's like two rivers meeting; the smoothness and fury of each river results in how far down stream it takes for the waters to be calm. Enjoy the ride

[Guest Pommey]

 

I have said, when two different cultures come together, it's like two rivers meeting; the smoothness and fury of each river results in how far down stream it takes for the waters to be calm. Enjoy the ride

 

 

Interesting analogy David,seems pretty correct to me.

[Richard & Li]

I have said, when two different cultures come together, it's like two rivers meeting; the smoothness and fury of each river results in how far down stream it takes for the waters to be calm. Enjoy the ride

Interesting analogy David,seems pretty correct to me.

 

 

I think that's beyond interesting: That's profound & beautiful.

[warpedbored]

Damn David, that is profound. You should copyright that.

[Guest Pommey]

Damn David, that is profound. You should copyright that.

 

copyrighted and pinned

[chilton747]

Damn David, that is profound. You should copyright that.

 

He can't because it has already been copyrighted.

[Jaseball]

I know why she picked me. I'm good looking, have a great sense of humor, know where I am going in life, am realistic, treat her better than she treats me, but I don't put up with any BS.

 

Your own self worth, happiness and future should never be dependent on anyone else. We should all strive to be the best we can be as people, citizens, and individuals and make sure we care for and love ourselves because in the end everyone dies alone and no let down is worse than letting yourself down.

[Guest Pommey]

I know why she picked me. I'm good looking, have a great sense of humor, know where I am going in life, am realistic, treat her better than she treats me, but I don't put up with any BS.

 

Your own self worth, happiness and future should never be dependent on anyone else. We should all strive to be the best we can be as people, citizens, and individuals and make sure we care for and love ourselves because in the end everyone dies alone and no let down is worse than letting yourself down.

 

 

I know why she picked me, its my hairy butt, I'm ugly,have a beer belly,financially a wreck, a dreamer, put up with a ton of bs and dont want to die alone.

[david_dawei]

I know why she picked me. I'm good looking, have a great sense of humor, know where I am going in life, am realistic, treat her better than she treats me, but I don't put up with any BS.

 

Your own self worth, happiness and future should never be dependent on anyone else. We should all strive to be the best we can be as people, citizens, and individuals and make sure we care for and love ourselves because in the end everyone dies alone and no let down is worse than letting yourself down.

print and frame this... so that when you die alone... people will want to toss it in the grave so as to not see it anymore.

 

please forget me... I had this whole dying scene unwind in my head as you told your story of dying alone... I just thought there should be something you are remembered by