Do and Don'ts in China

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

I saw this on the Lonely Planet travel information.

The Dos and Don'ts in China. This may help you. I know I learned a few new things just now by reading this article. If you any comments please add them.

 

Do¡­

 

remove your shoes when entering a Chinese home or temple

greet the eldest person in a Chinese family first, as a sign of respect

beckon someone by waving them over to you with your palm down. Don¡¯t point or use your finger (this gesture is used for dogs).

present things to people with both hands, to show that what you¡¯re offering is the fullest extent of yourself

be effusively thankful if someone gives you a gift, then set it aside to open later, to avoid appearing greedy

be prepared for random people approaching to you and asking to practice their English

keep calm when dealing with officials, especially if tense situations arise. Getting angry or raising your voice will create only an ugly, face-losing situation for all.

eat what your host offers and orders, including alcohol; it¡¯s rude to refuse

touch your glass below that of the eldest person in the group when toasting ¨C the eldest (aka wise one) holds his/her glass highest

fill your companion¡¯s tea cup when it¡¯s empty, especially if your companion is older than you

eat all of the rice in your bowl ¨C some Chinese believe it¡¯s bad luck to leave even a single grain behind

say how much you love watching Yao Ming play in the NBA (when he¡¯s healthy)

prepare yourself to see animals treated very differently than you¡¯re used to back home

be punctual. Being on time shows respect for others.

 

Don¡¯t¡­

 

write anything in red ink unless you¡¯re correcting an exam. Red ink is used for letters of protest.

leave your chopsticks upright in your bowl or tap your bowl with them

point the bottom of your shoes/feet at someone

shake your feet, lest you shake away all of your luck.

touch someone¡¯s head (it¡¯s sacred)

give clocks or books as gifts. The phrase ¡®to give a clock¡¯ in Mandarin sounds too much like ¡®attend a funeral¡¯ and ¡®giving a book¡¯ sounds like ¡®delivering defeat.¡¯

make political comments like ¡®boy, didn¡¯t Mao kill a lot of people¡¯ unless your new pals take the lead. Many Chinese remain huge Mao fans, as proven daily by the lines at his mausoleum.

make out with your beau ¨C limit your PDAs, lovebirds.

be offended when asked if you¡¯re married ¨C and if you¡¯re over 30 and single, say yes, lest you be pitied

give too much attention to an object someone else has; they may feel obligated to give it to you

wear your Free Tibet t-shirt unless you want a LOT of attention

Use those pretty gold/silver papers for western d¨¦cor. It¡¯s for spiritual/cultural Chinese rituals.

freak out if you don¡¯t know what to do. When in doubt, simply watch what the Chinese people do and follow suit.

[Mike and Yan]

.... The Dos and Don'ts in China. This may help you. ...

 

Don¡¯t¡­....be offended when asked if you¡¯re married ¨C and if you¡¯re over 30 and single, say yes, lest you be pitied ....

 

can you explain...this? Pitied?? is it the same for men and women?

 

Is it true for women over ~30 if never married, they probably never will?? Is that why they may be pitied?

 

Mike

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

My wife has a GF that is 36 and never been married. Very attractive young woman. She is marrying a man from Sweeden right after Christmas.

If I am not mistaken a Chinese Woman must be at least 20 before she can marry. State Law.

[weiaijiayou]

I saw this on the Lonely Planet travel information.

The Dos and Don'ts in China. This may help you. I know I learned a few new things just now by reading this article. If you any comments please add them.

 

Do¡­

 

remove your shoes when entering a Chinese home or temple

greet the eldest person in a Chinese family first, as a sign of respect

beckon someone by waving them over to you with your palm down. Don¡¯t point or use your finger (this gesture is used for dogs).

present things to people with both hands, to show that what you¡¯re offering is the fullest extent of yourself

be effusively thankful if someone gives you a gift, then set it aside to open later, to avoid appearing greedy

be prepared for random people approaching to you and asking to practice their English

keep calm when dealing with officials, especially if tense situations arise. Getting angry or raising your voice will create only an ugly, face-losing situation for all.

eat what your host offers and orders, including alcohol; it¡¯s rude to refuse

touch your glass below that of the eldest person in the group when toasting ¨C the eldest (aka wise one) holds his/her glass highest

fill your companion¡¯s tea cup when it¡¯s empty, especially if your companion is older than you

eat all of the rice in your bowl ¨C some Chinese believe it¡¯s bad luck to leave even a single grain behind

say how much you love watching Yao Ming play in the NBA (when he¡¯s healthy)

prepare yourself to see animals treated very differently than you¡¯re used to back home

be punctual. Being on time shows respect for others.

 

Don¡¯t¡­

 

write anything in red ink unless you¡¯re correcting an exam. Red ink is used for letters of protest.

leave your chopsticks upright in your bowl or tap your bowl with them

point the bottom of your shoes/feet at someone

shake your feet, lest you shake away all of your luck.

touch someone¡¯s head (it¡¯s sacred)

give clocks or books as gifts. The phrase ¡®to give a clock¡¯ in Mandarin sounds too much like ¡®attend a funeral¡¯ and ¡®giving a book¡¯ sounds like ¡®delivering defeat.¡¯

make political comments like ¡®boy, didn¡¯t Mao kill a lot of people¡¯ unless your new pals take the lead. Many Chinese remain huge Mao fans, as proven daily by the lines at his mausoleum.

make out with your beau ¨C limit your PDAs, lovebirds.

be offended when asked if you¡¯re married ¨C and if you¡¯re over 30 and single, say yes, lest you be pitied

give too much attention to an object someone else has; they may feel obligated to give it to you

wear your Free Tibet t-shirt unless you want a LOT of attention

Use those pretty gold/silver papers for western d¨¦cor. It¡¯s for spiritual/cultural Chinese rituals.

freak out if you don¡¯t know what to do. When in doubt, simply watch what the Chinese people do and follow suit.

 

some other ones off the top of my head:

 

Do¡­

place your hand, palm up, beside your glass when someone you respect is giving you a refill

when eating in private rooms, let the oldest person sit in the seat facing the door

when you first meet them, address everyone in your new family by their relation to you ("mama nihao! gugu nihao! gege nihao!"). i got in trouble for this. after the first time i met my new aunt, when we left she immediately called up Chinese mom (who i didn't meet on that trip) and said "he's real nice but he didn't call me "aunt"!)

say "our" parents and "our" home rather than your spouse's parents and their home

ask people how they're feeling and, before you leave or hang up the phone, tell them to take care of themselves

 

Don't...

leave the spout of a tea pitcher facing directly at anyone at the table

take offense if your new chinese family is anxious about what their neighbors will say when they see a westerner visiting

be surprised if most people disagree with the american government's int'l policies, for example the war in iraq

 

the one about leaving your chopsticks upright in your rice is an interesting one. someone once told me that it's because ghosts will believe the food is for them, as when making offerings to deceased relatives people stick chopsticks in this way. i still see a lot of westerners doing this, though.

[Feathers268]

I have a problem with lists like this, If I had read such a list before my first trip, I would have been second guessing myself and would have not been relaxed. Also, I believe that Jen being young, she just doesn't fit the "traditional" Chinese person. In Shanghai, I saw a young couple kissing and acting just as I would expect here in the US.

If I were to give any advise, I would say to be observant and polite.

Another thought, we talk a lot here about giving our loved ones some understanding that coming to the US will take time to adapt to our customs and traditions. Shouldn't we be afforded the same benefit of doubt over there?

[weiaijiayou]

I have a problem with lists like this, If I had read such a list before my first trip, I would have been second guessing myself and would have not been relaxed. Also, I believe that Jen being young, she just doesn't fit the "traditional" Chinese person. In Shanghai, I saw a young couple kissing and acting just as I would expect here in the US.

If I were to give any advise, I would say to be observant and polite.

Another thought, we talk a lot here about giving our loved ones some understanding that coming to the US will take time to adapt to our customs and traditions. Shouldn't we be afforded the same benefit of doubt over there?

 

these are good points. a lot of times when i read lists like this i think, "is this person talking about the same china i know?" like you, for instance, i see lots of PDA in china. a few things we should keep in mind are that many items on such lists are traditions that are retained much less by younger generations and in the major cities.

 

i agree we should forgive ourselves just the same as we forgive our loved ones when they're learning our culture. at the same time such lists can familiarize people with some traditions and etiquette that will impress people (e.g., the chinese parents) by showing that we know some things we weren't necessarily required or expected of us.

[david_dawei]

My wife has a GF that is 36 and never been married. Very attractive young woman. She is marrying a man from Sweeden right after Christmas.

If I am not mistaken a Chinese Woman must be at least 20 before she can marry. State Law.

but she seems quite 'old' by chinese standards; her virgin status might only be a desire domestic point on some unfortunate level... but why marry a foreigner? Rhetorical, I think most of us can answer that.

 

My experience after 6-7 trips is that the geographic area carries it's own does and don't list on some level. Whether actions or sayings which are ok in one city are to be avoided in another; often learned the hard way !! But I think that a general list of some sort is adviseable to be aware of and the ultimate rule is to observe those around you and do as they do.

[tsap seui]

I guess I'm lucky, the lil' rabbit will never let me outside the home by myself, so I've got a constant guard to keep me out of trouble. The only dang lists that I take the time to read anyhow, are Honey do lists...and that's only because I understand who's takin' extremely good care of my biological need...Yes, singular.

 

tsap seui

[Sam and Fen]

I have been to China two times now and I did not have any problems with the do and the donts (at least I think so).

They understand that you are from a diffrent culture and dont expect you to know the do's and dont's. As long as you are polite you will be fine.

 

Ofcourse me not speaking Chinese and my fiancees family not speaking english makes it easy or may be the translator they had there both times just did not tell me if I was wrong

[Feathers268]

I think the responsibility is with the Chinese side of the relationship.(I'm not going to say S.O. ) Jen looks to me here to help her understand what is acceptable, over there she takes that responsibility. If I make a mistake she can explain why just as I have had to do when she makes a mistake here. And yes there have been times that I've explained (usually to my Mother) why she said or did something.

[weiaijiayou]

I have been to China two times now and I did not have any problems with the do and the donts (at least I think so).

They understand that you are from a diffrent culture and dont expect you to know the do's and dont's. As long as you are polite you will be fine.

 

Ofcourse me not speaking Chinese and my fiancees family not speaking english makes it easy or may be the translator they had there both times just did not tell me if I was wrong

true, but assuming you will continue learning about china for many years, people you meet will start to perceive you as a "Öйúͨ" and will often expect you to know their manners and etiquette, some of which you will not have been exposed to previously. for this reason i still like looking over these types of lists...

[rogerinca]

I have a problem with lists like this, If I had read such a list before my first trip, I would have been second guessing myself and would have not been relaxed. Also, I believe that Jen being young, she just doesn't fit the "traditional" Chinese person. In Shanghai, I saw a young couple kissing and acting just as I would expect here in the US.

If I were to give any advise, I would say to be observant and polite.

Another thought, we talk a lot here about giving our loved ones some understanding that coming to the US will take time to adapt to our customs and traditions. Shouldn't we be afforded the same benefit of doubt over there?

 

 

I agree 100% !!

 

Before my first visit to the PRC back in early 2004, to Nanning and Guangzhou, I saw a list like this on another website (before I knew about CFL) and it really concerned me about my upcoming China experience.

 

Now, ten (mostly month long trips) and five + years later, I have never had a single problem or issue. I have always just been myself; and after trip number one, I completely forgot about these kinds of lists, from the 'experts' in China culture. I just used common sense and drew on my life experience as my understanding of China and the culture grew.

 

Hey, I was at one business conference dinner in Suzhou, werein one of the businessmen seated next to me at a large table suddenly turned and hocked a 'lung'er' on the floor behind us, just as the food was being served. My wife just smiled at me.

Edited August 16, 2009 by rogerinca (see edit history)

[Eric]

be offended when asked if you’re married – and if you’re over 30 and single, say yes, lest you be pitied

I believe that this one is really outdated. My wife's friends & coworkers are mostly in the 30-35 age group and most of them either are still not married or have just gotten married in the last couple of years. I see Chinese (both men and women) today as concentrating more on establishing a good career and saving money before they seriously consider getting married. It also appears to me, at least in my wife's and her friends case, that their parents are actually encouraging them to wait longer before they marry as they do not want them to settle for just anyone. So I don't think that there is really a stigma of being 30+ and unmarried like there once may have been

Edited August 17, 2009 by Eric (see edit history)