Internet Dating Tips

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

I recieved this from a friend of mine today who is actively pursing an Internet dating relationship now. He has yet to meet his new found hearthrob. One day he may. It has some really good tips in it. I do not know if I am posting this in the right topic if not please feel free to move to the proper location.

Tips?

NEVER SEND MONEY to anyone you only know from the internet.

Some chinese ladies will want financial support, even before you meet! Yes, things are tough there....but you'll NEVER know if the lady is serious if money is involved.

I've read TOO many reports of men supporting women in china for long periods of time only to have the relationship fall apart, at the least.

NEVER SEND MONEY. Be careful about sending money even after you've met the lady.

You need to realize that in most of China, incomes are low...maybe $100-$200 a month.

There's no reason to enter into a relationship where you are supporting a woman while she waits for a visa.

The US Fiancee or Married visa takes 10-12 months, currently, IF YOU DO NOT SCREW UP THE PAPERWORK and there are no problems.


DO NOT MARRY THE LADY IN CHINA!

Meet her, develop a relationship, file for a FIANCEE VISA>

IT is safer for you!

When she arrives in the US, you still have several months before you NEED to marry, or she should return to China. Many chinese ladies are not happy here, due to the major differences in weather, culture....FOOD.

If for some reason the girl does not pass the interview for the visa, you are 'off the hook'/

I'm afraid some chinese ladies in this situation tend to shape the truth....tell you what you want to hear.

They may not tell you they've applied for a visa before, had other US boyfriends, etc.

If you are in contact with a chinese lady you met on the internet, DEMAND to see her face on a webcam!!!

Many online romances are conducted by translator/wedding brokers.

You may chat or recieve emails for MONTHS from somebody other than the lady.

You may think you've developed a relationship, and your lady 'speaks english'.

You go to china, meet her...alas...her english is bad, or worse.

You've been romancing a 'paid translator'.

This is not a scam in itself....but you should be aware of it.

You may be presented with a large bill if you marry the girl.

Some of the 'brokers' get a large bonus if the girl marries/

Its not uncommon for these 'brokers' to threaten physical harm to you or the girl if they aren't paid.

Don't get involved! There are plenty of girls who speak some english.

Still....ask to see her on cam! Verify she is chatting with you.

You can call china cheaply. Call her.

You want to verify WHO you are talking to. You need to the level your girl speaks english at....not the translator!

Send a small gift to verify the address she gives you.

Flowers are cheap in china.

Do not talk romantically with these ladies if you do not have the means to go to china to visit them. Some of the provinces are remote, and hard to get to. They have good transportation there, but much is impossible to use if you do not speak chinese.

Meet and spend time with her family. They may or may not be supportive.

Be polite. Research local and generic customs before you go there.

Just because the incomes may be low, don't think that they aren't dignified, and proud of what they own.

You'll probably not be expected to 'throw money around'....with the exception of taking her family out for at least one formal dinner. Don't worry.....outside of Hong Kong, and some big cities......it's cheap.

One other tip.

Check the email headers. If the emails aren't coming from where they should be....the emails may be coming through a transltator, or a rare scammer.

[dnoblett]

Tony, I am going to relocate this to "General Visa Discussion & First Steps" forum. It is a first step thing.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

I heard a story that some American guy that lived somewhere on the West Coast went over to China 5 or 6 times for some good loving and a holiday under the false pretense of love each time. He basically got to see a large part of China for the cost of an airline ticket.

[Zhenghong]

I would only add that Chinese ladies need to be very careful too. There are a lot of insincere men looking for an enjoyable holiday. Some are looking for a foolish woman to support them.

 

 

Yes this is very true.

I have two friends that are now divorced from U.S man.

The man just wanted love slave and house keeper.

[david_dawei]

Some of that is good and some of it is just black and white thinking, as well as someone who knows nothing of GUZ. But a worthy thread nontheless.

 

Common sense must prevail and there's no reason to rush a relationship; oh... that may be black and white thinking... so I should say that one should try and develop the relationship and realize in most cases there is maybe not a need to rush things too fast.

[Urkidding]

I would only add that Chinese ladies need to be very careful too. There are a lot of insincere men looking for an enjoyable holiday. Some are looking for a foolish woman to support them.

 

(pedophiles) or some are looking for little kids to abuse.

[chucky]

I would think the vast majority of people on both sides are looking for a legitimate relationship. I know many happy couples. But, video chatting is best. It sure beats pen palling from the old days. Going to China is a great way to meet the family and relatives of the interested party. And of course a fiancee Visa is great way for the prospective to meet your family before marriage. Several trips are good considering what a large undertaking marriage is. And most parts of China are interesting. Definetly try for three weeks if at all possible.

[Kyle]

I would think the vast majority of people on both sides are looking for a legitimate relationship.

 

I would agree with this. Most people who are looking for companionship could easily avoid the pitfalls listed above by letting the relationship evolve over a longer period of time. Time is a good litmus test to determine whether or not the bond is legitimate.

[david_dawei]

Most people who are looking for companionship could easily avoid the pitfalls listed above by letting the relationship evolve over a longer period of time. Time is a good litmus test to determine whether or not the bond is legitimate.

But that's neither realistic nor the reality for the large majority...the reality is, many propose or marry on the first visit and then quickly file.

 

By the time they see any "list" or find CFL, they are already in the fantasy phase and filed...

 

 

edited: Fixed {quotes} in both posts

Edited September 6, 2009 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

Most people who are looking for companionship could easily avoid the pitfalls listed above by letting the relationship evolve over a longer period of time. Time is a good litmus test to determine whether or not the bond is legitimate.

But that's neither realistic nor the reality for the large majority...the reality is, many propose or marry on the first visit and then quickly file.

 

By the time they see any "list" or find CFL, they are already in the fantasy phase and filed...

Amen.

Edited September 6, 2009 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)

[Jaseball]

Most people who are looking for companionship could easily avoid the pitfalls listed above by letting the relationship evolve over a longer period of time. Time is a good litmus test to determine whether or not the bond is legitimate.

But that's neither realistic nor the reality for the large majority...the reality is, many propose or marry on the first visit and then quickly file.

 

By the time they see any "list" or find CFL, they are already in the fantasy phase and filed...

 

 

edited: Fixed {quotes} in both posts

 

 

 

While this may be true and to each their own I'm not the type to feel comfortable making a decision as important as someone to marry, much less someone who I need to sponsor and go through this process without being pretty darn sure we were good for each other.

 

It's pretty easy to fool someone, act pleasant, be the image of the husband or wife for a few months, but being separated for months and possibly 1+ year while maintaining and documenting ongoing communications via email, phone, video conference, etc., is a far harder thing to pull off.

 

The divorce rate on first marriages is around 33% and on second and third marriages 50%. The divorce court, family law, and most things in an actual divorce favor the female, which is a legacy of when women were financially dependent on men and not a true reflection of how things are now.

 

I always told myself I wanted to get married, to have a decent wife to cherish, and to hopefully have kids, but I also knew marrying the wrong woman or someone who had ulterior motives would be worse than just being single and lonely.